Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010: You bleed just to know you're alive..

"When everything seems like a movie..yeah you bleed just to know your alive.."

Weird, I'm not really a fan of football, then again we all know how good I am at scoring during but seriously hands up to the MALAYSIAN TEAM! ..For once, I'm actually proud of this country of mine. And well, 31st is a public holiday, though it doesn't really make any difference to me..there's gonna be massive jam in KL!! much for new year~

Anyway, its a good way to end the year..2010!! ..hmm 2010, was it as bad as 2009?? I don't know, pretty much the same I guess.. Learned a lot, hugged a lot, cried a lot, smiled a lot..laughed a lot too.. hmm balanced! ..

Will 2011 be as awesome as 2010? ...hmph.. I'm afraid to even hope for well, when you dont expect much, you dont get disappointed much too..but I decided to have one resolution, that it to NOT make any resolution that WILL NOT last..hehe..for example, LOSING WEIGHT! ..because we all know, it will cost me a miracle! ..;p

So I was listening to this song IRIS by Ronan Keating.. I've been listening to it for many times this year..and I still find it very hard to grasp its meaning..

"You can't fight the tears that aint coming..
Or the moment of truth in your lies..
When everything seems like a movie..
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive..

And I don't want the world to see me..
Cause I don't think that they'll understand..
When everything's made to be broken..
I just want you to know who I am.."

And today, I finally understood what it means... "when everything seems like a bleed just to know you're alive" ...because movies are usually fantasies, a dream.. something that normally ends with "happily ever after..".. like when everything seems to be so perfect, some has to happen to wake us up! And that's where we bleed, to know we're alive to face our fears, to come back to reality! ...because reality, after all is so much better than movies!..=)

And when everything or everyone else is gone.. and you're left without anything..still, thats not a reason for you to change who you are.. and what your holding on to..=)

hehehe.. I just find that song very unique, very deep meaning of lyrics that you got to ponder upon it to really grasp the meaning..

And before I leave this year, here's a special thanks for you wonderful people out there.. who stayed by my blog, when I lost all hope to post something.. when I needed a shoulder to cry on, you volunteered your whole body.. when I was desperate to talk to were literally here, reading every line, in another word, I was actually talking to you!..when you dont mind listening to my crapping and sighing and whining about the storms of life ... to my family, though they despised this blog of mine..heheh, if its not for them..I wouldn't be where I am right my relatives, who enjoys reading this blog, thank you!! To the strangers out there, whom I've got no idea.. thanks a lot!!

Not really, I'm not really planning to delete this part of my life, because everything I wrote here, tells me..about who I really am, what I hold on to, who am I going to be. It will be like deleting my self... So I will continue, though compared to last year, the number of post I posted has dropped..lets see what's in store for next year..=)

And before I leave.. I find this song has a very deep meaning too! ..which talks about two friends..and the magic that happens! ..

"Tale as old as time, true as it can be..
Barely even friends..then somebody bends..

Just a little change, small to say the least..
Both a little scared, neither one prepared..
Beauty and the best..

Tale as old as time..Tune as old as song..
Bittersweet and strange..Finding you can change..
Learning you were wrong..

Certain as the sun..Rising in the east
Tale as old as time..Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast.."

And I officially declare that beauty and the beast my favorite fairytale!

Hmmm..I think its time to change "written dreams" something else and give it a new look! ..what you think? ..;p

p/s: To the one above, thank you most of all for telling me to "hold on" when I almost gave up..=)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Back! ..=)

WOOOOTTT WOOOTTTT!! ..hehehehe.;p ;p

I wish to say I just got off my car all the way from JOHORE..broke open my house door..slipped down while making my way to my room..switched on the pc, rushed through the network, ignored FB and CITYVILLE.. just to open this page and start crapping something... lol..unfortunately its been like 3 hours after ALL that..hehhe.. well anyway.. WELCOME BACK PPL!! ..hehehe...yes, its suppose to be the other way round..but since I can't really hear yeah! ;p ;p

So how's Christmas..?? How's mine? ..hmmm pretty interesting I guess. The same normal, exciting Christmas every year..

But I learnt somethings at the end of it..

