Monday, March 30, 2009

Spoilt but fun!!!

I screwed up my arts presentation today..!! *sigh* ...We arrived sharp 8..can you believe it??!! totally panicked coz we needed to set up our so-called castle..and also the power point presentation which i thought i divided who presented what..unfortunately i had to present everything..i couldn't even pronounce half of the words..they were in Spanish..maybe its french..well it could be am i to know??!! ..i was not even suppose to present it..argh!! and did i mention..we were again..the ever more first group to present??!!!...haizzzzz...why does this have to happen to me???!!

Anyway what is done is done.. I can't turn back time..though i really wished i could..but's not that easy ...ceeehhh..why am i so worked out??...ITS FREAKING ARTS!!!!! ...and it wasn't my fault at all..i guess.. I really didn't know that i was suppose to present assignment 1 as well... i could see the disappointment in Ms danielle's eyes..haizzz... and i do not wish to point finger to anyone..just wished everyone will be judged fairly..=S

well anyway,...i just hope i have enough time to finish my visual diary and packaging last hope for arts..and then after that I'M DONE WITH ARTS!!!....YIIIPPPPPPEEEEEE....

and we had our own dresscode for today...we had t-shirts sprayed with balck and red spray..symbolizing love..hehehe...well i changed after that..mine was a bit tooo huge surprisingly.. hehe..

actually rite..despite our awful performance..we did have lotsa fun!!...hehehe...

...pek eating..cheng yee and charlene..wanted to become kids again!!..pek and cheny yee..wearing costumes designed by 'utarians'!!

becca...the upcoming bangla devil...hehehe

charlene..with pek's tofu..outside the door..trying to come in..while we block the

cheng yee...with my bottle...locking me outside the door..manage to get a pic or her..hehe

I think i most probably be chopped into pieces..after they view my blog..but hey...who cares!!!

cheng yee...and mua..!!..hehe ..yeah..wassup with the hairband??..felt like wearing!!

dearest becca and meee...!!

mel and her bread...and meeee... wouldn't be official without me...
annnddd...VAINITY RULEZ BABY!!..=P

will post more pics later aite...!! take care!!

Saturday, March 28, 2009


have you ever heard of halo??...halo is actually a disc or a circle of light surrounding the head of sacred person..normally we see this on angels..or saints..

Well...according to the song Halo by is also meant for someone who has given up hope in life..till someone comes and stir them up again..and this's for real..

But i think it's also meant for someone who's always there whether or not you need them..someones who wants to be there for you..despite all your imperfections..

why am i posting this?...have i found that someone??...i dont know..and i dont dare hope.. but it's a really nice song..=)


Remember those walls I built,
Well baby, they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight,
They didn't even make a sound..

I find a way to let you in..
But i never really had a doubt..
Stepping in the light of your halo..
I got my angel now..

It's like i've been awaken..
Every rule I had you breakin'
Its the risk that i'm takin..
I ain't never gonna shut you out..

Everywhere I'm looking now..
I'm surrounded by your embrace..

Baby, i can see your halo..
You know you're my saving grace..

You're everything i need and more..
It's written all over your face..
Baby i can feel your halo..
Pray it wont fade away..

i can feel your halo, halo, halo..
i can see your halo, halo, halo..
i can feel your halo, halo, halo..
i can see your halo, halo, halo..

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night..
Your the only one that i want..
You got me addicted to your light..

I swore i'd never fall again..
But this dont even feel like falling..
Gravity can't forget..
To pull me back to the ground..

It's like i've been awaken..
Every rule I had you breakin'
Its the risk that i'm takin..
I ain't never gonna shut you out..

Everywhere I'm looking now..
I'm surrounded by your embrace..

Baby, i can see your halo..
You know you're my saving grace..

You're everything i need and more..
It's written all over your face..
Baby i can feel your halo..
Pray it wont fade away..

i can feel your halo, halo, halo..
i can see your halo, halo, halo..
i can feel your halo, halo, halo..
i can see your halo, halo, halo..

Friday, March 27, 2009


glynn tagged me in this..its quite interesting,,hehe..though half of it is wrong..

J : is really sweet...hehe am i??
U : is loved by everyone...i know =p
A : has a smile to die for..=)
N : easy to fall in love with...that explains y am i still single..=)

M : can be funny and dumb at times...yeap..cant deny that..=)
A : has a smile to die for..=) ...again?
R : gives irresistible hugs and a good kisser....hahaha..u tell me..=p
G :
R : gives irresistible hugs and a good kisser....hehe..guess i do
I : very sexy at times, cute and pretty/beautiful....NOPE..totally debateable!!..
T : very open-minded...
A : has a smile to die for..=)...REPEATED 3 TIMES ???...i can't possibly kill someone with my smile..can i??..hehehe

A : has a smile to die for..=)
B : is a nerd at times
C : can kick ur ass
D : great friend
E : has beautiful eyes
F : wild and crazy
H : extremely hyper and can seriously kick ur ass
I : very sexy at times, cute and pretty/beautiful
J : is really sweet
K : gorgeous
L : very good listener
M : can be funny and dumb at times
N : easy to fall in love with
O : best boyfriend or girlfriend
P : popular with all types of people
Q : makes people laugh
R : gives irresistible hugs and a good kisser
S : nice person
T : very open-minded
U : is loved by everyone
V : not judgmental
W : very romantic
X : never let people tell you what to do
Y : very hot
Z : very sexy at times, cute and pretty/beautiful

Tag 20 people after you are finished..tag yourself if you want to..=)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Halfway through..

