Saturday, October 31, 2009

dramAS!! ..

omigosh...can't it get any worst?? i dont know what i pressed..the next thing.. my post is empty.. and i wrote like about 3 paragraphs!!..sigh.. it always have to REWRITE!! ..

it's been a DRAMATIC day for me!!..i meant it

let's start in the morning..
was still in bed.. when i heard my phone call.. CHERYL PEREIRA?? ..did i forget to cantor or proclaim??..what's the day today?? ..cheryl is the HEAD of proclaimers and cantors.. and she forgot to add in 31ST OCTOBER in the roaster..meaning there's no one on duty to proclaim and cantor.. so she asked..if i could read... as usual I said.."no problem" ...and then she said.."i think you better cantor.." i was kinda hesitating..cause i already cantored last week..HFC parishioners must be bored with me already..but then she convinced me by saying.."its harder to find cantors at the last minute..cause they need to practice and such.." ..i was like alright..since she put it that way..

the psalm was.."I LOVE YOU LORD, MY STRENGTH!!" .. i know i was dying to sing it..cause firstly..i love the words..secondly, the tune was AWESOME!! ..and again..GOD YOU ARE SOO GREAT!! see..all you have to do is ask.. =) for the book of psalms say.."Delight in the law of the Lord..and He will grant you your desires.." ..

So i went to church..and photostatted the psalm..came back home.. and practiced.. and then played my guitar..which i haven't touch in finally found back the passion..hmm..

After that..I had an argument with my mom..A HUGE ONE!! .. i knew i needed to go for confession.. sigh.. i hate it the part where she brings back the old stuff.. i mean i know i screwed up my SPM and grade 7 piano.. I've accepted it already..took me years..but i survived.. why can't she?? yeah.. it was pretty bad la.. I questioned God then.. like.."why did you let me hurt my mom.." ..and worsely.."why do you still LOVE and CARE for me so dearly, despite all the things i said and did??"...I do not deserve YOU!! ..and i went on bla bla..

Didn't have mood to do anything d after i went for confession..and wow.. IT WAS AMAZING..never felt such feeling.. it was light.. and RELIEVED!! ..could smile again for real!!..AMEN!! ..and so..during novena..I told Him..."Lord today, I'm gonna sing for you.. and only you.. no matter how it turns out.. ITS ALL for YOU!! gave me this voice.. be GLAD to hear it.." hehe

Mass started..suddenly Theresa asked.."all saints day or 31st Sunday..??" I said..31st.. well, I prepared for has to be 31st!! tomorrow is All saints quickly i checked with Rozanne..she said..31st too.. was a bit relieved..
Then cheryl read the first WAS ALL SAINTS DAY!! wonder Father george was wearing ALL WHITE!!'s ALL SAINTS DAY!! ..i begin sweating then.. heart popping out any moment..

I turn to ALL SAINTS DAY reading...the psalm was.."Such are the man who seek your face O lord..." ..I knew the tune..heard it quite a few times.. but I cant sing.. NO PRACTICE at all!! Then Rozanne said.."you sing what they project..if they project..31st then sing it..if ALL SAINTS DAy..then just read it..

I was like ok..then I looked at the cross..a thought crossed my mind.."but i told Him I would sing for Him.." ..and its ALL SAINTS DAY.. HFC can't go without a cantor.. it never went without one..

and I did the craziest thing ever.. I stood up.. rozanne looked at me.. there was I.. with all eyes starring at me.. holding a psalm..I've never practiced before.. with a trembling voice..and shivering hands..i looked at the cross "'s not me who's gonna sing..BUT YOU!" ..and so I shook my head..and she played.. ...I sang..

How was it?? ASK!!..i was panicking!!..i know i screwed it up..i asked Theresa.."it was out of tune rite??" ..and she said.."a bit..but don't worry..if i was you..i dont think i'll be able to do that..very courageous.." ..i got to my senses..i was like..OMG!! ..did i just do that??..what in the world was i THINKING??..i could have totally EMBARRASSED myself..I DIDNT PRACTICE!! ..pitching..could have been out.. How could i have agreed??..

Oh my....but the fact was..I sang...not because..I read music notes.. not because I could sing.. but because..I SIMPLY LET HIM LEAD ME..I TRUSTED HIM TO TAKE THE WHEELS!! ..though it wasn't that nice..but for me..*if you know me would have guessed how badly i was freaking out!!..* ..again..but for actually to do such things.. i tell you..Its a miracle!!..amazing.. say AMEN..for me k??..=)

and after mass..while fulfilling my penance..i started grumbling to God.."Lord..please dont do this to me again.."..i could imagine Him laughing..and I said "ITS NOT FUNNY!!" ..and i went on again and again..kinda like..nagging at HIM..and suddenly..a line appeared on my mind.."BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD.." ..and again..i was mesmerized.. and stood still.. just still.. in front of the BLESSED SACRAMENT!! you should try that sometimes.. and you can feel..and utmost feeling of CALMNESS AND PEACE...

after that..i went out..was talking to glynn and shaun.. saw my mom.. she was smiling.. i thought she knew what happen.. but all she did was..HUGGED AND KISSED me.. i was still in panic t to realize what she just did!! i just told her..and she said.."ok what your singing..though it wasnt as good as before..but not bad.." ..but i knew it was BAD!! ..

But hit..OMG..did my mom just hugged and kissed me in church..??.. i was almost in tears.. i couldn't think of anything else.. and i smiled..this line appeared to me.."YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH EVERYTHING..SO THAT I CAN SEE THE JOY YOU BRING..AT THE END OF IT ALL!!" ...i couldn't care less bout my singing then..hehe

And I realize.. HE LOVES ME..JUST AS I AM..
  • not because..I pray everyday..
  • not because I cantored for HIm
  • not because I proclaimed His good news..
  • not because..I teach catechism..
  • not because I'm a choir member..
  • not because..I'm in the youth ministry..
  • not because I serve the church..
  • not because I was born a CATHOLIC..
  • not because I read the bible..
  • and certainly NOT BECAUSE i BLOG about HIM almost everyday!!..
BUT SIMPLY BECAUSE..I AM HIS!! .. "full stop" further explanation..

and you His eyes..we are all the same.. the pope..the bishop.. the cardinals.. nuns..brothers.. ..why even the SATANIC WORSHIPERS.. believe it or not..HE LOVES US ALL THE SAME!! ..

in the song.."He(God)" it says..."SAINT OR SINNER STILL..HE LOVES US ALL THE SAME!!" .. well..even the SAINT!! ..He does not love anyone more..or less..

amazing huh?? ..but i agree..its hard to accept HIS ACCEPTANCE.. i find it hard too.. hmmm

jesus loves you!!..god bless..=)

Friday, October 30, 2009

from ict

I'm freeeeezzziinnggg!!...

the first time this sem..I'm blogging from UTARICT!! ..I wanted to blog the other day..but you know..the speed here is extremely fast rite??

anyway..I just finished doing my questions..for my students!!...hehe..what questions??.. the end year examination in sunday class... Believe it or not!!..the last I remember..i dislike sitting for exams..and now..I'M SETTING IT!! hehe..but one thing..I didnt know why I liked doing catechism exam.. not that I always SCORED a high mark.. but just is the only paper.. that I felt worth doin..

Sorry interuption.. someone was stalking me from the back!!'s some junior guy la.. like talking to him.. he like's to hear my opinion on things..=)

anyway..i dont see the point of this post.. perhaps..this morning..i was soooo touch by the song amazing grace(my chains are gone) chris tomlin..that i wanted to express it.. but unfortunately i have to leave..

btw..did i mention i was elected as the NEW CLASS REP?? ..i know wei.. actually i wasnt elected.. all of sudden..they shouted my like..NO WAY!! but ms khoo..said only for on my way to take the laptop and projector.. they somehow sweet talk the lecturer and made me the class rep.. and i didnt even know it!!..

hehe..meaning i have to be early like 10 minutes..and set up the LAPTOP AND PROJECTOR!! ..sigh..buts its a good exposure la..learnt a lot of things..hehe..

and all HFC YOUTH..who attended YOUTH LEADERSHIP CAMP!!...the post is out in herald!!..

gtg..late for class!!

take care and god bless

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I attended the prayers just now..and I think it's time i say it..hehehe..*big time*...

that i dont really crap..hehe..*YESSS I MEAN IT!! whatever I say make sense to me..though it may seem a little odd to you..but it make sense to me.. I like writing in a way that has double you know, where by you have to read between the lines kinda stuff..

