Saturday, October 30, 2010

The broken thumb! ;p ;p

Miss me, much??!!.. hehehehe.. You have too!.. Cause I know I missed you all sooooo much!! .. sigh.. Though I have no idea, who reads my blog..but from the bottom my heart.. I really do miss you all! ..To all those who stayed faithful to my blog for the past two years..THANK YOU!! TRIMA KASHI BANYAK-BANYAK!! ..HUGSSSSS!!

And so I write, mainly because a journalist lecturer once told me.. If you wanna be a good writer, write everyday.. just keep on writing.. even if you have nothing to write.. just write!! ..Who would have guessed, that I became an addict soon enough.. but the fact that I know someone out there is reading this.. at least one person..motivates me even more!! ..weeee!! ..So yeah, you are all so very dear!!..=)

Ok, enough of buttering.. heheh.. So where have I been.. like pinky said, "Juan mana you selalu hilang!!" ...

The truth is.. I broke my thumb! ..siighh.. yeap.. Meet with a car accident that my finger got stuck under wheels.. sobs sobs!! ..So here I am typing this with one finger.. ;p ;p ;p..Ok, who fell for it??!..LOL.. sorry la.. its just that a few days without blogging.. makes me all hyped up..or in other words A JAKUN!! ..heheheh

So the real truth is.. We were INTERNET-LESS for like 3 DAYS!! ..T-H-R-E-E DAYS!! .. Amazing I tell have a computer without connection.. Solitaire, Spider solitaire, pinball, minesweeper.. you get to master all the games..heheh.. except for HEARTS! ..I never knew how to play that game..hmm..

Anyway here's what happen in the past 3 days..

  • I did meet with an accident.. ok, I actually banged a car!!... And I admit.. I was a freaking CHICKEN!! ..cause I ran away! ..ssiighh.. But it was a small tiny tiny scratch!! .. that's it! .. Besides by the time the owner came out from his car.. I was already at the of end of the junction.. Still that's not an excuse..!..ARGHH!! ..Let's hope and pray.. he doesn't go through the trouble to make a police report eh? ...sssiighhh
  • Tuition is AWESOME! ..they absolutely love me!! ..hehehe.. how not to, rite? ..But seriously, they laugh histerically at all my lamest joke! ..And before I leave, they will hug me and give me "HIGH 5" ..!!!.. weeeeee!! .. its an irreplaceable joy I tell you.. to know that you are the reason behind their smiles!..=)
  • I dropped by my childhood friend, Nithya's house a few days ago! ..We spoke for like hours.. Though I was stinking and sweating in my badminton attire.. None of us couldn't be bothered.. She was close to murdering me though.. when she found out that I told her nothing about my deepest secrets.. But excuse me, it took her 8 months to tell me that she is in a relationship!! ..hehehe.. so yeah..we're even!..;p ;p
  • And and..another thanks to NITHYA, for filling my holidays with movies and series! ..weeeeeeee!! ...She gave me her whole hard disk of movies ok! ..English, tamil, hindi, ..desperate housewives series, grey's anatomy, heroes!! ..weeeeeeee!! Thank you Lord!
Hmm.. that's it la.. nothing much..

Ohhh wait wait.. I left out something..

Lord, you know what's exactly on my mind.. You know that I cant state it here.. But well, pleaseee plleeeassee show me a way.. And guide me, cause I'm tired of making mistakes..tired taking the wrong chances.. I'm tired of lying to myself over and over again.. because I can't figure out what I want.. More importantly, I can't figure out what YOU want..

Help me decide the right choices.. Help me to do what You want. Just help me.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Notes of life

Ohhh nooo!! ..ssiighhh.. sigh.. never mind.. you wouldn't get it! ..I'm so blurrr.. lol..ok that's not something new.. but seriously.. its like when you want it badly, its not there.. But now that you don't want it anymore.. there's like SO much of it! ..grrrr.. Yes Lord, I see you giving me that sarcastic smile up there...You're having a lot of fun aren't You?! ..grrr!! anyway where were we? Oh yesh, the camp! ..Ahem.. so I left out something.. to be continued in this post.. I left out the part where each of us had envelopes with our names written on it.. As usual Anne, decided to spell my name with an A in the it became MARGARITA!! ..and yes, Martin, decided to pronounce my name as Juan(One) in spanish!! ...ssiighhh.. but nevermind.. since I was so-very-excited.. you can call me anything you want.. as long as its.. well decent!..LOL..!!

I was influenced by my gf, CHRISTINA ABIGAIL.. ..and yes, I have a GF.. until I find a guy who dare change my mind that there is at least one DIFFERENT guy out there.. Christina shall be my soul mate!..heheh;p ;p

LOL..back to her influence.. she posted some of her notes on her blog.. I want to do the same.. well, the thing about these notes are.. when you are feeling down, sad, lonely and miserable.. just glance at the words and notes.. and WOW!! ...its a whole new you!..

Here are some that really really touched me!!

  • Dear Juan, you make me laugh all the time! Your a great friend and I'm really glad i have you as a friend. Don't ever change!
From Ana

  • Hey Juan, I am so lucky and blessed to have a friend like you. After the inner healing, I just felt I needed to hug you..and it was a very meaningful moment to me.. I felt so much better!..
From Feona!

  • Dear Juan, Thank you for being an amazing friend. You never fail to brighten up my day with your sweet smile and bubbly character..You're always in my prayers and I wish that you will have many more days of fun and laughter..Hope you like the flowers!
From Jonathan!!

P/s He really did send me those flowers!! weeeeee!! thanks Jon!!..=D

  • Juan, You're funny, You're an entertainer and and amusement to us all. We're blessed your presence and your laughter. Yesterday's PNW was awesome. You were great! Keep up the good work! Love you always!
From Fred!