I'm addicted to another song again..=(
At, first I only heard the tune..didn't really listen to the words.. but of cause I can't get the tune of my mind..
So yeah I downloaded the song..And the words are extraordinary..
*sigh* .....

anyway...i'm half way done with arts..hehe..i'll show..some of it k.. the rest..have to wait for my presentation this monday..or else..then all can see and there's nothing left to present on monday..hehe
it's not that nice..but i did it!!..i actually sat down and took the hold a pencil and let it flow on the paper..and made them feel each how we feel the wind..

This is part of our group assignment...the theme we chose is romance..hehe..
i'm suppose to draw what i think romance is..or anything related to it..
well..basically i think romance is a smaller part of love which is a beautiful gift from God.. Every living creature has the right to experience it..
I saw these 2 google..coloured in black and white.. They are sharing something amazing..but it's like they are ashamed of themselves..and that they are hidding it in the dark..
so yeah.i put in some let them know if you're meant to be together..then fight for it till the end..don't run away or hide..its not worth it!!..=)

The second my favourite..and its also the easiest..where you simply find something that catches your eyes..cut it and paste it..somehow..mine evolves around one thing..everything i cut and about love..i dont know why... maybe its because i won't have the chance to experience it..and therefore i have to do it on paper..=(..

the last a little too much for my age..a kindergarten kid could have done better..just have to repeat the pics 4 time like a mirror..and we have to put in dots..

well...i'll post the rest some other time...when i'm done with it..hehe

i would like to post the song halo..but i dont think the time is right..
some other time maybe..
take care..good nite!!..
god bless..

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Just have a little faith

im done!! done!!!...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee IM DONE!!!...i can't believe it!!!....gosh!!!..IM DONEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

hehehe..sorry for acting crazy...but seriously i'm like the most relieve person on earth...the worst fear is over..OVER!!!! ....THANK YOU LORD!!...

anyway here's what happen..

Part of our computer studies assignment is debating..yeah DEBATING!!...i am one the last person to actually 'STAND UP' and speak know..there's this thing called stage fright..
=( but if you ask me to write it should be alright!!..
but not speaking..i mean if its informal then yeah..but in front of all the so-called human..wait they are called human..anyway with those pairs of eyes starring at you..walau wei..never in my wildest dreams...would i agree to way hun!! ..

anyway back to my story..

Our lecturer, didn't give us any schedule on when are we suppose to debate, which means she will choose randomly who's gonna debate for that particular day..

Mellissa said she had this feeling that we are going to be the first..i was like..can't be!! ..i mean in most of the presentation our group will be the i was hoping that God would actually have a little bit pity on us..just for this time cause we really didnt prepare practice..some of us didn't even have the points till the last 15 mins..uh-huh..and guess what??..
i know God loves me so dearly..that He wants me to be the first in everything..and there is no exception..*sigh* ..

so Low said: the first group that will be debating today is on E-LEARNING!! heart sank...i couldn't believe my ears..i was like..WHY LORD??!! WHY!!...i could feel Him looking at me and laughed..saying, "who asked you not to be prepared?? ..and besides, I love seeing you getting worked out!" well..He was so playing games with yeah..He had it..hehe..

I said: you want me to do this..i will!!..i mean its not like i have a choice..but just make sure you help me..pleaseeeeeeeeee...just this one time!!..

so i put the sign of the cross...and went in front..i was the first speaker..i couldn't heart was about to come out any moment.. Ms Low checked my know...FORMAL!! ..formal and me so can't get along..sigh...

so jerry the opposition guy supported the cons of e-learning..and my group supported the pros of e-learning..he started first..i kononya took down notes...can't even hold the pen properly..when he's done..yeah..MY TURN!!!...

i spoke..i didnt understand what i was speaking..whatever came to my mind..i just spoke.. all eyes were on me..part on me was happy i manage to get their attention..another part..wanted to just get done with it...

so yeah!!....i told what i wanted..i could have said more..if only we practiced...and was prepared with my cue cards..instead of the big A4 paper..
mellissa spoke..then followed by rebecca...

then came to the open debate ur speaking my language..hehehe.. this part is where you get to question the opposition or they will question us..well the arguing yeah Jerry started..automatically i stood up and gave my part..and then it continued for like 6 minutes or so..none stop..heheehe..was pretty hillarious..

and then 6 minutes was done!!!..yay!!!..which means we were done!!!!....wooohoooo....
Ms low concluded it was a good debate session..if you ask me..i think it was the worst...i was crapping all the time...i should have read it thoroughly before embarrassing myself up there..

anyway you know whats the weird part..not to brag or anything..these people actually congratulated me.. kononnya i was not bad at all... but hey..only i know the truth..i suck at debating..TOTALLY!!!..

but im sooooo glad its over...!! at least now i can concentrate on my arts peacefully..

see how GOD works..??..
He put you in a situation where it's the last place you wanna be..and it actually turned out to be something unexpected..up the extend that people came and congratulated you thinking you did the best..
well..He's amazing..

now i see HIM smilling..and saying: JUST HAVE A LITTLE FAITH..=)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

A letter from the heart

If I was a dry flower

In the dessert, with no petals left

Will you still cloth me with those beautiful clothes of yours?

If I was a sparrow

With a broken wing

Will you still feed me abundantly?

If I was baby

Born with no legs

Will you be the road that I could walk on?

If I was a little girl with my one and only Barbie doll

Hoping that someone would play with me

Will you be that someone?

If I was an orphan

Thirsting for the love of my mom and dad

Is there any love that you could spare me?

If I was a rebellious teenager

Trying my best to turn away from this world

Will you stay with me till the end of time?

If I’m a single mom all alone

With three mouths to feed

Will you be their dad?

If I’m a drunkard dad

Trying to break away from the chains that grip me

Will you help me get free?

If I was a beggar

With wounds and sores all over my body

Will you still hug and kiss me?

If I was a thief or a murderer

With a huge load of sins I committed

Is there any place for me in your arms?