Basically what I'm trying to say is that..I dont have the guts to say it out my brains comes up with such WEIRD imagination to picture the things I'm trying to tell you...but you probably wont get what I'm saying..or maybe I want to leave you in"what exactly is she saying??" and so I manipulate your mind and make you think "I'M CRAPPING!!..where, by right..I'M NOT!!.. so if your'll find the pieces and traces I COMPLETE THE PICTURE..!!..

and again you'd probably think NOW.."what in the world is she saying..??"... and i say.. FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF!!..=)

another dumb survey..i dont mind

Are you feeling guilty about anything right now?
* ...nope..the guilt has been washed by HIS blood...=)

When’s the last time you had fast food?
* yesterday!!..the calories increasing...sigh..

Who was the last person you got a text from?
* james...from the camp... didnt bother replying..haizz

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
* depends on what kinda "kiss" you meaning.. if your talking bout babies..NOPE!! ..i'll die to kiss them...=)..

Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
* hehe..nope..not at the moment..

Are you excited for winter?
* oh yeahhh!!..unfortunately all we have hotness and sweaty palms..hmm

Have you kissed or hugged anyone today?
* yup yup...BABY JOSIA!!..

Are you disappointed about anything?
* ermmm... yup..

How many cellphones have you had?
* erm...2...=)

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody?
* of cause..

Do you like anyone right now?
* no reason to hate them..=)

Is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single?
* so what if I'm taken??.. o

When was the last time you saw someone attractive?
* hahahaah...just a few hours ago...

Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?

Whats something that happened at 12pm today?
* erm...i returned back the projector and laptop to ict..and forgot to take my id...hehe..

Is there someone you will never forget?
* everyone..=)

What is something you currently want right now?
* hmmmm....i have JESUS..what else could I possible want??=)

What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
* wow..I'm alive still..thank you lord..=)

How many pillows do you sleep with?
* 2 my baby..*bolster* side pillow.. I'm like a baby..hehe..needs lotsa hugging when i;m a

Is life good?
* uh huh...extremely!!

How many people do you 100% trust?
* only God..not even myself..hehe

When was the last time you had a real smile on your face?
* with JOSIA!!..darm cute wei1!

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you?
*hehehe..not that i;ve known off...i dont really attract many..

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
* nope.. when you have Christ in you..the word "hate" doesnt exist..=)

When’s the last time you had a late night phone conversation?
* just a moment ago..with CYN!!

Do you honestly believe that good things happen to those who wait?
* God says..WAIT!!..and you'll have the best!! i'll wait..even if it takes forever..

Do you want to see someone this very minute?
* yeah...all those creature that colored my life..

Do you trust all of your friends?
* only the close ones...

Are you happy with the way things are going?
* it depends on your mind actually... no matter how the things are going..its your decision to make it happy or not..and currently I am!!...though it's pretty bad..hehe

Are you a forgiving person?
* i guess... forgive.. and it'll ease your burden..forgive and you can SMILE..=) or else it's like your taking poison and wishing them to die..

Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace?
*of cause...its malaysia dude!!..

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
*uh huh...

Would you like to go back and change any part of your life?
*FOR LIKE THE 20TH time!!..NOPE!!

When will your next kiss be?
*doink!!..if i know..why would i still be sitting here..doing this quiz??..hehe

Where were you at midnight?
* at home la..

Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
* uh huh...i have overflowing love..all of a sudden..hehe

Last person you saw other than your family?
* BEC members..=)

Will tomorrow be better than today?
* yup yup...=)

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you drank?
*sunKISS juice!!

What does your hair look like right now?
* wet..i like it when its wet.hehe

Is there a night you’d like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
* im trying not to read between the then if there was a will be CHRISTMAS!!!..weeeee

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
* jacynta jasmine!!

Name a time you thought you were going to die?
* this my nightmare!!..aarrgghh

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
* nithya...tracy...ana..

If you found out you got someone pregnant, what would you do?
* ...i can do that?? babies!!..i want the baby..=)

What annoys you
* those who uses excessive vulgar words in their conversation

Next vacation you’re going on?
* must be to kluang..where else!!

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
* yeah!!

What was the last thing you ate?
* rice..chicken..vege..

Ever sneak out the house?
* lol..good girl k..

What’s your favorite beverage?
* lime juice..=)

Ever dated a blond-haired, blue-eyed person?
* would loved too!!...awwwhhh

Do you ever lie about your age?
* hahaah...they lie about mine though..they think im 25..yeah i know!!..25!!...ARGHH

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
* tell me about it...sighh..

What side of the heart do you draw first?
* right..does it matter?

Can you dive without plugging your nose?
* swim a dead fish..wanna dive without plugging my

Word of the day :
* CUTE!!..

What do you want right now?
* errrm...dont know..or maybe i do/

What else do you want?
* what i want also im not sure..this one.."what want"
What color is your phone?
* black!!

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
* tied together with a*dont ask*

Where are you right now?
* rooom sweet room..

How do you feel about carrots?
*hard when not cooked...preferred it boiled..softer..=)

What is something new today?
* hillsongs!!

How many chairs at the dining room table?
* 7..heheeh...i know weird!!

Who is the best Spice Girl?
* erm...emma..sweet voice..=)

Do you know what time it is?
* 12.05 am..

What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
* err..sing?? nahh..i'll call cynta and talk for hours..hehe

Do you like your ice cubed or crushed?
* depends...but i like eating ice though.. hehehe.. unless if its blended then i WANT IT BLENDED LA!!..hehe

Do you use big words that you don’t know the meaning to?
* haahahahahaha...i try not to make that kinda fool of my self..

Do you like to sleep?
* YEAHH..BABY!!..anytime anywhere..

Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings?
* dont know..dont care..hehe

Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
*uh huh..emo song!!..=)

wow...this is like really long!!..hahahah..whoever manage to read it till the end!!..thanks a lot..i appreciate your patience!!..

take care..god bless

himmmmm!!! ...and him..

He is soooo cute!!.. like awesomely.. and he walked in right through my door!!...MELTED MY HEART with his SMILE!! .. swept of my feet...when he lifted his arms..into mine!!...those gorgeous eyes..never left mine... I kissed his cheeks!!..and he BEGGED for more!!..WOW!! ...

for the first time...IT'S REAL!! .. I am not LYING!! ..but...haiz..there's always a "but" ...he's only 2!!! ...*sobs..sobs..* ...JOSIA AMALAN.. is my neighbour...real HAWWTT extremely handsome looking...2 year old neighbour.. somehow he got attached to always do..I can't help it..hehe..

I was watching "the nanny"..and suddenly i heard the shoes know kids..they have these awesomely cute shoes that comes with pretty annoying"SQUICK SQUICK!!" ...and when I turned...there HE WAS!!! ...omygosh.. why wasnt he born 17 years before..?? he would have been perfect...sigh.. wonder which lucky girl is HIS!! ..he's sure a hunk when he's 20.. wonder how would my son be like...hmmm..

Anyway..I had a NIGHTMARE today!!..a real one.. i always have my nap in noon time.. and it's been a while since i last had a dream..and i had one today.. it was AWFUL!! ..for the first time..i got up..and thanked my alarm..for waking me up at the right moment!..cause if I found out the truth..I would have died in my sleep..=( can say 'it's only a DREAM!!" ...but was so REAL!..and kinda had a connection with my life now.. only one thing..i can't figure out what it means.. what are you trying to tell me..dear Lord?? ..hmm

And last night..we were at T.G.I FRIDAYS!! ..and again.. i got tempted.. the WAITER ..wanted to SUE the waiter for looking soo good.. sigh.. just when I thought I'm done with GUYS!! ..they keep me coming back for more.. only thing..they just pass by..

