Monday, November 21, 2011

The thing about love.

You know what I like most about train rides?? ;)) ...its the part where you watch from the window.. how the train rails..literally join together and become one! ... Its even more exciting when the train goes fast.. the joining becomes very smooth! ;))

Yes of course, knowing how my mind works.. I connected it with something.... If you're thinking about L.O.V.E ..then congrats.. you know me pretty well. ;p

Hmm.. love..
Since I've been so-called secretive about my 'love' life... ceeh waahh.. As if there's so much going on in the first place. Its almost non-existent, sadly. lol.. 

I'm not sure if at all I am destined to find one.

But I wish too someday.

Because beneath all this insanity I experience..

I wish to stare into your eyes and get lost in it..
I wish that the spaces between my finger is filled with yours..
I wish to receive texts that gives me shivers down my spine..
I wish to walk down the street, have you by my side.. and show off to everyone.
I wish to have the stupid fights and imagine not having you in my life..
I wish to sit on the couch and have you cuddle me
I wish to have endless conversation on the phone..about nothing at all.
I wish to cry my heart out and have you hug me and say everything will be alright..
I wish to your babies someday..
I wish that this would last..

LOL!! ..ish. jiwangnyerrr..  You see what happens when you give me free time with a comp. I become a love struck dumb teen. ;(( only a tiny problem. Now if you can find me the "you" in the above poem.. my gosh.. you saved me a whole lots of other emo-ish and embarrassing moments. hehe. And yes its the "you" non-existent... lol. 

But then you wanna know a secret?! ..The thing about love.. you don't go and search for it. It comes to you. When the time is right.. it comes. When you least expect comes. Without a warning, it comes ;)) .. And when it hits you.. it hits you fast..and hard. And its up to you.. whether you choose to fall deeper.. or to get up from that fall. Either way.. you'll learn something. ;)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Malaysians and sex!!

My goodness!!! ..Malaysia is soooo sooooooo obsessed with sex. And yes, you see I had to stress on to the "soooooooooooo" because even that is not enough to describe the obsessive-ness..;(

So what if the minister decides to have sex in a hotel with someone who is not his wife. I mean if he wants to be stupid and destroy his be it. Why does the whole world wanna be part of his stupidity and trouble?? Don't we already have enough trouble?? And so what if the artist decides to show half of her body and degrade herself? Who are we to comment when we ourselves are not perfect.. 

"Let he who have never sinned, cast the first stone.."

And sexuality merdeka.. is somehow labelled as "free sex" ..Like for real la k. When are we gonna mature and grow up?? When are we gonna leave aside these differences and stop condemning others?! Why do we take pride it others' humiliation? Why do we feel satisfied when we see our others' who are merely human trashed and broken??

And no, I find no wrong is seksualiti merdeka. Yes, my religion does condone same sex relationship or transsexuals. But then, I realize when one is born is such way, and does not choose to be, then we have a responsibility.. not to support them. But to simply treat them as equals..and well just be with them. Friends. And trust me..that is more than enough. ;) Do they deserve the same right as us heterosexuals?? Yes, definitely. Sadly this event is banned, and the reason given is because we are accepting this culture in our society. Yes we are.. and what is so wrong in that?? Would you rather trash them aside, see them broken because of something they choose not to be.. and then watch them die? ..or would rather, be their friend, and help them through this challenge of life? ;)

Why does this bother me?? ..Because, goodness gracious! ..There are so many other more important issues that should be handled. Enough with sex!! .. Look at those babies in the drain and toilets.. look at the beggars in KL.. look at the acid splashers.. look at the teen crimes!! look at freaking KTM!! ..and I can't even walk down the road at night..because some nut case might come and rape me. They are a lot more of other important stuff..that's needs immediate attention. sigh.

So yeah. Stop it with the damm sex issues! ;(.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The unborn..

Did you read the papers today? or any other day, for that matter.. ..I seriously don't know what is happening to the world..;( or to the generation. ;((

They're throwing away babies like rubbish! ;(( whyy?? howww???!! can one have the heart to throw a baby!? its a baby, for God sake!  A baby can bring you endless joy and yes tears.. oh my.. they can't be humans. surely can't. Perhaps in appearance. Even animals.. take care of their young.

The very first newborn baby I held was Bernadette. I wasn't allowed to stand and carry. I was already 14 years, but somehow they were afraid I might drop her down. Sigh.. Its a baby ok. I'll surely be extra extra careful!! or maybe..not! I almost tripped off my chair just now. ;((

But I still remember how she looked. Red, very red. Tiny fingers.. only long enough to wrap my smallest finger. And feet. I love tickling her feet. Eyes barely open. Nose not long enough.. And she smells like a flower. I remember her smile, or laugh. No teeth yet. Only can see her gums. It was a magical. Holding a newborn child in your hands, is like wowww!! ..And what more if its your child. It is the half you..and half the one you love. What else could be more perfect?! ..

