Friday, December 16, 2011

Change of heart

20 minutes before I leave work and be united with the weekend.. why I decided to blog now?

Because, 'Change of heart' by Jodi Picoult made me..

Here's why I like reading books..
  • Because when you read, you forget the world, and it takes you to another place. 
  • Because you feel what the characters feel. No more sympathy. But empathy..
  • Because you get to create your own images, scenery, character..
  • Because you get to be the heroin, with the long gorgeous eyes, beautiful eyes and perfect body
  • Because you find the guy of your dreams..and he happen to like you. ;)
  • Because when its done, it makes you think.
  • Because someday, I wanna write a story. A real one. A true one. 

I hear your voice in my head..
I see you in my dreams..
I feel you in my heart..

Could it be real?
Could it be finally happening?
Or is it just a story..
Like the others??

Maybe, Maybe not..
But two is definitely better than one!

The thing about God..

Yesterday I went for confession. lol. And no, don't worry, I'm not gonna confess to you about my sins, but there was something that the priest said, that made me go like wow!! ;)

So I told him the truth.. that I feel very far from God.. Like you just lose it somewhere along the way. And sometimes you wonder, does he really exist, with all the injustice happening in the world..??

And he told me this, "What do you think made you realize that you're far from Him who created you, in the first place?!!.. or that there is a lof of crap happening here, in the world??!!" .ok, he didnt really say 'crap' ..but something like that..But that is God.. The feeling you have when you see a helpless dog on the road.. or babies in the drain..That is God.. When you feel you need to reach out to the poor and the needy.. That is God.. when you feel like writing about now. That is God!! ... You don't realize it, but then God, works in mysterious ways.. Amazing aint it?! Gosh. I swear I was shivering yesterday ..I could barely speak when he was sharing to me... and something told me, its not really the air cond in church! ;)

And well, why is it that we doubt the existence of God?? ..We don't doubt our parents, do we?? ..of course we dont.. Coz we get to see, touch and feel them. But God?? Nope. And thats where Faith comes in. Faith.. to believe beyond what the eyes can see! ;)

My sister, whenever we're not pulling each other's hair and decided to act like adults told me that she never doubted God.. When you always choose to see the good in everyone, yes even the killer.. you choose to see God too. And there He exist. :) ..And sometimes He speaks through someone else too.. Yesterday he spoke to me through the priest, my sister and uncle Ramesh.

You know what Uncle Ramesh told me?? He said, in whatever you do, be it your work, your relationship, your family, your food, shopping, cleaning.. just put God first. And trust me, you will see the difference..

"Before I formed you in the womb..
I knew you through and through..
I choose you to be mine..
Before you left your mother's side,
I call to you my child..
To be my own.."

So you see, God knew you even before you were formed in your mothers womb! He knows your thoughts and actions.. He who has planned you everything, from the family you are to be born to how will you die.. everything! So if you just trust Him and leave everything in His hands, wont it be a lot more easier??! ..You'd be free, and let him handle it. All you have to do is pray, pray and never stop praying. And it will work! ;)

Ok enough of preaching! Wanna get something to eat!


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Because its Christmas! :)

Last night, when I saw "Mr.Fishy"'s comment at my pink chatbox on your right hand.. I was like.. "Awwwwhhhh!!" I really missed blogging.. I miss reading back at what I wrote, and saying, "My gosshh, Juan!! You are soo full of nonsense!!" I missed feeling the keyboard under my fingers, pretending to be a great writer, with lots of words of miss ranting every single lame thing that somehow interest me.. from the dirt in the drain to the imaginary castles on air... hmm Whatever happen to me. And no, I still have no idea who this Mr. Fishy is, but a huge thanks to him, for that one comment that hit right in the middle! ;)

Anyway, Christmas is nearing. Shopping is yet to be done, but well, I've already done my Christmas shopping! ..And this was the fastest. I saw it. I tried it. I bought it. And wallllaaa!!! I like!! ;)

Christmas cleaning. YEAP! ..Hello, have you met my mom? The queen of cleanliness. or wait, the general manager of the universe!!  No cleaning and that's it!! Its like the bomb dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Or worst. which I don't understand sometimes. I mean it is my room. Why can't I keep my things, where I want it to be?? I put my glasses on my computer table. And she explodes. Just like thatt!! Sad huh? lol. She says it has to in the spectacles cover..Which I don't see the purpose, cause I'm gonna use it anyway later. I mean for me to explode, all you need to do is well, probably break my heart. And yeap, I But don't even think about trying it. Its kinda seasoned and has a brand new 'explosive-proof' suit! ;p But do you see, the degree of both situations put together to cause the explosions??! ..haiz.. moms!! ..They drive you crazy, and still, I'd be so lost without her. ;)

Lol, have to credit a bit. Incase she decides to waste her time here.. ;p ;p hehe

Christmas cookies. Erm.. Nope. Grams does it every year. Sigh. Damm memories. They drive you crazy too,  But they also keep the dead alive.