  • That sometimes.. no matter how hard you try, you can't possibly change another person, if and unless they have the desire to do so..
  • That sometimes you got to learn how to sacrifice, if you want to draw a smile on another person..
  • That its not about you all the time..
  • That everyone wears a mask..whether you realize it or not..
  • That no matter how much one hides.. deep down inside..there is a sense of emptiness..
  • That something happens to you..if only you allow it..
  • That nobody said this life would be easy.. but it all depends on how you look at it..
  • That it takes guts to actually admit that we have done something wrong..and not many have it, sadly..
  • That Christmas is not really about the presents and wine.. its about being together, a family.
  • That the true meaning of being a follower of Christ is to love unconditionally..the old, the mentally disabled, the hater, the killer, the rascals, the alcoholic, the pedophile, the rapist, the whore, the fragile, and the ones who have hurt us because no matter how much we hurt God and his people.. He loves us just the same, as much as all the saints and angels.. 

Ok, enough of lessons learnt... I'll post more on my Christmas in Johore, tomorrow k? ..hopefully! ..hehe =)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Blessed Christmas 2010! ..

So I played cityville like to the max!! .. Cause after this, God knows when will I be able to face technology again! ..hmph.. but I still have my pink mobile with ya'll know where to get me..if the world is gonna end! ..=)

Anyway, it was 2 full days of shopping and travelling.. was it worth it??! .. Minus, "the-carrying-heavy bags" and the "walking-up-and-down part".. it was!! ...hehe..because sometimes, when you take a moment to think about others.. and the smile on their faces when they receive a gift.. its an irreplaceable feeling! ..and not forgetting.. the number of cute guys i spotted! ..heheeheh..cuci-mata  giler-giler k! ..

oh, and guess what?? ..I was so semangat this Christmas that I wanted to wear a saree..and that..THAT..grrrr.. I cant even curse!! ..that nutcase taylor sewed my blouse WRONGLY! .. the whole thing is WRONG!! ..sighhh..why oh why??! ..just when I thought, this Christmas is going to be different, some nonsense just has to creep in eh? ..Lord, please don't make me look that bad.. I mean, yes it is your Birthday and we all know I look gorgeous in anything..but pretty pleaseee, just this once!..thank you! Amen! please excuse the vanity!

And not only that, I think I kinda broke someones heart today! ..ssiighh.. You dont wanna imagine how I feel..but yes, I didn't have any choice.. and I don't feel good, cause I might have lost a dear friend too..

The thing is, I don't know how these things work, alrite! ..I don't know what the rules are.. I don't know where are the limits.. I dont know what to say when.. I dont even know how and what I feel!
How in the world I survived for the 20 years..I have no idea.. Seriously, I hope I'm not the only one..with the weird thinking.. please tell me, sometimes you do feel weird too!! ..sighh..

Lastly, before I leave.. I would like to humbly apologize to everyone if I've hurt you in one way or another.. In my thoughts,words.. or actions.. Or in this blog it self.. if at all, you felt hurt.. I'm truly sorry.. You know me, I say things that I don't mean..

I hope you have a blessed Christmas! ...and dont miss me that much..

Till we meet again!..

Christmas, isnt Christmas..
Till it happens in your heart..
Somewhere deep inside you..
Is where Christmas really starts..
So give your heart to Jesus..
You'll discover when you do..
That its Christmas..really Christmas..
For you!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

So I learnt to trust..

So you missed me?! ..;p well, if you did, I apologize.. for as much as my fingers itched to blog..I simply cant find the time to do so. Cleaning, cleaning and cleaning..but nothing is really clean!! The carpenter guy kinda made it worse! ..=( and of cause, my line got disconnect as well due to the hammering and drilling.. lastly, Bernadette, my 6 year old cousin, was absolutely adorable..that she made sure I was no where near the computer!..and I actually pestered her TO NOT GROW UP! ..and she was close to tears because SHE WANTS TO GROW UP! She'll be whining and sighing..till I say "Yes, you can grow up!" I know, I can be such a bully sometime! may think I'm halfway out of mind.. but seriously if I had a choice I wish I'd never grow up..
Yes, I really really wish.. I never grew up!! ..sigh...