If I’m confused

And can’t decide what to choose

Will you be the answer to everything?

If I’m lonely

With no one by my side to wipe my tears

Will you cry with me as well?

If I’m rejected

By those who think I’m not fit to be their friend

Will you be my friend forever?

If I broke your heart

Over and over again

Will you still accept me as your child?

If I am the reason

For your tears to flow like a river at night

Will you forgive me once more?

If I tell you now

That I love you more than anything in this world

Will you believe me?

If I say to you

‘Lord, I’m lost without you’

At this very moment are you willing to hold my hands and lead me to your way?


Your unworthy daughter

you will see paradise..

it's exactly a week...since i last blog..
why i stopped??...i wish i could answer you...
I promised myself..not to think about it..
or talk about it..
'is it over??'..i ask myself..
i don't know..and i don't wanna know...
all i know it's not worth it...
it was never worth it...

it's not worth it for me to wet my cheeks
it's not worth it for me to have sleepless nights
it's not worth it for me to play the memories over again

you want to run away..but you can't
you want to shut yourself in..but something pulls you out..
you want to get it off your mind..
but the ink is permanent..and you have painted the wrong picture..
you promise wont do it again..
but it happens!!!
it just happens!!
you don't know why..
you don't know how..

you tell yourself..'its okey..its alright'..
but its not!!..ITS SO NOT!!
something is wrong somewhere..
it has to be..

they say everything happens for a reason..
but y??...
why can't it just not happen...
life would be so much easier..right..??
the way we want it..
the way i want it..
no more more more cuts..

Why does HE allows suffering ..??
HE doesn't love us??
That's impossible..why would HE give up His life then??
for a stranger like me??

Because..HE wants us the back..
in HIS arms..
we keep straying away..
and pushing HIM aside..
with our other needs..and pleasures..
HE hurts..when we hurt..
HE cries even more to see us cry..
All He to be with us..every moment..
Dry our tears..heal the wounds..
Hold us tight..

How can HE do that..??
By making us run back to HIM..
every time it hits us in the eye
every time..we cry
every time we suffer..
whenever we think..there's no point living..
well..i know HE is the reason I'm living..

jacynta told me..
hun, don't let those eyes dry because of tears, when its suppose be drowning guys..

i laughed and..told myself..
it sure didnt drown him..

another voice replied..
'let me be your will see paradise..'

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Tired of waiting..=(

We were both young when i first saw you..
I close my eyes and the flash back starts
I'm standing there...
On the balcony in summer air..

See the light..see the part the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowds
and say hello..
Little did i know..

That you were Romeo
you were throwing pebbles..
And my daddy said..stay away from Juliet..
And i was crying on the staircase..
Begging you please don't go..

And i said..
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone..
I'll be waiting..all there's left to do is run..
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess!!
It's a love just say YES!!!

So i sneaked out to the garden to see you..
We keep quiet cause we're dead if there knew..
So close your eyes..
Skip this town for a little while..

Cause you were romeo..I was a scarlet letter...
And my daddy said..stay away from Juliet..
But you were everything to me..
I was begging you please don't go..

And I said..
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone..
I'll be waiting..all there's left to do is run..
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess!!
It's a love just say YES!!!

Romeo save me..they try to tell me how to feel..
This love is difficult..but it's a real..
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess..
It's a love story..Baby just say YES!!

I got tired of waiting..
Wondering if you were ever coming around..
My faith in you is fading..
When i met you on the outskirts of town..
and i said..

Romeo save me..i've been feeling so alone..
I keep waiting for you but you never come..
Is this in my head..I don't know what to think..
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said..

Marry me'll never have to be alone..
I love you and that's all i really know..
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress..
It's a love just say YES!!

But where's my Romeo?? *sigh*


March 11 2008,'s not my birthday...or the day where i officially got into a relationship..=p it was my freaking SPM result day!!!!! ...I couldn't sleep the whole night. I expected the worst of the worst..where i was starting to make myself believe i wont be getting any A's...actually i was more worried bout my mom..she was the one who was expecting the best of me...but i knew i didn't give my best...i couldn't give my best...2007 was a totally screwed up year!!!

ok i'm not going to go on a flash ...but all i can say is when it comes to exams rite..Malaysia is the last country on earth to mark the papers fairly!!..there's always the colour issue involve..its very heart breaking you know!! ..just cause your get C6!!! ...grrrrrrrrrrrr......i can't wait to get out of this country....*sigh* to all 2008 SPM students..just remember it's not between life and death..and yeah SPM is nothing..there's more to live than just studies..=) like my precious gummy bear..=p

i can't get this song out of mind..and there's only 1 person on my mind whenever it is played..

Kau begitu sempurna..
Di mataku kau begitu indah..
Kau membuat diriku..
Agar selalu memujamu..

Di setiap langkahku..
Ku kan selalu memikirkan dirimu..
Tapi saatku bayangkan..
Hidupku tanpa cintamu..

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku..
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua..
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa..

Kau adalah darahku..
Kau adalah jantungku..
Kau adalah hidupku..
Lengkapi diriku..
Oh sayangku..kau begitu..

Kau gengam tanganku..
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh..
Kau bisikan kata..
Dan hapus semua sesal ku..

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku..
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua..
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa..

Kau adalah darahku..
Kau adalah jantungku..
Kau adalah hidupku..
Lengkapi diriku..
Oh sayangku..kau begitu..

Sayangku kau begitu..

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

dont walk away..

Have you ever had this really close friend..where suddenly you guys are no more close..
and you don't know why..perhaps it was something you said..or did..
you try to find out why..but was left clueless..
you tried your best to get back to them..but they dont give a damm..
Hurt maybe the best word to describe it..
I just wish..things didnt change..