Ok..dont let me repeat the whole..'love' thing again..Lord..please.. the last time i WENT through it.. the stain is still there..I tried my best to wash it away.. but it's SOO STUBBORN!! can;t be permanent.. can't it Lord?? ..cause if it is, it wont look "nice" anymore..and i kinda ran out of detergent.. so what do you suggest Lord?? .. DETTOL??..PROTEXT?? ..please not CLOROX!! will ruin the whole thing..why even change the color.. I dont want that.. I just want the "feeling" AKA stain to go away... how hard can it be..?? ..or can you at least send help me get rid of it??..please...sighh..

dont bother me..the girl needs a new maid.. lol.. post are surprisingly short these days..hehe..
maybe cause..she's keeping a lof of stuff away from the world.. away from you..
she's learning to treasure it in the heart..and permanently save it in the pendrive..
Let's hope she doesnt loose it!!..=p
If you want her to open the pen drive..make sure YOU'RE OUT OF VIRUS!! ..=p..

the girl is crapping again..

take care..=D

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

more to life

Remember the guy from the camp..who has been messaging me?? after the camp..

Its not something bad or what la.. I mean I know i have the tendency to get people addicted to me very fast..but this is a bit over i think.. *ceehh perasan*, its like obesession.. The dude messages me as early as 6.15am!! ..after my every class..during his lunch time.. at night.. my inbox in FULL!!

I've already told him in the nicest way as possible.."I dont wanna get into another mess..please understand.." ..nope..he doesnt wanna give up..he says he just wanna be my friend!!..I tried my best to be "mean" ...i ignored his messages..but after a while..i feel bad.. sigh.. and i dislike that part of me..for giving in too much.. *GIRL, LEARN TO SAY "NO" NEXT TIME K??*

But lets see far is this dude willing to go.. cause currently the heart is any kinda feeling.. as in that "butterfly" feeling.. the walls has already been built much stronger and higher.. impossible for any human to penetrate..unless his the best of the best la.. so lets wait for the so called.."knight in shinning armor" to break the walls..and calm the fire burning in me..=) big time la..

Anyway thats not for me to decide.. I LEAVE IT TO HIM UP THERE!! =) For He has better plans for me..than I could ever have for myself.. Plans only HE knows that could truly satisfy and bring the joy I want.. well,who knows..I might not even find the right guy...which brings me back to the main point..there's more to life than all this..=)

good nite and cling on to JEREMIAH 29:11 =)

Monday, October 26, 2009

beautiful shore

Poor abandon blog..sigh..
Too busy already..

Remember the uncle I told you about??..Uncle John Chew.. He passed away Friday night..So every night was there for the prayers.. plus attended PPA.. which was ok lar.. Luckily they had it separately for the youths.. or else I would be snoring through out..hehe..=p.. and then attended had a deepavali gathering.. Today attended the uncle's funeral..

You know which part I dislike the most in FUNERALS??..the EULOGY part.. its either it has no effect..or HAS A HUGE IMPACT!! Cause the moment EVELYN..*his first daughter* ..started.. I was like LEAKING PIPE!! ...tears started flowing down like nobody's business.. so much so..that I do not dare put my head up..I MUST HAVE LOOKED HORRIBLE!!.. with my "over-fluid" running nose..and wet face..almost sobbing.. I was wearing my white pants..and you can see a huge patch of soaked water there..*looked as if I pee-ed* ..ok not that bad..but something like that..hehe..

It's like.."you don't miss the water till the well runs dry.." don't realize the value of a person till they are ACTUALLY gone!!.. what she said was sooooo true.. He's one of the old timer who actually know MY NAME!! ..and not just as.."gabriel's daughter" most of them.. he NEVER gotten angry..never heard him talking bad about anyone.. present for every meeting.. and sharing..not matter how bored they are.. caroling was the best..!! he was the one..who made us laugh like crazy.. sigh..

You know what's one of the GREATEST thing being A CHRISTIAN??..its that although.."you are dead" ...YOU STILL LIVE IN CHRIST..for it is only THROUGH Him..we have SALVATION!! ..and HE Died for that we MAY HAVE in ABUNDANCE!! ..amazing huh?? know they are SAFE in Gods hands!!..besides..every single one of us are BLESSED!! .."Blessed" the title given to ONE ..before they become a SAINT..for in John20:29 ..HE says.."BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO HAVE NOT SEEN..AND YET BELIEVE!!" ..How precious are you IN GOD'S eyes..for believing in HIM..though we HAVENT really seen HIM literally!! for not doubting in HIm..but TRUSTing in HIM ..that in everything HE DOES,,all HE WANTS IS YOU!!..

..sadly some people still don't get it..that when one dies..they have gone to be with Christ!!..the one place..I would rather be..than on earth.. and you know..I think the faster one dies..the better..because the less suffering will he or she endures..for he or she committed less SINS!! ..

well anyway..after mass..for the final hymn..they sang.."sweet bye and bye" of my favorites..but i couldn't tears flowed down my eyes still..but one thing I HOLD ON TO.."we shall meet on the beautiful shore"..=)

i had to rush back to college..I dislike MONDAYS!!..only have one MISERABLE CLASS..from 1-3pm!..yikess.. anyway.. suddenly Father George..pointed at me, my sis and john gomez.."I want to meet all 3 of you my office!!" got called into principle's office only.. I remember the fist time i entered Father's office was for my confirmation interview..with Fr julian..and then for my application for Assunta Hospital..*long story* ..sigh.. and then now..

firstly father commented.."good job on your cantoring yesterday and reading today.." ..very clear..and i was like..he actually knew it was ME?? ..anyway..ALL PRAISE AND HONOUR GOES TO HIM UP THERE..!! ...He gave me these gifts..its only wise..if I use them FOR his GLORY!!
and then he was asking us to recruit member to attend LOVE & LIFE THIS YEAR!! ..since i already i cant attend yeah..anyone interested..can let me know..=)

actually got a lot more stories la..but dont wanna bore you...have to take leave now..


take care..and god bless..

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My child

Remember I was talking about WYD the other day??..and guess what happen today..hehe..

Today we had election..for all the English Youths.. and they..i mean we are going to raise funds from now attend WYD in Madrid SPAIN in 2011!!...the whole committee!! ..if it's God's will la..cause I sooooo wanna go!!..
Please, please..Lord make it happen!!..

Amazing isnt a few days ago I was talking about it..and then Freddie came up with that brilliant idea!!...aahhh..God, you are soooo great..=)

I felt very bad today.. I did something..or perhaps I hurt someone..I shouldn't have...or maybe it's more than one person..sigh..

Weird you life can turn out to be.. ONE minute..Your like so hyper.."I CAN GO THROUGH IT!!" ...but when it comes to the real tend to falter.. you know its wrong..but still... the HUMAN NATURE..takes control..and God's soft prompting is ignored..

sigh..I feel kinda messed is fading away..i know it is..for i was going back to my old self..the one who was afraid of the world..the one who allowed people to take advantage and hurt her however they want to..the one who didnt dare go forward and state what's her beliefs..but after talking and laughing with God's holy made me realize something..

We had supper in McD..which brought back memories... been a long time since I've been there.. well anyway..I wonder what exactly did God have in His mind..when He made us??..I was He feeling..when He died for us..gave up His life..and then see us acting like this.. To answer those questions..i wrote this

My child,
I who formed you in your mother's womb..
I who knew you..even before you were born..
I who carved your the palm of my hands..
How can you think..I'd leave you alone..??

Everyday I see you..
I see you walking down that lane..with a heavy heart..
Loneliness had you trapped from deep within..
The fear of rejection brought you back in chains..
Number of hurts you've been through..
The tears..that you dare not hold anymore..