  • Blurr, funny, very interesting person la you..!
From Shaun!..hehehehe

  • Dear Juan, You're so beautiful!..Love your PNW and your improving all the time! Keep it up!P/s don't hope that a guy will fall from the sky my dear..
From Alvin!

  • Dear Ju, I seriously thought of you and Alma, when I watched that lion video clip just now.. Always tried to get to know you better cause I know that you're an interesting person but everytime I talk to get distracted and go into your blurr moment..LOL.. Nevertheless I will definitely get a chance to know you better and I pray that we become closer friends. God bless you always! Good job on PNW!!
From : no-name.. but I have a strong feeling its PAMELA!..hehehe..

  • Juan, fantastic campla!!! You have a good voice and keep praising the Lord at music@
From Vivivan Pule!

  • Juan, I would like you to know that you've been an amazing friend of mine all this while..Your PNW session has been great..and it really touched my heart..Hope our friendship will last forever..Keep up the good work Juan! I love you!
From Michelle Minjoot!

  • Juan, your PNW session was amazing and the spirit of God is apparent in you. You're a lovely person and I thank God that you're part of my life..
From Tracy

  • Hey girlfriend!! You're such a great friend..and I'd don;t kow what I'd do without you..Keep the energy and smile going always! Love ya!
From, your sweetheart!!..heheheeh..its my love, CHRISTINA!!

And it the midst of all the joy and laughter and tears.. there's this one message that reminded me of another miracle that God has given me..

  • Hey Juan.. Finally got to know you.. Not that much.. But got something.. By the way, you seriously have an AWESOME blog. Very touching and meaningful. You're great! Good luck in everything you do!..God bless
From Carissa!..=)

And finally.. the last one that almost brought tears.. send me shivers all over my spine. and butterflies to my stomach.. the last person I'd ever expect to write me something..

Jobabe, I've never told you this but you're an awesome girl..and the best thing is that you're my SISTER! I'm so proud of you.. You led PNW very well. God has never and will never let go of your hands.. Always be positive and learn whenever you fall. YOU ARE SPECIAL!
Cheers, Chritine!!

Siighhh.. to those who doesn't know who Christine is.. she is my one and only SISTER! ..and tell me, how not to cry when you that kinda note?!.. sighh...

Lord, thank you for all this awesome bunch of people!! Please please take care of them ALWAYS!! ..Amen!


Monday, October 25, 2010


This is post is waaaayy overdue.. hehe.. everytime I want to continue.. something comes up.. and well I am going to post it anyway..=D

I am soooooo excited that I could just smile in my sleep!! ...weeeeeeeeeee!! ..hehehehe!! ..but seriously, I never knew I could feel like this again. Ever.

And Lord, who can grasp your infinite wisdom? Who can fathom the depths of Your love? Nope, I could never understand You, even if I tried to.. but incase You're still wondering.. You are sooo sooo very awesome! ..and yes, I mean it this time! ..XD .. keep the storm coming..keep the rain pouring.. for who am I to fear Lord, with You by my side..=)

So where shall I start.. hmm First day of camp was a bit of hassle and well, stress.. It was my turn to lead praise and worship again.. and Alex had to drop a huge bombshell on me, just the night before which made me even stress..heheh ;p ;p.. And I almost drove Christina crazy in the bus.. as I was whining and sighing.. that I can't do it.. that I'm gonna screw it all up.. I know she wanted to shout "SHUT UP JUAN!!" ..but all she said was, "Don't worry, Juan.. you can!" ..hehe so as I begin to quiet myself.. phhewww.. I begin to realize, "Lord I'm doing this for YOU..and only FOR YOU! How its going to go, thats up to you!...

When we reached Champagnat Youth Centre... LOL... I was like "waaahhh!!" ..heheh lets skip this part for now k..=) And so begin to set up the AV stuff and of cause God wanted to test us again by making sure the other 2 MICS DOESN'T WORK!! ..meaning AMANDA and SANDY can't sing with me.. I have to sing alone! .. Nope, thats not good!..Aint good at all!! .. But anyway, knowing the fact that I am not in this alone..we prayed.. and let it go!.. I couldn't be bothered how was praise and worship went.. all I know, is that clearly wasn't me who was leading it..=) ..Amen to the one up there!..

Now back to the location area.. The bed could topple down any minute.. the bathroom had frogs.. and there was a freaking frog on my bed!! ..Of all bed, it has to be mine! ..I shouted of cause!! ..Come on, imagine dreaming of a prince charming and then you wake up with a frog next to you! ..That's not fair k!..LOL.. but thanks to RUSSELL, who came to my rescue.. and my sister had to question me,.."Juan you lead praise and worship in front of 50 people and you're afraid of a frog??!" ...Ok, she made sense! ..But but.. its a frog!!..sighhh..

Oh yeah.. another one is the food! ..heheh.. I'm a big fan of it k.. i can eat anything and everything.. but trust me, the food here is like... siighhhh.. siiighhh.. nevermind.. just thank God we had stalls near by for supper! ..AMEN! ..=)

But then sandy had a different view..she pointed at the beach which was 20m ahead and said, "There, that's beautiful.." ..And indeed it was.. We went there at 11pm! ..and goodness! .. I swear I wasn't in Malaysia.. It was simply breathtaking.. I saw the lighthouse faraway.. The sand was like a carpet.. so smooth.. so beautiful.. I dip my feet on the icy cold water and I wished I lived somewhere near the beach.. someday..=)

I couldn't sleep the whole night.. thinking of the FROG! ..grrr.. was soo happy when it was morning! ..heheh Martin made us laugh like crazy!.. A little bit more of his talk.. I swear we would all be admitted due to uncontrollable laughter which cause our intestines to rupture!..hehehe.. There's 2 climax on this day..

