Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Out of reach..

90 mins of football is more than enough for me.. this one they extend another 30 mins for Japan vs Paraguay!! .. nevermind I shall save my energy for later's Spain Vs Portugal!! ..Goooo Portugal!!.. make me proud..=))

Despite not going for class.. I didn't feel guilty.. and thank God I didn't go... or else I would have missed one fun night!! .. So we went for bowling.. 3 games straight.. and ahem ahem.. you are now reading a girl's blog who scored more than 100 for the first time in bowling!!.. =D..weeeeeeee!! ...But sadly I was 3 points away from JOE!! ..grrrrr.. or else.. I would have gotten to show him my "LOSER" sign..hehehe.. tapi takpe.. some other day maybe..

But anyway.. it felt soooo good to really laugh again..Crystal, Jacynta, Shashi, Joe, Kuga and Deva.. though I'm the one who's always..I repeat ALWAYS made fun off.. which I don't get it.. looks like I have the "BLUR" sign written on my forehead.. that everyone is picking on me..everywhere I go.. lol ...but nevermind.. I'll take it like a woman!!..;p ;p..hehehe

And before bowling.. I watched this movie called Bridget Jones's Diary.. which is obviously a bad choice.. The movie was funny.. the ending was beautiful.. but still a bad choice.. she got played!! =(((.. This song's stuck in my head though.. and yes, it thought me something too..

Out of reach

Knew the sign..wasn't right
I was stupid for awhile..
Swept away..by you..
And now I feel.. like a fool..

So confused..
My heart's bruised..
Was I ever loved by you??

Chorus
Out of reach.. so far..
I never had your heart..
Out of reach..couldn't see..
We were never meant to be..

Catch myself..from despair..
I could drown if I stay here..
Keeping busy..everyday..
I know I will be okay..

So confused..
My heart's bruised..
Was I ever loved by you??

Chorus
Out of reach.. so far..
I never had your heart..
Out of reach..couldn't see..
We were never meant to be..

Bridge:
So much hurt..so much pain..
Takes awhile.. to regain..
What is lost inside..
And I hope..that in time..
You'll be out of my mind..
And I'll be over you..

So confused..
My heart's bruised..
Was I ever loved by you??

Chorus
Out of reach.. so far..
I never had your heart..
In my reach..I can see..
There's a life out there..for me..
sighhh..
Good nite then!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Because no one can beat my weirdness

So today I finally made up my mind..that no one can ever beat my weirdness..

I dislike skipping classes for movies or hanging out..lol..its just me la k..hehe..but today I skipped my photography class..to stay at home..=) Just to stay at home alone.. Not that I had assignments to complete, or taylor lautner is caught naked on TV, that I had to rush home and watch..;p ;p its just that.. sometimes you got to cut yourself some slack.. and be normal. But skipping classes to stay at home without any valid reason.. isn't really that normal huh??..

Anyway, mom is coming back from Johore today.. and meanwhile I really really enjoy being with dad!!.. I mean not that I dislike my mom.. she's really nice.. a bit too nice.. hence I need some air to breathe.. and this morning was awesome!!.. Not in the sense that I have to get up at 5.30am for my 8am class.. but because dad and I was half an hour early!!

So I used that 30 mins to check myself out in the mirror..lol.. ok that came out wrongly.. what I meant is to see..what in the world is wrong with me??.. I stared at my eyes.. and damm eyes bags were horrible!!.. my eyes shrunk!!.. eye lids was twice the normal size.. I wanted to put my sun glasses on.. but considering the fact that it was 6.00am and I'm taking the public transport.. I thought I'd just let my eyes speak for itself before they start labeling me as "blind" ..=) ..I needed something else too.. the hair is charcoal BLACK!! ..and long.. hmm.. should I be Miss red hair again..??.. or perhaps purple.. dark purple.. =)) .

Reached KTM station.. for the first time in my 20 years.. I felt like eating something at 6am.. Took out my cake bun..after 2 mouth.. there comes the damm train!!... it was EARLY!! ..yiikess.. and there goes my breakfast.. how to eat in the train??..*sobs..sobs*..and of all days.. I didnt feel sleepy today.. was looking for someone to talk too.. unfortunately.. my cousin Cassie wasn't in the train.. or else we'll be laughing ourself out and making a scene.. sigh.. wonder what happen to her..=((

Came to my Moral studies class.. eagerly waited for my test paper results.. Not that I did it extremely well.. I just hope I pass..=( ..and Ms Dayang got the papers mixed up.. hence she's giving it another day... and she continued with those boring lecture..=((((

9.30 a.m. ...I simply knew I needed to go home.. At about 11.. came back home.. THE SISTER IS STILL HERE!! ..so much for spending the day alone la k.. she tak ada class.. sssiiigghhh..

