Saturday, January 31, 2009
My point is..WHAT IS THE POINT??..Where is this going to end up?? so one of these people will win..and the other loose... After that?? Where is this slight taste of so-called 'victory' going to take you??.. top of the world?? ... yeah...after killing everyone..why wouldn't you be on top of the world??...there's no one to stop you!! Why is it very important for one to see the other going down??..I'm not saying it's wrong to win..or it's wrong to be competitive.. But it's sure is when one misuse the term 'win' ..
I'm not pointing fingers at anyone.. neither am i capable of judging a person, religion or country.. As far as i know...all religion teaches to love..not to hate.. to care..not to kill... and how is it by war-ing with another country means that one loves and is standing up for their religion??..how can one be at peace after killing another?? how is it that one finds satisfaction when another is tortured..?? when exactly is this world going to change?? when are the voices of the unjust will be heard?? if one speaks truth..it's changed into a lie.. when one fights for their rights they are ignored..or worst..shot!! what if.. it's all to late.. when they realize that they are so wrong??
what will the next generation be like??..the same..or worst??...better is definitely out of the question..this six year old girl just now...if she is able to live her life..get married..have kids.. what will she be teaching her child??..'CHRISTIANS OR JEWISH ARE MURDERERS!!' ..if you see them anywhere...KILL THEM!!..
well..why go so far??..in this country it self.. you can't get scholarship cause you're not a MALAY!! ...you can't get a promotion cause your not a MALAY!! .. what if they bring a new rule.. if you do not convert into ISLAM, YOU ARE TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!! ..well if they are capable of coming up with the 'you have to ask your neigbour's permission if you wanna rare a dog' rule in Nilai..i wont be surprise if they came out with that rule!!
what will we all do then??..migrate??..what about those with financial difficulties??.. give up with what they have been believing..all these years and convert..??...i don't think so!! well I WONT!!
all that is left..is to pray..perhaps that's what HE wants us to do P.U.S.H~PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
as nervous as i was..i still manage to put on a smile..they brought us around for a tour in the whole hospital..which was quite big for out tiny minds..i was given 3 pairs of ORANGE over sized uniform..for those with colour blindness will recognize it as pink..
i learnt a lot of things..my main job was to answer call bells...
besides that, i have to fill in the water container and also the flask for new admissions, give orientation for them as well, bed making every 3p.m., tidy up the beds at 8 a.m., giving toilet baths, sponging, sending and collecting patients to the x-ray department,Operation Room(OR), Intensive Care Unit (ICU), Dialysis Center, rehab room (physio) and also the cafeteria..
oh yeah..my last job would be to print stickers for all the patients..
on my first day i was under tagging...which means i have to follow a nurse...wherever she goes..whatever she does..
..i met this aunty..named Rukiah.. she just had a right leg operated and an iron rod was inserted in it.. i saw the pain in her eyes...i can't imagine the pain she was going through..
she was bedridden...and couldn't move an inch.. so we had to insert CBD..this is a tube with a bag in the end..
well..this was my first ever experience..seeing such procedures.. to be honest..i felt like throwing up...cause i kinda felt the pain..like someone punched me in the stomach..i can't really explain what i saw here..
i was kinda consoling myself..this is just the beginning..I'm sure I'll be able to overcome it soon..
she was admitted in the hospital for quite a long time...she could only hear one ear...and i liked her very much..
every time after we clean her..she would say 'terima kasih banyak-banyak'..or 'maaf ya' ...she was like repeating it soo many times...i was like..no no..it's ok..your not a burden to us..it is our job...and then i was really convinced..i was born to do nursing..
i liked what i was doing..it was so much better than working in an office..sitting in that not so comfortable chair..well..you do have friends there..but all they ever talk is about work!!..and the freaking computer is not network friendly..i cant go online!!..n i was sick of playing solitair..and minesweeper..i couldn't wait to come back home..
well..i didn't have much friends in the hospital.. i find it hard to talk to strangers...i'm a bit reserved i guess..so i was all by myself..at the beginning...
but as time goes by..i met quite a lot of patients,visitors and colleague that made a difference in my life in one way or another..
my closest friend was sharifah(20 year old engaged)..yeah i couldnt believe it either.. pierre (a student male nurse from kenya)..one of the sweetest friend, christina, tin, nalini, anna, ho, loo, tan, ngu, tong, cheah, felis, kavita, jeya, grace, vasan, joginder, azura, suzanna, isabella, meetha, nisha, prema, sharan.. wow...thats it i guess...oh yeah..and all the student nurses both from sunway college and nilai international college... these people made me break my hard shell...and come out from my hiding place..i owe them one!
back to my story..
there was another grandma admitted...she had the same name as me!! ..unfortunately it was a Chinese name..sadly..
she couldn't talk and was bed ridden as well.. i didn't really like her daughter..she always looked down on us..cause we are not really the educated nurse..so every time we enter she'll be like..'i want the green nurse!' ...i will just show my sweet smile..hoping to melt her..unfortunately it only work for guys..=p
anyway,every time they will request for morning sponging..(usually sponging is done at 6am) ..that means if I'm working in the morning shift..i will have to do the sponging for her..and that's how i become friends with their maid..she will be the one helping me..
and then it was time for the grandma's discharge..kinda happy..cause i didn't have to meet her daughter again..
it was her last sponging that day..and just as i was about to leave..she held my hand..and looked deep into my eyes..i read her message and almost teared..gosh..if only the maid wasn't there i would have given her hug!!...
