Beauty or nothing?

"The Kite Runner, The time traveller's wife and My sister's keeper.."

Siggghhh.. Plus and minus, today and yesterday, I spent RM100 for those novels! I couldn't help it, it was the last day for the book fair and if I loose the chance now, I'm so gonna regret it when I see the price is doubled! ..;( But somehow I manage to influence Pinky and Glynn to buy along with me, hence one book is given for freee!!weeeeee!! XD

Hmmm,, I wonder why I don't spent that much on clothes.. I mean yes, like every other girls, I get all "gaga-ish" over that cute top from time square and that gorgeous pair of wedges,  but it didnt cross my mind to run all the way to the bank, cash out the money and make it mine.. Like you have the feeling, "Yes its nice, fits me perfectly.." But then it stops there.. hmmm weird..

Anyway, I started back my observing business today.. And this time I let it go a little further.. Honestly speaking, the first thing I look at a girl, is how she dresses,, ;) In other words I was being utterly stereotyping, generalizing and judgemental.

I didn't mean it. But its there, in your mind. No matter how much you deny it, you can't get it off your mind. And with that one look, you start creating this whole story in your tiny head..like a washing machine. You dump in the clothes and now its time to analyze and wash them..;p ;p

Like did she shower before she comes for class?? What was she doing last night? Is her hair naturally wild or did she wear it like that to grab attention?? And thoseee clothess!! .."Wow, she's got guts!" ;) How are her parents like? Does she have a boy friend?? What is he like? How can she stand her?! Why does she speak that way?? And her voice!! .Goshh.. Like she knows-it-all..

Oh no, I'm not making that up. You and I know, that we all have the tendency to indulge in our own fantasy. Be it strangers or your friends.. we enjoy making up stories in our head and giving answer to our own question. Somehow we feel satisfied when we have explicitly 'robbed' her of her own private sanctuary.

As I was busy entertaining my mind about this very particular girl whom I have never spoken with, know nothing about her besides her name.. I realized.. hmm ok wait, I'm not sure what I realized yet, let me see if I can take you there; inside my mind..;)

Hmm.. Forgive me, my mind is getting even complicated day by day..  now that I have amused myself with all the short story of mine about this girl, what now?? By me, hating her guts and the sound of her voice, what do I earn?? .. Hmmm, a negative perception of this innocent girl who could turn out to be the next most independent women, or perhaps a real time host like Oprah.. and because of my choice of looking at her in a wrong way..I might be misssing out the very essence of friendship.

Now you see, how much damage the mind can do when you start thinking?

Why is so hard, to look at someone just as they are? To look at them and see that beneath all those make-up, dresses and voice, lies a human being, lies a soul that is in need of companionship, like you and me? Lies a girl with the biggest heart ever and she is willing to give to anyone.. lies a need to speak her mind off, something that I could never EVER possibly do it, even if hell freezes over heaven.  Why can't we say to everyone we meet, "Cause you're amazing, just the way you are.."

Fake or not, God looks at you and loves you the same. That we are all amazing, unique, special and definitely awesome..despite all our failures, all the wrong perception we have on others, all the unecessary hate.. He thinks your one heaven of a person! ..;) Then again, we are not God, we are far from perfect. Human, helpless, hopeless.. but hey. you can try! ;)

And then if there is one thing that I've learned all my life is, if you choose to look through God's eye, your first impression is beauty..

"Blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.."

Writers are awesome!

;)) So yes, in regards to all your questions..

Why wasn't I able to post anything for some time?

• Yes, I am officially "cacat-ed" ..at this very moment. I tore my iris when the shuttle cock hit me right in the eye,, and was banned from SEEING any screen that requires the usage of an "EYE" .. yes that includes COMPUTER, TV and yes MOBILE! ;(
• I lost touch with writing. Its like a long-distance relationship. You lost the touch when you're distanced, you tend to loose the heat, the passion.. hence you decide to take a break..;((
• I forgot the reason I started blogging
• I needed some time to detached from the network, to get in touch with myself, other than the mere usage of words and only words..

Why did I decide to start connecting with words again??

• I realise that, "Gosh I'm writer".. No matter how much I stay away from writing, sooner or letter, the lost will be found, the runnaway will be back to where she belong. And I belong here.
• I had this weird need in me, to change the world.. to change someone, at least one.. to make a difference.. through something that comes deep down from my heart right to this post.. 
• When I blog, its like, "I'm me..Juan Margrita" ..No mask, no facial, no make up. This is me, the girl who has thousands of thoughts all over, who may drive you crazy half the time, who enjoys putting words together and making sense out of it..Though half of the time I dont.. but whether you like or not.. This is me.
• Today, UCSI had a book fair. Yes I have my assignments pilling up, HFC Youth camp coming up and I have made plans with so many that I barely have time for myself. But as I was glacncing through the books sold there, I was like, "OMG!!" ..I don't know when the last I was this happy and excited that I ran all the way to the bank, cashed out some money just to buy the novels. Not one, but TWO! ... I'm halfway reading Murakami;Norwegian Wood. The other novel is "The girl with the dragon tattoo" ...Reading Murakami, made me realise the power of words; both reading and writing!
• Lastly, cheryl tagged me in a post "20 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD DATE A WRITER!!" ...I was smilling all throughout cause its sooo daymm true! ..Seriously, we're awesome la k! ..Like so awesome!

