forgive me..

I used to have that someone special..
Someone whom I trusted upon..
To lift me up..when I fall..
To wipe my tears..when I cry..

But guess I lost it..
Lost it along the way..
When I decide to do things on my own..
Make my own path..
Light my on way..

He called me every night..
But I turned a deaf ear..
He longed to hold me in His arm..
But with all my might..
I pushed Him away..

It hurt Him of course..
So much more..
Than I can imagine..
It made Him cry too..
But did I even bother??

No..its all about
Me, myself and I..

Still..He didnt give up..
Didn't even think of it..

"My daughter..
Can a mother forget the child of her womb..??
Even if this happens..
I will not forget you..
See, I have carved your name on my palm..
The same palm that was nailed on the cross..
The same nail that tore my flesh..
Tore heaven's gate as well.."

I know it all...
But I'm human as well..
Sometimes I forget..
Sigh..

Forgive me, dear Lord..

Inspired by MAUREEN ALMA!!..
Thank you Lord, for her!!

havent met you yet

Blogging mood tak ada..=(.. and maybe bringing the speakers in again is another bad idea..especially when my finals are starting next week..sigh.. there's always that one song that catches my attention..like this..

Just havent met you yet~Michal Buble

I'm Not Surprised
Not everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I've Stopped Keepin Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get all worked up
Than I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I thought of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That it'll All Turn up
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's half timing
And The Other half's luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You'll Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

And Somehow I Know That it'll All Turn up
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's fair
In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight it
Get invited
We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And girl Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I Work To Work It Up
Promise You Kid I Get More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get than I Get

Oh You Know That Will All Turn Up
And I will Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get
I just havent met you yet..

Or have I??..hmm..am I??..I don't know.. you tell me..=)

Speechless

Before I start...
Hmm..I dont think I mentioned this..but yeah my PC speakers has not been working for the past 2 months..!!....my ears was bleeding with NO MUSIC..Everytime I had to beg my sis to use the laptop instead..sigh..

So let me start..
It's a coincidence..really..

Like why did I decide post lyrics yesterday??
Like why did my mom remember and decided to bring home the speakers today..??
Like why did I choose to listen to "we are the world"..the HAITI version..right after she brought home the speakers??
Like why did saha come to my house at the same time to re-format my laptop and at the same time introduce another MICHAEL JACKSON song??

Did you see the connection??
LYRICS-SPEAKERS-WE ARE THE WORLD HAITI (MJ)-SPEECHLESS(MJ)

LOL...if you think I'm driving you crazy.. well I hope I'm not.. It makes perfect sense to me though.. for I couldn't fine any better song..than this song.. really.. it got me thinking..

how could anyone trash the gift of love??..
how could anyone even think of crushing anothers heart ..??
how could anyone have the heart to hurt another??
how could anyone play with the words..'I love you..'??
how can one pretend that it's cool to do so??
sigh...
HEARTLESS!!..

I have heard so many songs.. I have no idea..why this left so much impact on me..It's just that the way MJ portrayed love is so true..so magical and simply amazing in this song.. There are not just words..if you feel what he is trying to say..it makes more sense why am I sooo touched!!..

How should I put this??..really..I have no words to explain..hmm I don't know if at all I'm gifted to experience such love..but I know for a fact..that I've already and still experiencing much more than the gift of love.. I have indeed experience the greatest gift of all..JESUS!!...

What else could I ask for??..He's all I ever need.. and will need!!..

But still..take a look at these words..

SPEECHLESS BY MICHAEL JACKSON!

Your love is magical..
That's how I feel..
But I have not the words..here to explain..
Gone are the grace..for expressions of passion..
But there are worlds and worlds..of ways to explain..
To tell you how I feel..
But I am..

Speechless..speechless..
That's how you make me feel..
When I'm with you..I'm faraway..
And nothing is for real..
When I'm with you..
I'm lost for words..
I don't know what to say..
My head's spinning.. like a carousel..
so silently I pray...

Helpless and hopeless..
that's how I feel inside..
Nothing's real but all is possible..
if God is on my side..
When I'm with you.. I am in the light..
where I cannot be found ..
It's as though I am standing in..
the place called Hallowed Ground ..

Speechless..speechless..
That's how you make me feel..
When I'm with you..I'm faraway..
And nothing is for real..
I'll go anywhere.. and do anything..
just to touch your face..
There's no mountain high.. I cannot climb..
I'm humbled in your grace..

Speechless..speechless..
That's how you make me feel..
When I'm with you..I'm faraway..
And nothing is for real..
Speechless

Your love is magical..
that's how I feel..
But in your presence..
I am lost for words..
Words like, "I love you."...

Wow..I am speechless.. he's in love with her so much..that he is speechless.. lost for words.. words like 'I LOVE YOU'..hence the song is called "Speechless" ..