So you made a mistake.. but why punish the baby?? ..You don't want. Give up for adoption. I would adopt him or her. I really would. Sigh.. The don't deserve to be in toilets or dumpsters with their umbilical cord still attached. ;(( and the same goes to abortion.

To all the unborn babies, or the ones who have died even before they have a chance to see the world:

Dear Lord,
I honestly, am speechless to the cruelty done in this world. Sometimes, I wonder if you truly exist. If you do, then why do you let such things happen??! ;(( Why you take away the innocent and let the evil live?? Why are parents struggling to get a child, but the rest and throwing them way like a worthless trash? Is life so cheap these days, that it equals the dirt? Where is humanity?? Why is it that there are so many cruelty in this world, and yet, nothing is done!! And then, I remember Your words.. 

"Before I formed you in the womb..
I knew you through and through.
I choose you to be mine..
Before you left your mother's sight..
I called to you my child..
To be my own.."

Rest in peace, little angels.. 

Those words sound very comforting.. ;) there aint no better place to be..than with You!!. Craddled in your arms, like a mother hen, protecting its chick. And lord, sometimes I wish I was one of these babes.. Because they get to escape this world, and sin and evil and cruelty and move straight into your arms. But I'm here. And yes it aint my home. ;(

"All the while You hear each desperate plea..
And longed, we'd have the faith.. to believe.."

"When darkness seems to win, we know..
The pain reminds this heart..
That this is not out home.."

Monday, November 14, 2011

To understand...or not!

Yes its me again. The sad me. ;(((

Today, I panicked.. lol.. yes, when am I not in a panicked, or in a depressed state?? ..;p hehe But today was the real one. The moment I realized my touch n' go card wasn't with me. I was helpless.. so helpless.. The feeling you get ..where your whole world came tumbling down and broke into pieces!! Literally.. and you have no glue to paste it all together..and now that its all too late, you cant ever put them back..permanently and there goes your world! ;(((((

I don't make sense right?? lol.. sorry, drama effect a bit. well, I'm the last person to deal with crisis k. I know!! I'm not sure myself how am I gonna survive this world. ;(

I was frustrated, so frustrated, that I cant even smile. I tried, but my lips just wouldn't curve. And guess what song was playing on the playlist.. "Today was a fairytale.." I was like, yeaaahh why not??!! The last thing I wanted now was a fairytale! .;((

First, my colleague is making me choose between attending my grandma's 40th day prayers and also assisting in the AMP's THR Raaga's concert which both is held on the same day. Meaning, its family or work. I was in dilemma with that issue, and then when the card lost.. I went lost too. In my mind. Even the cute guy next on to me in BTS didn't manage to direct my attention..and trust me, when I say his cute. He is. ;D ..

And somehow, now, I feel well relieved.. after all the lecturing from saying about, "I-told-you-so-many-times" ..well at least, she didnt chase me out of the house..yet. ;(

Oh well, right now, I badly wanna well, talk, or chat or text someone.. But no one is available. And so I come here.

I don't understand sometimes..
I don't understand you..
I don't understand me..
I don't understand God..
I don't understand life.

But you know, sometimes, it all lies in the "trying-to-understand" part. Maybe the whole beauty lies in not understanding it. Imagine getting a gift... There's no fun if you already know what is inside it... or when your watching a movie or reading book. If you already know the ending, then might as well not watch it eh?? ..

But then again, what if the ending, is not something you want..and that your not prepared for it. What if you don't like the gift presented. What if, hmmm.. what if you just get hurt, over and over? ;(

Well, then maybe, its not really the end yet. And maybe your suppose to use that gift to get what you really want. Maybe that gift is meant to make you a better person.. And maybe, just maybe.. you were being taught the gift of gratefulness.. ;) To be thankful, that at least, today, this moment, you are still alive to receive something. ;)


And because, today, I felt like dying because of a blady touch n' go cards.. this song, carries a deep meaning. I love it!!

A penny for my thoughts..
oh no, 
I'll sell them for a dollar..
They're worth so much more.. 
after I'm a goner.. 
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'.. 
Funny when you're dead 
how people start listenin'.. 

 If I die young, bury me in satin.. 
Lay me down on a bed of roses.. 
Sink me in the river at dawn ..
Send me away with the words of a love song..