But my child..fear not!!..
For I am with you..
The price I paid for you..
The blood I shed on Calvary..
The whippings that tore my flesh..
The thorns that pierced my skull..
The cross I bare on my shoulder..
The nails that ripped my palms..
Even all this could not stop me..
For in my mind..
All I could think of is YOU!! child..
I thirst for you too..
Every night..I long to hear your voice..
Every day..I want to be in your presence..
Every second..I want to be YOURS!!

For I will trade your broken heart...with mine
Loneliness..will not dare touch you!
For all you'll ever Me..
I made my own image..
Don't worry about rejection..
For I've already accepted you..for who you are..
I cry when you cry..
I hurt even more when you hurt..
Ever drop of tears..I counted..
The sore wounds of your soul..
I felt it too..

But I tell child..
It's all yours..
The blood I shed..
The love I poured..
My spirit..
Is all yours..

If only you allow me..
To work wonders in your life..
To be your friend..your counselor..
A shoulder to cry on..
To walk with the valley of darkness
To be with you..and hold you in my arms..
When it hurts a lot..
To tell you.."it's OK..I'm here for you"..
When it doesn't work out..
To be your guide..
In everything you do..

Be not afraid anymore..
For I have called you my own..
Can a mother forget the child she feeds..??..
For even if this happen..I will never forsake you..
You are mine..
I love you..

Lots of love,
Your Father..

Got a lot more to write..but I'll save it for another day..
take care..god bless..

Thursday, October 22, 2009

at the cross

Seriously..I'm not suppose to blog.. have a lot of writings to do.. but I just downloaded an awesome song.. YOU GOT TO LISTEN TO IT!! me.. you just have to.. I have no words to describe it..JUST GO LISTEN! ..

Oh Lord You’ve searched me..
You know my way..
Even when I fail You..
I know You love me..

Your holy presence..
Surrounding me..
In every season..
I know You love me..
I know You love me..

At the cross I bow my knee..
Where Your blood was shed for me..
There’s no greater love than this..
You have overcome the grave..
Your glory fills the highest place ..
What can separate me now..

You go before me..
You shield my way..
Your hand upholds me..
I know You love me..

At the cross I bow my knee..
Where Your blood was shed for me..
There’s no greater love than this..
You have overcome the grave..
Your glory fills the highest place ..
What can separate me now..

You tore the veil..
You made a way..
When You said that it is done..

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee..
Where Your blood was shed for me..
There’s no greater love than this..
You have overcome the grave..
Your glory fills the highest place ..
What can separate me now..

Just listen k??..and please please keep uncle John Chew from my BEC in your prayers.. He is at his dying breath.. any moment.. Visited him just now.. he never failed to make me laugh.. keep all his family members in your prayers as well.. God will bless you!!..

take care..good nite..

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I need inspiration to write.. To be honest.. i dislike writing about an event..unless it's for my blog..

Cause I'm suppose to write about the YOUTH LEADERSHIP CAMP for herald.. but I have no idea how to start.. which brings me back to the core question.. WHY IN THE WORLD DID I CHOOSE JOURNALISM as my career in future??..yikes..

Anyway..there's this guy.. lol.. which I'm beginning to wonder.. why in the world..must there always be a guy??.. why does this species always have to get in my way?? ..and who can't be happy without a guy??.. well.. I, Juan Margrita Gabriel Thomas.. am officially single.. and likes it that way!! ..oh wait..actually there's a guy in my life.. HE'S been there forever.. even knew me before I was born..and has MY NAME.. crafted at palm of HIS hands..even gave up HIS life for me.. the one and only GUY..who will be with me till the end of time.. HE is non-other than guessed it!!..YESUS KRITUS!! ..

So back to my story..hehe.. I met this guy during the camp..and he took down my number.. and ever since then He's been messaging and night.. He even wanted to top-up for me..incase my credit finishes.. but that wont be a I'm still using post-paid.. and when He found out I was travelling daily..he offered to sent me to COLLEGE!! ..and was crapping about buying me a car and should imagine the look on my face now..

There's only one problem!!..I HAVE NO WHAT-SO-EVER INTEREST in him.. I tried my best to make it obvious.. like replying his messages late..or sometimes..just not reply at all.. He even called a few times.. felt really akward..sigh.. How to tell someone..NO!! not hurting them??.. It breaks my break another's heart.. but sigh..

I don't know why..since the camp I attended.. I dont really care how I look..or dress.. My eyes is always locked to this book called.."DEAR ABBA" for I was so engrossed in my book..that I didnt realize my stop..and the bus OVER SHOOT!! ..but THANK GOD!! ..He quickly woke me up just when the bus left my STOP! i only walked about extra 5 minutes.. hehe..I just thanked Him..that I didnt end some UNKNOWN AREA!! ..but even if I did..i know it's all been taken care of..=)

And surprisingly.. no guys caught my attention lately.. it's like.."SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL.." ..not to say that checking out guys is EVIL!!'s just the moment.. the heart is close..for all the lovey dovey stuffs..

So yes Lord..How am I to deal with this problem?? ..I know the feeling of getting rejected.. it hurst..very much.. I wouldn't wanna do it to another..NOOO.. but guess sometimes..I have to break my own rule.. I mean.. when the dude finds out its a hurts even more right??..

Therefore..dear Father.. I leave this matter into your hands.. I leave this particular guy into your hands.. You who created him as your own LIGHT and Image.. Help him be strong and accept whatever plans you have for him..for it's clear..that this guy's NOT ME!! ..
so help him..

by the way..I didnt mention anything about college huh?? I'm taking this subject called SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY AND "MATHS FOR BUSINESS AND SOCIAL STUDIES" simpler words..its called ADD MATHS!! ..heheeh.. yeah..all those corrupted stuffs..needs to be polished.. But I kinda like maths.. only problem..I KINDA FORGOT ALL!!..hehe.. He said.."DON'T worry MY's all been taken CARE OF!! ..just BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD!!" ..

take care..god bless..

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dear Abba

I just came back from charismatic.. And during praise and worship.. linda who was leading..kept on looking at me.. no idea why.. it was wonderful.. praising God..for everything that has happen.. for accepting me back.. =)

And after charismatic..linda came and asked me.. "are you ok??" ...i was like.."why??" ..i mean.. I was a bit troubled.. but didn't know it was obvious.. and then she asked me.. "do you wanna lead praise and worship??" heart almost came out.. puzzled at the question she asked.. curious at the answer I was going to give..

To be honest.. I always wanted to lead praise and worship.. but didn't have the guts to do it.. and she came and asked ME!!..the one who almost threw up cause of a 5 minutes speech..or any presentation.. the shy one..who never dare go forward and state what she thinks!!.. of all persons..WHY ME?? ..she could have asked.. Rozanne or Charlotte.. But she choose me.. WHY??!! ..and why did she ask me NOW?? ..when I'm willing to surrender everything to God.. why didnt she ask me..before this..??

Dear Abba Father..

I have no idea of the plans you have for me.. I have no idea how is my life going to turn out.. I have no idea if i have the strength to can carry out Your you have planned me to do so.. I have no idea why I did the things I did today.. I have no idea..why am I still willing to smile..though it hurts..

Then I realize.. all you want me to TRUST!! ..
trust in take control of my life.. For it is no longer I who live..but YOU!! ..only you!!

trust in You..that you have everything planned ahead for me.. and all I need to do is SMILE!!
trust in YOU..that you will keep your promises.. to soar on wings like eagles..

trust in You..that though it hurts badly..something good is coming from it..
trust in YOU..that even if I was left out in the dumpster..cold and alone.. You're still there to carry me on Your wings..and mend this broken heart of mine..

Today Lord, I commit this heart and soul of Thy hands..that created me.. It might be a bit messed up..but it has been cured..has been healed.. by just one touch of Your breath!! .. and it is willing to serve.. to serve YOu..and your people.. it is willing to LET GO everything.. if that's what You're asking.. I'm ready to be YOURS FOREVER..