And then I decided to blog..about what a wonderful day I had.. having.. gonna have..=)

I don't know what I missed out in photography class today.. but I learned something ..The secret of life.. is to fall seven times and to get up eight times..

I end here.. have a nice day!!

Paulo Coelho's words..

Thanks to Cheryl, I now think Paulo Coelho's words are wise too...=)

These words left some impact on me.. hope it does to you too..

  • You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen...
  • If you start by promising what you don't even have yet, you'll lose your desire to work towards getting it..
  • There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure..
  • Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own..
  • Anyone who loves in the expectation of being loved in return is wasting their time.
About life...
  • When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way..
  • Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life?
  • Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity..
My favorite...
  • There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them.But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there..
Lastly,
  • If pain must come, may it come quickly.. because i have a life to live.. and i need to live it in the best possible.. if he has to make a choice, may he make it now.. then i will either wait for him or forget him.. waiting is painful.. forgetting is painful.. but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering..

You wouldn't know.. and I guess I never will too...

Good nite..=)

And one more last one..;p ;p
"When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive.."

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The mess of a dreamer

So she keeps on wondering..
When is it going to end..??
Or will it ever end..??

She runs down the highway..
Up the mountains..
Through the jungle..
The deep lake..
And it's still there..

She tries burning it instead..
Bury it six feet under..
Drowned it too..
Feed it to the lions..
And it's still there..

Maybe she should just leave it alone..
The beautiful morning stayed beautiful..
The darkest night was untouchable..
Flowers bloomed magnificently..
Birds keep on cheering the sky..
And its still there..

She doesn't bother questioning..
She knows she's different.
She knows she's broken..
She knows she has to face it..
She knows too much to hide it all..

But she never knew why it won't leave her alone..

~The mess of a dreamer~

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Go eclipse!!

Hey.. I'm alright!!.. really I am..=) lol.. just wanted you guys to know.. and thanks for the concern!!..=D

Anyway here's something that will cheer you and ME up!!..seriously I can't wait.. weeeeeeee!! ..ECLIPSE IS COMING!! ..gosh!!.. You have got no idea how I felt when I watched the trailer!! goodness gracious!!.. I melted la k.. the moment TAYLOR LAUTNER appeared.. who cares if he's 3 years younger.. he's still sooo sooo sooooo sigh.. I'm just speechless la k.. can drool all over!!..hmmm Robert Pattison looks like he's having leukemia or something.. so pale!! what a turn off!! ..

And I hope they don't change much this time.. the twilight saga series were awesome!!.. All four books were TO DIE FOR!! .. and the part where Jacob (Taylor) said.."I'll fight for you, till your heart stops beating.." awwwwhh.. why can't I get a werewolf??..or even a vampire??..Well edward cullen seems to be a very nice man.. a vegetarian vampire.. well although these characters are just MYTH..they seem to be more human.. they seem to have a heart..=) sigh.. and I think dreams are way...wayyyy better than reality!!.. Go were wolves!!.. My wolverine..=)



Tell me then.. how can one not drool over him??. ..so maybe he's eyes are kind of "sepet" ..but his smile..his voice.. its just too perfect..



Seee...edward looks like a drug addict.. but one thing I admire him.. he proved to be a real man!! Go edward!!



And I think Eclipse..is the most exciting series out of all four..=)

Have a nice day..=)

Will you be there??

"Should have seen it coming.. should have read the sign.. anyway, I guess its over"

To be honest, I don't know what am I doing here.. I have nothing to say.. but simply want to kill time..

So its the weekend.. and for once in my life time.. I'm hating it!!.. sigh.. seriously, I'd rather keep myself busy than getting myself to think.. lately thinking is a killer for mental process..

Anyway.. I'm just wondering..if at all I were to die or something.. could be now.. or maybe someday.. will it make a difference..??.. hmm It just crossed my mind.. well dont bother me, I come with weird things randomly..

