Monday, August 30, 2010

Sometimes you simply got to believe..

That's weird... I lost my blogging mood again..=((

Though I have a lot to blog about..Especially about my catechism students.. Gosh.. They can be real pest sometimes!!.. But still, I learned a lot from them..

I was teaching about using their talents..that they shouldn't use their talents for wrong thing.. and about how some uses their music talent to worship satan and stuff.. and then Ann, the 11 year old who I wished I was just like her at that age cause she was never afraid of asking, questioned me.. "Teacher, why doesn't God do anything to stop it??.. He is God..He can punish them, rite.."
Samuel.. the little sarawakian boy, who never stopped talking replied her..."Because He is God!..He doesn't punish!!"...

I was kinda amazed.. When I was 11, I literally had diamonds in my mouth.. I wouldn't breathe a word, unless I was asked too!..yeahh..I was very shy..still am..=).. These kids are beyond words!!..

Anyway there's no wrong in that answer.. He doesn't punish..just teaches us lesson.. But I did tell them the only answer I had in mind.. "Perhaps its because, He wants to give them another chance to come back.."

Ian, the smartest boy in class asked.."But teacher, why do they act like this in the first place?? Why don't they love God??"

I told them..."Probably, there was that one incident in their life that happen and made them hate God so much.."

Then Ann asked again.."Why does God allow suffering then.."

When I heard that, I decided..Next time I'm gonna teach pre-schools!! ..hehe.. Anyway, do you know why does God allow suffering..??

The one obvious because to make us strong.. and the other.. because He wants to be close to us..

But then are we to know these are the answers??..How are to know, that everything happens for a reason?? Atheist, doesn't believe in God, because suffering still exist..

The thing is, can anyone say why is the sunflower yellow, and not purple..?? Why is the earth round and not square?? is it a foetus knows how to eat and sleep in the mothers womb?? ... why do we cry only when something is happening?? do we know this particular person is "the one"..??

I dont know the answers to these question, I doubt you do too...
My point is.. sometimes.. we got to learn to simply believe.. and stop questioning.. Not believing blindly, cause we do not know the answer.. but believing because of FAITH!!.. because the most beautiful thing about that there is no explanation for the most meaningful things and events here..its a mystery..where you can't see, hear or explain it.. but instead feel it deep within.. For He says.. Happy the man who does not see and yet believe..=)

And sometimes.. when you're tired of question..and waiting for answers..its wise to lift up and believe that He will take care of it..=)

From the surface of my skin..
To the depths of my soul within..
I give you all of me
All the secrets of my heart
Every word and every thought
I give you all of me

Oh my heart's in need of holding
And my soul's in need of truth
Come be near me
Come surrond me, yeah

I lift my hands in sweet surrender
I'm falling humbly on my knees
I fix my gaze upon your splendor
How I love your majesty
You captivate me

Come into my darkest place
Step inside, invade this space
I give you all of me
All the secrets of my heart
Every word and every thought
I give you all of me

Oh my heart's in need of holding
And my soul's in need of truth
Come be near me
Come surrond me, yeah

I lift my hands in sweet surrender
I'm falling humbly on my knees
I fix my gaze upon your splendor
How I love your majesty
You captivate me

Another awesome song by tenth avenue north!...

And seriously, if you wanna know the existence of God, just look in the eyes of a new born baby..=)

Have a nice day people!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Can't find a proper title

Forgive me..I can't help but to blog again this morning.. lol.. its a week away from the PC la k.. you got to bare with the girl's obsession a little longer..

So I went to watch the Grown Ups last night.. hehe.. as expected I was laughing my guts out.. it was HILARIOUS!! ...very entertaining!!.. but theres no story!..ish!!.. I mean I can't find the climax.. and without it, the graph moves in a straight line.. not like a mountain where the climax is the peak of the graph.. ssiighh.. but well it was funny though.. really funny..=)

And my sister still insist in being a pest..

I was at the ladies..combing my hair..

Sis: Why are you combing your hair??
Juan: Because you wouldn't know who's sitting next to you in the cinema..=)
Sis: Nobody is gonna look at you..
Juan: They might..
Sis: It's dark you nut!!..they CAN'T see you..and well, your colour aint gonna help either..
Juan: Why are you people so determined to make my life miserable??..
Sis: because we love you...
Juan: ......errr...

Do they all have the same annoying attitude..or is it just my sister??

And I think I did the biggest mistake of my life.. hmm..nothing new in this I guess.. but we shall move on to the next shameful topic..

hehe..Ok fine I admit it..I haven't watched Madagascar.. Jacynta probably got a slight attack when she found out... She insisted that I should watch both Madagascar 1 and 2..before I leave this earth.. well, check!..Already added in my list..=)

So if you happen to pass by my profile in FB, you must see the amount of groups of join, I know cheryl fernando likes it!..hehehe.. but well, the latest group on my mind.. "Never make someone your priority, when you are only their option.."

Love the way you lie.. my new addicted song.. Stupid girl..but I know she can't help it.. because thats her weakness.. "the way he lies.."

Tonight should be good..Mr Lukesh's birthday.. finally another party..with Crystal, Shashi, rina, saha..the sis is included.. was those days!...Still no idea what to wear though.. and I totally agree with cheryl.."there's no such thing as too many dresses.." ..but what do you do when you feel you have tooo little of them.. but still no more space in the closet to fit any more??..ssiighh..and who the hell it was easy being a girl??..

Gonna start classes next week.. excited??..LOL.. I forgot how "excited" feels..

Ok, my next hindi movie marathon on the run!!..


Because I feel much better..