one night, as i was done with my shift, my friends and i were waiting for the lift..after a while..the door open..a stroller was pushed out of the lift..together with a middle aged couple.. on the stroller..was a guy..i was like..wow..'kinda cute'.. wonder whats wrong with him..
so the next day, i was working evening shift again...i found out his name, it was Murali aged 21..and there was a call bell from his room..so i went in..he said he wanted a blanket..
i got him a blanket..and as i was covering him..i realize he had only one leg!!..i was like shoots..i tried my best to look normal..his other leg was bandaged..
i felt very sorry for him..he never smiled...he never talked..i can see that he was depressed..later i found out that he was a third year engineering student..yeah damm!!..he needed sponging as well..as he was a guy...it was normal for him to feel shy around me.. so i always ask Pierre's help.. Pierre and me will be making jokes around him..and that's where i first saw him smile.. and after that..he started talking normally..he always made fun of my Tamil..well i don't blame him la..my Tamil is bad!!..we became kinda close..he stayed there for like a month plus..and when he was about to discharge..we were actually wishing that he wouldn't go..surely we are going to miss him!! but he never forgotten us..every time he has his appointment..he visits us..
lau moi, was an old grandma aged 75. She was admitted due to brain damage which was caused by the stroke she had a few years back. Her whole body was paralyzed. She can't walk, she can't talk and she can't even smile. Swallowing was definitely a no no for her. So we had to feed her through the tube connected from her nose all the way into her stomach. This type of feeding is called NGT feeding. She was admitted for about 2 weeks. Then one day, all her oxygen level, pulse rate, blood pressure begin to drop tremendously. Her children panicked and wanted to discharge her immediately. Just as i was beginning to proceed the discharge, the was no more oxygen, no more pulse rate or blood pressure. She passed away just like that. I couldn't believe it. it's as if i was electrocuted. I stood still and was speechless. i controlled my tears, as i saw her daughters and sons were crying uncontrollably. Since she died in my shift, we had to sponge her. I was new so i had 2 more nurses assisting me. Actually i didn't do anything. I just stood there starring at the deceased. And as they were sponging, they were speaking to her..as if she was alive. they were like 'sorry ar aunty' ...i was getting suspicious..and then Grace explained to me that when a person dies their hearing sense will be the last sense to leave the body. That means when one has just died, he or she still has the ability to hear. i was like..'ohh ok'..i had trouble sleeping that night!..'phew'...
This is one of the day in my life where i will never forget. It was a Saturday and sister Yvonne asked whether i could work do double shift that day...well i can't say no..so i said YES!!..
Uncle Kim Yong was admitted in room 611. Both him and his wife are very friendly. There was a call bell from his room. I went in..he was wearing an oxygen mask with a syringe pump and inside it was penicillin pethidine. He told me that can't breathe. I was worried and rushed to the nurses' counter and informed them there. About a second after that, his wife came running and told us he really can't breathe this time. All the nurses rushed to his room at that moment. Nobody was at the counter, so i decided to stay there. After a while, i went to the room. i heard one of the nurses shouting 'Uncle!!!!'..CAN YOU HEAR ME??... i went inside..saw him lying with his eyes open, his face blue black. The nurses were carrying out cardio pulmonary resuscitation(CPR) on him. I wished there was something i could do to help. i went back outside and saw his wife. she was reciting her prayers. I didn't know what to tell her..for i myself didn't know what was happening. The emergency button was pushed. The announcer announced 'CODE BLUE IN WAD 6B' ...after that all the doctors and nurses came running in!! it was A CHAOS!! ...machines were brought in!! ICU staffs were there. About half an hour after that, the doctor came out. I was so relieved. According to him if we were at least 5 mins late he would have died. I just stood there thanking God..!! this uncle was actually allergic to penicillin..hmmm
wow...this is like really long..hehe
well..guess i have to stop hear now..though i have a lot more to write..=(
anyway i will like to conclude by saying that
THE BEAUTY OF LIFE DOES NOT DEPEND ON HOW HAPPY YOU ARE BUT ON HOW HAPPY OTHERS CAN BE BECAUSE OF YOU!
Monday, January 26, 2009
it was because of my dumbness..
first of all i just did my mid term..and i knew..it was going to be bad..
as usual..i was right..
it was so bad...that my mom decided to meet my physics tuition teacher..
and guess what??..
it was the same day..as the day i found out that i was fooled...
i try not to be angry..i try not to say a word to HIM..
keep myself cool...breathe in breathe out..
but at a certain point....a girl's got to do what she's suppose to do..
i couldn't take it anymore..i gave up pretending..
and i cried like i never cried before..
so much..that there wasn't any tears left..
so much..that my eyes was swelling hard..
so much..that i started to wheeze..
the next day..i acted like nothing happen..
the smile i wore..wasn't enough to cover up the swelling eyes..
but of course..
my friends were the sweetest creature God ever created..
for if its wasn't for them..
i'd probably just snap off..lying somewhere in the streets..
so i started to question HIM ...
what wrong did i do to deserve this??...
haven't i obeyed your commands??...ok maybe not all..but at least i tried..
how can YOU do this to me??
how come he's there..enjoying life while.. i'm here regretting it??
he was suppose to be the best thing in my life!!..but now i wish i never knew him..
or perhaps..is there anything wrong with me??
don't i deserve a guy ...or even the feeling..of being loved??
what are you trying to prove??
on and on..these questions..ran in my mind..
like a film without a sound..
i found no answer..
not even anything close to it..
so i just sealed it..
and left it aside..
and then..i attended so many healing session...
thus, i was able to forgive him..
but it's impossible to forget though..
well..first cut is the deepest..isn't it??
but i took a vow
not to degrade myself..
not to rush into things..
not to fall for 'looks'...
and then...this year...
i dont know how..i dont know why..
this guy..started flirting with me again..
like..everytime he sees me..
he will go like..'wow u look nice'..
or like..'u came here to see me right'..
i try to be as normal..as i could be..
but of cause..i didn't plan on flirting back with him..
and then get his heart broken..
make him feel..like how i did..
though..that does sounds like a good plan..hehe
nahhhh...i'm not as childish..and immature as that..
i prefer the civilized culture..
around last month...
we got kinda close..