But Father.. I have to remind you..I am a sinner.. been a sinner all my life.. so please.. Help me.. help me do the right thing.. If you think I'm the right person..then by all means.. I want to carry the cross on my shoulders..=) ..

Thank you Lord..for allowing me to experience this miracle.. I couldn't ask for anything more..


Your daughter

I couldnt get this out of my mind..

Lamb of God..we worship you..
Holy One..we worship you..
Bread of life..we worship you..
Emmanuel..we worship you

Jesus loves you..!! good nite!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Let HIM pedal!!

Sigh... I so wanted to go for WORLD YOUTH DAY last year.. but guess God had other plans for me.. Cause when Eddy talked about his experience.. I knew I missed something amazing.. Never mind.. someday I'll make it.. and when that day comes.. I'll blog about it..=)
Why am i suddenly talking about WYD?? ..cause..i felt it in this song.. RECEIVE THE POWER!! .. the song already is sooo superb!!..imagine how the event would have been??>>

Listen to this.. I didnt write it.. but I read it in this book called.."DEAR ABBA" .. it teaches one to surrender completely to the FATHER..=)

When I met Christ,
It seems as though life were rather like a bike ride..
But it was a tandem bike..(double bicycle)
and I noticed that Christ..
was in the back..helping my pedal..

I don't know just when it was..
that He suggested we change places..
But life has not been the same since then..

When I had control, I knew the way..
It was rather boring..but predictable..
It was the shortest distance between two points..

But when HE took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts..
up the mountains..and through rocky grounds..
All I could do was hang on!!
Even though it looked like madness..
He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked..
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didnt answer..
And I learned how to trust..

I forgot my boring life..
and entered into the adventure..
And when I'd say, "I'm scarred,"
He leaned back and touch my hand..

He took me to people with gifts that I needed..
Gifts of healing..acceptance and joy..
He said, "Give the gifts away;
they're extra baggage, too much weight."
So I the people we met,
and I found that in giving I received..
and still our burden was light.

I did not trust HIM, at first..
In control of my life..
I thought He'd wreck it;
but He knows bike secrets,

He knows..
how to make it bend to take sharp corners..
how to jump to clear high rocks..
how to fly to shorten scary passages..

And I am leaning to shut up and pedal!!
in the strangest places..
I'm beginning to enjoy the view..
and the cool breeze on my face..
with my delightful constant companion..

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore./
He just smiles and says....."PEDAL!"


Amazing huh??...when you LET HIM take control..that's what I'm learning now.. NOT MY WILL DONE..BUT YOURS DEAR LORD!!..

good nite and god bless..

Sunday, October 18, 2009

i found back my life..

first and foremost....
JESUS LOVES YOU!!! though you think you're unworthy.. though you feel unwanted.. though you've failed all your life.. though they reject and criticize you.. HE STILL LOVES YOU..AND WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU!!..YOU'RE THE APPLE OF HIS EYE.. YOU'RE THE AIR THAT HE BREATHES..believe it or not!! ...HE ALREADY KNEW YOU..even BEFORE YOU WERE FORMED IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB!!!...amazing aint it??..this GOD of ours.. =)

ok..i think I've mentioned that part quite a lot of times..but sometimes people tend forget..hehe..LIKE ME!!..and there's nothing wrong in reminding them over and over again..

I expected the camp to be GREAT!! all the others that I've attended..but there was something different about this camp.. firstly, I was glad i wasn't with my FRIENDS.. you know..the ones I usually hang out with..*initially i was kinda sad..thinking I would be alone and stuff..* But then..I realize.. sometimes.. in life you just have to LET GO EVERYTHING..AND let JESUS take control.. trust me.. you DO THAT!! ..and you've won the most PRECIOUS thing on earth..

I knew there was going to be inner healing..and I knew I badly needed this.. needed to get out of this MESS!! ..needed to MAKE THINGS RIGHT!! ..needed to GET MY LIFE TOGETHER!! ..

and as know..during healing.. I'll cry.. i'll cry out.. It just comes out..and I have no POWER to stop it!! ..and the worst thing..IT FElt SOOOO GOOD!! ..=) ..and this time.. while they were praying over me..I said.."Lord,in case you're wondering.. I still exist.. So if you wanna use me.. this might be right time.." sounded mean right?? I said..sometimes.. when you can hold on's better to let it all out!!.. then..i could feel my feet and knees trembling.. I tried not to fall.. but then..BRENDAN..*tell you about him later* ..sang this line.."LET GO AND LET ME IN!!" yeah..i just fell.. fell in the arms of love.. fell into a world of peace.. fell in love with JESUS all over AGAIN!! ..

Before I continue.. I think for those who have been following my might have known all sh!t i went through.. so yeah..while I was resting in the Spirit..I was conscious..totally..conscious.. I could hear everything.. only thing..I was NUMB!! ..i couldn't move my feet..and hands..even my EYES!! ...Then i asked the Lord.."So what you wanna tell me, Lord??" ..and out of no where.. this sentence appeared in my head..."I WAS WITH YOU THROUGH IT ALL..I AM WITH YOU NOW..AND I WILL BE WITH YOU TILL THE END OF TIME!!!!" ...i couldn't argue after that.. just treasured that heavenly and most extraordinary moment of my life..

And after that..everyone was so excited!! ..I know I was.. cause it was like.. everything has been lifted up from you.. no worries.. even if there were troubles.. it's not our problem..cause HE IS THERE TO take care of it!!

Now Brendan..was a guy i met..during my god sisters 21st bday party.. and He SANG for her bday.. the moment I heard him singing..I just had to stop whatever I was doin.. and searched for that voice.. I could feel my heart beating so fast..for I know..NO MERE HUMAN could have sang..THAT BEAUTIFULLY!!.. no joke.. it was so beautiful that you could hear him sing..FOREVER!! ..and of cause the naughty though came to my mind..hehe.."gosh..his girlfriend is truly blessed!!" ..

And at the camp..I met him again.. the first day.. he sang a song.. the song with the line.."LET GO AND LET ME IN..!!" ..till now..I have no idea..about the title..hmmm.. anyway..I then found out.. THE DUDE IS ENTERING THE SEMINARY!! cool is that??..let me describe him k.. he wears glasses..with pierced ears..spiked up hair..has a tattoo.. dresses up like 3 quarter pants..and sport shoes.. yeah..i was thinking the same thing!!..THAT DUDE??!! A PRIEST!!?? ..oh great..guess i missed my*kidding* ..he's 27 btw..

But seriously..after healing session..we were all staying up..cause it was the last night.. and BRENDAN told his he was inspired to become a priest.. and I WAS LIKE WOW!!! ..He is blessed..truly blessed.. he was like a role model.. and inspired me as well.. in a way.. he left me in confusion though.. about the plans God has for me..

anyway back to my after the chit chat session.. we went back to our domes..and that night.. I prayed.. like I used to..when I was younger.. I couldn't stop talking to Jesus.. I didnt want to.. I found back the bond which I have lost many months ago.. I found back the love of my life.. well..I FOUND BACK MY LIFE!!

In the anther miracle.. just a line..stirred me up!! ..HOLY SPIRIT SET MY LIFE ON FIRE!!"... and I felt it again.."receive the a light unto the world" ..and during testimony time..i went up.. hehe..I always the way.. I mean.."hey!! you experience something tremendous!!..why keep it to yourself??..YOU HAVE THE SPIRIT WITH YOU!! so yeah..BE NOT AFRAID!!" ..just have a little faith..

overall it was amazing..