First, it was the beach!.. We had telematch! ..Amanda, Anne, and Christina prepared the games ..that was to die for! ..LOL.. they had to eat blended celery, ginger and lemon.. with bread and jam and banana blended! ..eheheheh.. a lot more of crazy stuff ..Everyone hated me, though it's not really my fault.. We bought 10 packets of flour. And it will be wasted if its not in use.. So I went around sprinkling.. I repeat SPRINKLING.. see..I'm so good to SPRINKLE and NOT THROW! ..heheh.. and Alvin, alfred or was it Jon.. either one. suddenly came to me and topple the whole packet of my head!! ...MY HEAD!! ..Yes it was gross! ..bad.. very bad! ..Tapi takpe.. its only flour.. and not well..anything else..LOL.. and so i told Manda.."Manda, they officially hate me!" ..hehe... "Just keep on throwing!" ..she said. So I was like.. OOHHKAYY..... So I went all around SPRINKLING FLOUR again! ..and goodness! ..of all person, the one who refuses to speak to me for whatever reason it is.. nutcase Kevin came from nowhere.. and dropped another whole packet on me..AGAIN!! ...and so that's how I was covered with 2 packets of flour.. and this time.. I had to balas balik! ..hehehehe..

So yeah.. we ran, we laughed, we threw water balloons.. we played!.. And finally went on Banana boat with the girls!! .. I drowned la k! ..the moment the guy overturn the boat.. and the rescuer came to me and pulled me up! ..LOL.. the uselss float was coming over my head.. and by the time I reached the shore.. everyone started laughing.. I must have looked like I had a gunny sack on my head!

After that was the part where I hated the most. I had taken bath with floor on my head on my 17th birthday where I got hit with flour and egg and water! ..I practically finished the whole bottle of shampoo!..and this time it was massive!!.. Thank God I brought a brand new dove shampoo!.. and even that didn't help... But I had angels without wings.. hmm.. I was sooo touched k!.. Mary Pat (Alma's sis) came and told me "Juan, its ok we will help you remove the flour on your head!!".. I was like thats sooo troublesome and the flour was tangled on my hair! !..the only way I know to remove them was to cut off my hair!..sigh.. and yes, my hair has grown!.. No more that boy cut hair I use to have.. damm sayang right, to loose your hair cause of flour!! ...

And so to the angels, Natasha, Mary Pat, Florence and Janice! ...They didn;t know me that well.. My blood sister, Christine whom I practically lived with for the past 20 years... didn't even bother to look at me k!..LOL..but these people..we weren't that close that they have to sit down for half and hour with the comb and hair dryer just to remove the useless flour on my head!.. But they did.. I didn't ask them to.. they just did! ..Woaaahh.. Lord, who are these people.. and what did I do to deserve them?.. But well thank You Lord!..=D

And the it was the healing session.. yes I was touched.. Cried like I never did! ..Phew.. I felt so great.. so renewed.. so free.. so light! .. Unexplainable! ..How lucky as I know to be know Jesus! Mass was awesome too! ..=)

That night, we played charades!.. Sherie, Manda and Fred.. was really good la k.. but we were all really tired.. hence we let them win!..LOL..;p ;p ..and then we played the MAFIA game!!..WOW!! ..that was one game of silence!..hehehe

I slept off like nobody's business.. frog,rats, cockroaches!...couldn't care la.. I had angels all over me! ..heheheh..
It was a gloomy morning!! ...Raining and raining~.. but I loved it!! was wet..but not the sad wet..LOL.. its the happy smiley wet!! ..OK now I sound sooo wrong! ..hehehe.. but you get me la right..??

And then it was last session.. which is where I should say I AM PROUD TO BE A CATHOLIC!! Amen!! ..=)

The last PNW was massive!..the church was on fire! ..I was on fire too! ..heheheh.. AWESOME-NESS!! ...

We also played the angel-mortal game.. to my ANGEL, ALFRED NETTO! ,..your the BEST!! ..Love him to bits for all the drinks,notes,chocolates and ice-cream!! ..heheh

And to my mortal, MICHELLE MINJOOT! ..will love you always..and keep you in my prayers.. sorry I couldn't do much for you..=( ..

HFC YOUTHS!! ...You guys rocked!! We stand together as a team..or we die as individuals! ..Thank Lord, for all the blessings!!

And I still remember..what martin said "Don't just sit and pray at home, expecting a guy to fall from heaven!!..go out and make friends..and socialize!!" ...

LOL! ...God, I place this lady writting this blog in your hands.. May her thoughts be yours.. may her words be yours.. may her deeds be yours..! Amen!!

To be continued..hehehe..

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Letting go

"Every thing I once held dear, I count it all as loss"

I don't feel so good.. Arggh.. No I'm not emo-ing or anything.. but I have this weird kind of feeling that something terrible is going to happen.. ssiighh..

So I was listening to this song called LEAD ME TO THE CROSS, by hillsong.. and this phrase, "Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss"

I didn't understand at the beginning.. I mean if you like it, why give it away?

A while ago, I was wondering why was that particular line lingering on my mind..especially the word "dear" and "loss"

...hmmm perhaps it simply means "letting go" .. even though its something very very dear to you..and you can't possibly let it go.. or something irreplaceble..or a resentment and hate.. Just let go of the extra burden.... Let go of the past and take hold of the present.. Let go of everything that is holding you back.. and learn to surrender.. for who are we Lord, to decide what is right or wrong in our life.. when every single breath we breathe is You? When this life we're living is spared by You..? When You have numbered me my days and carved my name in the palm of Your hands?