And if I'm at the dead bed.. or fell down in a deep pit.. or go crazy and admitted in a mental hospital.. or perhaps someone accidentaly poured acid on my face..that I look scarier than a skeleton.. or in prison, jailed for stealing a harley davidson.. or in the midst of cutting my wrist, or maybe jump from the 25th floor of Angkasa.. sigh.. will you be there??..

Crazy I know.. but seriously..even wondered who really are the ones that will be staying true to you till the end.. and the ones who wants to be with you..only when you're happy.. but when you're not.. when you really really need a friend.. they're gone with the wind..

I met one of my secondary school mate.. and geeee.. she was admitted for almost 2 weeks... and she couldn't sit for SPM.. and I didn't know anything.. sigghh.. so much for being a friend.. =(( ..

A tribute to MJ..=)

Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

Weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

(Carry)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)

(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)

(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

[Spoken]
In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart..

Wow!!.. amazing words.. but I know one person.. who was there.. who is there.. who will be there.. till the end..=)

Jesus loves you!!

Good nite!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Renew me

I'm having that feeling again.. where you wanna just scream and cry your heart out.. bluueekk!! I hate it when this happens.. You wanna say something.. a lot of things.. You wanna question.. You wanna get it off your head!! But you simply can't find the courage to do so..it's all drained out.. you can just put on a fake smile..hoping its enough to cover the scar deep within.. like tinggal nyawa-nyawa ikan only.. the best part is gone..=((

And of all days, I'm leading praise and worship today!!.. aarrgghh.. I just hope I don't break down.. though I know I will.. hope it won't be that bad..=( ..I was listening to "Holy is the Lord" by Chris Tomlin.. it says .."For the joy of the Lord is my strength.."

But then Lord, I don't think Your joyful now.. I mean.. Look at me!! ..I was made so much stronger than this..but then.. sigh.. even the best falls sometimes.. that's why I chose this song for today's Youth Awakening..

Just when my problems came crowding in
And I thought I was all alone
Looking in your eyes I realized
I’ve ignored you, my Lord
Now I can feel your gentle touch
Of Your love in my heart
And so I cry to you:
Renew me O lord

Chorus:
Renew me, O Lord, please renew me
With Your power and Your spirit
Move in my life
Break all the chains
That keep me from you
Take me O Lord, and make me O Lord
The instrument of Your love

Just when I lost all hope in life
And my heart was hardened by sin
That’s when the breeze began to blow
Sweet spirit of God
Now Abba, You are my Father
And Lord, I am Your child
And so I sing to You
Renew me O lord

Lord, I still have no idea of Your plans.. neither have I any idea of what am I going to do.. I'll leave that to you.. but right now.. can you spare me some of the Joys of heaven?? I need all the strength I can get.. and no! leaving me here alone.. is a bad.. bad idea.. You know I'm nothing without You..

I'm so sorry, that sometimes I go overboard..sometimes I take control of that situation..instead of allowing You..sometimes I even forget that you are there.. but just this once, help me remember that Your are my Abba.. and that I can run to you.. knowing you'll catch me in Your arms.. and will never drop me.. that you love me..more than anyone ever could..

I thought I lost hope..but then I forgot..that You are my hope..=) I forgot that you are there to make it all better.. I forgot, if I have you.. what else I need in this life??..

Help me lead Your people today.. And that no matter how bad today's Pnw is.. please let us have fun!!.. I leave today's Youth awakening.. and myself, also all those who are going to be present.. at your feet..

Amen!!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Written dreams..for real

weeeeeeeeee!!.. no more "the rose of love!!" ..
Please put your hands together for.."WRITTEN DREAMS!!!" ...weeeeeee!! hehe..