Yeah so what??..may seem normal to you.. but guess its just me.. hehe... I feel a little too much.. but yeah.. I like this song..=)

Go and listen..=) ...I can't promise you anything for I believe everyone has their own taste in music.. but it was worth it..for me..=)

The song list

I have a quiz tomorrow..hehehehe.. nope..its a bad idea..don't even think of following my footsteps k!.. I'm a bad role model.. =)

This post is clearly written while the girl is delusional..and confused.. acting dumb again.. A total waste of time.. course its not of her own words.. just bits and pieces of others..which is ridiculous.. but yeah..just to release tension..this is what she does!..

So hear my loneliness
I'm giving up on you
I don't need you anymore
Ive found what i been looking for
So hear my emptiness
Ive got no room for you
Ive finally found what Ive been dreaming of
Someone to love

*In love with this song..the moment I heard it..damm emo I know.. but I like it! ..no further explanation..*

You leave me breathless..
You're everything good in my life..
You leave me breathless..
I still can't believe that you're mine..
You just walk out of one of my dreams..
So beautiful your leaving me..
Breathless..

*My all time favorite.. I told myself once.. whoever sings me this song..I'll marry them!! LOL..dumb I know...but yeah..this song says it all..*

And when I look in your eyes..
All of my life..is before me..
I'm not running anymore
Course I already know..
I'm home..
With every beat of my heart..
I give you my love completely..
My darling..
This I promise you..

*Memories are folded neatly in this song..I'll never forget..*

I dont wanna runaway..
But I can't take it..
I don't understand..
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tells me that I am??
Is there anyway that I can stay..
In your arms??..

*I like the way he sang it..so original..*

You lift my feet off the ground..
You spin me around..
You make me crazier.. crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I..
I'm lost in your eyes..
You make me Crazier.. Crazier.. Crazier..

*So fairytale-ishl.. full of fantasy..but hey its so true as well..=) ..*

All my life..I prayed for someone like you..
And I thank God..that I..
That I finally found you..
All mu life..I pray for someone like you..
And I hope that you feel the same way too..
Yes I pray that you do love me too..

*Whoever created this chorus..is brilliant!!*..

I have a whole lot of list still..but I shall leave it hanging here.. hehe..need to get back studying you see.. and yessss..I do care about my studies..lol..

Something better next time..

take care!!

Yesterday and today

Pretty dramatic day...both yesterday and today..

It's just too good to be true..again.. both yesterday and today..

Yesterday was rather unusual..ok.. special..

Today was unexpected..and special as well..

Yesterday is to be cherished..

Today is to be shared..hehe..

Thats what I'll do..
Do you know..cutting the palms for over 3000 people is really not that easy when you decide to wear just a 3 quarter pants with flip flops and bare hands?? Seriously its not..every single second I was like.."OUCH here..OUCH there.." ..and I when cut my fingers with the scissors twice..I finally found the perfect reason why my mom doesn't allow me near the kitchen!!..SHEESH!!..I But it is fun when you have people like Chris, Alma, Ana, Andrea, Mary Pat, Alvin and Abner around.. Crazy I tell you.. every time one person opens their mouth..it'll take ages for us to STOP LAUGHING!!... we were singing as well.. emo songs.. not-so-emo songs.. love songs..=D.. hindi songs..hehe.. out of tune..of course.. but we didn't really care..just bantai only..lol..

Then for mass..it was the first day I'm commentating..replacing my dearest sis who is currently now living in the jungle..=).. I didnt want to.. but they needed a youth..and since my sis asked so sweetly..I just didn't have the heart to say NO.. so yeah. and you know.. when your unprepared..and nervous till your veins start cracking..that's exactly when they'll come and compliment you.. "good job!!".."thumbs up..".."keep it up.." ..but when your really prepared..and confident.. there's where you screw things up!..sigh..

I wasn't able to follow my UCSI BESTIES for UCSI's earth hour..instead after mass..I was at home.. lighting a candle on top of the piano..and started playing..hehe.. so much so.. that I didnt wanna stop.. on and on..till mom started shouting.."JUANNN!!..YOUR DINNER IS GETTING COLD.. HURRY UP AND DONT HURT THE PIANO!!" ...hurt???...excuse me.. my skills are master piece ok.. lol..aite.. that was a pure lie.. I can't play for nuts..i just enjoy playing.. wished I had the talent though..hmmmm

That was pretty much about today..tomorrow is another big day..

Yesterday.. hehe...like I said its too be cherished.. it might happen again..or might not.. not in my hands.. but I enjoyed it!!..=)

I shall leave before I spare out anymore unnecessary details..lol

Good nite!!

careless!!

"I made it obvious..done everything but sing it..(crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)..I'm not so good with words..but since you never seem to see.. I'll say it in a love song.."

Pretty interesting day today..hmm did I mention that I dislike MALAYSIAN STUDIES??!!.. well I officially hate it now!!.. haiz.. course i just had my mid term and yes..you guessed it!!..it's bad.. really really bad!!..sigh..

Moving on..PINKY WAS IN COLLEGE BY 9!!! FOR 11AM CLASS!!..weeeeeeeeeeeee!!.. a miracle has indeed occurred in UCSI!!..ok she's gonna curse me when she reads this!!..=p ..so for 2 hours we were at the library..talking about how dumb guys can get..which reminds me.. we're dumb enough..to talk about how dumb they are..and erm..gosh!!..i just made myself even dumber by stating it here right??!!..lol.. what, you don't understand!!??..hehe..you're not suppose too!!.. a bit too hyper today...that's why..hehe

Next..for the record..