DON'T WALK AWAY ~michael jackson~

Don't walk away..
See i just can't find the right things to say..
I tried but all my pain gets in the way..
Tell me what i have to you'll stay
Should i get down on my knees and pray..

How can i stop losing you?
How can i begin to say?
when there's nothing left to do..
Don't walkaway..

I close my eyes..
Just to try and see you smile one more time..
It's been so all i do is cry..
Can't we find some take this away..
Cause the pain gets stronger everyday..

How can i begin again?
How am i to understand..
when there's nothing left to do..
Dont walkaway

See now why..
all my dreams been broken..
I dont know where we're going..
Everything we said and all we've done now..
Don't let go..i dont wanna walkaway..

now why..
all my dreams been broken..
dont know where we're going..
Everything begins to set us free..
cant you see..i dont wanna walkaway..

If you go..i wont forget you..
Cant you see..that you will always be
eventhough i had to let you go..
there's nothing left to do..
don't walkaway..

but wanna go..i have no right to stop you..
you can erase me from your memory..for good..
But i know i can't possibly do that..
even if tried..hehe..its imposible..

take care..=)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I think i slept around 4.45a.m. last night!!...could be later than that..was tossing and turning on the bed..*sigh*..INSOMNIA?? nahhh....DEPRESSED??? ...I'm only 19!!! ...CRAZY!! ..yeah baby/..=p

anyway got up at 5.30a.m..was a little late, almost miss the know..GIRLS!! ..but am not that bad la..can get ready in about half an hour..=)..if there is a function..the least i need maybe 3 hours..=p

i was in the train..and you'll never guess what happen!!..well it almost happen..but if it ever HAPPEN!!...I'd rather die than going through it again..and i don't think that it's a coincidence that every time when i have something important, and then only something tend to go wrong.. in short..i think its called test from God..

i was hanging on to this pole..when a young lady...with her son in her arms..came in from Serdang station..obviously there aint no place and none gave her this can see all those head of those who are seated..bowing to the floor to find for coins..all were SLEEPING!!

and then i was looking into the baby boy's big absolutely beautiful eyes!! dont know why i have something for EYES...but seriously i'm sure this guy is gonna get loads of admirers..unfortunately he's a lil bit young for me ..=p

alright..let me get straight to the bandar tasik stomach begin to turn..i could feel mom's milo..creating an extreme whirlpool..then i started to terribly sweat!! n btw it was 6.40am...and its extremely cold in the train.. i was having that dehydrated feeling again!!...been through it once!!..damm!! not again!!...i can't!! ..i really can't..its like there's something that's separating your soul from your body..*NO JOKE*!!!

i know i can't tell my mom..that's the last thing..she'll get really worked out..probably take the whole day off...but mid valley..i couldn't take it anymore..was terribly sweating..
could feel the blood rushing to my brains..leaving me face..turning it lips were breaking.. *should have applied more gloss..=p* i had to do something..

i went through the where my mom was seated..hoping she has some minyak kapak or something..she looked at me..'whats wrong'...i was like..'i'm sick' ..she was even worse than what i had expected..quickly got up and gave me her seat..i was going to reach!!..
she didn't have minyak kapak..but gave me panadol...which of cause..i cant take it..still empty stomach..and the she suggested..'No need to go today!!' ...i was like ..NOOOOOOOO!! I HAVE TOO!! English assignment needed to be handed over..and also i practically stayed up the whole night.. for accounts..!! and again..she said, 'come i follow you to sentral'..!!..
i was like..'its ok!!'..i'll be alright..then sentral came..i got down..

through the elevator i was so close to my throat..*okey i better not describe it* ...or else you'd probably need to get a plastic's gross!! and then i entered mcd..which was a wrong choice..
coz the smell of 'whatever you call it' ..made me even sick..i think i was already turning green..
it would be obvious it i wasn't tanned..

i sat there...and usual..when something goes wrong..something else will surely be perfect but at that moment you're not in the mood to enjoy it..there's this couple of extremely cute drop dead kinda guys seated opposite me..!!! i was like..damm..'i must have looked terrible'!!! i just rested my head on the table..thinking what in the world has gone..why am i feeling dehydrated..i did drink lots of water..*once was enough* ...and then as soon as i rested my all came to reality..* i didnt have enough sleep!!!* haizzz...

and then mom messaged..but seriously..i was too weak to sms her back..she straight away called..ask me to get something to eat..i said 'alright'...but i cant!!! i know if i did i will surely throw up..then she ask me to buy 100 plus..i cant even sip the water..finally she just asked me to pray...which was the best solution..

so i slowly got was time to go..bought my lrt ticket..going up the a msg from mom..saying 'i'm coming there!!" ...i was like huh??? she wanted to pass me the minyak kapak..she was already in the lrt..i was like!!..NOOOO...i'm on my way to collegem already..felt sooo sorry..she was extremely sweet..well, moms!! i shouldn't have told her!!!...and then she asked me to the asam thing..which i hated the most!! how in the world..could somone say its nice??

on lrt..surprisingly had place to sit..the nausea feeling was reducing..*thank god* ...and then reached college..during lecture...cant keep my eyes open!!..haizzz...

i learned my lesson today...
not that sleep is important..
anyway it is important.
but get your priorities right!!..
before you decide your next step..

p/s i've never been anywhere as cold as you..


I got early this morning..
and rushed into the day..
I had so much to accomplish..
That I didn't have time to pray..

Problems just tumbled about me..
and heavier came each task..
'why doesn't God help me?'..i wondered,,
He answered,..'you didn't ask..'

I wanted to see beauty..and joy..
But the day toiled on gray and black..
I wondered why God didn't show me..
He said..'you didn't seek'..