Ahem..ahem!!..=D... yes your prayers are answered!!.. I know your deep down your dying to hear from is it me, who's dying to tell you my stories??..hehe.. either way, lets safe up for a funeral that is really really worth it k??..=)

First and foremost..isn't life full of surprises?? no, I didnt take a week break just to figure that out... but seriously, do you realized that everytime the storm hits.. It comes along with a rainbow??!!.. shall I put this..

ok, lets say you're caught up with this one huge problem..and you tend to overlook all the other problems.. and you've come up with the conclusion that God doesnt really care about you!!..sigh ..BUT He does!!..He really does!!..because when I was buzy playing CONGKAK with my cousins, making fun of my grandma..I totally forgot about my exam results!!..when suddenly I received a message from Pinky saying.."Babe, the results are out!! did you do??" ...My heart sank that instant!..CRAPP!!..Psych, Photography, Journalism, SSE!!! ..I was on the very of crying, dying, suffering, breaking.. I don't know what was it..but it wasnt a good Ok, enough with the DRAMA.. ..But I couldn't wait, can I??.. It will take me another day to get back I had to know that moment bad I did, or I'd probably drive everybody's life miserable there.. So I asked Pinky to check... and indeed.. I think this is my very first rainbow for the year..Amen!!

Seeee..I told you He CARES.. He cares very much..=) ...but I still don't understand why Mr Alex, my photography lecturer, have to be sooooooo kedekut with his marks!!..Ish.. another 2 more marks and I would have gotten the most beautiful rainbow ever!! ..grrrrr..hmm..maybe everyone with the name Alex is destined to be a and I meant that in the nicest possible way..;p

So anyway, back to my one week of so-called Holiday in Kluang.. I tell you..another month there..I would have came back looking like a Barney, the dinasour..or King kong, well..the king kong.. Seriously, all I did there was cook and eat!..LOL.. yes you heard me.. I can cook la k..its just that I'm a little down to earth..hehehehe.. but yeap..the food is so amazingly just have to go for a next round.. My grandma's cooking is simply unbeatable..=)

Ok lets get to the important part..hehe.. so there's this guy in Kluang church..hehe who caught my attention.. lol..Ok fine..he was soooooo soooo..siighh.. indescribably hawwwtt!! ..LOL.. No joke!!.. A smile that could melt the glacier.. eyes..hmm.. so very mysterious, dangerous looking.. like a pirate...and hair..straight, black, shinny, a raven.. WOW..too much Judith Mcnaught again.. but as you can see!!..I felt like High school all over again.. remember, there's always this one boy in class..who makes your head wanna be everywhere he is.. If he's not there..something aint right!!.. when he's not looking, you glance at him..and forget the world.. LOL.. remember this feeling??..I had it.. siigghh.. those days la.. but I felt it again this week!!..though I only saw "him" for that 3 days..I loved the way my heart if I ever saw him again..I'd surely remember him.. and I even found out his name!..hehehe..

Anyway today was probably the longest train ride ever.. Though I was on my mobile most of the time.. seriously I couldn't wait to get off the train..Seems like forever since I last left Kajang.. couldnt wait to put my feet on the ground.. but then when I reached my destination..I swear I wanted to run back inside the train... hmmm..weird eh?? ..Ok fine, I'm weird..ssiiighh..

Ok before you get bored and switch windows.. I can't help but question..

Is is fated??..or is it in your hands??
Is there such thing as "meant to be.." ..or do you make it happen??..
Do you wait for the apple to fall..or do you go ahead and climb the tree??
Aaahh..the mysterious journey of life~~

Which one is right..??
the head..or the heart??
the head says, "Dont fall!!" ..the heart says.."Fly.."
the head takes account of logic and sanity..the heart washes away every logic and senses..
the head knows many language..the heart only knows one language~language of love..
The head says he's not right.. then why does the heart beats his name??
Does the head messes with the heart..or does the heart messes with the head??
Aaahh..the mysterious journey of love~~

Some questions..will be remained as questions..
Perhaps the only possible answer that I could Prayer..=)

But I found out something else too..during this one week of break..

That no mere human could possibly be with someone, when their heart belongs to another..

so how??..Do you think I've grown much wiser than before?? or even weirder?? feel much better though.. very much better..=)


Friday, August 20, 2010

She sits here all night..

"Somewhere deep must know I miss you..but what can I say..rules must be obeyed"

I officially declare myself freeeee...from this day onwards.. though I still feel trapped and caged with my own feelings..Ok, you didn't need to know

And this would probably be my last and you're surely not gonna believe me... but yeah it is..for the next 7 days a least!!... I realized that I should take a break from sharing my madness with you... though I know its irresistible.. well I mean, I'm irresistible..;p ;p...Oh come on! we all know the truth is ugly..thats why no one dare admit it..hehe..

Sorry for my lame-ness.. I'm just..hmm.. a bit messed up.. sighh..Ok fine!..a lot actually!!.. and yes..needed a break.. And I thought I wouldn't be able to get the ticket since I'm buying it last minute..but well I did.. so yeah..will be going back to Kluang this saturday..and be week, friday..=) No facebook, No blogging, no msn.. bye bye technology!!..I manage to beg my mom to print out ONCE AND ALWAYS by Judith Mcnaught!!..weeee!!..cant wait to read it!..

Oh yeah.time square tomorow!..weeeeeeeeee again!!..hehehe.. EXPENDABLES is a must watch!!!.. Their bikes are AWESOME!!..hehehe.. REPO MAN a NO-NO for me.. It was so gross that I skipped diner today.. even worse that SAW..i guess.. eehhww..

Hmm..lastly, here are some words..right from the heart..I mean its not like I'm gonna die or anything..but well, since I wont be here.. we emo a bit k??..=) case the train I'm on decided to derail or anything..hehe..dont worry... you're all invited for my funeral!..;p;p

She sits here all night..
Finding for courage..
To face the world..
Searching for words..
To speak her mind..

She sits here all night..
Trying not to think..
Trying not to miss..
Hoping she would succeed
Knowing she would fail..

She sits here all night..
With her mind running wild..
She starts writing..
Hoping it would get the message across..

She sits here all night..
Because she cannot be there..
Though thats where her heart is..
The very heart..
That was trampled on the ground..

She sits here all night..
With the words left unsaid..
With the tears held inside..
Powerless to do anything..
But only pray silently..

She sits here all night..
Because its time..
Time for the flower to wither..
Though she never held it..
Time to give away the rainbow..
Though she never saw it..
Time to say goodbye..
Though it hurts..

She sits here all night..
Because deep within..
Beneath the cuts and wounds..
Lies a lonely soul..
That will always be here..
Even if everything else false apart..