Anyway today was fun and probably one of the best weekend I've had so far.. Saw LIM after 2000+ years!! ..He looked the same.. crazy and skinny..flirty as usual! ..;p ;p .. Helena and Rosalind was there too! .. Helena, tall and talkative!! Rosalind, pretty and sweet!! ..Awesome-ness to core! I forgot when the last I laughed so much.. and I couldn't stop talking.. Food wasnt that great..but with great company anything kicks in! ..=) oh oh and we played poool!! ..woohoo.. and so she does not only kick balls into the goal post during futsal..but she hits them too!! ..right into the hole on the pool table!..;p ..LOL.. like seriously la k.. and I actually hit the last black ball in!! ..weeeeeee!! ..hehehe.. sorry sorry..  a bit over-excited d!! ..=)

And so I thought.. they are many many friends we may meet in this world.. but the ones who truly knows you in and out.. who doesnt mind if you make a fool out of yourself completely.. who has your back all the time.. whom you can trust completely seemed to be your high school mates! ...and here's the best part.. YOU NEVER RUN OUT OF TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT!! ..It just goes on and on.. and you can talk about anything and everything! ...hmm

Speaking of trust..I've realize something else today too..
How much do you give yourself the chance to trust someone??
Is there any certain period of time, till you can actually trust someone?
And if you tend to trust someone because they whisper words you wanted to hear.. whose fault is it?
And then you told yourself over and over again, "Don't trust!!" ...and then someone comes and changes your mind.. and you say, "Maybe, just maybe..this could be it!" ...and the same whole damm thing happens again.. what do you do??

Weird, just when you decided to trust the heart.. it decideds to take a wrong turn. And since it beats all logic and senses.. it is unable to see reality. And then you realize, aahh..maybe I should have used the "head" this time.. because the head might not see what the heart does.. but somehow it builds fences and walls around the heart as a protection..=)

And now we're back to square!! ..Why, is it always me.. I have no idea?! ..Perhaps the ONE above loves me more..and so HE keeps on playing HIS games with me ALL THE TIME! ..sigh.. I don't know why am I made so very fragile and then I keep on breaking all the time! .. Its seems logic to be strong and endure all things with courage and strength! ..But its a lil unfair to be breakable and having to face the same storm too!! ..hmm

Err ok, sorry for the EMO-ness.. well, you know me.. I can be hyped up and buried at the same time.. Well the thing is, sighhh.. I'm just not like everyone else out there you know,..='(

And so the answer all my questions.. I found this!! Perfect timing I tell you!..Read it till the end because it made me stand up again.. and face this world! and brought tears!

My Precious Daughter (A love letter from God to His Daughters)

My precious daughter,
I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will be faithful until the end,
You are more than just "my daughter"
You are my princess,
My beloved, my delight,
I rejoice in you,
You are beautiful,
You shine with light,
You have dove's eyes,
I rejoice in you with singing,
I will quiet you with my love,
Hold you in my arms,
Never let you go,
For you are never alone,
You never have been alone,
I've been with you all along,
Your whole life,

I understand your pain,
My sacrifice wasn't for nothing,
Let me tell you I understand your confusion,
I understand your anger and frustration,
I understand your tears,
And I care,
Very much,
For you,
Everything that is important to you,
Is important to me too,
My love for you will never end,
I will not leave you for another,
I will not abandon you ever,
No matter how far you go,
My love will never end.

I have examined you heart,
I know everything about you,
When you sit down or stand up,
I know your thoughts,
Even when you are far away,
I see you when you travel,
Or when you rest at home,
I see the tears that fall from your eyes,
I see the heartache in your home,
Believe me I know the lies,
I know the temptations,
But I am here,
I know what you are going to say,
Even before you say it.
I go before you and follow,
I place my hand of blessing on your head,
Such knowledge is beyond comprehension,
It is too wonderful for you to understand,
You can never escape from my Spirit,
You can never get away from my presence!
If you go up to heaven, I am there;
If you go down to the grave, I am there.
If you ride the wings of the morning,
If you dwell by the farthest oceans,
Even there my hand will guide you,
And my strength will support you.

You could ask the darkness to hide you,
And the light around you to become night,
But even in darkness you cannot hide from me,
To me night shine as day,
Darkness and light are the same to me,
I made all the delicate, inner parts of your body,
I made your heart,
I know what makes you hurt,
I know what makes you cry,
I know what makes you tick,
I know when breaks your heart the most,
And I know how to comfort you,
I know how to make you smile,
I know how to love you,
I know how to be a daddy who loves,
Such a beautiful daughter like you,
You long for acceptance,
When you were already accepted into my family,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made,
I love you more than you know,
I will fill your heart with the love and peace you long for,
I saw you before you were born,
I knit you together in your mother's womb,
Even then I loved you,
And I was proud of you,
And I thought of you as my beautiful daughter, my princess,
Everyday of your life is recorded in my book,
Every moment was laid out,
Every moment that would bring you joy,
Every moment that would bring you pain.