I remember telling my God once.."Lord, will you please allow me to fall in least once??" *at that time i didnt have anyone*..well..he did allow me.. but was only temporary.. I was always wonderin WHY?? And now I know why.. cause HE WAS SAVING ME UP FOR ALL THIS!! ..for I couldnt be any more in love with HIM than anyone else!! it made me realize..that LIFE ON EARTH IN TEMPORARY..just like the so called.."fallin in love i felt initially"..but LIFE IN HEAVEN..WOW!! unexplainable!! ..and I wouldn't experience all this..if i NEVER WENT THROUGH what i DID!! ..

to be honest..I feel sorry..for those who didnt attend this camp!! ..

starting college tomorow..and I'm excited!!..hehehe..BECAUSE I CARRY THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT IN MY HEART!!..cant wait to show HIM OFF!! ..=)

take care..and JESUS LOVES YOU!!..=)

Friday, October 16, 2009


....I'm exhausted.. too tired.. would love to tell you about my day.. quite a lot of interesting things happen.. neighbour's daughter aged 15 committed suicide..*i got a lot to blog about this..* dress!!..which I brought back the wrong one..*dont ask!!* ..and lastly.. my sister's dinner..which was awesome!!..*a lot of pics to post as well..* ..

I'm so sorry..i cant do all tomorrow..actually I'm not even suppose to blog..but since I'm waiting for the chicken to be roasted in cafe world..might as well use the extra time..hehe..

Tomorrow..gonna be a long day.. going to genting for the youth leadership camp..and i haven't packed anything..sigh..only be back on guess will see you then k??..

take care..god bless..
p/s dont miss me..though i know i will..=p

Thursday, October 15, 2009

the ugly truth

THE UGLY TRUTH!! awesomest movie i've ever watched through out the year..
seriously..if you havent watch me..YOU SHOULD!...i mean if you are a normal human being like me..*YES I AM NORMAL!!*'ll LOVE it!! ...I dont normally say it.. but i was laughing my ass out..through out the whole movie!!

but they kinda kutuk women a lot..which, part of it might be true..the BULLSHIT!! ..hehehe..I like the last part though..when SHE takes over the mic..and tells the truth.. which might be ugly..for the guys..but IT IS THE TRUTH!! word..CHICKEN!! ok maybe two words..CHICKEN & COWARDs!!... they as in MEN know what to do..but they don't have the guts to actually do it..and then they claim.."I'm stronger one!!" hehehe...I'm sorry..but the truth is ugly, remember??!! ..

no wonder so many of them run away..hide in that hideous mask of theirs..

but one thing I learn..never changed who you are..for someone else.. that defeats the whole purpose..of friendship..and even love.. I mean..why be with someone..when they dont like you..FOR "YOU"?? but if you change for that's a different story.. whoever you're doing an EXCELLENT JOB!! .. but the whole point is..dont change for wont be worth it..even if you're blurr, crazy, weird..and lame like i doubt there will be another "me"..just be who you are.. trust me.. the worlds population is growing.. surely the "one in a million" ..will break those walls and sweep you off your I'm dreaming too much..arent I?? ..

*sigh* ... was my last day in tuition.. though it was only i and 1/2 weeks.. gonna miss those little rascals..who never failed to make me smile..after giving me the wrong answers. gonna miss ..cracking my head..on a standard 5 manual division..commonly known as "bentuk lazim" ..gonna miss the time..whereby my heart almost stopped beating..when one of them fall after playing "catching" ..*it happens all the* ..gonna miss those time..when they always correct my 'tamil'..and I'll correct their "english" .. hmmm.. when you start liking something.. only when you know it's gonna end.. starting to love holidays.. when i realize..i have another 2 more days left..and then back to normal life..travelling..assignments.."GUYS" ..=p.. wait..the "last one" happens..even in wait..i mean checking out guys in of the advantage travelling..hehehe..

a buzy day..tomorrow.. hehe..GOING SHOPPING!! ..for my sis birthday.. found a partner.. and then at night..DINNER!! my celerating i some bangsar..hmmm..forgot whats the name..

and then on FRIDAY-SUNDAY!! ...YOUTH LEADERSHIP idea why am i so excited..cause the next day..i'm heading back to college life..and part of me is hating it.. sigh..

well anyway..dont miss THE UGLY TRUTH!!.."its worth your time..=)

good nite..and god bless..

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

my baby of 21 years..

OMG!! mom emailed this to my sis..for her birthday..*shhoo..keEp it between us k??*...i find it rather touching...=)... i think i have the BEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!...

Hi my darling baby,

Amma here, you r 21st 2day?(13/10/99). i can't believe this tiny girl of mine is a young woman now. You were lst brought forth to this world in University Hosp PJ, with rosy cheeks black thick hair, eyes closed most of the time. I ll just wait for you to open your eyes. The tiny cutie i hold then,your little fingers that clasped my index finger, the big round eyes trying to focus on bright colours, the most difficult task of yours ie to drink milk, your cunning tricks to be carried, the first time you turned to lie flat on your chest, the first time you crawl, your 1st footsteps when u walk, your first word, how you were afraid of Santa Claus, how u welcome you baby sister juan, how u played with your little cousins. How u were a bundle of joy to your maternal grandparents, uncles dan chiti becoz you were the 1st grandchild for them.
You lst days in tadika, how you 'con' your fellow tadika students, your early days in JB primary school. your class teacher had tales of stories to tell me and i too have seen myself. I m sure the rest of the things of yourself you can remember from there(primary school to now)
Today i thank God for he has given me a wonderful daughter. Many parents have given the best 21st birthday celebrations for their children but unfortunately i m not able to give . Forgive me for that. But i truly give my sincere blessings and prayers for you. Always walk in the faith of God and be Christ minded. Put God above all things and you will never be misled. I pray that all your prayers and wishes be fulfilled.

Your amma who will always luv you

P/S ...i realize my mom write a lot like me huh??
and my mom is also a bit caught up with the SMS language..hehe..dont mind k??..=)
and praise GOD for technology!!

Happy birthday cyn..

You call her annoyance..
I agree with you..
You call her crazy..
I say she's a gift..

With those big brown eyes..
And the bolting laughter..
She tries her best..
To cheer everyone up!!

Her pillar of strength
She hold on to..
Her comforter of sorrow
She keeps close to her heart..

"Jesus is the answer to everything.."
She says..
I say.."your right baby!!'

Many she taught me..
Forever I'll treasure..
For she's one in a million..
She's one of a kind..

A helping hand she offers..
For those who asks..
A shoulder to cry on..
She never hesitates..

Once your addicted to her..
Forever she's there for you..

My best friend she claims to be..
I say.."no one else can take your place!!"

Lotsa love..
Your best friend..

sorry..I'm not there to throw eggs and flour on you..
But hope the so-called poem will do..
LOVE YA..forever..=)

in love with best friend?

*i wrote this 2 days idea why didnt i post*

have you ever like been in love with one of your close guy friends??..ok this question goes to the girls..unless your interested in guys as well..=p..hehe

i you people have been best friend for ages.. they has to be some kinda spark somewhere.. but then this guy..falls for another girl..who happens to be so much...cooler..and hotter.. and whatever.. and you can feel your whole world tumbling down.. like "like what does she has...and I don't??" ..

this story is soo common.. in kuch kuch hota hai.. an indonesian movie called.."me versus high heels.."'s quite funny.. i also read this story book from the author of 'p.s. I love you'..called "where rainbow ends.."..where by the couple will only get together at the age of 50!! got a lot of scandal in between..they were friends..since like 6 i think..

But I think it's really nice.. to be in love with your best in the song..Lucky by jason mraz.."lucky i'm in love with my best friend" ...why??.. cause your best friends knows everything about you..your family..your failures..your embarrassment..and somehow you feel comfortable telling them everything..CAUSE THEY'RE YOUR BEST FRIEND..!! huh?? ..they still wanna be with you..despite all then another girl has to comes and steals that..and vice versa..

No..i'm not going through it..i just realized.. most of taylor swift songs.. is about this stuff.. like..YOU BELONG WITH ME.. INVISIBLE.. TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR.. and this is my favorite.. I'D LIE.. but in this song.. the innocent..or pretty dumb..for not seeing that his best friends in love with

I'd lie..~taylor swift~

I don't think that passenger seat..
Has ever looked this good to me..
He tells me about his night..
And I count the colors in his eyes..