She sits here all night..
Before she realizes..
That its time to let go..
That its time to start over..
That its time for the healing to begin..

She's leaving now..
With a smile in her face..
With a hope in her heart..
And with the memories..
Beautiful irreplaceable memories..
That will be cherished forever..

And these words are not written without a reason..

Have a nice day everyone!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

True love does exist, or I hope so..

"I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
Cause as the time turns the page
My love won't age at all"

Someone stab me pleassseeee!!! ....sssiighhhh.... Really..Or is it better if I just throw myself of the cliff.. I mean the pain is lesser..and I would feel as if I'm flying.. Besides, I could save you from the sin of committing a murder.. gosh..what am I saying!!!..=(((( ..arrgghh

hmmm...the truth is.. I just watched a movieeeee!!!...blluueeekk.. and have the nerve to blog about it!!.. because one heck of a touching movie..and did I mention I'm having my final psychology paper this wed..which is technically tomorrow??...

Thanks to Saha, he borrowed one stack of hindi movies.. that Saturday I watched Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham...and goodness.. I was leaking k!..i mean my eyes was leaking.. lol.. Menangis teresak-esak..10 tisu!! Dammm.. shah rukh one heck of an awesome actor!!!.. seriously!!..his face expression.. the tears.. and today..VEER-ZAARA!!..It was ok lar.. too lovey-dovey.. but it brought me to tears..

"Its love..there's no reason.." ....~Zaara~

And after watching it...I started to wonder stupidly... why is it very hard for me to find true love..?? ...will I ever..?? or is there something wrong with me??... and that's why my relationships doesnt last??..Aren't I worthy to be with someone as well??...

LOL.... ssiiigghhh..

"This kinda love only exist in movies, poems and stories..not in real life.." ~Mariam Khan~

I disagree though.. I mean yes no relationship is perfect..but true love does exist.. It has too!.. When the right one comes along, you will know.. that love is not about finding the person who you can life with..its about finding the person whom you can't life without.. where you wanna build your house with.. have the precious gift called children..that very soul mate who you wanna grow old with.. where you whisper the words.."for better or worse, till death do us part..I'll love you with every beat of my heart.."

I took this from Sam's FB profile..
We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. =)

So maybe love comes when you least expect..that doesn't mean its not there.. I mean, if its meant to will always get together no matter what.. Its not in our hands.. its in His hands.. the mountains may fly, the storm may shine, the ocean may sing.. ridiculous as it seems, but if He wants it, it will happen!!..

If it doesn't, He has a bigger plan!!!..

Meanwhile, whos up for checking some hawties in kajang MCD??!!..;p ;p ...hahhhhaha..jk jk..Jacynta would probably vomit blood..hehe and definitely not in UCSI either!!.. hmmm.. Spain sounds like an awesome idea.. hehe and guess what??.. mom just asked why am I not going to WYD??.. which means.. I most probably, hopefully can GOOOO!! ...weeeeeeeee!! Ok, shall not get too excited..

Still, Lord may your will be done, not mine!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Lord, I'm amazed by you..

Hmm..2.30am.. wasn't in the mood actually...

Well...I'm already here..might as well rant something..

So I love reading Sunday Star paper.. especially the "heart and soul part.."..I dont know why... but after reading it.. I'll be like.."Gosh, I don't wanna be in a relationship.." ... Seriously the most common stories.. is that their husband or wive is having an affair...

And if let say...LET SAY la..I am married.. and suddenly found out my husband is having an affair.."God-forbid*..I mean no matter how much you know and trust that person.. there may come to a point, that that person may get bored of you.. my mom always says this to me.. "I am so fed-up with you...for once..go clean your room!!" no my room aint that dirty..and I do clean it!!..just that my mom's standard of cleanliness is overrated.. My to-be psychology sister diagnosed her behavior as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder..aka OCD!! chill chill it aint that bad..but it could really drive you up your very last nerve..

So back to my point.. what if he did get fed up of me..?? ssiigghh...yes I admit, I am a very...very difficult person to live it... you may ask my sister.. she'll tell you everything.. not everything.. but the part where I drive her crazy and she wished she never existed in the same planet as I am.. but ssiighhh...

And then you think you know someone.. trust me, I thought I knew that someone too.. but nope, I was so very wrong.. And I do know how is it..when the trust you contaminated.. Apparently, when the trust is betrayed.. it is gone... thats why I can't understand how it is some are able to get in the same relationship after countless times of breaking up.. or maybe its just me la.. like I said, I'm a very very difficult person to live with..

Ok guess I didn't really paint a beautiful picture of me.. but well, if I am perfect I should be taking the LORD's place... but nope.. I am not even 0.00005% of being anywhere near perfect..

"Lord, I am amazed by you...
On how much of love you poured..
Despite the foolish little girl in me..
The stranded soul in the middle of the ocean..

You put all your faith in me...
You see something in me,
That clearly, I don't ....
You amaze me..
because you know I'll go through it..

When a single tear falls..
When the soul dies..
When the storm is building..
When the heart breaks..
You amaze me..
Cause You will make it right again..

So these are the moments..where I feel helpless and hopeless.. and still believe that something good is coming out from it.. and then I am able to have a not-so-sleepless night..=)

C ya!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Beyond Words..

From God.. to those who has lost hope..or simply decides to turn away from Him..=)

Well if you only knew the pain that I've been through..
Since when did it become, all about you..??
As you can see right from the start I've said the truth..
And if the truth means nothing to you..
Then what am I supposed to do??

And I'll still love you..
Beyond the words can say..
I'll take your every suffering moment..
And bring a better day..
I'll still love you..
More then what I hope to be..
Let me wrap my arms around you..
Let me take your breath away..

And every time I ask..
You assure your doing fine..
But your heart looks good by smiling..
You couldnt fool mine..
By the end of the night your pilliow sits to dry..
In a crowded room your singing..
But on the inside you sigh..

And I'll still love you..
Beyond the words can say..
I'll take your every suffering moment..
And bring a better day..
I'll still love you..
More then what I hope to be..
Let me wrap my arms around you..
Let me take your breath away..