I changed like a few hundred times la k.. then edited in picasa..and walla!!!.. it's not perfect..but I like it!!.. and..did you realize that BLOGGER.COM..came up with some really really cool background and templates??!! ..and all you need to do is click!!.. no need to copy paste or what-so-ever.. coolness!!..=D..

hehe..I'm just over-semangat today.. no more exams!!.. at least for now.. but assignments still crashing in.. I swear I drove Sukhbir off the wall, when I haven't hand in my report to him today....and I'm sure he wasn't hesitating to come all the way from Seremban with an axe ,cut me to pieces and bake me in the oven..lol.. ok ok.. I was exaggerating.. He actually gave me extra time!! ..hence I think he deserves some credit..to be mentioned in this very first post of my.. so-called new blog.. *terima kasih banyak-banyak!*..=D

And since I've been such a good girl, studying and finishing my report.. I deserve a night OFF !!.. ehhehehe..self declared leave from notes, studying, assignment.. hence, the messing up with my blog filled in that time perfectly..=)

But after this...sigh.. all of you are invited for my funeral..=(( Just that one miserable day I'm on MC.. and suddenly I became the editor..sigh.. no wait..its EDITOR IN CHIEF for intro to journalism assignment!! ..and nooo.. it aint cool.. At first I was like, "wow, damm gempak the title k!!" ..then I was told about the assignment and what exactly the editor suppose to do.. I swear they literally prepared my funeral!!. sigh.. I just need a white coffin!!.. I insist!! As it is I'm on the darker side.. well please let me die "white!!" ..lol..Sorry.. damm tension k!!.. just had to rant something..

And photography.. oh gosh!!.. Don't let me start k.. all the holy words will come out.. and speaking of Holy words.. I had the weirdest dream today.. it was definitely a night mare.. I had 2 younger brothers and sisters.. they were cute of cause..;p ;p.. and some freak scientist changed their faces..which caused their death..*it was terrifying!!*.. my whole dream..was about saving my little siblings..from the evil scientist named "aunty presly" ..but they died eventually.. =((( and in my dream rite.. all the holy words came out!!.. I was shouting at her at top of my lungs.. lol.. then my sister called... I woke up.. feeling weird..

Oh nooo.. even in this first post..I'm crapping too much already.. lol.. sorry just over-excited with my new template!!..weeeeeeeee!!

And I'm invited to play pool with Jeremy and Jonathan.. these clowns definitely up to something.. sigh.. guys!!

and lastly..
I swore I knew the melody..
That I heard you singing..
And when you smile..
You make me feel..
Like I could sing along..
But then you went and change the words..
Now my heart is empty..
I'm only left with used-to-be's..
and once upon a song...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Defying gravity..

"What a shame..what a rainy ending given to a perfect day..Just walkaway..no use defending words that you will never say.. Now that I'm sitting here, thinking it through.. I've never been anywhere cold as you.."

I failed!!... like miserably...

Semangatly thought of studying.. opened my notes.. I swear I didn't even manage to finish one page..which is six slides.. for that two hours.. sigh.. is it just me..or is every other student facing the same problem??.. *Please let them face the same problem, I'm sick of being the odd one out..* ..=((((

As usual..my mind went all around the world..except for my notes.. Maybe that's why my hair keep on dropping.. haizz.. I keep on telling my mom.. I have cancer.. and she ask me to come up with a new excuse!!!..lol... Don't worry, I'm not always that lame.. but I tend to be.. when I have 2 more papers..and still have the nerve to sit here and waste my precious time..

So while my tour around the world.. here's what I found out..
  • Jaden Smith..is HOTTTT!!.. did you see his eyes??.. its the exact photocopy of Will Smith's!!..his acting was awesome!! and I loveee the name "Jayden!!".. I still insist the "y" in there.. its more sexier ..;p ;p
  • So maybe its time I realize.. that I'm not that small little kid anymore.. who can run and hide behind dad's huge shorts.. or hoping he would come to the rescue every time I see a damm cockroach..
  • It's time I pick the damm newspaper.. and tell myself.. that I am a 10000000 times bigger than that disgusting little cockroach!!..and squash it heartlessly!!..
  • But then again, imagine if you were that little cockroach.. you'll be begging and screaming at that top of your lungs.. but nobody can hear you..and its not even your fault!!..sigh..all you needed was some food to survive.. your not even entitled for a funeral..instead flushed in the toilet..=((
  • Maybe its time..I actually stand up and say.."hey, guess what??..I happen to be a human too.. and it really hurts..when I'm taken for granted.. when my feelings are played.. to be a laughing stock and a big joke.. Maybe you enjoyed it.. but I didn't.." ..=((
  • But I'm not that person..I don't know why I can't be either.. and that's a huge problem!! Whenever this happens.. which let's say.. all the time.. sigh.. I'll just swallow it.. it is bitter.. very much bitter.. but its ok.. I mean whats the point.. it'll only make matters worse.. But well forgiveness is the best gift I've received..and its only best I share it with others..
  • I know that things can never ever be the same anymore.. maybe its time to defy gravity..