Because beauty is really skin deep

Gooood day everyone!! :))

It's Monday. Everyone hates monday. and yes, no exception for me. I hate it too.

Boleh mati piled up like mad. My brains was about to crack any moment. And on top of that course selection was today.. making me more excited. hehe. Yes I love making my timetable and choosing my free time. ;) Well, I had too many stuffs to do and so little time And for once, the timed passed by so fast, that I didn't even realized it was lunch time already..

So anyway, since I'm kinda free now, and yes I have access to all kinds of magazines. Celebrity gossips, beauty magazines, fashions.. ;))

I was looking through HerWorld and woooww the girls are gorgeous. I mean yes, they're models. and why go so far. Even here, where I work, goodness gracious, these people know what in the world is "fashion!!" .. With shoes and make ups and hair do's. Entertainment world rocks to the core k! :D Even if the fashion is weird, somehow it makes you stop and stare! Especially the hair!! I have a confession. ;( I get really jealous when I see girls with gorgeous hair. The ones where they did not spent hundreds of dollars doing it, but well, was born with it..

And yes. the eyes. My aunt asked me last week, "How come you don't use any make up?!" ..And I replied, "Because I believe in natural beauty, " And she gave me the dont-bullshit-me-kinda-look!!. lol. So I said, "because it doesn't make any difference. Well, they can't see my eyes behind these spectacles!" .. But I like eyes. I like starring in eyes, Because it tells you so many stories. It tells you the truth. And if you stare in it too much, you might loose yourself there, and you get butterflies running all over your stomach. #truestory. ;p

"He tells me about his day, And I count the colours in his eyes.." ;p ;p ..guess what song?

Anyway, I have this weird feeling in me.. I always wondered if anyone had ever looked at me and thought, "Gee, I wish I had her hair" or "I wish I was like her.. " ...Because when I see someone gorgeous, I say that.

Well, today..I learnt something. Something that I knew long time before. But today, it hit me again, while reading HerWorld.

At the back of it, was an article that made me go like "woooowww!!" .. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars and masks to look gorgeous..because beauty is really skin deep.

"When you are truly happy, there is a kind of light that shines from within. It covers you like a blanket and makes you look really beautiful..when you are at your natural best. So don't worry about covering those lines and looking perfect. Find your happiness, live it everyday  and you'll find that that's the best sort of image that you possibly hope to project." ~Azizah Jasmin Azizul (HerWorld)~ 

Wahhhh.. nice rite? ..So yes, the key to look gorgeous, is to find your happiness!! ..And let it shine from your eyes. ;)

Ok too much of crapping ady. Take care!!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Live from Astro AMP!!

Heeeeyyy!! I'm too excited that I forgot what I wanted to say.. ;p heheeh..

Anyway, I'm here., in Astro AMP. In the publicity department. And yes, JJ and Ean is 10 feet away. And so are other radio Dj's. ;)) When I first saw them, my heart stopped beating.. I would have screamed my lungs out. But I forced myself to come back to reality. And hen I heard Ean's voice, it was like music. A deep, sexy music. ;)

There's this another guy that mesmerized me.. Tall, handsome, charming. I wonder what made him stop by my table and talk to me. I don't think I have that effect where a guy would actually stop by notice. But he did. And hopefully I don't bump into him again. Because I found out later that he was Aanantha from THR Raaga. And I suppose I looked like an idiot standing there not knowing who the hell is he, when he was messing with me.  ;(

The radio is on the moment the clock hits 9am. Red FM's DJ keep on replaying the Jar of Hearts and Someone like you. What in the world is wrong? And its literally on replay on my head. ;( And yes, we listen to music while working. ;)

I forgot how to make friends. LOL.. because I'm so comfortable with my own, that when I go to the outside world, its like a new me all over again. I don't know what to say. And if I say it, would I sound weird? And if I appear to be weird, would they still be friends with me?! ..Yes I'm paranoid, just like that.

But this is it, I guess. This is the world. Where everyone thinks about making money. You know, I don't care if I'm not rich, or if I don't make that money. Because if I die tomorrow *'if I die young' was also on replay.* I swear the money will not be buried with me. ;) I think you agree too.

So here's what St Francis of Assisi says,

"It is in giving..that we receive..
It is in forgiving..that we are forgiven..
It is in dying.. that we are born to eternal life.."

You don't get it? neither do I. But basically it says.. in this world, its not really about you. There are others out there who needs you more that you need for yourself. ;)

And guessss what else!!! ...I was in the cafeteria with my colleague, and and and.. wootttt! Someone was being checked on!! ;p ;p They were trying to see my name on my tag, but of cause I closed it with my overcoat!! why?? Because its me. ;)) The kind where have no idea what she has on her mind.. and so she wants you around to unravel the mystery. My goodness. That's probably the lamest thing I;ve said.