And trust me, once you've learned to let go, You're putting that extra baggage on God's shoulder's and He is more that willing to carry it all the way.. and that is what He has been waiting all this while for!! Your telling Him, "Lord, I'm tired, I'm tired of driving this damm car! ..Please take the wheels!" .. And once you've handed Him the keys and asked him to take control.. trust me, He knows short cuts, He knows where you can get free parking! He knows where's the most extraordinary shopping complex.. He modifies too, like the Potter's Hands, He knows just what kind of shape and colour that suits you!.. and yes, He repairs too! ..An excellent mechanic, for He fixes that broken heart of yours!! He will lead you to paradise!!

And you know wanna what's the most amazing thing about Christianity? ..its that no matter how many times you fall and sin and hurt and broken.. you are already forgiven.. That there's is an open arms welcoming you back. That you have the same place as all the saints in heaven.. for it says.. "Saint or sinner stil He loves us all the same.."

And.. Now I feel so much better!! ..One reason why I love blogging!! .. You will very very light! ..Thank You Lord! ..

Lead me to the cross,
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Little rascals

So I got bored with the slides.. copy paste tak boleh.. must re-type, re-adjust! grrr...

Meanwhile let me tell you about first day of class.. the moment I entered everyone kept quiet! they were mesmerized! ..ceehh wahh.. *proud smile* ..I'm sure they thought I looked damm gorgeous and hawwt all ...ahem! ..;p ;p ..hehehe.. all started whispering.. but of cause the ones who knew me started shouting my name out laud and said "YAY!!" ...hehehe.. I'm not kidding k!! .. well, i dont blame them! ..its me they're seeing after almost a year, stunning in my black tights and purple blouse! ..feewwiitt..

LOL.. ok I don't which screw came out.. Obviously something happened inside my head cause I'm overly perasan-ing now! ..ssiighhh..

So, the other teacher walked in late.. and said "they barely know how to read..even at the age of 10!!" ..I was like..oookaay! ..It can't be that bad, rite?!..hehe

and yup, I was wrong!! ..It was bad! ...sigh.. really bad..I repeated like about 20 times what is singular and plural! ...And they cant seem to get it! ... Now you must be thinking it has to be my teaching...but excuse me, if you've ever seen me in class.. you'll drop dead la k! ..I happen to love explaining and sharing knowledge.. I love it when they look at me with those interesting eyes.. it makes me talk non-stop...hehe.. ok that sounded bad.. but seriously, I'm probably the best teacher anyone ever had..heheehe

There comes the "vanity" again!! ..why huh??? ...oh yeah.. must be my grandma's fish sambal that effected my thinking.. It was soooo spicy.. I drank like about 7 cups of water.. and my bladder was full every half an

Hmmm..what else?..oh yeah.. I was speaking to them in Tamil k! .. hehe.. as it is my tamil sounds like Japanese.. but well, they were helping me to get the words pronounced correctly! this is my chance to improve! ..XD .. and seriously, the other teacher said.."You cannot give them face, must be very very strict!!" ... I have no idea how to be strict! ..Every time I use my stern voice... they somehow manage to make me laugh!! ..ish ish... fail I tell you!

Tomorrow's a long day!! .... But no class though!! ...hmm.... which should be a good thing but why am I already missing those little rascals! ..argh

Well, tomorow then! ..

Monday, October 18, 2010

inside your heaven!

"Everytime I try to fly..I fall without my wings.. I feel so small.. Guess I need you baby.."

I don't know why is God being so very nice to me all of a sudden..! LOL.. because I found back all my other old songs.. not the new ones.. but the old ones!! .. like about 1000+ songs..hillsongs, oldies, songs i forgot they every existed, like INSIDE YOUR HEAVEN! the ones I downloaded last year ...why?!?.. hmm usually if something nice happens that means something really horrible is gonna hit rite? I'm not being superstitious.. but experienced la k! ..thats why they say don't expect anything.. or you'll get dissapointed! ..but well, thank you Lord! ..Your the best, still!! XD

So anyway my first day class got cancelled cause both of the teachers can't make as we have to attend a funeral! ...Sigh..I shall not say anything la k! ..grrrr..

And so since your bored, I obviously am bored.. cause I have nothing else to blog about.. So lets see the lyrics for INSIDE YOUR HEAVEN! carrie underwood!

"Inside Your Heaven"

I've been down
Now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
I guess its right, it's so amazing
Everytime I see you I'm alive
You're all I've got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love
The stars light up
The wrong becomes undone
Naturally, my soul surrenders
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
And I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holdin you until the day I die
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven

Here, there, everywhere!

Goodness its been ages!! .... haizz.. buzy woman you see! ..;p ;p..*blows off the dust* ..;p;

Anyway, as usual its not my fault that my blog is going kinda rusty and well dead! .. Firstly, the computer is you know I'm not really a laptop kinda person..and since I have a very big appetite, I need a big screen, bigger mouse and bigger keyboard.. lol Incase you didn't know me, I can't hear, see and think properly.. so yeah.. arrh crap! I shouldn't have said that..

So since I had to sent my PC for reformatting...there goes my 700+ songs and all my glee series. another 20 movies!!!! ...and of cause this had to happen the moment I start my holidays! ...siighhh..and on top of that I can't download MSN!!! ..there goes my social life! ..why Lord??!! Why??!! why now??!

Hmm.. what else.. oh yeah.. I have tonnes and tonnes of pics to upload.. like Pinky's 21st surprise party, Public Speaking class party which is probably the bestest thing that ever happen in UCSI!! ..My darling *bluek* sister's birthday dinner at Nachos, Alamanda.. hehehe and PPA!! ...bare with me please, like I said, been really buzy!! ..;p

One more thing, . I have a job!! ...XD ..hehhe.. small one only though, teaching tuition!!.. It's a mystery you know.. like you were going high and low to search for a job.. but you only want it for a month! ..and that moment, someone asked you whether you wanna teach tuition till the school ends! wow!!