• 2008 I lost my 200 bucks citizen watch presented by my chiti.. and my sis MP3 player..which I didn't really loose it..but forgot to remove it from my pocket..hence it had a great wash in the machine!!..and there goes all my songs..sigh.. yes yes.. she wanted to murder me..but she knew i was the only one she had..hehehe
• 2009...I lost my Sister's 2G MP3 AGAIN!!..had over 1000 song, samsung brand..touch pad.. sigh..and also my 4G pendrive!!..i know i know..my sister was already digging my grave.. but I apologized quickly..saying I'll get a new one somehow..which I'm still working on it..hehehe

and 2010..my first lost for the year..hehe..MY TOUCH N GO CARD!! ..and since someone specially requested for the story to be posted..so yeah..i shall blog it detaily..

So as usual..I was late..manage to sweet talk to my sis to allow me to use the car.. I didn't have time to take the bus..and the moment I was in the car..there the bus comes.. typical huh??.. when you wait for the bus..there's none!!..when you dont..you see a dozen!!..sheesh..

and I saw the touch n go card on the dash board of the car..and repeated to myself constantly.."don't forget the touch n go card..you know this will always happen..DONT FORGET!!" ...so I had this image of me..putting it inside my pocket... locked the car..started walking to KTM ..and again..there goes the TRAIN!!..sigh.. when you rush for the train..it'll fly..when you don't..its like a pregnant woman!!..so slow!!..and you know KTM!! how puctual it is..sigh...

and then I touched my pocket.. i was like,..'oopps.. i knew i put it in here..' ..where can it be..i open my bag then.. and my purse.. I SWEAR I PUT IT SOMEWHERE!!..but where??!! ..maybe its in the car.. should I walk all the way back and get all sweaty..and miss another train??..nah..its only RM3.60 after all.. so yeah..dengan confidentnya.. hoping that its in the car.. i went to college..

By the time i came back it was 4.30.. opened my car.. my heart sank..when it wasnt in there.. i checked everywhere.. even under the carpet.. the dashboard.. sigh.."why does this keep happening to me.." ..so i walked all the way back..feeling everything under my feet t..silently praying.."card, please appear..I wont loose you again.. will hold you close to my heart..I promise you this time.." ...TWICE!!..i walked back and forth.. and nope.. MY CARD DOESN'T LIKE ME EITHER!!..sigh.. i wished I knew why.. and that was the end of it!!.. but too bad la..it just lost a great owner!!..hehehe..yeah rite..the owner who cant even hold a tiny card.. maybe it is in better hands now..sigh..RIP my lovely card..

but..you know I realize something.. that you dont miss the water..till the well runs dry.. you dont miss the summer till the winter appears.. you dont miss the person..till they're really gone.. sigh..

I felt it that moment I lost my card..no matter how much you pray..or you cry..what is done is done..what is gone..will never come back.. or maybe it will unless your really really blessed.. but hmm..it rarely happens.. so yeah..hold everything and everyone..close to your heart..like its the only thing you have..like the only person who loves you..=)

MORAL of the story..try not to trust me with anything precious.. but hmm..you can trust me with anyone.. I won't let go.. you have my word..=)

if i were a boy

"Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart??..You can try sleeping in my bed.."

And this time I really mean it.. sigh.. I'm back to emo-ing..sheesh..I hate it when this happen!! but erm..you might have to bring your own bed for now.. My sis insist on sleeping with me..hehehe.. yea rite *like that's gonna happen*.. lol.. nolar her room is just tooooo warm!!..she doesnt have much choices..hehe

Anyway, I have a huge assignment due tomorrow..might be presenting as well..and formal cloths are really not my type.. So not comfortable with heels, skirts and collared shirts!!.. sigh..hmm I think maybe I should be born as a guy..yes a guy..lol.. I mean you don't have to worry bout what to wear..or how to do your hair.. what shoe to wear.. course when your a guy, you don't really have much choices..hehehe..I mean no offense.. but don't you think that things are a lot easier when your choices are narrowed down??..and besides at least I KNOW what a guy is suppose to do..at the right time... unlike some.. seriously..I got no more words.. *siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas*..

I tempted to post beyonce's "if i were a boy'' last chorus here..hehe

You don't listen to her..
You don't care how it hurts..
Until you lose the one you wanted..
'Cause you're taking her for granted..
And everything you had got destroyed..
But you're just a boy..

But then again..maybe being a woman..is so much better!!.. course you're not just a woman.. YOU'RE A WOMAN!!..the word "just" somehow makes a big difference.. you're not just any kinda woman.. you're unique!!..=) ok ok..the same concept can be applied to man..no..it should!!..

anyway..I better stop crapping and cont with my assignment!!..

p/s ..I'm not sexist!!..just..haiz.. some people are just..just ..sooooo ish!!.. i give up!!