He'll never fall in love..he swears..
as he runs his fingers through his hair..
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong..
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind..
He tells a joke.. I fake a smile..
That I know all his favorite songs..

And I could tell you..
His favorite color's green..
He loves to argue..
Born on the seventeenth..
His sister's beautiful..
He has his father's eyes..
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie..

He looks around the room..
Innocently overlooks the truth..
Shouldn't a light go on..
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized..
for so long..
And he sees everything black and white..
Never let nobody see him cry..
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine

I could tell you..
His favorite color's green..
He loves to argue..
Born on the seventeenth..
His sister's beautiful..
He has his father's eyes..
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie..

He stands there, then walks away..
My God, if I could only say..
I'm holding every breath for you..

He'd never tell you..
But he can play guitar..
I think he can see through everything but my heart..
First thought when I wake up is..
My God, he's beautiful..
So I put on my make-up..
And pray for a miracle..

Yes, I could tell you..
His favorite color's green..
And he loves to argue..
Oh, and it kills me..
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie

Yes he plays guitar..but his favorite colour aint green.. and he wasn't born on seventeen.. lol.. the rest might just be true..

i love this song..btw!!//

happy 21st birthday darling atine!!

i was waiting in the car in ktm fetch my dad..after work..when I heard this song.. I was like..OMG!! in the world..i never knew about it??

it goes like this..*chill chill..I'm done posting least for now..=)*

Don't love me for fun, girl..
Let me the be the one..girl..
Love me for a reason..
Let the reason be love..

by boyzone..*love me for a reason.*

My sis thinks it doesn't make sense..when I sang it to her.. I replied.."that's love".. it doesn't make sense.. unless the perfect person comes a long..and gives the exact meaning..=)..
ceehh wahh.. berpoem all my beloved and only sis..

MUAXXXX... was me typing it for it's her birthday try to not kutuk least for one day..*like that's gonna happe*...and though even if a million years passes by..she wont be reading this..but still..happy birthday akka!!..heheeh..=p..

i pity her la..she's having exams..hehe..on her birthday!!.. and i don't have the buy her my gift yet..*yeah..i was at home..for like 2 FREAKING WEEKS!! teman la.. sigh.. all college.. guess will have to go of these days..hmm.. you know nothing beats the taste of DELICIOUS HEAVENLY taste of none other than SECRET RECIPE CHOCOLATE INDULGENCE CAKE....gawwddd... I don't mine bathing in that exactly 12am..he was already outside the house..with the cake..!!..=)... my sis couldn't believe her and all those drama..hehehe.. but his really sweet.. if there's any guy... who i can really call..'A GUY'.. it should be him..=)...never had a yeah..he's perfect..=) he knows me better than anyone else in this world..ok he and my sis..both..

meanwhile..I'm having problem with MSN!!! ..aarrgghhh..

neway..need to get up early me!!!..on a holiday.. cause need to attend 7am mass...for my sis..

anyway..i know it's none of my business...but why is my heart dying to know who the hell is it??..
wanna ask also..konnonya "away.." ..sigh.. it can't be me... well can it?? and if it's not me?? should i care..rite???...but still aarrghhh...CRAPP!! .. it's killing me again..why does it has to be sooo hard..??...

who am i talking to??...hahahaah..."siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas.."

take care..
god bless..=)

Monday, October 12, 2009


I got up this morning..hearing the phone ring..hoping my sis would answer it.. but nooo ..and i was like where is she??...where is everyone??!!...then i was like..ohh no..IT'S MONDAY!! ..alone again.. not that i hate being alone.. it's just that you's pretty lonely..hmmm..

I watched this movie in hallmark last night..yeah..SURPRISINGLY i wasn;t online..cause had an argument with my mom... according to her..I'm online 24/7!! ...hello..what you expect??..I'm on holiday.. after this..I don't think so I can stay up late again..unless it's cause of assignment..ok ok..maybe a little bit of still.. sigh..

so yeah..ended up..watching a movie called AUDREY'S RAIN.. you know what I like bout hallmark movies??.. there are real.. yeah..almost something you can learn from ..or may even reflect your own life.. and I cried after watching it..hehe..i remember the last movie that really made me MARLEY AND ME...which is another movie..with great values..

Audrey's Rain is about this woman..who has a retarded sister.. and another sister of hers committed suicide..leaving behind her 2 Audrey has choose between her true love..or taking care of her retarded sister..and the kids.. no..she can't have both..

interesting life is made off...CHOICES!! ..everywhere you have to make a decision.. that's the hard part.. cause you're afraid of making the wrong one.. can't make up your mind..cause if can..YOU WANT BOTH!! ..and when you make the wrong wish you can turn back time..and make it all right again.. but then again.. there is a reason why you made that choice..and a reason..why you're being put in such situation...

ok..enough of crapping..cause right now..I have to make a decision..whether to live or to*kidding*..i have to bloody hell choose another do my degree..why??..CAUSE MY MOM IS NOT HAPPY WITH UCSI!! ..Sometimes I wonder..who's living my life?? mom or me..sigh...

I did find one.. but it's a big mistake..if i choose it.. i know it is..

well at least i have something to look forward..going to tuition and being with the kids.. cause it's the only place..i can officially take off my 'mask'..and smile..for real..

take care..have a nice day..

Sunday, October 11, 2009


tired...really happen??..was out..half the day..with the church i mean..the second bestest ppl on earth..also the brotherhood and sisterhood..hehe.. *was suppose to post this last nite..but something came up..sigh..*

Are you a couple with the last person you kissed on the lips?
* can't be a couple with Emeilia..she's only 6..hehehe

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you’re at in life now?

Are you in a good mood?

What happened last time you were drunk?
*...i don't know..was never drunk..

What are you wearing?
* pj's..

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
*yeah...would love to do it again..=)

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
*..a lot of them...

Is anyone else in the room with you?

What will you do after this?
*..dry clothes..

Do you hate anyone?

Do you tend to get in fights?
*...what do i look like?? woman??

Are you waiting for anything?
* get out of this mess..

Are you happier now? Or were you happier 4 months ago?
* difference..

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
* were fireworks..only no kiss..=p

Who do you text the most?
*..cyn, jason..stal..

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
*..not exactly's yellow..

Is there someone on your mind..that shouldn't be??..
*..yes..and i hate it..

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

Who did you last share a bed with?

Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today?
*...last nite..was out from 3pm - 11 pm..

Your phone rings, what do you say?

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
* to me bout relationships..once again..i'll burn

What color is the closest lamp to you?
*...i do not have a

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?

How did you sleep last night?
*...not good..i got up..thinking IT'S SUNDAY!!..then wondered where's eveyone??.. then i realized..oh's MONDAY!!..

What color is your hair?
*..turning black..yyiipppeee!!

Do you plan on getting drunk in the near future?

How old do you look?
*...depends..on how i normally older..sigh..

Do you love anyone?

Someone knocks on your window at 2 a.m.?
* ...I'm dreaming...=p..*goes back to sleep..*

Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip?

Does anything on your body hurt?
*...does the heart count??

Would you 'get with' a teacher to pass a class you were failing?

Do you think Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive?

What are the last 4 digits in your cell phone number?

Last person you hugged?
*...everyone i met..=p

sigh..take care

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Ok just finish frying vegetable..i think I put a lil bit extra of oyster sauce..sigh..hehe..
anyway..found this on facebook..another music shuffle game..

1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward to the next song for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the question.
5 ) Start Tagging!

1.) How am I feeling today?
*I don't wanna miss a thing ~Aerosmith~*....awwwhh...

2.) When will I get married?
*Shape of my heart~BSB~*...hmm..i get it..when my heart is fully shaped with another..then I'll get

3.) What is my best friend's theme song?
*total eclipse of my heart~westlife!!~*...shoottss...this is song is damm sad...sigh..sorry ppl!!