And also.. when you were driving at night.. in a road with no street light, left and right filled with jungle..and even if there's a bear next to you, you wouldn't realize because it was that quiet and lonely.. You stopped the car then to look back at the map that your "dear" sister drew for you..and begin to wonder whether are you holding the paper in the right way..or is it suppose to be the other way round.. and then you get fed-up, and make a u-turn because you have this weird feeling that says "its not here" ...and all of a sudden you saw a bridge!! ..Exactly like the one you "DEAR" sister draw you! ..and HALLELUJAH!! .. you arrived saved and soundly and guess what, there weren't any bear at all! ..;p ;p

And that is a true story happen to the most gorgeous girl alive who also happen to own this blog..who was searching her way to Shaun's house on Thursday in Happy Garden.. Goodness! I just realized, it wasn't a garden and it soooo wasn't happy at all! ..hmm.. weird!

Long day tomorow.. probably the whole weekday and weekend! .heheehehe.. the grandma came down, started working, so many things to be done!! ..

And so my eyes is extremely tired.. and I'll try to update the whenever I can k! hehe because I can read your mind that you simply can't shut me off even if you tried too! ..LOL.. ok that was nonsense..but well you should probably follow me on tumblr! ..I'm alive and happy there! ..Not to say I'm not happy here. but well... tumblr practically reads your mind! ..everything you want you can find there!! ...but of cause, like Sudha mentioned in here blog, nothing beats the feeling of writing down your very own thoughts from your very own heart!

See ya!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Just have a heart..

"No matter where I am.. every tear I cried.. You hold in Your hands.. You never left my side.. Though my heart is torn.. I will praise You in this storm.."

So I was suppose to blog yesterday...but as usual.. it went out of hand! hehehe .. I was just so superbly excited.. cause I was done!!! DONE with assignments, exams!!! if you could hear my words in your head.. I'm not speaking..I'm shouting for joy!! weeeeeeeeeeee!! ..Nothing beats the taste of pure, absolute freedom! ...hmmm actually if you could taste my words in your head! ...wait.. aargh.. that didnt really make sense.. but well if you are reading this, just share the joy!! ...weeeeeeeee!! *runs around in circles!!*

Actually I was kinda tired to blog yesterday! ..heheheh.. straight after UNI, went for badminton! ..been ages, and it was good!! .. like really good! Not to say I was good.. it just felt sooo good! And because I admired Saina Nehwal, the badminton player from India..I kononya felt like so semangat!! ..But of cause, I ended up playing even worse than I usually play. Pity Joe and Shas.. I made them run all over the court! ..hehehe.. but Crystal and me almost won them!! .. and according to them, they were "so-called" giving us chance.. but well too bad.. we scored 19!!! ...weeeeeeee!! ...hehehe

And by the way, if you happen to see any candid, random pics of me posted on my profile.. THAT'S NOT ME!! ..ok, well I wish its not me.. but let's pretend its not me k!! ... because it was horrible! ..thanks to Joe who thinks candid pics are the best.. My foot!! ...grrr.. as it is I face uncountable embarrassing moments in public.. and now it has to be on the network!! ..argh

Anyway, speaking of sports.. one of my favorite topic! ..heheh.. yes, it is!! .. I can be glued to the TV 24/7 just watching the games!! .. and the ones that catches my attention, gymnastics!! ..XD .. so I asked my mom, "Ma, why didnt you send for any gymnastic classes? ..I could be appearing on TV now!" ...and she gave me the 'you-need-to-come-back-to-earth' look.. hehehe..

So yeah, I find this game very fascinating.. Not because they wear these awesome piece of gym like suits.. and hair-do or make up.. lol.. ok that was actually the main reason why I love watching gymnastics.. but another reason is that.. its the only game I've noticed that when you fall.. you need to pick up back all your strength.. and continue with what you have left. Your not given a chance to restart.. your not given a second chance..

Like let's say your searching for perfection.. hehe ceehh wah.. sorry, this line was on my mind.. "If perfect's what your searching for, then just stay the same.." Bruno Mars ~Just the way you are~ .. hhehehe.. So anyway, you wanted it to be perfect, but because of one slip.. and all the audience witnessed it.. you could loose your will to persevere.. and your whole concentration.. your mind will be on that one tiny mistake!..

Well, I know I would.. =( but these gymnast amazed me!! .,.They kept moving on..doing what they're best at.. They know they messed it up.. but the smiles never left their faces.. and they got to finish what they're started, with or without mistakes! ..seriously, I think you need a high boost of self esteem for that performances!! ..

Which, I think its a good lesson to be learnt.. Its exactly how life is, no?? It hits you down to ground, the storm crawls in one after another.. things just doesn't seem right.. and you wish you had a second chance.. you wish you could turn back time, and make that mistake right again! ..but well what is done, is done..

You could only choose.. which I think its one of the best gift given to human.. is that you can choose.. Choose to smile and move on.. or choose to stay stagnant and bury yourself in the worries of the world.. Choose to stand up.. or choose to give up.. Choose to let go..or choose to hold on.. choose to live or choose to die.. But whatever choices you make, remember is it not for the audience, it is not for the world.. but for you.

Speaking of the world.. We celebrated Pinky's 21st birthday party that Monday and had this brilliant talk with Jaswin's friends.. And it is logical, probably seems like the right thing to do that when someone breaks your heart.. you find someone else and break their heart.. to release your hurt..and gain your strength and fill that emptiness which you think no one could ever replace them..why?? because that's how the world is. It is cruel, it is unfair, it is nonsense!.. To survive, you got to be got to be cruel.. you got to play dirty.. you got to win!.. or else the world will step you and you could die..

But I disagree though.. Of cause I did not state out my opinion there.. they would have labelled me as crazy.. hehe.. because you don't need to be cruel, to heal your hurt.. you don't need to break another heart, to move on..