In a ball room there is dancing..
In a forest there are trees..
In a child there's a hope..
That keeps him in belief..
With any star there is a sky..
With any beach there's a sea..
With any love song there's a lover..
And in your heart I hope its...

And I'll still love you..
Beyond the words can say..
I'll take your every suffering moment..
And bring a better day..
I'll still love you..
More then what I hope to be..

Let me wrap my arms around you..
Let me wrap my arms around you..
Let me wrap my arms around you..
Let me take your breath away..

Another superb song from my new found favorite Christian Rock Band..Tenth Avenue North.. its called Beyond words!!...=)) yeap..can't stop listening to it too!!...

Have a blessed night!

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm very gorgeous..;p ;p

Now I'm regretting giler-giler nak mampus!!!.. sighhh.. I just saw Lydia's hillsong concert pictures in facebook.. why Lord??!..Why do you always do this to me??!!..ssiighhh..nevermind.. the next one FOR SURE!! ...

Besides the regretting part.. I had a pretty..hmm.. pretty optimistic Suppose to meet up with Jacynta and Crystal in KAJANG MCD!!...

As usual it took ages for the mini bus to while waiting something caught my eyes.. Dressed up gorgeously in my black sorry I'm in the mood for perasan-ing.. so please bare with me.. I saw a crow...a black crow.. or I think it was.. It was large, like a baby eagle..with a big sharp beak...and long claws.. I loved the way it soared and flew to the top and it got me thinking..."geee, I want wings too!!..Could save me the time, money and SWEAT!!" ..Don't you just hate it.. when your dressed up..and start sweating like crazy.. then you wipe that sweat with that one miserable tissue in your bag..and start cursing yourself for not bringing more.. sigh..

Ok I'm diverting.. so this black-cunning-looking-crow..was eating a dead rat!!!.. eehhwww..and since the dead rat was in the middle of the road every-time a car passes will fly high..with a flesh stuck on its beak!!..thank God, I didnt have anything for lunch yet..could have thrown up there and there .. lol..Sorry, I am very observant..

And on the other corner of the road.. guess what I saw.. hehe.. A black fat pigeon!!.. It was plump..which short beak and short legs!!.. It was pecking the road for a single grain..and every time a car passes by.. it didn't "You wanna hit me, go ahead..I just want my food!" ...but of cause when a car passes by toooo close.. all it it takes a quick run!..I'm telling was sooooo cute..and funny.. and I started giggling all by myself looking at it..till girl next to me started taking a step further away from me.. lol..I couldn't help it la k!.. imagine a packed gunny sack..with short legs..running away..with a short beak! looked funny to me..

Then it got me thinking again.. in this world.. there are two kinds of people.. the one who knocks you down.. and the one doesnt mind getting knocked.. the one who hurts you intentionally ..and the one who takes it all with an open heart.. The cunning one, who kills you softly.. the kind one, who forgives easily.. The most beautiful part.. is that the choice is in your hand!..=)

Hehehehe.. like I said, I'm very observant..and I dream a lot.. perhaps that's why I try my best to make sense..on something that is totally out of the topic..

Mcd was crowded as usual.. and since I was over-gorgeous today...its not my fault that those school kids there was checking us out.. lol.. No, I'm not making it up.. He started unbuttoning his shirt, so that we can check out his muscle!..and yeappp...he has it!!.. cantik giler..his biceps and triceps! hehehhe...but attitude.. siiigghh.. muka ada, muscle ada, masalah pun banyak!..;p ;p .. So as usual, we were the loudest..and we talked..talked and talked.. like there's no tomorow.. and finally we can to a conclusion we should start sky-ping once cyn gets her laptop!!..weeeeeee!! cant wait!

Shashi sent me back home...and I thank God cause the mini bus would probably bring my back home when I have grey hair and my teeth have fallen..;p ;p ..So I was passing by the salloon.. I was like "should I get a hair cut??" ...then I was like..aahh.. some other time..The Nanny's gonna start!! ... As I turned the other way.. I don't know what made me change my direction... The mind was like..."what are you doin.." ...Another voice replied.."Getting a life.." ...

And so thats how I ended up with a frinch today..and though I specifically told her .."SETENGAH INCI" ...this is like 2 inch i think.. I still look normal don't worry.. and gorgeous of cause!.. extremely gorgeous..or the guys on the bike wouldn't have honked at me..hehehehe.. what matters is, you know your gorgeous.. you know your special.. no matter what they say.. "Your beautiful, no matter what they say!" ..PERIOD! ...

Goodness, I crapped a lot huh today??..Maybe its because I feel gorgons.. you should too!!..=)

P/s..its time!.. its time to face the truth.. siighhh..

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The secret..;p ;p

"One tear in the driving voice in the sea of pain.. could the maker of the stars.. hear the sound of my breaking heart??"

Let me tell you a secret..;p ;p ... there's 2 ways to know that something is wrong with me.. It's either I blog EXCESSIVELY...or I don't blog at all..for weeks!

Considering the fact that I blogged thrice yesterday..yes, something was very wrong... something I never expected..but well thanks to TENTH AVENUE NORTH!! .....I am me again.. weeeeeee!!..Never felt any better.. This is where the healing begins!!.. Seriously, just go and listen to all their songs.. and you'll know how I feel..=)

So I'll tell you whats on my mind..
  • Mangosteensss!!.. yummy sweetish sour mangosteen!! One thing my whole family have in common..
  • Jacynta is not feeling well...ssiigghh.. movie plan cancelled!..probably will have to visit her morow!..and she's going back to SP this weekend!! =((
  • Last months phone bill came up to 94 bucks!!..and my mom thinks I have a boyfriend and I'm not telling her... lol.. wait till she sees this months bill..she'll probably chase me out of the house..or demand to know who is it that I'm hanging on the phone with..hehe well its not my fault.. the assignments needed a lot of phone calls..=( ..and pleaseee.. I am still very much single and very farrrr from being in a relationship..=)
  • I keep on dreaming about murders..and end up getting up at the middle of the night..afraid to go back to sleep.. siighh.. must stop watching Norah Robert's series..
  • Rina wants to watch to inception this saturday..and HFC Youths wants to go broga hill hiking.. but I dislike hiking!!..hmmm *must make a wise decision* ..
  • The great grandma's death anniversary this sunday.. its time to meet the other side cousins!!..=))
  • Kluang probably on the 21st-27th..can come back just on time for Lukesh's bday party!
  • Lost hope for psychology.. whatever happens..happens..
Ok..thats all I guess..