You can take tomorrow and the plans we made..
You can take the music that we'll never play..
All the broken dreams.. take everything..
But you can never have yesterday..

You can take the future that we'll never know..
You can take the places that we said we would go..
All the broken dreams..take everything..
Just take it away.. but you can never have yesterday..

And, nope, those are not my words.. its a song.. I changed the subject.. sigh.. And no Johore this year. Christmas in Kajang.. woots!! Kajang, you ready to rock with the awesome-est ppl alive?! ;p ;p ;p

Wowwww.. lol. like so woooowww! ..sorry. But really, to just write out and write.. or wait, I mean type.. lol.. nothing beats it. Nothing beats the feeling to put your thoughts down on a piece of paper and pencil. err.. ish.. ok fine, keyboard and screen. lol..

Alrite, more to come.. I hope so! ;)


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

She saw him from afar..

Because today I feel like writing something.. something real.

She saw him from a far..
Clothed with rare jewels..
So shinny, so polished..
Something no naked eye could cherish...

She saw him from a far...
With strong and mighty arm..
Like a knight in gold armour
Ready to slash the dragon..

She saw him from a far..
Filled with pride so high..
That mountains are shamed
And the hills are of no match..

She saw him from a far..
A pair of eyes so deep..
That no ocean could fathom..
The very power of drowning with peace..

She saw him from a far..
As beautiful as the sun that glows..
So is the smile of a kind soul..
That melts the innermost of the being..

She saw him from a far..
Just a far.. so far..
That she couldn't reach him..
She couldn't touch him..

She saw him from a far,
Asking God, how is it possible
To create someone so perfect, so flawless..
Yet to good to be true..

She saw him from a far,
A far, is what destiny holds,
In the near future perhaps,
If fate allows dreams to come true.

Taaaa daaaa!! ;))))) lol.. too cheesy rite??!! I know! ..but err.. I was just afraid, cause my words are rusting already. ;( ..sigh. anyway.. have a great day everyone!: )

Cheers! :)

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Last things..

You thought you'll never hear from me again, didn't you?? That I had died, burried in satin, laid on a bed of roses, sunk in a river, sent away with the words of a love song. ;) sorry. That song is stuck in my head..since forever. And if you read the lyrics carefully, it caries a deep meaning. ;D

Oh well, I'm at work and I'm bored. And honestly, I have no time to blog. Even if I'm did, I'm either too tired to crap..or ran out words. Yes, tell me about it. Working life sucks. I wanna go back to doing assignment!! ..;p

Anyway, lets make fill up this place here..

    • Last food: That spicy keropok. Forgot the name. ;(
    • Last drink: Water
    • Last song you listened : Today was a fairy tale - Taylor Swift nope its not a fairytale.
    • Last song you sang out laud : If I die young ;))))) ..and no, dont even think about asking me to sing.. I'll throw up. for real! ;((
    • Last movie watched : ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS 3!!!! yes.. I had free complimentary tickets from astro!! ..and it was AWESOME! ..the best of 3! Go watch it! ;)))
    • Last article typed: Co-op report! ;(( tak habis-habis! ;(
    • Last work done: Scanned a wedding card and email it to my colleague
    • Last hairstyle done : Horse tail with crocodile clip .. wow its an animal's world!
    • Last clothes worn : Pink blouse, black 3/4 jeans, and black overcoat. ;) ..oh yesh! hawt as usual!! ;p ;p ;p
    • Last book read : Picture Perfect ~Jodi Picoult...not that bad.
    • Last game played : errrm.. I forgot!! ;(((
    • Last time you laughed : erm.. while reading this.. : "In 50 years time, when all the kids using facebook have grown old.. will it be changed to 'wrinklebook'???? hehehehe
    • Last time you cried : Last night..
    • Last person who made you cry : My sister ;(
    • Last person who made you laugh : erm.. Suren..
    • Last time you panicked : This morning, when I missed the bus! ;((
    • Last person who saved your day : My sister! ;)
    • Last person who kissed you : Saha
    • Last person who hugged you : Saha
    • Last person you texted : Suren
    • Last person you talked to : Kak Elly
    • Last person you talked to on the phone: Suren..
    • Last person you faught with : My sister
    • Last time you decided you were lifeless: NOW!! ;((((
 Siiiggh.. ok done.. really. I;m planning to start a new blog.. this blog is old!! ;(( Alright then will update you whats next!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

The thing about love.