My thoughts about you are precious,
They cannot be numbered,
They out number the grains of sand,
And when you wake up in the morning,
I am still with you,
I love you more than you know,
You are beautiful to me,
Even though you feel something is always wrong,
Just look into my eyes,
See how I see you,
A beautiful princess,
With beautiful eyes that shine with my love and my light,
I love you,
And I will say it again,
I love you,
My princess, my beloved,
My precious daughter,

I love you,
I love you,
I love you.

Don't give up,
For I see the brokenness in your families,
In your friendships,
I see the pain in your eyes,
Your beautiful heart,
That used to be so filled joy,
Is now crushed beneath your burdens,
But you're still beautiful to me,
So beautiful to me,
I will heal you and restore you once again,

My precious daughter,
I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will be faithful until the end,

Faithful until the end...

Your loving Father and Daddy, Prince of Peace, King of Glory,

And before I leave, Bernadetter was so eager to comb my so-called long black hair..and this is what she told me.. "if you go to the salloon, and change your hair to red colour, you'll look exactly like Princess Ariel, the mermaid!!" ...

weeeeeeeeeeee!! ...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

From tumblr

So I went through my TUMBLR today.. and I found some quite interesting quotes..

Let's play a game..:
It goes like this!

  1. You find a partner..
  2. You play around, have fun, share secrets, tell stories, hang out, cry on each others shoulders, think about forever..
  3. Here's the trick, YOU CAN'T FALL IN LOVE..
  4. Because the first one who does.. LOSSES! ..
Yeap, been through that one before..=)

There are 3 kinds of secrets..
  • Something that you hide at the bottom of your heart, because you don't want it to be mentioned..
  • Something that you can't say, even if you want too!
  • Something that you hope, someone asks about, even though you're hiding it! ..
Yeap, all three exist!

  • She wanted so much to be part of "his" world.. that she forgot she has her own.. 

hehehe.. nope, its not me.. but it was so close to being me..=)

  • Sometimes things in life, don't go your way..but all you have to do is smile.. and say "it will be better, God will make it better.."

I love this very very much! ...=)

  • If home is where the heart is..then wherever you are..that's my home!..

And now I understand..why I still feel like I'm searching for a home!

  • God is NOT finished with you.. the best is yet to come..=)

Oh yeap..there;s more! ..A lot more!

  • I don't mind being there for you.. I just mind being the one you run too when evryone else is buzy! ..hmph!
hehehe..;p ;p

  • I have learned to stop loving someone..unfortunately..I'm starting to not love anyone else either. or at least give them a chance! ..=(


This is  my favorite!! ..

Snow white was poisoned with an apple..
Aurora(Sleeping beauty) ..slept for 100 years..
Jasmine, feel in love with a thief..
Cinderella was a maid..
Ariel walked on land by changing her fins..
Belle, feel in love with a beast! ..

So we know, every fairytale creatures had their own the storm.. and do we..=)


Because I know how it feels to beg God to take it all away! ..

Monday, December 13, 2010

We can do more!

"Why do I have to break your heart..before I fall into my knees.."

So hows the weekend?! ... Well it didnt make any difference to me, considering the fact that I'm at home 24/7!!
Anyway the Christmas tree is up.. light not working though.. Shopping, not done.. Presents..way wayyyy not done! ..Cookies..lets not even get there k! and lets all give a big thanks to my sis, because until her exam is done, none of us can do anything! or so my mom says..

Anyway since I'm seriously running out of topic and I'm sure you dont wanna hear me ranting about FARM VILLE... and ohh..I found this new AWESOME-PAWESOME game called, CITY VILLE! ..which is even more addictive..hehe..

So lets talk about the charity dinner, where I got invited to not waste RM150. Coincidence, you think? I don't know why I have this silence voice in me that insist everything happens for a reason..and hence I look at everything and everyone that there's a reason why I'm here.. there's a reason why I met you.. and there's a reason why am I writing this.. weird, I know..

So back to charity dinner.. its to build a new home for all the special kids.. Special meaning, autistic, down-syndrome, mentally ill kinda children.. I'm not sure how you look at them.. but I used to look at them full of sympathy and pity.. but I was wrong.. cause that;s not what they need or what they're asking..