I tried to come into..God's presence..
I used all the keys at the lock..
God gently and lovingly chided..
'my didn't knock'..

i woke up early this morning..
and paused before entering the day...
i had so much to accomplish..
that i had to take time to pray..

don't worry..i didn't write this...mine aint as good as this..i saw this at the centre..
it caught my eyes..thought of sharing.. it..

actually i got lots to say..but i can't..its put down here..
but i don't understand!!!!!!
i don't!!!!
why does life have to be sooo unfair????!!!!
i cant sleep!!'s freaking 4.00...have to get up in an hour...
can some one answer me the question why??..
why you don't miss your water..till the well runs dry..???
it's not relevant..i know..but but..
i can't even curse!!!
how in the i gong to let it out!!!!!!!
i officially declare myself as crazy!!!..
take care...

Monday, March 9, 2009

this aint a fairy tale..

sounds familiar?? has mom told me this like bout a million times.. i also read the stories over and over they come in package..if you know have to know the rest.. she used to distract us while feeding us.. i wasn't a problem with food..(explains my size) sis was..(explains her size)..hehehe ..

anyway about the stories..they use to create this mentality in me that..everywhere you go..there's always..'happily ever after' ...
characters are practically the same in all the stories:
a princess..a villain..(most likely the step mom)..and of course PRINCE CHARMING!! !!!...yiiippeeee...gosh..(why am i soo excited??) ..hehehe..
and i always imagine the prince charming..on the white horse...awwhhhhh...*wink*
coming to save me...from what???...dont ask me..
i have really wild imaginations..
then i heard this song..from taylor swift again..

which told me something...that i'm officially naive and dumb to believe that..and still believe in it..
there aint no prince charming..or white horses..
there aint no happily ever after..
i'm not a princess..and this is not a fairy tale..=(
i most probably will stay single..for the rest of my life..but hey so what??..=p


Say you're sorry..that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it too..
As i paced back and forth all this time..
Cause i honestly believed in you..

Holding on the days drag on..
Stupid girl, i should have known..
i should have known..

I'm not a princess..this aint a fairy tale..
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet..
Lead her up the stairwell..

this aint hollywood, this is a small town..
i was a dreamer before you went and let me down..
now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around..

Baby, i was naive.. got lost in your eyes..
and never really had the chance..
i had so many dreams about you and me..
happy endings... now i know..

I'm not a princess..this aint a fairy tale..
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet..
Lead her up the stairwell..

this aint hollywood, this is a small town..
i was a dreamer before you went and let me down..
now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around..

and there you are on your knees..
begging for forgiveness..begging for me..
just like i always wanted..but im so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess..this aint a fairy tale..
I'm gonna find someone someday who will actually treat me well
this is a big world..that was a small town..
there in my rearview mirror dissappearing now..

now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now...

I love her endings!!!! make every songs she sing
at first she sounds negative..but her ending teaches the lesson..hehehe,,=)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

you belong with me..

it's almost 3 months..seems like it's just yesterday i finish primary school.. Time is flying by so quick.. i really wished it didn't..i have a lot of things to do.. let's start from my assignment.. I really have the limited of the limited time left.. Everything is due on the same week!!! ..GOSH...
I haven't bought crystal's present yet..and i have no time to even go out with her..already 3 weeks she's been asking me out!!..*sigh*...and i badly need to watch SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE and MARLEY AND ME..!!.. and i know..i need to tell something to someone..

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said..
She doesn't get your humuor like I do..

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like..
She'll never know your story like i do..

But she wear short skirts, i wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day, when you wake up and find..
That what your, looking for has been here the whole time..

If you can see that I'm the one who understands you..
Been here all along, so why can't you see..
you belong with belong with me..

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans..
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be..
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself..
hey, isn't this easy..

And you've got a smile that could light up the whole town.
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down..
You say you're fine..i know you better than that..
hey watcha doin' with a girl like that?

She wears high heels..i wear sneakers..
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers..
Dreaming bout the day, when you wake up and find..
That what your looking for has been here the whole time..

If you can see that I'm the one who understands you..
Been here all along, so why can't you see..
you belong with me..

Standing by and waiting at your back door..
All this time how could you not know.. belong with belong with me..

I remember you driving to my the middle of the night..
I'm the one who makes you laugh..when you know you're bout to cry..
And i know your favourite songs..and you tell me bout your dreams..
think i know where you belong..think i know its with me..

Cant you see that I'm the one who understands you..
Been here all along, so why can't you see..
you belong with me..

Standing by and waiting at your back door..
All this time how could you not know.. belong with belong with me..

have you ever thought..
just maybe..
you belong with me..=)

alright..time to go!!...assignments calling..!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Cold as you..

one word to make your life miserable!!...: GUYS!!

COLD AS YOU~taylor swift~

You have a way of coming easily to me..
And when you take the very best of me..
so i start a fight..cause i need to feel something..
you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted..

oh, what a shame..
what a rainy ending, given to a perfect day..
Just walk away..
no use defending'll never say..

and now i'm sitting here..thinking it through..
i've never been anywhere.. cold as you..

you put up a wall..and paint them all a shades of grey..
and i stood there loving you..and washed them all away..
and you come with a great little story..
of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you..

oh, what a shame..
what a rainy ending, given to a perfect day..
Just walk away..
no use defending'll never say..

and now i'm sitting here..thinking it through..
i've never been anywhere.. cold as you..

you never did a damm thing, honey..
but i cried..i cried for you
and i know you wouldn't have told nobody..
if i'd died..died for you..

oh, what a shame..
what a rainy ending, given to a perfect day..
every smile you fake is so condescending
counted all the scars you made..

and now i'm sitting here..thinking it through..
i've never been anywhere.. cold as you..

I dont know why i'm posting this song..just felt like it..=(

Enough is enough!!

last night mom ask me to blog about this case and write to the press..but i had to finish up my piblic speaking outline as it was due today..

anyway..this morning i took yesterday's malay mail paper..and after that i can't wait to blog about it..dont ask me's some kinda intuition..