So yeah, if at all you see my blog silent for some time, please bug me alrite! ..;) Remind me, the reason I started blogging.. 

And oh, the eyes is getting better, as you can see.. I;m back to blogging business!

May you know, the joy you bring in my life..;)

Err, so lets try to put words together ..words of what the heart speaks off.. words that you never knew existed.. words that put a smile on your face..

May the rain fall wash away every hurt..

May the wind blow off every sadness..

May the bird fill the earth with songs

May the flowers speak to you of beauty..

May the children talk about love and only love..

May the man calm down his anger with laughters..

May the broken heart find peace from within..

May the homeless find shelter through prayer..

May the poor find strength in hope..

May the rich humble their hearts through giving..

May the unborn find joy in heaven..

May the death rest in peace forever..

May the couple join hands through eternity..

May the lonely count their blessings..

May the sinner seek peace in forgivess

May the people love their enemies..

May hatred leave the world for good..

May the world learn the lauguage of love..

May tonight seal the memories of today..

May tomorrow create new hope and life..

May God bless you always..

May my heart find peace tonight..

May my words flow to you like a river..

May you know, the joy you bring my life..

Just something that randomly came out from within in! ..;)
Have a great day tomorrow!

To awesome friendships!

Ok, my hair smells like a smoked cigar! ..grrr! ..One of the many reasons why I hate mamak-ing! ..Then again it felt soooo good to meet Alma! ..weeeeeeeeee!!

Well, I had an unusually surprising day, today! ..XD.. As you can see, I'm a lil on the anti-social kinda type. No, I'm not lying. You have got no idea what it takes for me to talk to a stranger, next to me..;( Yes, it is that bad..

Anyway, it all begin with me entering the wrong class. After a year and half in UCSI, I had pairs of eyes starring at me..and I didn't recognize any of them. I slowly took a step back and searched for a notice on the door!! ..I can't possibly enter the wrong class!!! ..and indeed, the class was re-venued *this words doesnt really exist* to another class. hehe

Once I entered the class... I spotted for my clique of friends..and of cause, there they are, right in front! ..And looking at the temperature of the classroom, there aint no way I'm sitting in front facing the lecturer. I'd be literally freezing in about 10 minutes! ..;(

So I searched again for some familiar faces..and there I spotted Eunicia! ..She was sitting alone..so why not?!

Anddd wooowww.. You wouldn't guess it!! ..It was the most perfect decision I have made in my whole life!! ..Lol.. ok I love exagerating! ..But seriously, looking at this point, and all my pointless decision I made..it was simply WOWla k! ..So we sat there for 3 hours.. talking and talking! ..The 3 whole hours! XD

Ok, we werent only talking, there was this part where I accidentally dropped her coffee can down! ..And there was another part, where I knocked her water bottle down! ..Lol, I can't help it.. things appear to slip off easily whenever I'm present! ;((

And here comes the best part! ..hehehe.. She was telling me all her hometown stories, she's not a Malaysian by the way! ..hehe.. And there was a point where I went completely blur and asked, "You mean she was married, got divorced, and the re-married?" ..As far as I'm concern, that sentence came out right, but she burst out laughing!!! ..NON-STOP!! ..I couldn't help it..LOL So I laughed along with her.. I was sooo eager to find out what went wrong! ..hehehe..We had to control ourselves and vibrate in silent as the lecturer was still going on with his Alternative Voices..;)

Then she took out her notebook and started drawing charts to make me understand what she meant! ..heheheheeheheheh..I couldn't believe it!! It was actually pretty simple.. err fine, it was very simple.. but you know, I have a short attention span..and like I said, the b.r.a.i.n.s is totally weird! ..hehehe.. You say, "chicken" my brain reads it as "eggs!" ..so yeah..ehehehe.. but we still didnt stop laughing after that!

So anyway, since my "date" got postponed.. Eunicia invited me to join their Christian Fellowship (CF) ..For once, I didnt feel like rushing back home and watching How I met Your Mother..so I stayed! ..Their worship was good! Meet a lot of new friends and old ones..And I learnt one thing, that I would probably remember for the rest of my life..~~You are the salt of the earth. If the salt looses its saltiness, then what difference would it make?~~"That I was born to be different..and if I give in easily to sin and follow the world, what difference would it make?" ;)

After that, I went back home..and it was raining!!!...Part of me was like, "Oh noo!" ..Another part said, "Throw your umbrella!" ..hehe..and thats what I did.. Ok I didnt really throw, I put it inside back, and enjoyed the rain!