Defying gravity..

Something has changed within me..
Something is not the same..
I'm through with playing by the rules..
Of someone else's game..
Too late for second-guessing..
Too late to go back to sleep..
It's time to trust my instincts..
Close my eyes and leap..

It's time to try
Defying gravity..
I think I'll try
Defying gravity..
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity..
And you wont bring me down..

I'm through accepting limits..
''cause someone says they're so....
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know..
Too long I've been afraid of..
Losing love I guess I've lost..
Well, if that's love..
It comes at much too high a cost..

I'd sooner buy..
Defying gravity..
Kiss me goodbye..
I'm defying gravity..
I think I'll try..
Defying gravity..
And you wont bring me down..

oh yes.. world cup this year is extremely unpredictable eh??.. everything is unpredictable these days..

Have a nice day!!

"What a shame..what a rainy ending given to perfect day.. Every smile you fake is so condescending counting all the scars you make.. Now that I'm sitting here..thinking it through.. I've never been anywhere cold as you.."

Maybe I like being imperfect

Since the emo-ing is taking over this space..Here's a lil something..hmm inspirational.. to pick up the pieces of life.. and move on..=)























and lastly..


Good nite!!


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Recuperating

So I refuse to connect with technology.. apparently I only lasted for 2 days.. But I had to blog..it was waaayy too much already!..

Thought I'd reconnect back with the world I'm fully recovered..which might take a week, or a month...or monthsss.. sigh.. but it was bottling up, and I'm afraid, I'll make the front covers of the papers.."Girl, drowned herself with cotton candies".. lol..I don't know why "cotton candies", maybe its the one thing that is sweet in my life and will never turn sour..

Recuperating..sigh..I had to find the courage, to put back my feet on the ground.. to repair the poor broken wings that has already been bandaged many times.. to remove the salt, from the pierced heart.. to find the courage to face this world..to face reality.. to face you.. to find the courage to believe again, that everything has to happen for a reason, to swallow the words I heard, no matter how bad it tastes..to say "Lord I still trust with all my heart" and actually mean it ... sigh..forgive me, I have the tendency to exaggerate.. but yeah that's how it feels..

They say, God works in mysterious ways.. and yes I don't understand one bit of it.. I really can't..='( .. and it hurts too.. when you question and question.. and all you end up with..is plain, unstoppable tears.. and it gets worst, when..sigh.. when you have to act like nothing actually happened..

Sorry, for the over-emo act..please don't ask me why, or what happen.. I'm really not in the mood to explain..well at least give me some time to gather the little courage I have and face this world..=)

Lastly, my sister is the most random yet cutest, not to forget dumbest girl ever.. and I still love her to the core..!!
Here's what happen while playing badminton..which is before St John Vianney's play.. oh yeah..*the play was AWWWHHHSOME!!* ..=D

Sis: Juan, how's your finger??
Juan: I lost a whole bucket of blood.. thanks la k! ..*told ya I love exaggerating* ..;p;p..
Sis: ..aawwhh..pity you.. you sure you can sing or not for the play later?..
Juan: ......

After the game..

Sis: Juan, how you feeling??
Juan: ..I'm depressed..
Sis: awwhh..because you cut your finger and you have to wear "stuffs" on your face??
Juan: ..where in the world you came from??...

The "stuffs" she's referring to is make up.. lol.. well, we have one thing in common.. natural beauty rocks!!.. not to say, we're drop dead gorgeous.. but well, beauty is skin deep.

I have to say that I have a busy week coming up.. and still knowing me, that's not an excuse to not blog..lol it's just that, this one blog has 1000000 of memories..sigh that's why I've been avoiding it for the past few days.. But no matter how much you try to erase them.. it is already written in permanent ink.. sigh..so yeah. all the best to me and my so-called "kenangan terindah"

I came in with the intention to write a few sentences..and yet here I am.. still ranting..

I shall leave.. at least for now.. at least for a while..