I WAS THANKING GOD..
LIKE A MILLION TIMES!!!..
that he was not 'the one'..
i was sooo grateful...
i can't imagine my life with him!! seriously..
dont ask why...but it scares me..really..
cause..my dear friends..looks are deceiving..!!
and GOD answered my age old questions..
though it took HIM almost 2 years..but HE did
i found the answer..
and it's the best answer ever..!!
i can never be more than convinced!!
if your looking for a movie to watch..i would suggest you to watch 50 first dates!!..
the title..may sound like a 'pimp' kinda movie...but seriously..it's not..
in fact it's one of the most amazing love story i've ever watched..
it started like this..
the Hero, Henry (Adam Sandler) is a vet, and a playboy....there isnt any girl in that town that he hasn't dated..and right after he gets what he wants..he dumps them..!!
and then..he met this absolutely gorgeous girl, Lucy (Drew something)..in a restaurant.. she was sitting there all by herself.. The weird part is.. she was building some sorta castle with her waffle..that's more than enough to catch anyone's attention..
and of course..this happens in almost all the love stories..he gets goosebumps..and when he starts to talk..only air comes out..he forgets himself..and bla bla bla..
and so He decides to come back again the next day..
this girl..was there of course..still with her waffles..and this time she was building a bridge..
he tries to make a conversation by giving her a toothpick..to make the bridge stand still..
and then..yeah..you guessed it..they somehow fell in love..and decided to meet again the next day..
only difference is.. the next day..she stared at him..like she doesn't know him.. and when he walks to her and tries to crack a joke..she was giving the 'whats your problem' stare...
and then he tries to touch her..and this really pissed her off..she started screaming..
he was in a total shock..'yesterday was so perfect'...what in the world happen??..
the owner of the restaurant..brought him aside..and told him the actual story..
this girl Lucy..was involved in an accident..she had a severe brain damage..and is now suffering from short term memory lost..which means..when she wakes up from sleep..she forgets everything that had happen..the day before..
the only thing that she remembers..is the day before the accident..
Henry of course..couldn't believe his ears..
at home...for Lucy..it's the same thing everyday...her dad and bro..made everything look the same..they even have the same newspaper delivered to her...all in the same date and day..
her clothes...her dad's gift..the paintings..all the same..!!
Henry didn't want to give up...he wanted to win her..and so everyday..over and over again..
he made her fall in love with him...(so cool huh??)
but he never had a one night stand with her..
anyway..one day by accident..she found out..the date..for the real day..she went back home..
and they told her the whole story..
the next day..she forgets again what happen the day before..
but this time..Henry taped everything that had happen..
and then only was she able to accept it..
n thats what happen every day..
well..one day..she over heard Henry's conversation with her dad..
Henry was turning down an offer (where he was suppose to move to another country)..
because..he wanted to be with her..not only now..but forever..
he says..that he believes..she can be cured..
but the doctor was so adamant..that she cant be cured..
and so..she decided to erase him completely..she told him not to meet her anymore..
she wants him to have his own life..
well..he had no choice..for she had already made up her mind..
and so he decided to sail far far away...before he left..her dad handed him a CD ROM..where there was a song..that carried a deep meaning..
after listening to that song..he knew something wasn't right..
so he sailed back..and rushed to Lucy's place..
now this girl Lucy..was an art teacher..
and when he saw her..he asked..'do you remember me?'..
he was like..really dissapointed..
just as he was about to step out of the door..she called him..and asked for his name..
then she asked him to follow her..
she brought him to a room..full of paintings..
here's the best part..the paintings in the whole room..was full of his PORTRAIT!!..
he couldnt believe his eyes..
he was puzzled..
she said..that she dreams about him everynight..and that he is the only one in her mind..
all day long..she doenst know why..
awwwhhhhh...amazing what love can do!!..
the ending..find out for yourselves!!..
Sunday, January 25, 2009
the sea seem so deep..
no matter how high i jump..
or how deep i swim..
i can't reach them..
i tried my best..
to do a lot of things..
to win their hearts..but
it's like i don't exist..
i did not wish to be born..
you left me no choice..
i look at them..
they have all they want..
smiles after smiles..
laughter after laughter..
are they really happy??
how come it seems so easy..for them..
but so darn hard for me??
maybe i am..
just another weird girl..
'blur' seems much better..
crawls in..beneath those shadows..
but it disappears..
as soon as i open my eyes..
a strange word..
i may or may not..
find the real meaning..
a word i hold on to..
but i'm tired..
for the muscles..
so easily it's pronounced..
so deep the meaning it carries..
i don't think..
i'm worth to even say it..
what more..find out the meaning..
i stretch out..now..
to find a hand..
that's willing to carry me..
a heart..that can love me..
at my worst..
that's what i guessed..