As I was enjoying my dinner.. there were 2 performances by these kids.. a sarawakian dance, and a japanese dance.. It was pretty simple and relaxing. It was the 3rd performance that made me tear like nobody's business.. It was a song..and they will be showing the actions to that song.. I'm sure you've heard of "YOU RAISE ME UP.." ...I've heard it like about a 1000 times.. and got bored of it.. but the moment I heard the violin strummed at the beginning of the performance.. I had goosebumps.. and when Mr Edmard, the chairperson.. started singing..*He has the exact voice of Josh Groban!*.. Tears rolled down my checks! .. I didnt have any idea why.. but I couldn't stop..

And I begin to realize something.. I have a perfect family.. A roof on my top of my head.. Nothing is clearly wrong with me..except that I need spectacles.. and well I can be really weird at times.. but other than that.. geezz.. I'm fine! ..And to think that I have the biggest problem ever..and to complain about everything.. ohh my, we all can be heartless at times..

And look at these kids.. they can't speak properly, some of them are wheel-chair bound.. they can't be left alone for fear they can endanger themselves.. They can hardly fight for their rights.. And what's gonna happen when they have to live on their own?? ..and their soul mates??!

Still, despite all this.. they have the guts to up there.. and make me tear.. and say to the world, "Whatever you can, I can too!!" ...

They taught me something... that my worries are NOTHING compared to others out there.. and what in the world am I doing here, playing farm-ville.. when I actually do a lot more..
They also kinda told me, "If I can do this, You can DO MORE!!" ...

We all can do more.. do what?! ...
Anything that could make a difference someones life.. like one of the greatest gift we often forget about is FORGIVENESS! ..ok that came up randomly.. but seriously, when someone hurts you and take away everything you have.. the only way that you can completely overcome forgiveness.. and stop complaining!! .. Like for a minute.. instead of thinking of OURSELVES and OUR problems.. we could at least offer a lil prayer..=) Trust me, it will help!

Because the true meaning of when OTHERS are happy..because of YOU! ..

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Without a home?!

And sometimes random songs get stuck in my head at random moments..

Please say..
What I need to hear you say..
Say I'm thoughtless and foolish..
But say "Its not too late.."
Now I don't know exactly
Where we go from here..
But trying is the only way to know..
And I wanna come back home!

Show me the make a start..
Show me the road back to your heart..
And I've learned the only truth that I need to know..
There's a million places I can go..
But without you it aint home..
It aint home..

It aint home, yes please believe me..
Don't give up cause we're half there..
We're at the crossroads in the middle..
Between hope and between despair..
All I need is some direction..
Let me know you'll wait for me..
Cause where you are..
Is where I'll be..

and this song too.. I only remember the chorus though..

Country roads..
Take me home..
To a place, where I belong..
West Virginia,
Mountain mama..
Take me home..
Country roads..

I have no idea what "home" my mind is trying to tell me.. but it aint a good feeling!! ..grrr
And this last one too..

If your a heart without a home..
A rebel without a cause..
If you feel as if your always..
Stranded on the shore..

Like a thief in the night..
Let me steal your heart away..
But baby, its for a reason..
What your looking for..
Your a heart without a home..

I'm a heart without a home?? ..and then if you did steal my heart away.. that leaves me without a heart and without a home?!? sighhh..

lol.. yes, the girl is getting crazier day by day.. 
Please pray for other intelligent and worth it post next time!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Purple and pink delight..;p

So I was clearing my stuffs..and guess what I realized??! .. 


Hehehehe... that's my purse, my pencil case, pink mobile, pendrive, mobile pouch, sun glasses! ..I mean yes, I love purple.. but the pink also sesat a bit! ..hehehe..ohh.. and thats my JAMBOREE tagg!! .. it was in pink as well.. coincidence eh?! with my very weird name and "teacher!!" ...*proud smile!* ..hehehe. and by the way for like the 123400000th time.. the name is pronounced as "JU-ANNE MAR-GRI-TA" ... sighhh.. out of 10 only 2 will get it correctly! ..hmmm..

Ok then, I have a charity dinner to attend in bukit jalil!! ..


Sisterly senses..;p

Alrite..I kinda twisted my waist and almost broke my ankle.. but it ok, cause I feel very human tonite!! ..hehe

Because I scored a goal while playing futsal.. and well I shaked what my mom gave me during our JAIHO dance practice!! ..weeeeeeeee!! Come on, I sweated like crazy! Must have burn some calories rite??!