Came back home, I had a surprise visit!! .. Oh btw, my date was with Maureen Alma! ..But she senju me last minute and decided to make it up to me by coming right into my house! ..WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! .. seriously, what else can beat a nice heart-to-heart conversation with your girlfriends??! ..hehehe

Awesome huh?? ..To have friends whom you can share about anything. I realized, its not about how many friends you have..its about the intimacy you share with them, that can never be replaced by anything.

I don't have much friends..but then ones I have.. would go all out for me! ;))))

Cheers!
To awesome friendships!

The story of the check-ard shirt

You know what I feel like doing right?? ;) I feel like watching a scary movie that makes me close my ears and eyes.. and move closer to the person next to me! ..XD Then somebody walks in my room door quietly, blows through ears..and at that exact moment the ghost appears in the television and you go "AAAAAAAHHHHH!!" ..and then you chase the person who made you wake up the whole town! ..;)

Heheeheh..yes I know.. sometimes I wonder, did my brains accidentally fall off, when my mom gave birth to me..or was I born without one? ..;p ;p

So anyway.. I was on my way back home ..in the train..I was soo excited to get a seat which 80% of time I wouldn't, knowing KTM and just as I tried to close my eyes for a short nap..guess what I saw?! No, its not a cute guy or anything.. I saw this exact girl who  is wearing the same checkard shirt as I was! ...The same turquoise, squary shirt that I bought in time square!!

Yes, you read that correctly.. My first thought was like, "daaamm!! can I jump off the train?" ...hehe..Of cause I tried placing my bag in front of me so that it would look like a pattern on my shirt or something..But of cause it was waaayy too obvious at that minute..

So I gave up and sat up straight.. Then I started laughing to myself.. I mean yes, it was pretty embarrassing.. but then what could you possibly do at that moment??! I mean seriously, unless you really wanna sacrifice your life for a check-ard shirt..and make the headline. "Girl jump of the train because of a checkard, turquoise shirt!"...be my guest!

Well, but then if you decided to change to the situation like this..Just just keep on laughing.. and say, "Heyy! ,,You have great taste! ..Like me!!" ..hehehe

Yes, its all your CHOICE!

My point is.. its just like life! ...You can't undo what you have already done! ..You cannot take back the words you have said.. You cannot run back to the past years and react that moment.. You cannot turn back time and recreate the memories.. Obviously, I can't go back home and change my check-ard shirt..;)

You just have stand up from wherever you are, start walking and continue living..;)

Yes its hard, of cause. If life was damm easy, I wouldnt be here blogging..;) My sister, somehow made me think in a way I never knew I could.

She said, if you want to be happy, you can. If you want to be sad, you can. Its all in your mind. What you think, is what you are.. How you want to live your life, is up to you.. If you insist on others to destroy your life, so be it. If you insist on others helping you to live a life that is worth living, so be it.. If you think life is a gift, and everyone else is the giver of this "gift"..though sometimes they give you "unexpected" gifts..and you intend to receive it with a wide heart..so be it.

Remember..its all in your mind..XD

Ok enough psychological classes for today!

Have to be prepared for my "date" tomorow! ..XD

Tc!

The egg theory

Ahheeem! ..hheehe

Yes this is an obvious question..but I'm gonna ask anyway.. hehe ..Miss me??!! ..;)))) lol.. how not to right??

Well anyway, guess who's back?? ..and back for real this time?! ..hehe yesss!! ..she's back! ..Never ever going anyway.. ever again!! ..or well I hope so! ..;)

All actually a lot happen when I'm away from starring at the computer, typing nonsense..;p
Like, you know the thing where you deal with your heart and head! ..Gee that stuff is weird k! ...
Like how I'm like sooo addicted to how I met your mother..
Like how I realized, that sometimes, I feel like the most blessed human on earth.. but wait the thing is, its not SOMETIMES.. its actually all the TIME..;)

Anyway I actually had a great weekend.. and I was told about the egg theory..;)

Yes you read that correctly, its called the EGG THEORY..;)

Before I indulge in my fantasy any further..I kinda have a tiny confession..hmm I can't break an egg perfectly! ..;((( yes.. everytime I break an egg, there is at least one tiny shell at the size of 1mm inside the pan! ..sighhh.. yeah, like how in the world can someone exist without knowing how to crack an egg! ..grrrr Sometimes I wonder if I could ever cook a perfect meal without poison-ing anyone..;( sighhh..