"One light, thats all I am..right now I can barely stand.. If you everything you say you are.. won't you come close and hold my heart?"

Just kick, step and throw..

Ok..I'm sooo extremely sorry.. This is probably my 3rd post for the day... I can't help it!!.. Tenth Avenue North is driving my crazy.. Really.. you should check this out..and tell me how can I not share it with you??

How long must I pray..
Must I pray to You..
How long must I wait..
Must I wait for You..
How long till I see Your face..
See You shining through..

I'm on my knees..
Begging You to notice me..
I'm on my knees..
Father, will You turn to me..

One tear in the driving rain..
One voice in a sea of pain..
Could the maker of the stars..
Hear the sound of my breaking heart..
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes..
So much can slip away before I say goodbye..
But if there's no other way..
I'm done asking why..

'Cause I'm on my knees..
Begging You to notice me..
I'm on my knees..
Father, will You run to me, yeah..

One tear in the driving rain..
One voice in a sea of pain..
Could the maker of the stars..
Hear the sound of my breaking heart..
One life, that's all I am..
Right now I can barely stand..
If You're everything You say You are..
Would You come close and hold my heart..

So many questions without answers..
Your promises remain..
I can't see but I'll take my chances..
To hear you call my name..
To hear you call my name..

One tear in the driving rain..
One voice in a sea of pain..
Could the maker of the stars..
Hear the sound of my breaking heart..
One life, that's all I am..
Right now I can barely stand..
If You're everything You say You are..
Would You come close and hold my heart..
Hold my heart..
Could You hold my heart..
Hold my heart..

Seeee!!.. Hope it did have some effect on how.. or else I apologize for wasting your time..

And I had a great time in Taman Connaught *forgot the spelling* ..pasar malam!!.. You can just walk, walk and walk.. it took us 2 hours...just to walk pass the crowded area..reminded me of MASJID INDIA during deepavali.. but with friends like Saha and Rina... you can round the whole world k!!..hehehe.. and after 2 hours of walking non-stop..literally knocking everyone.. smelling the weird smell of wet dog and dont ask why.. I manage to buy a kilo of mangosteen and some hair scrunchies for my grandma!!.. and and..a black bottle!!..weeeee i am very excited!! Can't wait to show off my bottle!..hehehe..sorry sometimes the child part in me begs to be out..when it is locked for too long .. and God help me not to loose my dear bottle again!..

Then I had an intelligent girl to girl talk with Rina..gosh it was those days..She thought me something.. "Just kick, step and throw!!" ..hehehehe...but I'm not mean.. I'll just stay far..FAR AWAY!! ...

One more thing...
Jesus loves you!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I'm there in your sorrow..

So these are the days..where I feel like blogging again..right after I posted I can't help it.. I mean its better if you do it now, when you're in the mood..cause later you might leave out some details..=)

And by the Hillsong is IPOH!!!!...sighhh..yeah, what am I still doing here??.. hmmm..just that maybe its God's will that I should not go today... because He had other plans for me.. like this!

I visited Mel's blog just now.. there's on song called "By your side" from tenth avenue north.. I was like "tenth avenue north??" ..sounds like some rock band only, surely not my taste.. and as usual, i was wrongg!! Somehow, it automatically played and goodness, the lyrics .. are mind blowing!!..the words are able to slash your soul..and bring out the true you... and you can't help it..but break down and the tears wont stop!!... I don't know how else to explain..let me show you example.. and do read it till the end.. you wont regret it!!

oh and by the way..this group is called.."Tenth avenue north.."
This song is called, "Times"

Like one of the line in the verse sounds like this..
"I need to hear that so wrong??" .....*I say this alll the time, when I'm frustrated!!*

Another verse..
"Still I'm afraid to tell you..all that I've done..
Are you done forgiving??
Can you look past my pretending??..
Lord, I'm so tired of defending what I've become..
What have I become..."

I dont know about you..but these words are so very very true.. Maybe I'm just messed up, but really..thats how I feel..=(
And then when everything falls apart..we loose faith and hope.. we stay away from God... we say this or something like this

"My love is over..its underneath..its inside.. its in between.."

Cause we think its He doesn't care about us.. we are hurting..and He doesn't do anything.. what kind of God is He?..Does He even exist??
And the weird thing is..he knows everything..EVERYTHING..

"The times you doubt me..when you can't feel..
The times that you question, "is this for real?"..
The times you're broken..
The times that you mend..
The times you hate me..and the times that you bend..

These times you're healing..
When your heart breaks..
The times that you feel you've fallen from grace..
The times you're hurting..
The times that you heal..
The times you go hungry..and are tempted to steal.."

If you have been following my should know by easily am I broken.. and of cause hurt.. And that I've testified..I was never alone.. because here's what the Lord has to say..

"In times of confusion, in chaos and pain..
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame..
I'm there through your heartache..
I'm there in the storm..
My love, I will keep you by my power alone..

And if you think He doesnt care.. how wrong are you.. how wrong was I?

"I don't care where you've fallen..
Where you have been..
I'll never forsake you..
My love never ends..
It never ends....."

Seriously, this song really touched me.. though its a bit slow.. but wow!.. all their songs infact.. been listening to them.. since morning..

Go listen to it!!!...

Have a nice day!!

You think you know..

"I can make it through the rain..I can stand up once again..On my own and I know..that I’m strong enough to mend.."