Saturday, January 24, 2009
i have got no idea..why i signed up.. Probably i just felt that should utilize the so called talent God gave me...to be honest..i can't play at all..just simply bang on the piano..with the little chords i know..i try my best..but it just doesn't work!! and when something goes wrong..it's like i'm having a brain shock!! my fingers become stiff.. and i will feel like throwing up..and there goes another 'screwed' up song..
i wonder how rozanne, freedie, elena, amanda, andrea, ashley, alex, rueban and theresa..do it soo naturally..and it sounds soooo perfect..i wish i had that talent in me!!
..well thank God we have marcus on the bass, chris and camilia on the drum.. daniel and christopher on the guitar..and kavena on the organ..
well..Fr George wanted his sunset mass choir..and he got it!!
..it's perfect..just the pianist needs a replacement..for sure..
after practise..Fr William asked me whether i wanted to write for HFC's new website..
i couldn't believe my ears..i wasn't sure what was i suppose to feel.. excited??..for i wanted to use again the talent in me.. or fearful??..what if i screw this up too??
i don't know!!..i hate it..when i feel discouraged..and when i feel like i'm no use for anything!!
but of course...it's hard to say 'no'
so i agreed...it can be something thats gonna bother me..for the rest of my life..or
it can be the start of something new..
i'll leave it in his hands..
after that we went out for a drink..
and wow..these crazy bunch of musicians are the most amazing people i've ever met..!!
there are...marcus, chris, rozanne, colin, charlotte, michelle..my sis of course was there..and also saha..!! they just make life seem more interesting..though they always make fun of me..(who doesnt!!)..i'm just gald..i know them..
i learned that..even though this whole world turn against me..i can always count on them..
i know that..whoever breaks my heart..n left me in the dark.. they are willing to share me their wings..and teach me to fly again..
i must be doing something right..to be blessed with such kinda people..
they are planing to go to camerons..for the holidays..
yeah..sounds like a whole loadz of fun!!..but of course..when i had nothing to do..
nobody ask's me out..but when i'm fully booked...that's when they ask!!..
well..where is it written..that life is fair??
sometimes..when things doesn't work they way we want it..we should just sit back, smile and let God do the work..!!..AMEN!!..
Friday, January 23, 2009
accounts class was amazingly OK..hehe.. I enjoyed doing the table or 'whatever you call it'...it was like solving a puzzle..you have put in the value in the correct place..and make sure both sides are equal..and by the way..i loveeee solving puzzles..especially jigsaw puzzle..!! =)
yeah..you're asking..'what's so interesting about that?' ..well..there's this strange feeling in me..when it's all done..there's this complete kinda feeling in you..something like satisfaction..
anyway..class ended at around 12p.m. and Faye agreed to sent me to the bus stop where i can take the Metro 12 or U85 to kl sentral..so together in the car was of course Faye, ah pek (jasmine) next to her..in front, back seat was me and seenu..all 3 of them was heading to CHeras..
how do i say this..
ok..Faye took a u-turn where she was not suppose to take..yeah, one of the rule being a teenager is to break the rule..kinda lame..but yeah..
now the car in the first lane was very far behind..the motorcyclist in the second lane..was not far behind..i saw them..i assumed Faye saw them as well..she wanted to take a fast turn before the car in the first lane comes nearer..i thought she was going to take the smaller turn..unfortunately she didn't..
i saw the motorcyclist.. next to me...so near..so close..i shut my eyes...
heard a laud 'bang'..heard their voices..i opened my eyes..and i knew it was not a dream..
i came back to earth..turned to my side..saw the motorcycle on the road..the motorcyclist beside it..yeah *it happen* ...it wasn't the first for me though..
we parked our car next to UIM...none of us got down..none of us spoke anything..all i said was 'Jesus!'..i turned behind..saw the dude we knocked..walking towards us..he said..'apa cerita ini?' .
The moment i heard that, i knew..it's not going to be easy..
- breaking the rules
- we should have at least knocked some decent tolerable human being..unfortunately..it was really not our day..
Faye's dad wanted to speak to the ones who got knocked by us..thats when all of us got down..
There were 2 guys..one was limping..(the rude one) .. i'm not trying to be mean here.. but seriously that guy needed to attend the 'how to speak politely' class badly..
he told us..'aku tak kira..lelaki..perempuan aku hentam saja'..
i was like..what the hell?? yes indeed..he has every right to be angry with us..it was our fault!!
but we are human beings too..not perfect..but still one.. and WE NEEDED RESPECT!! don't speak as if we are not there..we have apologized like so many times..even offered to take him to hospital..
well..since i had some so called nursing experience..i wanted to be useful! ..i cannot treat..but i know how the basic dressing is done..i know whether the bones are dislocated or fractured..
so i asked him..whether was he bleeding..he answered 'mana aku tahu'...i was like..'forgive me for trying to help'..
well..maybe he was frustrated..probably he needed to attend an important date or something like that..he was carrying his guitar along..and he told us..'aku dahlar penat!'..there was tears in his eyes..that was the moment..i imagined..if i was in his shoes..i would have felt the same..but i wouldn't have forgotten my manners..and plus i know..nobody would have done it on purpose..
anyway..it was decided that there will be no police report..and Faye would have to pay for all the repairing..it wasn't that bad..just the side mirror and the front part was damaged..
the chinese gals were really helpful..we didn't need any help as in help..we just needed someone to be there for us..just to know..we're not in this alone..
i really salute Faye..for i could see..she took it calmly..and willingly..she didn't panic..
she was like..'what is done is done..now where do we go from here?'..wish i was like her..
if i was i her place..i probably would have parked my car at the side..get down..and willingly stand in the middle of the road..wishing someone will hit me...hehehe...
maybe not that badla!!...