You know what I like most about train rides?? ;)) ...its the part where you watch from the window.. how the train rails..literally join together and become one! ... Its even more exciting when the train goes fast.. the joining becomes very smooth! ;))

Yes of course, knowing how my mind works.. I connected it with something.... If you're thinking about L.O.V.E ..then congrats.. you know me pretty well. ;p

Hmm.. love..
Since I've been so-called secretive about my 'love' life... ceeh waahh.. As if there's so much going on in the first place. Its almost non-existent, sadly. lol.. 

I'm not sure if at all I am destined to find one.

But I wish too someday.

Because beneath all this insanity I experience..

I wish to stare into your eyes and get lost in it..
I wish that the spaces between my finger is filled with yours..
I wish to receive texts that gives me shivers down my spine..
I wish to walk down the street, have you by my side.. and show off to everyone.
I wish to have the stupid fights and imagine not having you in my life..
I wish to sit on the couch and have you cuddle me
I wish to have endless conversation on the phone..about nothing at all.
I wish to cry my heart out and have you hug me and say everything will be alright..
I wish to your babies someday..
I wish that this would last..

LOL!! ..ish. jiwangnyerrr..  You see what happens when you give me free time with a comp. I become a love struck dumb teen. ;(( only a tiny problem. Now if you can find me the "you" in the above poem.. my gosh.. you saved me a whole lots of other emo-ish and embarrassing moments. hehe. And yes its the "you" non-existent... lol. 

But then you wanna know a secret?! ..The thing about love.. you don't go and search for it. It comes to you. When the time is right.. it comes. When you least expect comes. Without a warning, it comes ;)) .. And when it hits you.. it hits you fast..and hard. And its up to you.. whether you choose to fall deeper.. or to get up from that fall. Either way.. you'll learn something. ;)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Malaysians and sex!!

My goodness!!! ..Malaysia is soooo sooooooo obsessed with sex. And yes, you see I had to stress on to the "soooooooooooo" because even that is not enough to describe the obsessive-ness..;(

So what if the minister decides to have sex in a hotel with someone who is not his wife. I mean if he wants to be stupid and destroy his be it. Why does the whole world wanna be part of his stupidity and trouble?? Don't we already have enough trouble?? And so what if the artist decides to show half of her body and degrade herself? Who are we to comment when we ourselves are not perfect.. 

"Let he who have never sinned, cast the first stone.."

And sexuality merdeka.. is somehow labelled as "free sex" ..Like for real la k. When are we gonna mature and grow up?? When are we gonna leave aside these differences and stop condemning others?! Why do we take pride it others' humiliation? Why do we feel satisfied when we see our others' who are merely human trashed and broken??

And no, I find no wrong is seksualiti merdeka. Yes, my religion does condone same sex relationship or transsexuals. But then, I realize when one is born is such way, and does not choose to be, then we have a responsibility.. not to support them. But to simply treat them as equals..and well just be with them. Friends. And trust me..that is more than enough. ;) Do they deserve the same right as us heterosexuals?? Yes, definitely. Sadly this event is banned, and the reason given is because we are accepting this culture in our society. Yes we are.. and what is so wrong in that?? Would you rather trash them aside, see them broken because of something they choose not to be.. and then watch them die? ..or would rather, be their friend, and help them through this challenge of life? ;)

Why does this bother me?? ..Because, goodness gracious! ..There are so many other more important issues that should be handled. Enough with sex!! .. Look at those babies in the drain and toilets.. look at the beggars in KL.. look at the acid splashers.. look at the teen crimes!! look at freaking KTM!! ..and I can't even walk down the road at night..because some nut case might come and rape me. They are a lot more of other important stuff..that's needs immediate attention. sigh.

So yeah. Stop it with the damm sex issues! ;(.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The unborn..

Did you read the papers today? or any other day, for that matter.. ..I seriously don't know what is happening to the world..;( or to the generation. ;((

They're throwing away babies like rubbish! ;(( whyy?? howww???!! can one have the heart to throw a baby!? its a baby, for God sake!  A baby can bring you endless joy and yes tears.. oh my.. they can't be humans. surely can't. Perhaps in appearance. Even animals.. take care of their young.

The very first newborn baby I held was Bernadette. I wasn't allowed to stand and carry. I was already 14 years, but somehow they were afraid I might drop her down. Sigh.. Its a baby ok. I'll surely be extra extra careful!! or maybe..not! I almost tripped off my chair just now. ;((

But I still remember how she looked. Red, very red. Tiny fingers.. only long enough to wrap my smallest finger. And feet. I love tickling her feet. Eyes barely open. Nose not long enough.. And she smells like a flower. I remember her smile, or laugh. No teeth yet. Only can see her gums. It was a magical. Holding a newborn child in your hands, is like wowww!! ..And what more if its your child. It is the half you..and half the one you love. What else could be more perfect?! ..