But well, again, thats me ;)

And if Off duty! Cheers to the weekend!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Random conversations

Oiks!! ..;)).. hehe.

It's Sunday. And yes, I've been bumming at home for a week. Apparently, my internship only starts this Tuesday in Astro AMP Radio Network! ;) So if you happen to work there, we're probably gonna be stuck for the next 2 months.

So anyway, have you seen my nails lately? Its red. The kind of nails where you see on a teenager. Halfway chirping off. I fail to find my nail remover. But I got to do something before I go to work. I don't wanna be the weird intern with ugly nails around. ;(

Hmm.. I'm going to the movies in a while. So here's some random, lame conversations.

Sister: I  lost my phoneeeeee!!
Mom: I lost my mother. I won't get her back.
Juan: Well, I might be losing my eyesight.
Sis and mom: ....

Mr William: I saw you in Pavilion, checking out dresses!
Juan: Err, no uncle, We were having our lecture there for photojournalism!
Mr William: But I saw you!! ..And that dress.
Juan: I didnt check out any dresses!! ..really!! ;((
Mr William: You did! ..
Juan: ....

Student: Teacher are you a girl or a woman?
Juan: Hahaha. what kind of question is that?
Student: But teacher, I really really wanna know.
Juan: I'm not really sure. I will let you know, once I found out k. ;p
Student: ....

Student: Teacher, can I have your number?
Juan: You want my number?
Student: Yes, I have two phones!
Juan: You have two phones. And how old are you again?
Student: Teacher! You don't how old I am?? 11!
Juan: ... and I wish I was still your age.

Lol.. lame I know. Ok gtg bye!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The right guy vs the right food

Hello there, its 1 a.m. and I'm starving! ....Gosh, I'm starving so badly. I need food. ;( Crap! ..I badly need fooooood!!! But I'm afraid of all the tiny creatures in the kitchen. So yes.. will probably have to starve through out the night. sigh.

So anyway, errr.. okay.. I forgot what I wanted to say. lol.. oh crap. This always happens. ;(

And speaking of food, I found this in twitter, sometime back..
Everybody thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy...But honestly every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat! ... and that is so true. Spoken like a true girl.

But seriously, who would choose salad over french fries?? ..or tofu over CHOCOLATE?! .. I mean, let's face it, no matter how much we deny it.. deep down, beneath that oh-so-dear heart, we want all those mamak maggi goreng, roti canai and nasi goreng kampung. Even the smell can drive me crazy. Lol.. sorry, true born Malaysian speaking. ;) But because we fear the society and might be labelled as fat and that all guys would runaway, hence the word four letter word called "D-I-E-T" is invented.

Anyway, I was texting a friend of mine recently and he said, he wanna look good for his girl!! .. I was like, "wow!!" ..;) ..and then I remembered another friend of mine saying, "You know girls have to look good, so that their boy friends, wont go around looking for another!!" ..I was like, "oookkaayy" ..

And yes, as expected, I beg to differ, because excuse me, but beauty fades. As you grow older, the white straight teeth will fall, the black straight hair will turn grey, the smooth flawless skin will sag and well, your reflection will certainly change. And how long can we hide behind surgery's cream's and make up?? ..At our death bed, no one really cares about how we look, you know..

Well, I just lost my grandma. Trust me. I know. All I could think of my life is going to be so empty without her. And that's how much of an impact she has on me. If you have that effect on someone.. at least one. Then congratulation, you have certainly lived your life to the fullest. And daym.. I miss grams! ..;(

So back to the topic.. beauty is skin deep. Oh trust me, it is. But I do agree, the first look, is the first impression you have on someone. Like if the guy is so daymm hawtt, you obviously wanna get to know him more! ..Nothing's wrong in that. ;)

But well, when you fall.. fall for who is he. Not what he wears, or what he has or how he look likes... Because at then end of it, what matters most, is that... when you look all old, deformed and ugly, is he still going to look at you in those eyes, fall in love all over again and say, "I've never stopped loving you. You're still the most beautiful woman alive." ...

Lol, I have no idea where those words came from but well.. find for the guy with the most beautiful heart, and trust me, you will never fall out of love. ;)

Wooowww.. I wasn't intending to write on that, but not bad. I made something out of food! ..;) ..and who says crapping is bad?! ..Its gooood! ;D

Aite then! ..I shall head the bed soon! ;)