And who would have thought, the girl who carries a pink mobile could actually kick some ball!..hehe..sorry I had to eliminate the "s" in the ball..;p I've done and said more naughty things that I should today.. so we'll just leave it here k!? ..heheh

My sister couldn't take it that I'm using the PC to harvest my crops in farmville so she told me this.. "Juan, I hope your flowers, animals, vegetables and fruits DIE!!" ...sighh... Come on, as it is the girl here is halfway dying out of boredom..why wanna torture her more?? sighh.. Just let me manage my farm peacefully and I promise, I'll be at my best behaviour! ..=)

And then she made me take this personality test which said that I'm an INFP (Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving) which only makes up 4.4% of the population!! ..So I asked her, "That means, I'm a sad, disturbed child is it??! Why only 4.4??" ...She gave me the 'dont-be-such-a-pain' kinda look and gave me this long essay to read! ..well, it described me well enough.. and yes, I'm an INTROVERT! must as you may disagree..I already know I am one! ..=) but this was my favorite!!!

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

hehehehe..That is soooo me k!! ... Give me a pen and paper..and thats all I need. Not to say, I can't speak.. I can speak non-stop.. with 2 conditions..
  1. I've known you for the rest of my life.. 
  2. I do not have a crush on you.. lol..
And my sister told me something as well.. heheh.. yes, the sister who annoys me like nobody's business and at the same time the best sister anyone can ever get *shhh, please dont tell her that I mentioned this!* ..;p She said that. "THE HEART HAS REASONS THAT REASON DOES NOT KNOW!" ...

Which simply..sometimes you got to give a break to your HEAD and listen to your HEART!! ..

And why in the world did she mentioned it at this moment...I have no idea.. but we shall all leave it in God's hands and call it a night? ..Shall we?!

Wonder how my sister can make sense..and NOT make sense at the SAME time?! ..hehe..I dont know but it sure does runs in the blood..;p

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Weird post

Noooo noooo!! grrrr!! ..

I have a confession ..for I stand before you completely guilty!!! ...sighhh.. I ate 2 plates of spaghetti for diner.. and another one for supper!! .. *SOBS SOBS* ..I know I know.. but I couldn't resist it.. it was so amazingly delicious.. and I think my mom makes the best spaghetti EVER! ..seriously, you guys should try it sometimes.. =) I don't feel human anymore k.. probably by the end of this year..I'll have a similar image to a potato sack! ..sighh.. and there goes the resolution for this year.. "to loose weight" ...

LOL.. weird, how we make resolutions year after year..and nothing was 100% successful.. I'm not sure about you.. but I think next year, my resolution is NOT to make any resolution that does not WORK! ..hehehe..;p you dont get it, rite? neither did i..;p

So enough of philosophy lessons for the past days.. lets talk about..erm.. talk about stuffs..

Started caroling practices today.. I still can't get the "CHRISTMASY" feeling.. I see so many people updating their statuses in FB about Christmas.. but I guess this year didn't really turn out that well.. I barely had time to breathe.. even now. Yes I'm on break..but something is really really weird..

And sometimes you just wish to go back to those days..all you mattered was the kinda presents you would get!! ...And dress the best with your new dress and new shoes.. But then again the true meaning of give.. for in giving is when you receive! ..hmm..unfortunately Christmas these days are about Santa Clauses, Christmas tree, ...and indeed defeats the purpose..

Ok, let me not start another lecture class today..hmm

What else?! ..oh yeah, what in the world is wrong with TUMBLR?!!! used to be "we'll be back shortly.." and all of a sudden its "JUST A MINUTE?!?!" weird.. and everytime I wanna post something.. there's an error! ..Argh..

Ok I got nothing else to say.. sorry for the weird post~

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The footprints..

Weird huh? How life works.. One minute everything is perfect.. You have everything in your hands.. everything you ever wanted.. and the next.. something or someone comes and grabs it away... it was too fast, that you have absolutely no idea how or what happen?! ... Just that one incident.. of that one minute.. can turn your who life around.. and it changes everything.. Your hope, your trust, question arises, uncertainty, doubts, and most importantly it can even change who you are..or who you used to be...

I remember my catechism students asking me this question, "Teacher, why does God allow suffering.. Why does bad thing happen to good people?!" ...and trust me, I've wondered that all I'm life too.. and it comes to a certain point.. where you begin to wonder, "Lord, seriously are you really there? Then, why are all these happening? Why am I left alone..."

Have you heard of the story about the footprints?!! ...well its another one of my favorite story! ..It gives me hope.. and the will to believe again..heheh.. I promise it'll be very short!