Will be back.. when I'm me..again! =)

Friday, June 18, 2010

Damm white horses

So this song is like extremely emo.. but hey.. white horses!! ...lol.. Horses.. I wonder why is it always "white"..white they love promoting WHITE!! ..white is beautiful, white is angelic..nonsense...brown horses are so much better too k.. so much nicer..very unique!!..well, at least they don't wear maks..=) white horses.. you can't really say.. they may seem white.. but well, they'll kick you out any moment!!..

Moral of the story.. Never trust horses.. stick to Harley Davidson..

White Horses..Taylor Swift..

Say you're sorry..
That face of an angel..
Comes out just when you need it to..
As I paced back and forth all this time..
Cause I honestly believed in you..
Holding on..
The days drag on..
Stupid girl..
I should have known, I should have known..

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale..
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet..
Lead her up the stairwell..
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town..
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down..
Now it's too late for you..
And your white horse, to come around..

Baby, I was naive..
Got lost in your eyes..
And never really had a chance..
I had so many dreams..
About you and me..
Happy endings..
Now I know..

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale..
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet..
Lead her up the stairwell..
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town..
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down..
Now it's too late for you..
And your white horse, to come around..

And there you are on your knees..
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me..
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry..

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

And it's gonna be a damm cold and long nite..
Good nite..

Some tears never dry..

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

A story of she and he

Trust me, my hands itched to blog badly.. but the tiredness took control.. still haven't left me yet.. hence instead of blogging today.. I would wanna share this story with you.. A story written by my very own friend, SUKHBIR!!! ..his writings are AWESOME!! ..the story line may seem familiar.. but he wrote it in a very..unique manner.. damm sad la k!!..sigh.. and I totally agree with him!!.. Writing shouldn't have rules!!..its a free flow!!.. Just read till the end k!!..=)

A story of she and he..

She was childish. But yet, when time permits, and when time requires, she becomes matured.



She loves playing with her hair and doesn’t really care about the way she looks, or how her hair looks. She knew she looked beautiful in her own simple way.



Sometimes, when I sit and talk with her, we can talk on and on about things and we won’t realise that we have reached our destination.



And sometimes, when we have nothing to talk, we enjoy each other’s silence.



The most beautiful thing about her is the way she laughs. How her nose perks up, and her eyes become small, and her dimples are clearly seen. She let’s out this happy loud laughter, like as though, someone who’s sad is laughing for the first time after such a long time.



It’s a genuine happy laugh. It’s infectious.



And I love it.



I also love the way her hair drops onto her forehead, obscuring her right eye and she doesn’t bother to brush the hair off.



And her eyes. She has the most beautiful eyes ever. They depict sadness and sorrow and yet when she’s happy, the eyes do a favor and light up. They’re full of stories to tell and sometimes, I wish, i had the courage to look to her in her eyes and just fall into them as they whisper to me their sad stories.



She loves the wind. The way the wind makes her hair flow as the soft breeze embraces her hair. She looks really beautiful when that happens. It’s a moment, I feel, if i were a photographer, i must capture.



Sometimes, when we sit together, next to each other, and occasionally her arms bump into mine, I love the way I feel her arms, so warm and soft, and sometimes, I always control the urge to put my hands into her arms and fall asleep on her shoulder.



I love the fact that she enjoys making a fool of herself. And the most beautiful part is when she laughs about it.



I also love it when she gets angry. The way she defends me, or herself in a situation. She takes charge of it, and she fights till the end.



But today, she failed to take charge. Today, she’s getting married to a wealthy rich guy from London.



But the one who has failed the most is me. I failed to tell her things that I’ve always kept bottled in my heart. I was afraid of losing her as a friend.



But I forgot, in friendship there’s love and in love, there’s friendship.



Today, he will hold her arms and have the honor of lying on her shoulder. He will have the honor of playing with her hair when the wind blows. He will also have to make do with her sense of immaturity and her anger.



I’ve met many women. But none are like her. And today, she’s getting married.



***



I’ve never met someone quite like him.



He’s not that good looking, but I find him adorable. The way he’s not shy when he’s around me. He’s a klutz i tell you.



But he listens when I talk. And when he talks I listen.



I love the way he looks at things, the way he thinks. He’s imaginative, creative, but most of the things he thinks about are always out of the box, out of the ordinary.



I love the way when he defends himself, feels bad when he sees me carrying too many things, and when he tries to help me carry a few things. He’s really sweet.



There was once, when we were in the bus, he was snoring and when he woke up, he asked me, '”How’s my hair?”.