  • So you think you can finish one chapter by today.. but you barely moved from that one page..
  • You think you'll just close your eyes for 5 minutes...but when you get up..its already 3 hours..
  • You think that this day is gonna perfect..but it changes the moment the train is delayed..
  • You think that the world will heal someday..but it only gets worse..
  • You think that "someone" has changed..but nope, you were very wrong..
  • You think you know that "someone"..but think're very far from "knowing" ...
  • You think its want it to be over...but its not..there's a lot more..
  • You think you don't care...but deep down you care deeply..more than anyone can imagine..
  • You think its all gonna be alright.. but the tears tell you otherwise..
  • You think that is not the way someone should be treated.. but open your eyes.. thats how the world is..
  • You think you won't give shouldn't be taken for granted... but boy, who are you kidding?? never happen, and you go back to square 1!
  • You think you can make it through the rain... but the thunder and lightning keeps you hidden beneath your blanket..
And then you question "why??!!!" ...siigghhh....I don't know.. I wish I knew too.. it could save me a lot of time from posting this... but really, I tried to find answers..

And I came up with this... that if you wanna see the have to make it through the rain... If you want the butterfly to fly freely, it must be strong and survive in the dark cocoon first.. that sometimes you must fall down first, so that you'll be careful in the next step you take.. that the will of God will not take you where the grace of God will never protect you..

Nevertheless, sometimes you don't understand..why it happens.. and maybe..just maybe it happens because its the one thing that can get you back to God.. closer and stronger..

Have a nice day!!

"And every time I feel afraid..I hold tighter to my faith.. and I live one more day..and I make it through the rain.."

Monday, August 9, 2010

Because I am a pure genius!! ;p ;p

Okey, I'm seriously hating this moment.. The study mood is far from being discovered.. sighhh.. and I watched the stupid-est ever tv programme... ever heard of the secret life of an American Teenager in hallmark?? No??.. if you have a lot of things to do, but simply can't find the will to do it..and then got the nerve to feel BORED!...well, you can watch it

Seriously, goodness gracious!!!!.. It was soooo extremely dumb... that I can't believe whatever I'm hearing or hmmm let me give you a preview.. Guy A slept with Girl A..and got her pregnant.. Then Guy A dumps her and start dating Girl B while he sleeps with Girl C!! ..Girl C practically sleeps with anyone who is cute.. Girl B knows this..and still deeply in love with Guy A.. and the story goes on.. lol

Yeap, tell me about it... I can't believe I was watching it either..hehehe.. One thing I'm proud about being an Asian..though I disagree with the genes in the HEIGHT department..and the least they don't sleep after a few chats!..hehehe.. But well, time is changing and so are the asians! hhaaiizz

So when am I gonna start studying for PSYCH??..I don't know.. I definitely know how pinky is we're on the same boat!..yiikkesss...

Mr Gabriel's birthday is coming up!!.. what should I get him.. hmmm.. He's a guy!! thats a hugeeee problem!!.. wallet?? got him d!.. shirt??..every year also.. shorts?? pants??.. watch???.. hmmmm... any idea??

Or perhaps I should write him something.. or maybe not.. I'm not in the mood or writing out of the box these days... oh maybe..I'll bake him a cake!!!.... weeeeeee!!..I'm a genius!!..=)))) A cake it is!..

Ok..the family is gossiping..I shall continue being a busybody!

Toodles!...ahhahahha..too much of mickey mouse club house..hehe..and I mean Goodbye and have a pleasant night..

Amachi's 80th Birthday

"Its only words..and words are all I take your heart away.."


Wasn't that the longest ever weekend..?? well, it was for me... One day felt like a year...could be 10 years.. Even though I wished we had longer hours in a day.. but last night, I was surprised to have realize that its only been 2 days since I last blogged..Not to mention my facebook was super duper empty though the notifications were beyond words... Seriously I hardly had any time to even think ...I can't barely remember my Moral Studies exam..or what happen this whole week..

Errr.. ok, something is so wrong somewhere.. I don't feel like its me who's blogging.. NO NO..not that I have multiple personality disorder.. but its just soo..errm...soo I don't know! not me..

Well anyway, So hows the weekend??...hehehehe.. it wasn't was wayyyy more than that.. I wore my the black rosey dress ..which I made up my mind after changing like a dozen time..till my mom and grandma got soo fed up, they asked me to go naked..;p ;p..Went to salloon and blow dry my hair, which didn;t make much difference..there goes my 10 bucks!!..=((

Surprisingly I didnt feel nervous at all during our dance and my singing.. and they cheered!!!.. we know we had to rock it!!..they were really cheering non-stop!! Energy suddenly boost up..and leg cramp flew off!!..Gosh, I forgot to tell you.. All of a sudden, my leg muscles failed me!!..I was in pain k!!.. halfway paralyzed..I think its cause of my shoes.. seriously was close to tears.. muscle cramp gila!!.. I wanted to tell them to go ahead..but my very smart sister asked me to turn my leg in the opposite direction!!.. Goodness!..I can barely feel my leg k!.. So I prayed silently..and was gone i tell you!!..but I had to dance without my shoes.. and I enjoyed dancing!... They couldn't take their eyes off us!..hehehe

Singing was ok i guess...=)

I enjoyed like the world is gonna much so that I took out my heels..and danced barefoot to a tamil song which I've never heard la to dance with heels?? it is my leg was halfway dying..hehe cousins rocked though!!..had a great time with them..and its been ages since I last part-ied..hehe drank half a glass of beer.. it tasted like.."eehhwww" in the world can one enjoy this stuff?? Then I mixed red wine in my orange juice...heheh..and now your talking my taste!..sedap nak mampus!..hehehe.. and my dad, who was trying his best to act sober.. pulled me to dance floor..for a slow loved the song though.. it was "IT ONLY WORDS" by beegees.. one of my dads favorite..

Well, it was too perfect..toooo perfect that deep down I know something was wrong.. and I was right.. cause at the end of the day.. something happened.. something that was able to turn that one awesome night into a night you never wished you gone through..

But still, I'll never forget that one person, who patiently stood by me..guiding me in every step I take.. hearing my prayers from above...and answering them in His own way.. at the same time, telling me that no matter how hard this life treats us, He will never ever forsake us.. For even in the midst of the thunder storm and never-ending flood.. I never felt alone.. not because I was surrounded with my family and friends.. but I testify now, there was definitely someone..I never felt so protected.. never felt reassured, that everything is gonna work out.. never felt so much love before..