So there was this man.. he was walking down the beach.. and everytime he walked.. there will be TWO sets of footprints.. One was his, and another was God's footprint! ..And with that that guy knew that God never left him.. Then one day, where he lost everything and was on the verge of tearing apart.. he went to the beach again.. and this time he only saw ONE set of foot prints.. Filled with anger and sorrow he asked God, "Lord, why is that when I'm sad and broken, you are not there! You left me alone, when I needed you the most!" ..But God told him, "My child, that ONE set of footprints is MINE.. you cannot find yours.. because I carried you in my arms, all this while.. I've never and will never leave you alone!!"

I had goosebumps while typing that story.. and yes it does not answer the question on "Why does God allow suffering.." Then again, when you ask for patience, do you think God gives you patience or OPPORTUNITY to be patient?? When you ask for courage, does he gives you courage, or OPPORTUNITY for you to be COURAGEOUS?!

I'm not sure if you get what I'm trying to say.. but always remember that God will never let you go through anything that you CANT go through! And it is through these trials and tribulations that HE is able to cover and shield you with his LOVE.. He wants you to TRUST HIM.. To lean on HIM.. to know that HE will NEVER FORSAKE you.. no matter how much you try to runaway.. or throw him away from your life.. thinking you have everything you want and that you DO NOT need HIM.. hhmm.. well, take a look at this lyrics..

Where can I run from Your love?
If I climb to the heavens You are there;
If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,
still I'd find You there

Lord, you have searched my heart,
and you know when I sit and when I stand.
Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,
keeping me from harm.

You know my heart and its ways,
you who formed me before I was born
in the secret of darkness before I saw the sun
in my mother's womb.

Marvelous to me are Your works;
how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord.
Even if I could count them, they number as the stars,
You would still be there.

Yahweh, I know you are near,
standing always at my side.
You guard me from the foe,
and you lead me in ways everlasting.

Maybe you disagree with what I'm trying to say.. maybe you have your own believes.. maybe you think you're right.. but deep down inside you.. you are still searching.. searching for peace, for joy, for love, for hope.. and you even know the answer too!!

And there is a reason why I felt like writing this.. maybe GOD is trying to tell you something.. through me.. and before I leave.. this is what I read yesterday..

On this day, God wants you to know
... that all those little things that annoy you, are God's way of watching out for you. You never know when an untied shoelace saves you from an onrushing car. On September 11th, one man was saved because he had to get donuts for his team; another because he developed a blister on his foot from wearing new shoes.

Pretty amazing huh?!

Movies + cartoons = great lessons!

Goodness!! ..Farmville is like soooo addictive! ..hmphh.. My sister was like, "you need to get a life.." ..and yeap.. i so need to get a life! ..sighhh..

Anyway I know this is like so outdated! ..but please do watch MY NAME IS KHAN! ..the movie is one of a kind.. and I was sobbing and crying my eyeballs out..but I'm sure you'll do the same! hehe..ShahRukh Khan is probably the one actor who can make me cry just by looking in his eyes..well, I learn something.. that in this world.. you only have 2 kinds of people.. the good one.. and the bad one..=)

And this is another way waaayy long time ago movie.. called FANAA..which means destroyed in love.. hmm it was ok-ok only.. despite the fact that Aamir Khan survived after a stab in the chest and multiple gun shots.. but the storyline was unexpected!! ...felt some butterflies here and there.. and I love the part where the replied each other in poems.. heheh.."when my every breath is do I breathe..when your not here.." ..something like that! ..=)

It was back to back hindi movies last night! ..and as you can see.. I felt very lifeless.. and so i refused to face FB 24/7 visitng peoples farm and stalking their profile.. so I decided to watch movies.. Ok so, it might not be that useful.. but if you are able to look at it in a positive way.. every movie teaches something! ..

Like the last movie I went with Crystal, Shashi and Saha.. was Rapunzel!! was like AWWWWHHH k.. so yeah, its animated.. and cartoon.. but you wanna know I learned?! heheh..even if you dont want to know..I'm still gonna let you know..

I learned that when you have a dream.. Do whatever it takes to reach them.. Don't let anyone stop you!! Like if you wanna change the world..and others think your a FOOL! .. well let me tell you a short meanigful story..