He’s stupid. But i love him. I love him for his stupidity.



There’s nothing great about him, and yet, he keeps telling me that he would be someone great. It’s a silly dream but I love him because he’s hopeful.



I’ve never met anyone as optimistic as he is.



Sometimes, I get confused if we’re just good friends or two people in love. And many times, I think we’re two people in love.



And I doubt if he loves me. Because if he did, he would have told me.



Today, I’m getting married. I’m going to miss his presence, his laughter, the way he made me laugh, the moments we laughed together.



I also miss the moments I cried to him and how he keeps telling me that things would be okay.



I would miss all that.



But I guess, he never saw me as I saw him. How can there be love in friendship? Friendship and love are two different things I suppose.



I’ve met many men. But none are like him. And today, I’m getting married.


Damm nice rite??.. sigh... Its so true though.. like I'm living it.. been through it.. done it all.. just that I'm not married yet.. hehe.. k k..too much of information d..

lastly..since I got bored..and my blog is boring.. here's a little surprise!!..


Hehe..I got bored la k.. anyway picasa is magical!! ;p ;p

p/s to sudha and pinky!!.. thanks a lot for your blog post about my bday!!..muaxxx!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

To being 20..

Ahem ahem...;p ;p..

Guess who's 20??.. lol.. ok that's so lame..

Anyway.. firstly to pinky, THANKS A LOT FOR THE POLKA DOTS BAG!! .. hehehe.. I feel like a dalmatian puppy..and I know!!..so cute rite??;p ;p..hehe love it!!.. finally, there goes my 'school' bag of four years.. till we meet again, and thanks for your services for all these years.. you will always be treasured!!..=)

lol.. Yes that "message" was for my bag.. ignore me.. I'm having some kinda weird mix feeling..

And also to my loving, most awesome..the bestest ever parents!!, couldn't ask for anyone else.. THANKS FOR MY BADMINTON RACKET!! ..I was literally jumping up and down k.. kissing and smelling the racket for the hundredth time!! lol.. the smell was intoxicating!!..I was expecting a phone.. but a racket, a light weight, high tension, easy grip racket.. is way..wayyyy more cooler!! ...It must have cost a lot though... haizz... Now I have no heart to use it.. still THANK YOU!! ...=D.. who knows I'd probably represent Malaysia in the next Thomas cup!! ..lol..if Crystal sees this, she's gonna puke on my face..hehehehe..;p ;p .. But hey, reach for the stars.. even if you can't.. you will be with the moon...

To be honest.. there's nothing different between yesterday and today.. last year and today.. It's the same..I feel the same.. but then again.. there is no more the word "TEEN" there.. sigh... do you feel my pain?? ..I'm no more a teenager..='( ..I can be called an "adult" any moment.. or am I already??.. no wait.. one more year to go.. lol..

But like Alma said, "age is just a number" ..or I hope so..

I hope that I will always remember who I am.. not what the world wants me to be..
I hope that I will never stop growing..in both height and wisdom..but not age..;p
I hope that I will stick to my priorities..even in the highest degree of temptation..
I hope that even if the rain keeps on pouring.. I will strive to keep His light shinning..
I hope that I will keep my friends forever..
I hope that I will never loose anyone in my family..
I hope that I someday I have the guts to tell you how I feel.. but till then I shall treasure this awesome gift called friendship..
I hope that today I will remain 20 for the rest of my life.. but that's not gonna happen.. so deal with it!!
I hope that when I am 40 I will open back this post and laugh at all the silly things I posted, and going to post..
I hope that when I am 60..I still know the meaning of "fun"..
I hope that someday everything I hope for will come true..

There!!...my hopes to being 20!!! ...lol...

and yes... I so hope.. next year it doesnt fall when I am in the midst of assignment, presentation and midterm!!...aarrgghh

Monday, June 14, 2010

Awesome-est besties!!

Wow... can you believe the world??.. Well I can't ... It's soo.. hmm.. unexpected..

Anyway, I would love to tell you about my weekend, however I'm dead tired.. Hmm.. maybe a sneak preview..lol..*big time*..