actually i have a lot to write..unfortunately my sis wants to watch mrs doubtfire...
hmmm..guess i'll continue later..
about my first experience..in the car-knocking experience..!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
swim across the raging waters..
climb the mountains..that touch the sky..
just to see you from afar..
i would do it..
even for a hundredth time
if i could make you feel..
the way i feel..
if only i could make you see
the things i see..
if you know..
how much it means to me..
just to look at you..
in the eye..
everything you say..
is still ringing in my ears..
everything you do..
makes me smile..
like i never smiled before..
if there are words..
that can explain this feeling..
if there is music..
that matches this lyrics..
if there is you..in my life..
i would never wanna end it..
many i've met..
many i've talked..
many i've walked with
many i've rejected..
none caught my eyes..
none kept me dreaming
none created tears..
none brought me joy..
you touched my heart..
you found my soul..
you make me smile..
you leave me breathless..
i can be yours..forever
if only you give me the chance..
i hate this place...soooo much!!...firstly it's so extremely cold..
secondly...i lost my sister's mp3 here!!..yeah i know...and it's not the first time..
well..actually last friday i wanted to charge the mp3..i didnt need a cable for that..just the USB port..so yeah..i plugged it in the system unit..commonly known as the CPU(central processor unit)..hehehe..i am learning computer studies..have to start using all these terms..
anyway..n then as usual..the 'carelessness' runs in the blood!..i completely forgot about it..
after 3 hours..which means after accounts lecture..then only it popped into my mind..i rushed to the lab..n walllaaaa...it was not there..!!!
i wanted to cry!!..i can't belive this!!
why am i sooo careless...thank God all the songs were in my PC..or else all of you guys are invited to my funeral...in HFC!!
the first time..it happen when mom, sis n me..went for shopping in mid valley..dad didn't want to come...cause he knew his job was to help us carry the bag..and also maybe comment a bit on the clothes we bought..but then again..he's a little bit out of fashion..hehe..so it doesn't really matter..
n of coz..music n me..is inseparable..i was holding the mp3 the whole..
came back home..took my shower n straight off to bed..
the next morning..my sis was drying the clothes..i was well..cooking..!!..n yeah i dooo COOK!!!..believe it or no!!..it was just a simple fried rice la..
my sister came to the kitchen..showed me the MP3...n said..'thanks for washing my mp3, juan'..
i was like huh??..
well..i totally forgot about the mp3!!..that was in my pocket..n i had put my jeans to wash..
yeah..together with the soap powder..n water..
Thank GOd there ain't no brushes inside the washing machine..or else it would have broken into pieces..
well..there's no use..though the MP3 was squeeky clean..it just wouldn't operate..!!..
so yeah..my carelessness and me..has got to stop our intimate relationship!!..=p
now i'm collecting money..to pay back my sis..wish me luck!!..
oh btw..did i mention she didn't say a word..all she said..was
'ur big enough to think for yourself'..cool huh..???
if only it was my mom..i dont even wanna imagine!!...
ok..gtg..class at 9!!..c ya!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
i arrived early today..and was in McD in KL central..waiting for time to pass by...mom gave me the sun paper..i am usually a big fan of STAR and NST..the sun..just ok only..
anyway i came across this title..'baby girl found in garbage bin'..2 words caught my attention..BABY AND GARBAGE..i read it again to make sure..and let those words sink into my mind..i was totally speechless!!..
the first thought that came to my mind..'was the baby' alright..??..PRAISE GOD..she was..the 3 month old angel was indeed very healthy..
the security guard was the one who found the baby..according to him..this couple were arguing..
and all of a sudden..the man unlocked the booth..carried a 'thing' and threw it in the garbage bin..the woman was trying to get it back..unfortunately..the man dragged her back to the car..
well..if i was her..though i know i couldn't possibly be her in the first place..for i would have never fallen for a guy like him..
but if i was..i would have kicked him hard in his..'u know what'..grab my baby..and give her a new beginning..
well..like they say..love is blind..just make sure your heart still recognizes the person u are..
the next question that came to my mind..is that..'how exactly a human being is willing to throw another human being??...didn't he see the look in her eyes...??..the cry..'why are u throwing me??..what wrong have i done??'...*sigh*...how cruel can one get??...u dont want her..u dont carry her in the 1st place!!..it's unfair to her..
the man actually thought the baby was in the same level as the trash..the flies..the cockroach..n rats..HOW DID HE HAVE THE HEART???...
i understand how much i dislike my sis for annoying me...and sometimes i wish that i was the only child..but then again..i cant imagine my life without her..
Monday, January 19, 2009
..actually i have..hehe
well, u can't blame me..i was at home..for like 5 months..doing nothing besides eating, sleeping and bumming!!...sigh..
anyway this is what happen in arts class..actually i couldn't really remember..
she was lecturing something about beauty and arts..
the class was really passive..she was asking questions and non of us were responding..
well..you can't expect much..it was freaking 8 in the morning on a monday..and its arts!!!
the best that we can do is SMILE...listening...erm..maybela...if it's intersting..
anyway..then she started asking the guys from my class..'what is it that you find most attractive in a woman??'...hehe..
lin jo..answered 'eyes'..not too big not too small..well..im not a guy..can't comment much..
then raymond was like the man la..he said..'beauty comes from the heart'..everyone was like..WOWOW!!..lolz..
then seenu said..the 'smile'..n then other's was like hair and some said gentleness etc...
typical GUYS!!!...u cant really expect much..hehe
wait till i tell you about the GIRLS!!..hehehe..as usual...simply the best..(ermm..not being biased or anything..but seriously it's true!)..