Anyway, back to the egg theory.. So it was said that we humans are similar to eggs.. ;) These eggs are broken and the shells are thrown down to the earth..Now until the egg shell had found its perfect shells that matches it perfectly.. it would not be complete!! Once they have found the correct "shell" of the correct size and every tiny crack fits in the other perfectly.. then only can they be one..XD

heheeh.. nice?? oh well, when I first heard I was like "WOOOWWW!!" ..

Well, whoever came up with it is absolutely brilliant!! ..;)

Then again, there are few question that came up and got me thinking.. like what if the shells are totally gone!! ..totally broken and disfigured.. pieces and pieces that it is impossible to put it back together?? Or like what of the "other" shell chooses to remain "half" and does not want to complete?? ..Like what if the rain washes away the shell to a very distant place, that it is impossible for anyone to find it..and even if they did, it would be too late then..???????

Lol, yes I know. I'm a lil paranoid just like that...

Then it got me thinking... So what??!!! ..lol.. yes, so what if the egg shell is left all alone??!! ...The "one" that placed you in there, in the first place, must have known it.. He must have a plan for you already.. and maybe your in for much bigger adventure!! who knows, these particular shell is actually the home for all the homeless ants and worms! ..;) Or well go around the world in the basket with the chickens! ..hehehe ;p ;p

hmm.. and speaking of paranoid.. I was actually having an intelligent conversation with Adrian and it got me thinking, "gee why can't I just agree that he is correct?? Why do I have to be always right??" ..lol.. and even if I know I'm wrong.. somehow I would go all the way to defense my self and make sense of all the nonsense my brain is trying to say..hehe

Because that is us human.. we can never be satisfied with the answer, "yes" or "no" ..there has to be a "why" in it..;) We hate less...and if we have more.. we want even MORE.. We want it FAST.. if we have to WAIT, its just not right!! ..We have to be the FIRST.. for "LAST" is like a death sentence.. We want to go "THERE" ..because "HERE" is not good enough!! ..We want the BEST, cause we DESERVE it! .. Its all about ME, MYSELF and I.. who cares if the "beggar" has eaten for days.. or the child is yearning for company.. As long as the world is ABOUT me.. ahhaaahh.. PERFECT! ..;)

Hmmm.. and who in the world am I to tell you, "heyy, thats not the way how you live your life.." ..;)
Hehehe..

I found some interesting quotes that got me thinking about this..

• He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has..~Epictetus~
• We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give..~Winston Churchill~
• Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once..~Lillian Dickson~
• Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring..~Oscar Wilde~
• Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts..~Charles Dickens~

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
~Mother Teresa~

Mcd Encounter

So I decided to make myself useful by dragging myself out of my house to Mcd to get started on my assignments.. But of cause we all know with the existence of FB and Blog, and considering the degree of my addiction which come to think of it..is getting erm..better..;p ;p then I again I just wrote a sentence of my assignment, and I got bored..hence the post..;)

Hmm.. let me tell you about my surrounding..
There's this guy on the next table.. typing a caption on a picture.. well from my side of view, he's probably into his assignments as well.. but oh waitt..I just saw him logging into FB!! ..wee!!! I'm not alone in the dillemma between FB and assignments..;)) hehe

Next, a group of guys and a girl just entered with ice-creams on their hand.. One with a Justin Bieber hairstyle, another with Michael Jackson's cap.. while the girl..hmm probably Michele Yeoh's hair..;p ;p ..and the last one.. hmmm he was just being himself..simply perfect..;)

Hehe.. Ok moving on.. There's a coule on the end corner.. And indian couple.. hmm quite perfectly matched.. but i wonder how long are they gonna last..;p ;p

Next, there's another couple at the end.. with the guy on the laptop.. LOL.. ok Rule No 1, When you bring out girl don't bring other gadjets with you.. Like seriously, this is the part where you show her, she's the only one that matters.. Your laptop can't possibly be any more attractive than her eh..Fail la k! ..;p ;p

Ok some reallly hawwwtt guys just walked in.. right opposite me! ..oh crapp! ..wish jacynta was here.. could cuci mata a bit! ..Well, if you do it alone, its weird and depressing k!

Hmm, a family with 5 kids just walked in as well!! ..and the mother is pregnant again!! ..Awwhhh!! don't you find pregnant women the most beautiful creature on earth?? .. Seriously, the are holding something so precious, so fragile, so woowwww!! ;)

Ok, I'm done describing the surrouding.. the must be thinking I;m weird for starring at them like i'm retard or something.. ;)

Anyway, I;m starting to enjoy my Media, Law and Ethics.. Remember Ms Yap?? The oh-so-strict lecturer?? hehe..I'm starting to like her..she's soo cool! hehe..and you know how else I feel?? ..I like what I'm doing.. It feels right.. and that's good right? ;)

Ok..my time is up.. have a great day everyone!