  • JACYNTA JASMINE IS BACK TO CIVILIZATION!! ..ok she's gonna kill me when she reads.. but who cares?? hehe....my bestie is in KAJANG for the next 3 months!!
  • A-team was AWESOME!! ..well I enjoyed it!!..was laughing my guts out..hehe
  • Sleepover at Crystal's was AWESOME-EST!! ... Cramping our three buffalo bodies on that little bed!!..laughing till we can't laugh anymore.. hoping and wishing we don't wake up crystal's parents..
  • My sister's keeper and Hachiko was awesome too!! ...I cried as usual..literally sobbing la.. Forgive me, I am easily touched!!
  • Tom yam Maggi mee has never tasted this awesome!!..when you have the two most precious people in your life.. to share it with you!!
  • Taking a midnight walk to the grocery store and deciding the junks to buy..to increase our calories.. may sound weird.. but believe it or, who cares bout calories,??!! and yeah.. it totally AWESOME!! ...Under the moonlight, holding hands.. making a fool out of your self.. knowing they don't really care whether your pants or torn or what!! ...hehe..
  • Singing songs, talking about music.. and hearing Crystal kutuking "GLEE" and "TAYLOR SWIFT"!! ...hearing jacynta telling her 10001 stories..with her gorgeous big brown eyes wide open... is definitely IRREPLACEABLE!! ..and yeah awesome..
  • Yes every point is AWESOME!! ...cause I'm gifted with the most AWESOME-EST people ever...!! Couldn't ask for anything more..
  • Lastly, I know I'm Awesome too!! ..HEHE... well, I have to say something with the word AWESOME to complete this post...;p ;p
Sorry!! ...No pics.. we had a lot to catch up too!!..hehe couldn't care less bout pics.. but well.. as I have mentioned, they're just simply awesome la k... and though picture paints a thousand words... I'm sure I painted you a beautiful picture of my 2 most gorgeous aka awesome friends in my life!!..lol

And please.. do not hate the word AWESOME after this..
Good nitez!!..=D

Friday, June 11, 2010

One malaysia..

I'm disturbed..

Ok that's not something new..

Firstly, my sister was begging my whole family to watch this DVD which she bought called "GADOH" ...We didn't have any choice.. when my sis sets her foot on something.. she demands it happens.. even though the roof is about to fall..or I'm on my death bed lol.. ok aint that bad.. but yeah.. we watched, so that she'll stop beggin in her high pitched voice..

Guess what??!! ..I cried.. I actually cried for a MALAY movie..produced by a MALAYSIAN PRODUCER!! ...and yes.. GO WATCH IT!! ..or download it.. but WATCH IT!! ..its a must!! ..It's in you-tube as well.. just go watch it!!.. ask your family as well.. it's only about 70 mins!! ... Or I could borrow you my DVD..=))

It's not the best movie ever.. but its the truth!!.. that is exactly what is happening in Malaysia!! And it's getting worst day by day.. And one day, we will be killing each other because of this issue.. yes I am talking about RACISM!! ..

It's hard..almost impossible to change the mentality of youngsters nowadays.. Seriously, UKM, UPM is segregated according to their races.. and school.. sigh.. I saw in my own eyes.. the gang fight between MALAYS and INDIANS.. and I was only 15!! ..There was blood involve..sigh..Why go far??.. Even the government it self is divided according to races ...My dear Hishamudin said he is a MALAY first, then a MALAYSIAN!! ... and these are leaders la k.. how you think the people are gonna turn out..??

Go watch GADOH, SEPET, or MUALAF..any of YASMIN AHMAD or AMIR MUHAMMAD's movie.. that's exactly what ONE MALAYSIA is all about.. but of cause.. it is all these movies that has been banned..

And not forgetting a person who has brought up the concept of ONE MALAYSIA, long long ago.. yes the LATE P.RAMLEE!! ...if you realize..in all his movie, there will be a "muthu" an "ah cheong" and "ali" ...

And you will realize.. what a beautiful country we are living in.. beautiful people we are surrounded by.. Just go watch it la k!!.. For it is sooo damm true..

Ok now I lost my mood on the second topic.. which is about child abuse.. where I cried again.. after watching a video about in you-tube.. sigh..

Just go listen to the song "concrete angel" ...I'll post up some other time k..=))

Thirdly, I wont be here tomorrow... which is suppose to cheer me up.. but like I said, I'm disturbed..

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved..
Concrete angel

So yeah..that's it.. no blog post for tomorow!!.. dont miss me..;p ;p