1st rebecca said..personality..(definitely!!)..
mel said..smart..(not in paper..but in reality)..
fei said..gentleman...(100% true)..
then it came to me..i've got no idea how she remembered my name..don't blame her tho..my name is kinda weird..i mean unique..hehehe
i said something...which is what i long to see in my guy la..whom i'm still waiting for..=p..
n then..she concluded..the difference..bout how we answered...
GUYS go for outer beauty while..GIRLS..go beyond that..agreed??
amazing huh??..how GOD created men and women..??
men always seem to be the stronger..smarter..n more egoistic species..
where as gals..are labelled as..the weaker..dramatic n softer species..
but still..God knows that women are more capable of carrying any kinda pain..and suffering..
and it was scientifically proven..that giving birth if the most excruciating pain anyone can ever experince..in this world..
have to admit tho..they couldn't have done it witout the men..=p..
so in other words..women are equally as good as men!!..
the only difference between men and women..is ..'u know what'..
so that shouldn't be the problem for the differences in the salaries..and also the promotion..
SUPPORT GENDER EQUALITY!!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
you tried to give the best you have..but what happens when it's not enough..??
ever tried to prove something to someone..??..and they just shut you off the door..
ever felt..when you do lot of things..but then it's not appreciated..
ever entered a world...where u can be whatever u want to be..for nobody knows u there..
but you can't...for there's something holding you from faking yourself..
ever felt like your shouting from the top of your lungs..but nobody hears you...even if they do..they don't give a damm..
ever wondered the question..who am i??
well..i don't know what's the point of me writing this down..but i know..there's someone out there..who feels exactly the same way..and this song..may help..
who am i..
that the Lord of all the earth..
would care to know my name..
would care to feel my hurt..
who am i..
that the bright and morning star
would choose to light the way..
for my ever wandering heart..
who am i
that the eyes that seek my sin
will look on me with love
and watch me rise again..
who am i
that the voice that calm the sea
will call out through rain
and calm the storm in me
not because of who i am..
but because of what you've done..
not because of what i've done..
but because of who you are..
i am a flower quickly fading..
here today and gone tomorrow..
a wave tossed in the ocean..
a vapour in the wind
still u hear me when im calling..
Lord, you catch me when i'm falling..
and you told me who i am..
I AM YOURS!!
*who am i*..by casting crowns..
a song that answered a lot of my questions..
at the end of the day...it was always between you and GOD!!..it was never between you and the world!!..
may he touch you..as he did to me..
take care..n good night!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
but still the same sun shinning
new clothes i put on..
but still the same me inside..
i sit here...
not sure of what i want..
but hoping there's still some hope left..
to find that 'something's' that are missing..
someone that i can run to..
something that i could cling on..
somebody to dry my tears..
is it too much that i'm asking?
from deep down whispered..
'i am here..if you believe'
'you always say that'...
and then i was taken to a place..
i've never been before..
a place flooded with..
people dying...children crying..
women raped..men beaten..
blood poured out everywhere..
as cheap as water they seem..
fleshes torn..bones broken..
soldiers with gun..
but without mercy..
pure animal inside..
i turned..and ran back..
to the one who brought me there..
In His arms..He took me..
like a child..i clung to him..
Looked deep into His eyes..
with tears streaming down my face..
and i know..
i have found that 'missing part'..
take care and god bless!!!
JESUS LOVES YOU..!!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
everyday was suppose to be a gift...a new dawn..a new day has begun..and sometimes..i can be wrong..or perhaps not..
Going to UTAR wasn't a problem at all..though i had to stand all the way to KL Central and also to Asia Jaya...i didn't breathe a word..it was a norm for Malaysians...and after that i took the UTAR bus to my campus..and still that wasn't a problem..the day started out just fineeee....another happy day..yippppeeee...'yeah rite'
well...and of course..God loves me sooo much..that he knew the right time to show his love to me..n yeah..it was right down the burning hot sun!!
since i came by the UTAR bus...it would be cheaper for me to go back using the same bus..class finished around 1.30 p.m. i walked down to the PD block....and waited there...i had to confirm with a few friends..whether am i standing in the right place..and as usual..i was right..hehehe...
but one of them reminded me...to take the correct bus..the one that goes to the ASIA JAYA LRT station..not the sec 17 bus...
at around 2.15pm...a UTAR bus arrived...my heart skipped a beat...starting to have hope..and again it disappeared just like that..for that was the section 17 bus..
and so i waited..again..watching people starring at me..they must be thinking..'wow this gal is hawwttt'...=p...or 'wassup with this girl and her red hair??...who she think she is..debra messing??..'..sigh..
anyway at around..2.45pm another UTAR bus arrived..n yay!!!..i'm sure this is my bus..
but God said..'sorry hun..your time has not come yet! be patient and take back your seat!'..it was the same..section 17 bus..i was like..'damm..where on earth is that bus??'
at 3p.m. ..i gave up!!..
i said...'fine Lord...you want me to play your game..i will!!..just bring me back safe and sound'...i decided to take the rapid KL T629 bus...to the ASIA JAYA station..
and so..i walked to the main road..waited at the bus stop..not even 5 minutes i sat down...3 huge lorries...i wouldn't call them lorries...they were even bigger than that..came and parked right in front of the bus sop...i was like..what the hell...for i couldnt see the bus from where i was seated..n yeah..it was 3p.m. ...so i guess you could imagine how the sun was like..i had to walk..somewhere where i could see the bus..along the road..
and again...i waited..i don't know y i have a weird mind..while i was waiting, the song..'wait for you'..by elliot yamin..was running on my mind..it sounded like this..