Two days back, Kugan's autopsy report came in..after like..a month plus.. He
1)was burnt 17 times with an extremely hot iron instrument..
2)was starved during his detention
3) suffered massive internal bleeding due to repeated beatings
4) suffered internal bleeding in the scalp area following repeated beating with a blunt object..
5) died of acute kidney failure due to the assault...
oh yeah..and he had his whole body bruissed..

The question here does not have anything to do with religion, politics or whos right and whos wrong..But...THE RIGHT OF A HUMAN TO BE TREATED AS A HUMAN BY ANOTHER HUMAN...wait a minute..not even ANIMALS should be treated like this..!! what more human??

Didnt their conscience tell them anything..while they were damaging and literally destroying one of their kind?? How heartless and cruel can the soul that's locked beneath that 'innocent/ mask get? ...the pain he felt, he obviously must have cried..didn't they hear it?? Didnt't they feel it?? What was running on their mind while they were abusing him?? ..Were they satisfied??..did they take pleasure in other's suffering?? Did they not believe that God do exist?? Is this what their parents and teachers taught them?? And after over 50 years of independence is this where we long to be?? ..a heartless, merciless and callous world??

What wrong did Kugan do...that he deserve such cruelty?? Even a murderer, a drug addict, a prostitute..if you ask me..deserves a second chance to live..and make up with where they left..

I do not wish to pint-point at anyone..but it's pretty obvious what's going on.. The people that has beed trusted to protect the citizen are starting to do them harm... Fearful and afraid they are to these 'animals' in the form of human.. That's what you call those without feeling and heart, right?

What about the one who forged the first post-mortem report ?? Was money so great that it manage to rip of the 'human' part in him?? Where did his sense go?? What is the point of you studying so hard but live a fake life?? He saw what they did to him..didn't he feel the urge to fight for Kugan's right as a human and bring to justice those who are concern??

*sigh* many questions i shoot..but no answer i find..besides, that everything happens for a reason.. the mystery has to be solved.. the missing piece need to be complete the picture..
His death must not be a waste..
but instead as an answer to our doubts..
a way to the truth..
a hope for a better life..
a sign that this world can change for good..

But what if it doesn't work??..what if they sabotage and manipulate it..all over again.. just like they use to..??

Dear Lord, open the eyes of out heart and accept this world..just like you did..
Help us to live in courage and diminish the fear..
Help the authorites realize..that injustice should be banished for good..
Help them to see the things we see.. and give them a proper mind and heart..
For they are many who thirst for JUSTICE!!..


hey there...don't know why i started blogging twice...but i have to...cause this song is driving me crazy..AGAIN!!!'s a really old song..but it makes me skip a heart beat..every time i listen to it!!...and breathless it leaves me..for the song's name is BREATHLESS!! shayne ward!!


if our love was a fairy tale..
i would charge in and rescue you..
on a yacht baby..we would sail..
to an island where we'd say 'i do' ..

if we have babies they will look like you..
it be so beautiful if that came true..
you don't even know how very special you are..

you leave me breathless..
you're everything good in my life..
you leave me breathless..
i still can't believe that you're mine..
you just walked out of one of my dreams..
so beautiful you're leaving me..

if our love was a story book..
we would meet on the very first page..
the last chapter would be about..
how I'm thankful for the love we made..

if we had babies they will have have your eyes..
i would fall deeper watching you give life..
you don't even know how very special you are..

you leave me breathless..
you're everything good in my life..
you leave me breathless..
i still can't believe that you're mine..
you just walked out of one of my life..
so're leaving me...

you must have been sent from heaven to earth..
to change me..
you're like an angel..
This thing that i feel is stronger than love..
believe me..
you're something special..
i only hope..than i one day deserve what you giving me..
but all i can is try..
everyday of my life..


hehehehe...i can't help it..sorry to bore you with lyrics.,
but hey..there aint no life..with out music..
and yeah!!!...whoever that's destined to be with me..please be reminded..
that you are required to sing me this song..=p
of coz mean every word..
and i'll know i'm on the right track..with the right person..=)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

life again...

where are you???..when i need you soo badly??..

please help me...
I'm stuck...i can't find what i'm looking for..
the people i'm leaving with..i think it's called FAMILY...
is not doing me any good..!!
they can't help's ok..a bit of support will really help!!..

'sigh' .....i wish i was somewhere else...
i don't know..anywhere else!!...BUT NOt HERE!!!
i don't think i can handle it anymore..
just waiting for the perfect time to explode...

A four letter word..
Everything you are are..
Everything you hold
Is in that word..

But what happens..
When it starts to go against you?
When you do not have the will..
To hold it anymore..
When the people you love..
Seem to a split a second..

What happens..
When you feel you're in this alone?
You just wanna run away..
Far far away...
And you don't wanna look back..
Cause it hurts..
it hurts a lot..

What happens..
When there's no more tears left..
to wet your cheeks...
They put you down so far..
That you can't find your way
up again..

If that's what life is about..
Is it worth be endured?
Is it worth to seek..and find nothing..??
Is it worth to love..and not be loved..??
Is it worth to hurt..over and over again..

think again..
when life gives you hundred reasons to cry..
show have 1000 reasons to SMILE...=)

have a nice day!!


She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wanting you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we’re Invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes and make you realize

I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


I'm exhausted...totally drained!!...came back at 7..and then had to rush to church for practice..