4.) What is/was highschool like?
*No promises??..~shayne ward~ ...alah..tak kena.. cause we did promise to meet up.. damm emo la my play list..hmmm

5.) What is the best thing about me?
*We are young ~The moffats~....wooohooo..finally something perfect!!..we are young, we are can runnaway with me!! i think it means..I'M ALWAYS YOUNG AT HEART!!..=P

6.) How is today going to be?
*walkaway..~paula deanda~* got to be kidding..=(

7.) What is in store for this weekend?
*cry..~mandy moore~*....hhahaahahhaha..that's in store for every weekend hun..=p

8.) What song describes my parents?.
*you're not sorry..~taylor song..they're very forgiving!!..=)

9.) How is my life going?
*beat of my heart*..~hillary duff... seriously it was on shuffle k!!..i did not lie..=) ..

10.) What song will they play at my funeral?
*home..~westlife~* ....again..i just clicked the next button!! joke!!..but anyway I'm glad to be back my Father in heaven!!..=)

11.) How does the world see me?
*please forgive me..~bryan adams~....hmmm..guess i did so much harm to the

12.) What do my friends really think of me?
*picture to burn*..~taylor seriously serious??...this is sooo sad..i love all of them very very much..hmmm..=p

13) Do people secretly lust after me?
*i want it that no..I DO NOT WANT IT THAT WAY!!..LOL

14.) How can I make myself happy?
*single ladies..~beyonce~...guess it is faithed...i'm meant to be single..for the rest of my days..

15.) What should I do with my life?
*girl of my dreams..~the moffats~...GREATT!! you ask me to find the girl of my

16.) Will I ever have children?
*don't let me go..~westlife~*'t let me go..and I'll give you kids..plenty..=p

17.) What is some good advice?
*puzzle of my heart..~westlife~....yeah...that's a good advice.. love the one your he or she is the puzzle of your heart..=)

18.) What do I think my current theme song is?
*straight from the heart..~bryan adams~...omg omg...I'm speechless..OMG!! *sobs..sobs..*

19.) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
*a moment like this..~leona lewis~...yeah..guess I am waiting for a moment like this..

20.) What type of men/women do you like?:
*baby boy..~sean paul feat*it was still on shuffle..TRUST ME!!*

21.) Will you get married?:
*kau this song..i'll take that as a yes..=p

22.) What should I do with my love life?
*if life is so short..~the moffats~*...I AM TELLING THE TURTH!!..arghh..this is freaking me out...cause it says.."if life is so short..why won't you let me love you before we run out of time??" ....Goshhh...

24.) Where will you live?
*I say a little pray for you..~my best friend's wedding theme song..~*... hahahaha..if you check out the chorus.."forever and ever you'll stay in my heart..and i will love you..forever and ever we never will part.."...hehehhehehe...I PROMISE I'M NOT LYING!!

25.) What will your dying words be?
*us againts the world..~westlife~... hahahah..bye bye world..

this is sooo creepy..why does everything fits??...i mean almost...hmmm

Friday, October 9, 2009


Call them gay..or sissy..or whatever..I think they're still the best...who??..MY BOYS!!..WESTLIFE!!..yes..i know MARK is a gay..but no one beats his voice..hehe..

why??...for the way they RESPECT WOMEN!! ..gosh..I salute them..seriously.. I don't know about their real lives...but through their songs.. it's obvious.. I mean..if you have a girl.. hmmm..maybe this is better..

To be a girl.. she wants to be pampered..she wants to feel save in someone's arm...she wants ONE THAT MEANS FOREVER..she's not in for playing..*well most of them* ..COMMITMENT.. is a must.. she wants to know if you're missing her.. or whether you're thinking of her.. she wants you to go she's the last one alive.. lol.. "trust me...I'm a girl.. I know.." problem is..when you mess with say things you don't mean..and then make her fall for unexceptional..TOTALLY!!.. you break her heart completely..and worst still..when you don't give a damm about it.. well, for their hearts are made extremely fragile..easier for them cry.. lol..but in this situation..I'll say..the girl is dumbla.. she should have known..=) hard feelings.. it's only because I witness quite a few of break ups.. within the past few weeks..and even today...hmmm..pathetic.. why is darn find someone WITH THE WHOLE PACKAGE??"CHILL woman!!..your time will come"

and you all their songs..they potray it.. every thing it's all there!!..what a girl wants.. and it's sooo meaningful..every single thing of it.. love is like soo sacred..apparently..the value of love has dropped these to die for.. but westlife are more to the POP kinda songs.. they're really good at it!! far..being a girl..I love this song the most..hehehe.. felt soooo cherished!!..after listening to it..but IT'S TOOO GOOD TO BE TRUE...

Puzzle of my heart

It's the way she fills my senses..
It's the perfume that she wears..
I feel I'm losing my defences..
To the colour of her hair..

And every.. little..
piece of her is right..
Just thinking.. about her..
Takes me through the night..

Every time we meet..
The picture is complete..
Every time we touch..
The feeling is too much..
She's all I ever need..
To fall in love again..
I knew it from the very start..
She's the puzzle of my heart..

It's the way she's always smiling..
That makes me think she never cries..
I feel like I'm losing my defences..
To the colour of her eyes..

And every.. little..
piece of her is right

Every time we meet..
The picture is complete..
Every time we touch..
The feeling is too much..
She's all I ever need..
To fall in love again..
I knew it from the very start..
She's the puzzle of my heart..

Like a miracle she's meant to be..
She became the light inside of me..
And I can feel her like a memory..
From long... ago

Every time we meet..
The picture is complete..
Every time we touch..
The feeling is too much..

Every time we meet..
The picture is complete..
Every time we touch..
The feeling is too much..
She's all I ever need..
To fall in love again..
I knew it from the very start..
She's the puzzle of my heart..

love ya!! too bryan..though you left..=(

take care..god bless..

tunnel of love

ok..this song is officially driving me crazy..

2 years ago..when i was kind of involve with someone..and everyone was like.."WOWWWW..the girl's soo madly in love.." cause i was acting like a smiling to myself for NO REASON!! were kinda freaking out.. and jacynta was listening to this westlife...she said.."dei this is soo meant for words are perfect"..hehe..yeah that's my BFF!!..she's even crazier than I am..

and she was singing it to me..till i memorized the tune and the lyrics..without even LISTENING TO IT!!..*that's how much we loved singing!!" tried finding it in you-tube..but nahhh..i found none..but now..while downloading some westlife songs..i found just one of this title..and under the GENRE they label it as "UNRELEASED" .. i straight away click on it..and after listening to it..GOSH..!! ..and not I know why cyn and me are was AMAZING!! ..the should listen to it..

TUNNEL OF LOVE..~Westlife~

I've made up my mind..
I'm gonna follow..

I'm no longer blind..
no longer hollow..

Since I met you, my life is upside down..

They say,
Once in a lifetime.. out of the blue..
Here comes an angel.. I know it's you..

Yes I'm ready to go through the tunnel of love..
Yes I'm ready to be all you're dreaming of..
So I swear to you now and to the stars above..
Let's walk through the tunnel of love..

I want you to know..
For the first time..
I know where to go..

For the first time..
I'm not afraid, to open up my heart,

They say,
Once in a lifetime.. out of the blue..
Here comes an angel.. I know it's you..

Yes I'm ready to go through the tunnel of love..
Yes I'm ready to be all you're dreaming of..
So I swear to you now and to the stars above..
Lets walk through the tunnel of love..

Light of my life keeps shining baby..
Light of my life...

Once in a lifetime..Out of the blue..
Here comes an angel.. I know it's you..

No one has touched me.. like you..
Yes I want you baby..
No one no no one
Has loved me so true..

Yes I'm ready to go through the tunnel of love..
Yes I'm ready to be all you're dreaming of..
So swear I to you now and to the stars above..
Let's walk through the tunnel of love..

So I swear to you now and the stars above,
Let's walk through the tunnel of love...

one thing I don't understand..why is it now??..I'm able to listen to it..
hmm..what games are you playing, Lord??

p/ not kidding!!..the song is awesome..