Why? because if you are human, when it really really hurts you, you wouldn't want another to go through that same hurt, that same pain.. that you went through.. I am not being a saint here.. but you do not USE someone, you do not play with someones feeling if you don't feel the same.. You do not break another heart, even if yours is in pieces!! ... that is inhumane! If they break yours, let it be then!! ... sooner or later, they will come to their senses and mature.

There are so many other ways to get healed.. oh trust me, I'm very very experienced in this department..LOL.. If you do not believe in God.. though that will be my first choice, all you need are damm good besties who would listen!! ..and there, they can patch up the wound for you.. go for movies, go partying, check some guys out..but you do not break another heart, even if he deserve it.. you don't! ...Or maybe its just me.. but well, it make sense to me.. If you wanna survive in this world of struggles and mystery, just have to have a heart.. and you already have everything else you need.. even if you don't believe in God, just have a heart..

You got to try a little kindness
Yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see
And if you try a little kindness
Then you'll overlook the blindness
Of narrow-minded people..
On the narrow-minded streets

When you have a heart,
You will show kindness,
You will offer forgiveness,
You will give love,
You will have faith.

And trust me, a smile is guaranteed and nothing can bring you down!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


One more day.. just one more day.. another 24 hours hours.. 1440 minutes... how hard can it be??...
ONE MORE DAY!! ..aarrgghh..

One more day.. and I'm done with this semester.. I'm done with UCSI, or at least for 2 months! .. ONE MORE DAY!! ..come on people..!! Share the joy with me!!! ... One more day.. and you'll be glued to my blog! ..isn't that a good thing??.. Knowing that you miss me.. and I'm soo good to acknowlegde it!! ..weeeeeeeeeeee!! ..

Ok, i before I get over excited.. I have my MAJOR presentation tomorrow.. its for 3 minutes!! ..and yet, it can take my life in a second.. Imagine mr ken at the back of the class, starring at you like every sentence from your mouth is wrong!! ..all your classmates waiting for you to make that then can humour themselves! ..aarggh!!.ONE MORE DAY..juan.. just another day.. and its gone..

Lord, as must as I love to enjoy the beauty and mystery of this world.. please let the one more day be over ASAP!! ..thank you!! MUAXX!!

Till tomorrow then,
One more day, I'm sure you can wait!!..
well, but I know I cant!!..sighh

Friday, October 8, 2010

Coincidence..or not!

"I will be still and know you are God.."

I have a confession.. and a testimony to go along with! ...Trust me, this is worth your time..=)

Do you believe in coincidence? ...or do you believe that everything happens for a reason? ..Do you believe that science is the answer to everything..or that there is someone up there, making everything happen the way it is? ..Did you use to believe in that "someone", but then the faith fades away as nothing ever worked out the way you wanted it? ..And if given another chance, would like you to start believing again? ..

Ok now leave aside these questions aside..and pretend I am an atheist..=)

And me, a 20 year old atheist from UCSI currently pursuing my degree in Mass Com and I have a presentation for my public speaking subject which starts at 9.30 ..hehe *formal a bit*

So anyway I set up the alarm at 6.30am and of cause being a typical human being the wise thing to do was to hit the "snooze" button.. and me, being me.. I thought the button I hit was "snooze" but in actual fact it the "turn off" button.. so yeah.. I slept as if there was no tomorrow..and then suddenly my phone begin to ring.. I answered it and it was mom, she wanted to speak to my sister.. with an eye opened, I glanced to the side of my bed.. it was empty.. so i told my mom .."She left already.." ... I hung up and closed my eyes again when I realize.."Shoottss.. what time is it already?? " ...Checked my phone again it was 7.10am!! ...Usually I'll leave house around 7.20 to catch the 7.30 bus..

I panicked!.. like totally panicking!! ... Came outside, and heard someone taking shower in the bathroom.. "Ohh great my sister is still here..and she had to use the bathroon at this crucial time!!" ..I started banging the door and asked her to hurry up!! ...Mr Ken would cut us all into pieces if we were late!! ..sighhh.. and on top of it was presentation day!! ..He would surely continue frying us in hot oil!.. aarrgghh..

So I took a quick shower.. and then started packing my stuff.. I remember leaving everything I'm suppose to take on my study table.. so just chucked everything inside my bag.. And my sister, ok my sweet, awesome-pawesome, darling sister said, she would send me to KTM!! I would have kissed her!..XD hehehe ... and then when I was about to leave.. A thought appeared.. "I don't remember putting my pendrive inside my back, but I did leave it on the table last nite!!" ...and so I rushed in back.. knowing this has to be my mom's work!! ..grrrr .. She can't see my things lying around the table.. I started searching for my pendrive everywhere!!.. and my heart skipped a beat when I saw it in the white box!..=)

Moving on.. On the way to the station, I was complaining to my sis about a group member of mine... who did a half past quarter work... and because of that I slept at 3am! Speaking of assignments...and again.."OMG!! I forgot my movie reviews!!"... The thing is, these movie reviews are supposed to be passed up last week but since our class got cancelled hence it was due this week.. and since I changed my bag pack.. my assignments were all still in my previous bag!! .. Almost in tears.. I told my sis.. just sent me back home.. I'll find my way from there.. and take note, my sis had to be in her UNI at 9am!!

She said, its ok, I'll wait for you.. hurry!! ... In my white wedges and formal dress.. I ran to my house.. took the papers.. the time was already 8.10am .. I was suppose to take the 8.12am train if I wanna reach uni on time!! .. I was hoping and wishing that KTM wil be delayed this time!! .. lol.. Ironic isn it.. first I curse it, for its inefficient service... and now I want it to be delayed.. hehe

My sister, and this time I swear I could french kissed her!! ... She passed by the station.. and I thought she forgotten to send or something and I said."hEY!!..STOP!, I'm late already!... She said, "its OK, I'll send you to UNI!!" ...hallelujah!!! .... those words were like cherry on top of a cake!!..