There was a man walking by the beach..and she saw this little girl throwing star fishes back to the ocean.. and so he asked her.. "Why are you throwing the star fishes back to the ocean?" ..and she answered, "because the sun is up and the tide is going down, These fishes will die." ...and then he replied, "do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" ..The little girl threw a star fish to the ocean..and when it reached the water she said, "It made a difference for that one.."

I don't know about you.. but I love that story.. it tells me.. do not allow anyone to stand in your way... and if they say you cant, you turn back and say, "WATCH ME!" ...and indeed you will make a difference..

Ok this is one of  my "semangat" post as well...but well, you get my point.. and yes, i wished i had long hair like rapunzel and that my prince will someday ride a white horse to my rescue! ....=D

And so she's in her own world again!..

Have a great nite people!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Because you are worth much more than that..

I bet you thought I was dead..and expecting a funeral invitation..anytime soon! ..LOL.. sorry to disappoint you.. I'm very much alive..or at least I hope so..

LOL.. I had to go back to Kluang..due to some unavoidable circumstances.. and had to take the midnight train to come back, a week later due to some other unavoidable circumstances as well! But I'm back.. all fresh and renewed! ..;p

So I've realized a couple of things in this one week of so-called break during my holidays.. that everyone wears a mask.. whether you realize it or not.. EVERYONE wears a mask..Of cause, we girls and some guys.. have our special cleansers, toners, moisturizes, foundation.. and contact styles.. eye makeup, hair dye.. and recently I'm interested in lime green hair color! ..Don;t ask and nope nothing wrong in that.. Its human nature to feel good about ourselves.. then again why cant we be happy with black wavy hair, or black eyes, or faces full of pimples..or a tanned skin.. Like Bruno Mars said it, "Cause you're amazing, just the way you are.." ..yet somehow there's this another part of us..that wants  more.. that is always not content with what we have.. and a way to satisfy ourselves is by wearing a mask!

And so there are some..who were masks and hide behind their gorgeous collective items and branded clothes.. the number of girlfriends or boyfriends they had.. while some hide behind their flirting and sweet talking..  Seriously, you wanna win a girls heart..just have a heart.. thats all it takes..=) and of cause the kinda words we use too.. like we want to keep up with the world.. because when we take out these masks..when we become who we really... they just dont recognize us.. and so we're left a lone...

I feel like Im giving a philosophy class here.. but we shall continue! ..Forgive me but after 1000 years of not blogging.. i suddenly feel like so semangat!! ..hehe..

So anyway..theres this another kind of mask.. which many many of us wears it.. and that is THE SMILE! ..and I'm sure all of you all agree I have the gorgeous smile ever..LOL.. oops.. i didnt mean to read your mind..hehe but well, dont you all agree.. with that one smile, we can prevent numerous of  questions that we dare not answer? And with that one smile..we can also make everyone else feel better too.. as it doesnt cost a cent to smile..but its surely worth a million dollars!

We were a smile to hide the hurt, the pain, the fear, then embarrassment, and simply because.. it is so much easier to curve you lips.. and hide everything..;)

Yes, I wear masks too..sometimes.. I mean looking at the amount to D-R-A-M-A's I've been through.. trust me.. it was so much easier wearing mask..=)

And I realize another thing as well.. that all of us are ATTENTION SEEKERS!! .. what differs is the degree of it! ..=)

So you may not agree with me.. but well, just take a look at facebook.. and the kind of status updates.. So we know your heart is breaking.. why must the whole world know too? .. And twitter of cause..hehe .. Tumblr too could be a place to seek attention.. like your reblog the pictures to see how many actually reblog them from you.. and the number of followers too..!! hmm what else.. oh yesh pictures!! ..hehehe.. I dont deny my vanity.. and I agree that I sometime take pictures..and couldn't wait to upload them! ..why? ..Memories.. maybe.. but yes because we want the attention too! ..And why go so far..My dearest blog.. yes I write because I want too.. because it is who I am.. but then again there's this another part of me that wants YOU to read it as well.. I want your attention! ..;p

But there are dangerous attention seekers too.. the ones who create DRAMA.. the ones who make up stories, abuses friendship.. shed crocodile tears.. And yes, those who wear those masks as well..

To be honest.. in this fast moving world.. it is not easy to be who you really are.. because you might be labelled as lame, weird, out-dated, ....but that is the challenge isnt it? ...You do not change for anyone.. its either they love you for you are.. lame and weird.. or you rather not have them at all! ..Why? ,..because you are worth so much more than that!! ...

Hope you enjoyed my philosophy class today! ...hehe..