And I am not joking.. =) ...

Anyway whats a party without pics??..hehehe
And somehow the image uploader decided to back fire today.. are in fb though!

So guess I'll c u round

Friday, August 6, 2010

Because its hard to be a girl..

Emergency!!!...ssiighh..yeap..BIG EMERGENCY!!..ssiighh..and you have no idea, how hard is it to be a girl!..=(

Tomorrow's the day!!!...7TH OF AUGUST..ROYAL SELANGOR CLUB!!.. My Grandma's 80th birthday!!..yiiippeesss!!..Come cheer with me!!..heheheh..but but..sighhh.....I still don't know what to do with my hair, curl it..cut it..colour it..or leave it just as it is..ssiigghhh...and I haven't made up my mind on which dress should I wear..sigghhh..
  • My sister's black rosey halter neck dress.. (Mom suggested!)
  • The black short dress with sequence..all the way from London..which I was suppose to wear... But don't want!!..cause my cousin is wearing something similar!...=((
  • My green golden dress.. which I've been saving for something special...
LOL...the mess of being a girl... and then after choosing your have to paint your nails..what colour again??..that depends on your dress.. Now you dont wanna wear a red dress with a green nails eh?? and shhhooeess!!..hmm...not a problem with shoes though... considering the fact that I don't really wear heels..hence the edition is limited.. hehehe...

And its a big..BIG mistake to eat durian yesterday!!..cause there's something wrong with my throat...nanti besok..when singing time, I'm gonna sound like a constipated frog~~.. ssiigh..wrong timing.. but goodness!!..tell me how in the world can someone hate durian?? was like heaven!!.. I could eat the whole bowl k! ;p ;p

Oh..and guess whos the computer genius again??...hehehe..yeappp.. who else could it possibly be??.. I manage to convert my files into MP3 format!!!..and codecssss...aahhh..why did I hate them in the first place?? I just had to click install..and there.. it made my day!!..=D

So here's the plan
  • Later at 3pm fetch grandma from station...she's coming all the way from johore !!
  • Dance practice at 7...oh yeap.. I'm dancing... hehehe... nope.. there aint gonna be any videos taken.. so yeah..don't even dream of watching me embarrassing myself on the stage..;p ;p
  • Then pack to Palace of the golden horses!!!..weeeeeeeee!!...its a freee stay in again...
  • Spend an awesome night there with bernadette!!
  • Saturday morning, leave to royal s'gor club by 10!!!
  • Rehearsel for my singing and dancing..
  • Get back home..dress up..which will probably take around 5 hours??
  • And about 5pm...its journey to Paradise..oh I hope it will be...
And all of a sudden, everything falls into place... I hate it when this happens!!..=((.... cause something terrible is on its way....I knew it!.. it always is...

Nevertheless, enjoy while you can... and I'll let you know which dress I choose alrite??..

Who knows, I might actually meet someone..;p ;p *keeps her fingers crossed!*

And don't expect to see soon k!.....busy woman d!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

There's this guy

"I put my faith in you.....what a stupid thing to do.."

Wait wait..let me guess whats on your mind...hehe.. You missed me sooo much rite??....Don't deny!!..I can see right through your eyes..awwwwwhhh..hehehehe..;p ;p ...Forgive me, the girl is just so daymned happy..the first paper is done!!...its time to PAR-TAY!!!..wooo hoooo~~!! ...whos up with me??...=)

Anyway, I've realized something today.... before waiting for sheena to do our revision together.. which I should say she's one heck of a girl! joke!!..=)

So back to my stories.. and this is a true story, no fiction added, or maybe there are some exaggeration here and there..well you know me and my dramas..;p

So there's this guy...hehehee...there is always one huh??.. He comes up to you..and says he fell head over heels for you.. How?? Just by looking at you.. and you'll be like.."Wow, I thought this only existed in movies..but well move on.." ...and he wants to know you more..probably make you his..whispers beautiful, breathtaking words while he stares in your eyes...and you go like "Gosh! is this all really happening??..Someone is actually telling me lies about my smile, my hair..and and..God! was good to hear!! like honey to your ears..." but the thing is... "My dear, I have no idea who you are except for your first tell me how...How am I to trust you..??" haiizzz... Forgive me but I'm not a difficult woman to please...Maybe if you stop impressing me with your beautiful words.. I mean, there aint no reason for flirts and flattery...but plain sincerity and honesty...and you'll impress me!! me, you will!..=)

Past experienced have thought me.... and I'm far falling for those words again.. the heart is is rock-solid now... but like I said, its not that heart to melt a broken heart..=) ...

And there's this other guy... who leaves you head over heels... and make you go like "WOW!!" ...and you secretly wish he was yours..and that he will be the one to whisper you those beautiful words... do all it takes to make you his...LOL...but well, if only life aint that easy..Still You do all it takes to gain his attention.. Read his messages over and over again.. refrain from deleting his messages.. stalk his Facebook.. Check his "wall to wall" messages...incase he found someone new.. and get hyped up when a girl writes on his wall.. have butterflies in stomach, the moment you meet him or see his name in your inbox, or simply by hearing his voice... Feel extremely down, when he aint a part of you missing... but the thing is... he likes you as a friend..Period.

LOL...oh yes... I've gone through all that..Hence I remember every single detail.. and then you begin to wonder, "Is something wrong with me..??" ...hehehehe..I've got news for you hun.. If he doesn't see you the way you are...or take note of the little things you do... or maybe he knows, just that he enjoys that "wanted-ness" feeling..and he lets it go on..instead of stopping he lets you fall for him, but no willing to catch you at the same time.. and there you go, literally FALLING and HURTING yourself!!..OUCH!!...but Its alrite!!!...It alrite..because he can't possibly be the guy for you... and..its his LOSS!!..BIG TIME LOSS!!...There's definitely someone else out there for you.. all you need to do is Get up, Stand up and Walk!!...move on.. let God lead the path you walk..=)

OOppss..I think I've crap a bit too much today.. well, who knows maybe...just maybe you experienced the same thing...and need some words of encouragement... well, God has a plan, and He will never let anything to harm you..=) Learn to have Faith!!!