I think i get along pretty well with everyone..and yeah..i may look kinda arrogant at first, that's what JACYNTA JASMINE!!..(my bestest friend) ..thought...CRYSTAL LAVINYA ..also my bestest friend..i like their name!!..hehe..anyway..but look..she thought i was arrogant!!..and hey WE'RE BEST FRIENDS now!!..and i bet you nothing is ever or can ever come between us..and when i say these kinda stuff i really mean it..anyway..i'm an extremely shy person..i may talk alot here..but if and unless i know you really well..i find it hard to speak out..

what disturbs when you talk bad about someone i me!!..and its ever worst..when i'm really close to that person..!! and then you go infront of that person..and act like your best friends!!..what the hell..??

and when i try to defend him or her..they kutuk even more!! ...i don't understand sometimes.. i mean..yeah i do complain about the lectures and all..but hey..not about my friends!!..and i so do not act like their best friends!!..if i'm not comfortable with anyone..i keep a distance from them..but so far..i haven't found such person..
well anyway, I'm not a saint... maybe that's where your weakness lies..but next time just be careful to who you say..and what you say..
lukily it was me..i have no intention in causing a drama between you and him/her.. so i'll keep to myself what i heard..

Computer Studies exam:
can you name me anyone that's dumber than i am?? can i loose 12 marks just like that!!...u know the funny part??..i read that whole it was kinda easy!!..*sobs..sobs*

conscience: thats why juan..i told you don't waste your time..going online..blogging..facebooking..
chatting..listening to music!! still want to go..last minute as usual..when are you
gonna change??..after failing again??..isn't once enough??...

juan : know why i go online..*sigh* ..i just can't help it..and i dont
understand it AT all!!! i know!!..i know what you're saying..but it's nt easy.. being me
...i don't want it this way either.. i got to do something..!!

so yeah..and by the way..i found out the taylor swift song..i was talking bout's called invisible!!...hehehe..awesomeness!! to the core..and a few other songs as well..will post it soon k!!..the lyrics are so cool...perfect for the gummy bear..=p

anyways...i got to go already!!...class at 8..!!..take care..luvya!!..=))

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

a place in this world..

i didn't go to college today...hehehe.. and for once..i actually really sleep..
well usual i got kinda bored studying..and i went online..hoping to download a song sang by taylor swift..but i of cause...i totally forgot the title!! always...
luckily i know who sang it..
and crazy i was..i downloaded all taylor's song where the title sounded nice..and guess what??..IM IN LOVE WITH HER SONGS!!!..gosh...her lyrics made me laugh like crazy!!!
she writes her songs..just like the way i want it...
but i still can't find the song i i downloaded more songs...and all the songs..
is like WOW!!!...

seriously..would love to share..all her songs..but i really need to study..hehe already feeling guilty.. and plus i have my youth meeting at 7pm later... is one song..that explains me..i think..

A PLACE IN THIS WORLD~taylor swift~

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down

Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need

And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly..

so yeah...i'm just a girl, on my own..trying to find a place in this world..=)
take care god bless!!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Renew me..

It's Monday again..i hate MONDAYS!!'s the beginning of the week and class finishes at 4.30!! =(
and I don't feel like going to college tomorow..I'm only having 2 hours class..1 hour Computer Studies Lecture..and 1 hour Arts tutorial..I will be more that happy to skip arts..=p but a bit hard..cause suddenly Ms Low will have some pop quiz..she'll compile all our quizes and that is like about 10% of our finals...but but..I'm also having CS and Econs exam on wednesday!!..and i havent's started a thing!!!...

Dear Lord, Please help me make a wise decision!!! =) AMEN!!

Anyway..last year i wanted to download this song called 'RENEW ME' 'i forgot who sang it'...and after downloading it i realize it wasnt the song i wanted to download..but wow...the song that i downloaded...was really an awesome song!!..the lyrics are very true..i could just copy and paste it..but its a totally different feeling..when you actually write down the lyrics manually..=)


why am i such a dusty window? ..
for you light to shine through..
why am i just a tiny star..?
in the sky already blue..
why do i offer everything..?
with my heart closes like a fist..
i wanna love you better than this..

why do i live like i'm in chains..?
when you have set me free
why do i have to break your heart?
before i fall to my knees..
i know it's time to pray for change..
give all i have to give..
i wanna love you better than this..

so renew me, remake me...
undo me, unbreak me..
come into the empty spaces..
of my broken places..
and..consume me, complete me..
pursue me, redeem me..
let your Holy Spirit living through me..
Renew me..

i need you as my refuge..
my first and last resort..
be the river always running..
through my deepest thougths..
keep me in your arms..
Cause even when i drift..
I wanna love you better than this..

so renew me, remake me..
undo me..unbreak me..
come into the empty spaces
of my broken places
and..consume me, complete me
pursue me, redeem me..
let your Holy Spirit living through me..
so renew me..

My life..bending to your will
seeking you until i'm more and more like you..

nice or not??..I don't know..but i'm finding it simply amazing!!..cause i feel that's how we are living a world of pretend!! least i am..=( can only be renewed..if He or She really wants to..=)

alright then..class starts at 3 pm!! to go...god bless!!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I thirst..

Every year during lenten season, the archdiocese of Kuala Lumpur will organize the Lenten Youth Overnight vigil..I used to attend every year..of cause this year wouldn't be any different. And this year it was held in Our Lady Lourdes, Klang. =D

Wow...why am i being so formal?? Kajang it was raining heavily!!..Like really heavy..Gosh it has been sooo hot the last few weeks..and now suddenly it couldn't stop raining... I guess maybe it's cause of the lenten season..The nature is also in solidarity with those who suffer..and Him...

Finally we got together..Rina, Alma, Annusha and has been ages.. since we last went for rallys, LSS, charasmatic and camps... the bus ride was awesome!!..don't know why was i so i know=p..but anyways.. we were cracking like really lame was hillarious!! FUN!!!..was debating about the best school .and seriously Kajang High School is one the of the lamest school in Kajang..(this is for alma and john)..Kajang Convent comes after that..(for helen,christina and charlotte)... and Jalan Bukit..still ROCKs!!!! matter what they say..(right jacynta??..and nick plus calvin..) hehehe...kinda lame..but hey..they occupied the extra time we had..