And so I reached Uni at about 8.40am.. hehehe.. yes I know, impressive!

Anyway, I screwed up my presentation.. and was whining all day.. thinking that's it! ..I'm failing public speaking!! ...sigh.. But I treated myself with a midnight movie in ALAMANDA.. Eat, pray and love.. I found it rather realistic!! ..and somewhat different compared to other romance movies.. besides it wasn't entirely about romance.. its about discovering yourself as well..=)

So now, lets get real.. oh Yes, i'm still being an atheist.. and after all this tiny incidents.. the one thing thats on my mind is COINCIDENCE!! ... I mean come on, you can't tell for sure that there is someone up there who is handling things and make sure that I'm at the right place and the right time!!.. And even if there is someone ... He can't possibly be watching over me.. because, I have never ASKED him too.. or even spoken to him..before...

But if these "coincidences" didnt happen .. I would have missed my presentation worth 20% ..and Mr Ken aint the kinda lecturer who gives you second chances unless there's a death! ..=( and I would have lost another 30% if I never hand in my movie review..

I don't know what is on your mind right now... but I'll let you know what's on mine.!..=)

What made my mom call at 7.10am?? ...why did she call my phone and not my sister's, when she wanted to talk to my sis.. why did I suddenly remember about my pendrive right before leaving the house?? why was I talking to my sister about my assignment in the car?? ..Why didnt I remember about my movie review when I was in the train or when I'ver already reached college?? ..why of all days, my sister decided to be nice and sent me to uni at that time???

Coincidence??!!.. think again!!! ... How??... How can it all fall so perfectly?? ...Like it was all prepared.. I mean yes, it was a pretty bad day.. would have been a lot better if I did everything before hand.. but neither did I NOT manage to do it?! ..Do you get me??.. arghh..

hmm.. I don't know how else to explain.. but seriously, this is not a coincidence.. because coincidence doesn't happen once or twice or consequently..

My confession: ...I can't pray no more.. well it happens.. once in a while.. and you need something to spark it all up..

My testimony..: no matter how much you runaway from God, or forget his existence.. He never once forgotten about you.. and see, how much He made it possible for me.. to go through my day..

My lesson: ..Always pray before you start anything..

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The guy with the guitar

So I thought today is going to be wasted.. considering the fact that I was glued to the TV watching the commonwealth games!..=) and that I started playing FARMVILLE which is another big mistake as I have my final Public Speaking presentation next week.. I also reblogged like about 20 pics in TUMBLR! ... sigh.. oh yeah I also manage to watch Mis tres Hermanas and well, the notebook!..=((( ..I did everything..but Assignments!! ...hmm.. normal rite? ;p ;p

Yes I know, I should probably bury myself in somewhere in Ireland.. Don't ask why Ireland.. It came up randomly.. and well, I kinda like their accent..=) But then again, I don't think burying myself would help.. cause you see, I still have the nerve to sit her and blog at 2am!!

Moving on, Sam introduced me to some people today.. and I swear it was as if I've died and went to heaven!! .... they took my breath away..that second I heard and saw them!! and yes I was suffocating!! which explains why I was in heaven....since it was a two way ticket.. so yeah had to hit back the earth as I have to present tomorrow for Public Speaking.. sigh..

Lol, ok too much drama.. but yeah... sam introduced me to BOYCE AVENUE!! ... some guys with guitar, voice and face!! ... I dont know if its every girls..or is it just me.. and i wonder if all guys with guitar have that effect on me.. but well, I can't help it.. Its beyond words to explain..hmm someday you'll He was inside the screen right he should be by my side...;p ;p

Anyway here's a video of them... only one guy is here.. the cutest!.. lol.. but yeah.. the perfect guy.. and the song is awesome too!.. apparently i seem to relate to it!..hehehe

Broken Angel ~Boyce avenue~

You showed him all the best of you
But I'm afraid your best
Wasn't good enough
And know he never wanted you
At least not the way
You wanted yourself to be loved
And you feel like you were a mistake
He's not worth all those tears that won't go away

I wish you could see that
Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he crushed all your dreams
Oh broken angel
Inside you're dying 'cause you can't believe

And now you've grown up
With this notion that you were to blame
And you seem so strong sometimes
But I know that you still feel the same
As that little girl who shined like an angel
Even after his lazy heart put you through hell

I wish you could see that
Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he crushed all your dreams?
Oh broken angel
Inside you're dying 'cause you can't believe
He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water
You're just a broken angel

And I promise that it's not your fault
It was never your fault
And I promise that it's not your fault
It was never your fault...

And so I'll enter my dreams.. with the guitar guy!..;p ;p

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

She's on weed..;p

"While I'm waiting, I will serve you.. while I'm waiting, I will worship.. while I'm waiting, I will not fade.."

Since I forgot to announce my 500TH post! ..LOL.. here's to my 510TH POST!! ..weeeeeeeeeeee!! ..hehehe.. and indeed, I'm awesome!! ..;p ;p

So we all know, I'm vain..and very vain.. and full of vainness!! hehehe..but you know what's the good thing about being vain, it's that you couldn't care less what other people think of you.. and sometimes when you wanna reach higher grounds, being deaf helps.. like when they tell you, "You can't do it.." ...but you look back and say, "Watch me!!" ...heheh.. Ok, I stole that from tumblr..;p ;p .. hmmm I think I should become a philosopher..seriously, I just tried to make sense about being, "VAIN!!" ...sigh...