Have a nice day!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Can zebras and lions be best friends?

"Thought you should know..I've tried my best to let go of you..but I dont want too.. just got to say it all..before I go.."

And today I'm the happiest girl on earth!!...weeeeeeeeee!!..hehe..No, not because I won a lottery, or cause I've found the love of my life.. but because..I'm done with everything!!...ASSIGNMENTS!!..relived..very very relieved!!..phheeww... really if I can fly to the sky, I will..unfortunately I still have my chill woman!!..take it easy, before you reach too high.. nanti jatuh, padam muka!..hehehehe

So I promised you my "falling from stairs" story right? Some other day la k..I'm too ecstatic to embarrass myself today..=)

hmmm..So pinky asked me, how am I??...I was like.."what you think?.." she was like, "you seem happy..but still like something is wrong somewhere"..heheehhe..

Really, I'm not sure how or what I feel anymore.. Like the feelings are numb, emotionless.. not heartless, just emotionless.. At times I feel I'm not myself.. I don't feel comfortable talking to almost everyone!!..but I just continue.. the chemistry is gone!!...=(( and lately I've been avoiding crowds too.. like a zebra running through a herd of lions.. and yes, I still fear them, hence I hide beneath the bushes.. camouflaged with the long grass..or can the zebra and lions be best friends?? feel like I'm wearing a worn out mask.. and the weird thing is, I'm planning to buy a brand new one!... hhaaiizz.. I do not know where the road is taking me... and if its a cliff, there aint no way I'm gonna survive this rite? Something is suggesting I should your dreams!!!

Ohh..crap!!...I knew I should have just told you my.."my falling from the stairs story.." ...Now, I've turned this happy post..into sad, and emo-ish post!! sssiighhh..

Anyway lets just forget whatever I said, and back to holidays!!..Oh yeah!!...I'm nowhere near KAJANG, CHERAS OR KL!!!..thats for sure... thought of going back to Johore.. been awhile since i last visited my grandparents..and I badly need some fresh air to breathe...One week in johore..and the other week??..hmmm.. UCSI surprisingly gave us 2 weeks off!!... all hail UCSI, for once!

oh oh..and one more thing... hmm..nevermind I'll continue next time k??..

Good night for now!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Because my mom is the best!

I'm guessing your weekend was not as bad as mine??.. hehe.. oh yes!!..Mine was really, extremely bad.. and finally..ssigghh..FINALLY, I have the time to blog.. and nope, you have got now idea how much I longed to blog despite my busy schedule.. but nevertheless.. here I am.. eager to tell you my story!..=)

Ceeehh..wahh.. some big time story I'm gonna tell so anyway, which part you wanna hear first?.. the sad, serious part..or the part ..hmm.. where I can't wait to tell you!!..heheh..actually its all the same la.. thought of being even more

Well first and foremost..Nick is back!!..weeeee!! wahhh.. Its been ages.. and we couldn't stop he never changed..still blurr as but we're gonna geng up and play badminton. bowling, futsal.. and all the other possible adventure!..hehehehe..

Secondly, I'm done editing!... Boy, it was out of my mind la k!... Edit, edit and edit..still got mistake.. I mean come on!!..its English.. How hard can it get?? ...and 'grammar' ..sigh.. Seriously, I lost hope in understanding what is verb, noun or adjective.. lol.. the mess of a writer.. well, does it really matter??.. I mean no matter whatever they are called, as long as your article sounds right.. you're safe!!.. thats how I write.. If the sentence does not sound right.. something is not right somewhere.. hehe.. yes!..I attended all my English classes at school, but seriously its ENGLISH!! ..and meanwhile we took all our lives just to edit 13

Thirdly, did you check out yesterdays headline?? ...I was out of my nerve.. Tell me where.. Where in the world can one have the heart to rape a 11 year in a van, in front of the students?? ..How??? ..Oh my.. It spoilt my mood the whole day!.. I just hate..H-A-T-E pedophiles.. I remember for the NURIN JAZLIN's case.. I was about 17, I think.. I couldn't take it anymore.. I wrote to the press!!.. New straight Times if I'm not mistaken.. God knows what I crapped.. but I just wrote.. Smartly wrote, but didn't check whether it came our or But yeah.. I got no more words.. Perhaps pray for the souls..and pray that your kids are not the next victim..=((

Fourthly, so I keep seeing posts in FB, *while I was taking a break from* .. some girls love calling each other "bitch" and some other words which I rather not contaminate my blog ...I still don't get it on why they prefer to be called as a female dog..or any other vulgar words..?? Thats the trend these days??.. haha.. the one without self value or worth??...Lol.. its ok, I'd rather be called "weird" or "blur" ..

So I realize that my mom is the best!...=)
She was in the ladies the coach when a few guys entered.. Then, when she reached Kajang, before leaving she told them this.."Ini koc wanitala...besok pakai skirt datang!!" I swear I was tearing already!!.. My mom is the bomb!!.. hehe

And then on Saturday night.. I was on the PC 24/7 la k!...Here's the conversation..

Mom: Juan, why are you on the computer 24 hours??
Juan: Assignments!!..
Mom: ..You sure??..make sure you dont sit down there and lay eggs!..
Juan: LOL..haahhaahahahaha

Then today, despite me sweeping my room floor, she insisted on sweeping it again.. ssiighh..MOMS!!...The conversation,

Mom: Juan, your hair dropping a lot ar...
Juan: I told you I have cancer..
Mom: Your hair is soo long d.. Don't wanna cut??
Juan: Maaaaa!! I have cancer...
Mom: Cut like Princess Diana.. short and sweet..
Juan: ....But she died...=(((
Mom: you have cancer..
Juan: ahahahahahhahahahhhaha ...*smart smart* ...

Hheheehe....Now you see, why I'm a bit abnormal?? and you haven't seen my dad yet.. hehehehehehe...

Anyway, it was someday today... Glad its over..

So I'll meet you again, in 2000 years time? ok tomorrow then!??.. I'll tell you how I fell down the stairs that day..;p ;p