Anyway can you believe it, we were like the latest to arrive?? embarrassing..'turun pangkat' for HFC!!..=( when we arrived i was like..'you sure this is the church??' I've been here a few times..and i assure you it doesn't look like this..and guess what?? ..THE FREAKING DRIVER TOOK US TO THE WRONG CHURCH!! was some protestant church! as it is we were already late!..and nick and jon was blaming me...why am i always the scapegoat??..=( they said cause i was too excited..that we have reached..and that the driver overheard my joy!!..and so he stopped!!...what on earth???..haiz..

we rushed in...and of cause the best seats were taken..=( sat some corner at the back...
well..then started with praise and worship..kinda cool..=) and then had one talk..about some social thing..but have to admit..this year's talk was kinda boring..i mean..the speaker is very knowledgeable..but he should have put in a more understanding manner..and hello!!!..we are youths!!..Y-O-U-T-H-S!!! ..we need more laughter..more feeling..more excitement!! of the best speakers..mervyn!!..I don't mind listening to him talk the same thing..over and over again..cause it has a lot of impact on wonders God worked in my life..through this unexplainable..

and after that, the moment of my life be honest..i have lost touch with God for a few weeks now..i never told this to anyone..but i tried my get back in contact with him.. i blogged about him, i read the scriptures..everyday before starting my day.. and attending mass was like a routine..i was feeling-less..NUMB!! ...too many voices in my head..don't know which is true..which is not.. The songs i sang..i listened.. is just a song..for i can't mean every word i sang.. I just couldn't..i knew something was wrong..i just don't know what it is.. i used to talk to everytime i just slips wouldn't last..the longest maybe 3 days.. I don't have the spark anymore...

during taize's an ancient prayer..where the hymns are in sung latin..and the same line is repeated for like about 20 times..and then..everyone who wants to..can go in front and light a candle near the and alma..went in front..but this time we didnt have any just went there and prayed..and for a moment i thought i felt something..I was prepared to give Him everything..and the next minute..I was numb again!!..I was giving up seaching for Him..i got fed up!! and then michelle (marcus's sis) was on my right..while alma was on my left.. she reached for Alma..and told her..'God ask me to tell you this..:SEEK THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND YOU WILL FIND HIM!!...i stared at the crucifix..with a lump in my throat.. How in the world she knows???...but how??..gosh..i dont know!!..i wasn't able think!!..the words was running in my mind...over and over..i was speechless.. it wasn't only meant for Alma..but also for ME!!...and then it all made sense.. i was looking for Him..all this while..but i wasn't seeking for him..i wasn't longing for HIm..i wasn't thirsting for Him either..i was only taking Him for granted...going to Him..whenever i need him..

How wrong was i???...he literally sent me an angel..and told me that!!..How can i be so blind?? oH..GOD..HOW GREAT YOU ARE!! ...wonders He worked..!! AMEN!!..thank you for michelle..thank you for making that evening possible!!...

Ever heard of the welcoming batu arang??..meant for all HIV patients.., migrant workers and refugees??..well we heard a testimonial..from a HIV patient..and i'm telling you..though he thinks that he has ruined his life..i can assure you..that he is doing a lot more than what i am doing..for in that 10 mins testimonial..he must have touched approximately 90% of the youths gathered there..just by having the courage to go up that stage and talk about his life..
well..he made a difference in my life...i am deeply his victory..of overcoming his illness..
We also had two testimonial from a migrant worker..and a refugee..

Basically...the theme for this year's 'I THIRST!' ...we are here
enjoying our life..
complaining about not getting the latest handphone..
having take the public transport daily..
the food we eat is tasteless.
the number of assignments that we have to complete..
the house that is too small and warm..
the car that was damaged..
the streamyx is too slow..
the boring job daily..

but have we ever thought of them ..

who are unable to hear and speak..paralysed in bed, HIV patients?? who needs you to hear their cry..
who has to walk bare-footed..with sores and bruises under their feet?
who has to be satisfied with a handful of rice for lunch..?
who is not gifted to get the education that we are getting..?
who does not have a roof above their head..??
who is being treated unjustly..with low income..
who is suffering from loneliness..that is killing them softly..
who thirst for your love, your trust...and another start afresh??

For when He said..'I thirst' while hanging on the cross..he was actually thirsting for YOUR LOVE..YOUR TRUST IN HIM..FOR YOU YOURSELF!!...He was thirsting for you and me!!!.. the King...the creator..the great one!!...THIRST FOR YOU!! ..the one who crucified Him..who stoned his to death!!..the worthless sinner..HE IS LONGING FOR ME!!..and He doesn't care even if you sinned..He just wants you back in His arms..and is wiling to take you away..if you give Him the chance..
how in the world was i able to turn away from him???...

Gosh i can go on writting...non-stop..I'm just so gifted..that I'm a Catholic..and have a chance to know Christ..

Anyway...MAD..make a all He wants us to do this lent...and yeah..HFC youths are going to make a difference in Batu Arang this lent!!...

and then we had way of the cross...thumbs for the st anne's youth port klang!!..awesome sketch!! was so real.. and we ended with mass...though i was kinda sleepy..Fr george's sermon..manage to absorp in my mind..about the camel in zoo negara...and the camel in the desert!!..

we left klang...and this time all was tired to make jokes..too sleepy..but i can't sleep..thanks to nick!!..sleeping comfortably in my 'rocking chair' seat...but that wasn't the main reason why i couldn't sleep...Lolz...

i just can't stop thinking of the gummy-bear!!! ..=p