No wonder Deelan says, "Juan, I think your on weed!!" ...and then sam, sheena and pravinaa happily agreed with it!! ...sighh.. lol.. its not like I choose to be like the very weird, odd one out.. hmm It's just my brains, I've been trying to figure out how it works.. apparently it only gets worse.. don't believe me?.. take a look at the top paragraph..haizz

But anyway, before you decide to permanently shut me off.. lets talk about something hmm.. useful..

Again, I know I mentioned this like about 1000th times.. but KTM SUCKS BIG TIME!! .. lol.. and lately, its been going coo-coo! ..hehe.. seriously, the train that goes to Seremban, actually had "Rawang" written on it.. and did you know there's this place called TUMPAT?? Thats what the announcer said, "Train from TUMPAT will be arriving shortly" ..When I heard it, I was like..."Gosh, did I wake up in another timeline??" ...Suddenly INCEPTION all started playing.. I came back to earth when Sam messaged!.. Weird, I tell you..

And then it was Public Speaking again.. I semangatly dress in formal only to know that we're not gonna present that day.. sigh... There's this group that presented about "Rape cases does not include woman only, but man as well.." ...One of the presenter, really gave me goosebumps!! She was excellent!! ..I really salute her! ..She spoke with confidence, sincerity and boldness.. and made you think out of the box.. I think so far she's probably the best presenter I've ever came across!... I can't really pronounce her name, but I think its "mami" ..she's a foreigner!..and a gift of cause.. she could win many cases if she actually became a lawyer.. seriously!!..

Hehe.. I was impressed, very impressed.. hence I think she deserves the credit! ..=) .. so yeah, impress me, and I might write about you..hehehhehe..;p ;p ;p

So its like another week and half to be done with first year .. time passed by like a lightning know?? ...The one thing I remembered was walking all alone in that noise pathway in UCSI block C, accidentally entering the wrong class cause I saw the wrong timetable and everyone was looking at me like I'm some kinda alien with 3 eyes and 2 nose.. and the next thing I know I'm about to get married and have 5 kids! ok joking!! ..The next thing I know is that I'm entering 2nd year with friends who's definitely worth your time..and God knows what kinda darn assignment and exams your gonna face..

Sigh... but of cause.. it's gonna be worth it!.. or I hope so.. why?? ..Because I serve an awesome God who has Awesome plans for me!!! ...=)

Ok, I passed my limit already today.. heheh.. i realize the more I blog the more I get into my own world and the more I crap.. hence, limit is the best!..

Good nite!..=)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Remember, we are one

aheeemm.. Selamat pagi!! ..hehehe..

Seriously, I have no idea where the weekend went.. It must have went somewhere.. cause its no more here!!.. ssiighh.. so very fast they past by, don't they?.. why can't we have 4 days of weekend and 3 days of work?? ..I mean, you can use the extra energy to work harder than ever for those 3 days eh?? ....shheesshh.. hehehe.. Don't mind me, I just want my weekend back!, as if I was working really hard for the past 5 weekdays.. hehe.. well, I'm just fighting for other peoples right.. hmm ok, I shall stop crapping.

Anyway is it just my place or has the connection gotten waayy out of hand??.. grrrr!! ..I think even the tortoise would have lived and died d!.. seriously, dahlar you have to wait for soooo long, only to find out that the page fail to loadd.. geram or not??!.. arghhh!

So back to my weekend.. hehehe.. Attended a wedding.. Nope, never met the couple.. Just went there to sing, and hey no harm in helping to join two hearts right..? .=) ... There's wasn't anything extraordinary for the wedding.. just the choir rocked of cause!!.. =D .. Not bragging or anything, its just been a while since I last had goosebumps listening to HFC choir sing!!! And so, I made up my mind.. no matter where I'm gonna get married, I'll drag HFC choir along!..=))) that also, if I did get married...hmm..

Ok, lets not get to that part.. You'll probably gonna need to whole box of tissue..;p ;p

Anyway, lol,, again back to my weekend! ...I attended this freedom of religion talk in church..and it was good!! ...Heartbreaking right.. to love someone from that "one" particular race and not being able to be with them for the rest of your life, unless you change your religion.. and this kinda nonsense only happen MALAYSIA! ..Sorry, I can't possibly mention that race here, or you might have to visit me in ISA.. lol..

hmm, then again RPK was bold and brave..and what nonsense! yeah, if there is one thing I'd have to fight for all out.. its for my religion and human's right.. Hence, let the truth speaks for itself.. lets say if your a Malaysian who fell in love with our fellow Muslim brethren.. its either you change your religion to theirs, or migrate to another country.. or well, you have to forget the whole thing.. ssiigghh..

Weird, its your very own right to fall in love, yet it is brought to justice... It is your very own right to practice what-so-ever want.. yet, you need to get an approval..

A divine and holy name should bring everyone together..yet they burn the church for it.. They placed a cow's head because they don't want a temple to be built there.. Insane and ridiculous, if you ask me. And if we are to question, they shut us under ISA...sighh.. Where is justice, I longed to ask.. Where is humanity, I wonder.. Where is love, the one love that could break the barrier between colour, language, race and religion?? ...Aren't we all the same, in the eyes of God? Are we that degraded, that we are not subjected to taste the freedom of our very own human rights in our very own country.. "tanah tumpahnya darah ku?? .."

And if they come up with a rule... "if you don't convert, you are to be murdered.." ... Lord, we place this country in your hands..

They ended yesterday's talk with this poem.. written by ANWAR FAZAL.. I had goosebumps reading it..

We all drink from one water
We all breathe from one air
We rise from one ocean
And we live under one sky

We are one

The new born baby cries the same
The laughter of children is universal
Everyone's blood is red
And our hearts beat the same song

We are one

We are all bothers and sisters
Only one family, only one earth
Together we live
And together we die

We are one

We are one

Peace be on you
Brothers and Sisters
Peace be on you.

Anwar Fazal