*baby, i will wait for you..coz i don't know what else i can do...don't tell me i ran out of time...if it takes the rest of my life...baby, i will wait for you if you think i'm fine it just aint true..i really need you in my life..i'll wait for u!!*
yeah..weird right...and all i could think of..was the bus..*sigh*...i was that desperate..
the sun was killing me..the waiting was driving me crazy..
it was 3.15p.m. ...i was still waiting..not to mention the 'honkings' i got from the passer byers.. esp motorcyclist..what's the point of honking..if they are man enough..they would come forward and ask whether i need a ride or not!...lolz...as if i would dare say 'YES'!..hehehe...
and after that...guess what i saw??...the FREAKING UTAR LRT bus!!!!...it just pass right it front of me...i couldn't stop it..even if i did..he wouldn't stop!!..damm..how worst can it get??
then some of the UTAR students came...i thought they were waiting for the bus as well..unfortunately they were waiting for the taxi..good for me..coz every taxis were occupied..meaning..they will at least accompany me..it's scary waiting there alone..well at least God did spare me some sympathy...
it was already 3.45p.m. ...where in the freaking world could that bus go???...well..the 'angels' ..God sent were still there...stopping the taxis..but none available..n then i think they got fed up..they started walking..and i was left alone again..
it was almost 4 p.m. ...i was frustrater..n i didn't know anyone there..i saw a taxi..unintentionally my hand went up..i actually managed to STOP the taxi..i saw the driver..i was like..dammm..he was an indian..no wonder he stopped!!...he asked..where i wanted..to go.. hoping he would reject..i said..'LRT station'...well..he agreed!..my heart was like..'dont go juan..this guy is trouble'..but of cause..my mind hates my heart...so it hardly listens to it..
and so i went..knowing that God will carry me on HIS WINGS...
n wow...i reached the station...at around 4.10a.m...cool huh...?? the moment i reached central..my head was aching like nobody's business..yeah..migrain!!!...it was dammm....
thank god...i had a seat in the train..n i slept off straight away!!.
in bandar tasik selantan..mom called...n then someone hit me on the head..!!...wow..it was nick..thought i was dreaming..fortunately..it was really him..hehe..he kept me company till we reach kajang..
i went home...n mom suggested me..to take the car!!!!..yipppeeee~~~.....
but have to sharpen my manual driving skills first..hooooraaaayyy!!!!!!
so basically...i see what exactly is GOD'S plan...amazing rite?????...muaxxxxxx~~..
im so in love with him@@@
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
well...let me share with you about my thoughts on parents..
we can categorize parents into many different categories..but the most obvious categories are..
the first one..are the parents who provide their children with what they want physically..but in actual life, they provided nothing!!...both in spiritually and mentally...for these are the two most important parts in ones life that is required to live a healthy life style...
the second ones are the kinda parents who knows what and when to give their kids at the right time...they allow their children to do what they want but of course each sealed with limits..they provide their children with the things that they NEED...and NOT what they WANT!!...
the third ones are the type parents who does not want their kids to have a life. They control every single part of their kids life, right from what they wear to who they interact with...
what's the point of me writing this known facts....you may ask..
well...i went through a lot with both my parents...and i'm trying to find out the root cause for the parent child problem..
at first, like others, i was pointing finger at them... like..'YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY LIFE!!...YOU'RE WRONG!!..I'M RIGHT!!..and of course being a typical teenager i 'KNEW' what i was doing..i didn't needed anyone's help..
like they always say..'you wouldn't know about it until it hits you in the eye'....
well..it hit me...and i intend to solve it once and for all..!!
what are the differences between parents and their children??
if you ask me..i say there's is only one...and that is..
- parents have been through both children and parenting phase...unfortunately..children are merely children..they know nothing about parenting..
all a child wants to do is to enjoy...and all a parent wants to do..is stop them from enjoying..
agreed???...ah huh...that's where you're wrong...all a parent want is
for their children to be save and sound..!!
as a child..to my parents...i never understood that..and i DidN'T WANT TO!!
All i could think of...is that they are controlling my life..They don't want me to enjoy...so yeah..i end up making both our lives miserable...
Another problem that becomes a burden to most teenagers is when their parents..especially their mom ..nag and nag..non-stop.. there is even a possibility that the ears could bleed!!
yeah trust me..been in that place...since the day i was born!!
the biggest most enormous problem...is when one is asked to study!!...and they'll give a long lecture that...studying is the most important thing!!..bla bla bla....well..first of all...it's not the most important..thing..!!..ok let's not get into that debate mood .. i'm afraid it wouldn't end here..
n again...since there is only 1 difference..there should be one solution also right??..
i have not done any research on these stuffs...neither have i read about it..
speaking from experience...
all parents have to do...is TALK!!..yeah..talking as in..eye to eye...heart to heart!!..not SHOUT!!..
of course when one soul shouts..it stirs up the anger in the other soul..naturally human beings get's worked up and eventually explode..
why do you have to nag?...just say it once..nicely and lovingly..and trust me...it will work!!..explain to them..full of love and care..let the words of wisdom sink deep in their hearts..
if you want their room to be cleaned...why do you have to nag and shout??
if you want them to excel...say it to them..make sense..let them think!!..and they will know what are they suppose to do..
and all we children will do is listen...maybe question a little..but still just coz they were asked sooo sweetly by someone..they will do it..i know i will..
i came across this unfamiliar book in the bible..called sirach..chapter..3
i read it..and i knew what it was about..
what i didn't knew was...what on earth was wrong with me all these years??
a very good example
Jesus...LISTENED to his parents!!...a question appeared on my mind..
Jesus listened to HIS FATHER..and because of that...he was willing to fulfill HIS FATHER'S WILL by hanging on the cross..does that mean..HIS FATHER did not love him..??
there was a moment..where Jesus couldn't take it anymore.. andhe asked..'Father, father...why have you forsaken me??'...it wasn't written in Luke..but in Mark 15:34..it's written...
well..my dear friends...yes, indeed OUR FATHER loved JESUS soooo much...just as much as He loved us..his sons and daughters...that he was actually willing to give up His one and only son...
because of the love He had for US!!! US...SINNERS!!!...
so why did Jesus question His Father..that He has forsaken HIM..??..well it's because at that moment...God the Father himself..could not bear to look at HIS SON...!!
the pain was excruciating...even when one looks at it..imagine the pain Jesus went through..!!
imagine the pain he is bearing now..watching us live our lives..
anyway...TALK and LISTEN!!...to both children and parents..it's hard..but possible..=)
well..guess that's it for today....!!!
and yeah..we are human...we can't be perfect all the time..!!..
but still..it wouldn't hurt if we try...
take care..n god bless!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
wow..like some one who just came out from her mom's womb right??
anway..these are my subjects..
introduction to arts, english, computer studies, public speaking and communication, accounts, and economics....
second look...y not??
yeah..i went with the second choice..
introduction to arts..at first i thought it was about the normal theory...like arts as in arts..
but then...suddenly ms danielle (my lecturer) was listing down stuffs like..poster colour, crayons, brushes, colour pencils..and i was like..what on earth??
i thought i was done with arts when i was in form 3...suddenly this lecturer of mine tore my life apart just by listing them down....
the best i had in arts was umm..a freaking C..*SIGH*....gonela..
guess i just have to leave it in God's hands..n that he'll guide my hands to handle the word A-R-T..
english..was like normal.. lecturer was awesome..but unfortunately she's a replacement..
hope the next lecturer..will be as fun as her!!..
public speaking..ok i guess...just hope i don't throw up the next time i give a speech..
computer studies...shouldnt be a problem...my pc it was one of my best friend throught out the whole 2008 year..
it was with me when i had nothing to do...
it found me new friends who changed my life
it made me fall in love with music...once again..
basically it saved me from boredom..
so yay..!!!..my pc..
now we should see...how you really work ok..??
accounts...econs...hmmmm...it's all in your hands my Lord..!!
from pure science..im changing my destiny to pure arts..
well..i'm sure there's a reason for it..
my times up!!...
well keep you updated about this life of mine...
anyway...first day was awesome!!...nothing like I had expected at all. Did you ever notice that whenever we expect things to turn out so badly, it actually becoomes the best thing that had ever happen...??
When i first stepped in, i knew it was going to be worse that bad. I didn't know anyone for i didn't speak their language. It was very hard. I really wished I could speak mandarin at that time.
Then I saw this chinese girl, sitting all by herself. I was like..I'm alone..she's alone..why not..??
ok..that sonded wrong. I was talking about pure FRIENDSHIP ok!!..that's what i offered..and she accepted..! well of couse, what can i say..nobody can ever reject me right..??
then...the branches grew..the leaves existed but im still waiting for the flowers to grow..im sure its gonna be awesome!!..the best part..it the fruit which comes after the flower..that will take a lil longer but its worth it...savour the taste!!..and..hmmm..ok im hungry..going to leave in a while time..
n btw...the branches grew..means..the crowd grew...the leaves..are my friends..the flowers..hmm...n fruits..haha...later..
Monday, January 12, 2009
I slept last night at around 2a.m. Yeah, i can't believe it either. I usually sleep at around 4 a.m. or something. But i just had to force myself. First day of college right?? ...Thanks to my dear friend Kevin, so sweet of him to accompany me all night, till i fell asleep. And again, you're worng.. he was keeping me company with his sms-es. Hehehe...I'm trying my best not to break my new year's resolution, yeah STUDY! STUDY! and STUDY! wondering what am I doing here??...It's part of studying..
ok...i need to go..talk to you later k...got next public speaking after this!!!...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
the love they created
the marriage they wanted
the life they shared
sunk deeply in both their hearts
happily ever after was surely gonna be awesome!!
But of course,
It cannot stop there, can it?
Then came the icing of the cake
the flower blooming beautifully
the sweetest part of their lives
the most adorable creatures in the world
well what else??
ok, i should burst the bubble right now..
the cake spoilt
the flower faded
the sweetness soured
for the babies grew
happily ever after
turned a deaf ear
for it was a total disaster!
yeah, you guessed it right..
it is ME~
before i forget..
and my sister (wow,that came out right..usually it'll be 'annoying' or 'pathetic' sister)
cut the crap and let's get to business!
it's the beginning of the year, and I'm gonna start college...wooohooo!!! call me weird, but it's the best thing so far..i'm finally stepping my feet into those cemented building, sitting on the iron chair(not sure what type), holding the slim-shaped pen, writing on the smooth sheet of paper, listening attentively to the lecturers...wow...yeah, i sound like a standard one kid.
but then I've wasted a year, i dont have a choice. Like it or not, it's still on my plate. I guess i better like it or at least pretend to like it than to hate it, and then not only make my life miserable but also my loved ones.
But hey, it can't be that bad right?? please don't give me that 'it sucks' stare!! hehe
Anyway thats it for today. I'll keep you updated about this k??..