So you made a mistake.. but why punish the baby?? ..You don't want. Give up for adoption. I would adopt him or her. I really would. Sigh.. The don't deserve to be in toilets or dumpsters with their umbilical cord still attached. ;(( and the same goes to abortion.

To all the unborn babies, or the ones who have died even before they have a chance to see the world:

Dear Lord,
I honestly, am speechless to the cruelty done in this world. Sometimes, I wonder if you truly exist. If you do, then why do you let such things happen??! ;(( Why you take away the innocent and let the evil live?? Why are parents struggling to get a child, but the rest and throwing them way like a worthless trash? Is life so cheap these days, that it equals the dirt? Where is humanity?? Why is it that there are so many cruelty in this world, and yet, nothing is done!! And then, I remember Your words.. 

"Before I formed you in the womb..
I knew you through and through.
I choose you to be mine..
Before you left your mother's sight..
I called to you my child..
To be my own.."

Rest in peace, little angels.. 

Those words sound very comforting.. ;) there aint no better place to be..than with You!!. Craddled in your arms, like a mother hen, protecting its chick. And lord, sometimes I wish I was one of these babes.. Because they get to escape this world, and sin and evil and cruelty and move straight into your arms. But I'm here. And yes it aint my home. ;(

"All the while You hear each desperate plea..
And longed, we'd have the faith.. to believe.."

"When darkness seems to win, we know..
The pain reminds this heart..
That this is not out home.."

Monday, November 14, 2011

To understand...or not!

Yes its me again. The sad me. ;(((

Today, I panicked.. lol.. yes, when am I not in a panicked, or in a depressed state?? ..;p hehe But today was the real one. The moment I realized my touch n' go card wasn't with me. I was helpless.. so helpless.. The feeling you get ..where your whole world came tumbling down and broke into pieces!! Literally.. and you have no glue to paste it all together..and now that its all too late, you cant ever put them back..permanently and there goes your world! ;(((((

I don't make sense right?? lol.. sorry, drama effect a bit. well, I'm the last person to deal with crisis k. I know!! I'm not sure myself how am I gonna survive this world. ;(

I was frustrated, so frustrated, that I cant even smile. I tried, but my lips just wouldn't curve. And guess what song was playing on the playlist.. "Today was a fairytale.." I was like, yeaaahh why not??!! The last thing I wanted now was a fairytale! .;((

First, my colleague is making me choose between attending my grandma's 40th day prayers and also assisting in the AMP's THR Raaga's concert which both is held on the same day. Meaning, its family or work. I was in dilemma with that issue, and then when the card lost.. I went lost too. In my mind. Even the cute guy next on to me in BTS didn't manage to direct my attention..and trust me, when I say his cute. He is. ;D ..

And somehow, now, I feel well relieved.. after all the lecturing from saying about, "I-told-you-so-many-times" ..well at least, she didnt chase me out of the house..yet. ;(

Oh well, right now, I badly wanna well, talk, or chat or text someone.. But no one is available. And so I come here.

I don't understand sometimes..
I don't understand you..
I don't understand me..
I don't understand God..
I don't understand life.

But you know, sometimes, it all lies in the "trying-to-understand" part. Maybe the whole beauty lies in not understanding it. Imagine getting a gift... There's no fun if you already know what is inside it... or when your watching a movie or reading book. If you already know the ending, then might as well not watch it eh?? ..

But then again, what if the ending, is not something you want..and that your not prepared for it. What if you don't like the gift presented. What if, hmmm.. what if you just get hurt, over and over? ;(

Well, then maybe, its not really the end yet. And maybe your suppose to use that gift to get what you really want. Maybe that gift is meant to make you a better person.. And maybe, just maybe.. you were being taught the gift of gratefulness.. ;) To be thankful, that at least, today, this moment, you are still alive to receive something. ;)


And because, today, I felt like dying because of a blady touch n' go cards.. this song, carries a deep meaning. I love it!!

A penny for my thoughts..
oh no, 
I'll sell them for a dollar..
They're worth so much more.. 
after I'm a goner.. 
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'.. 
Funny when you're dead 
how people start listenin'.. 

 If I die young, bury me in satin.. 
Lay me down on a bed of roses.. 
Sink me in the river at dawn ..
Send me away with the words of a love song..

Because beauty is really skin deep

Gooood day everyone!! :))

It's Monday. Everyone hates monday. and yes, no exception for me. I hate it too.

Boleh mati piled up like mad. My brains was about to crack any moment. And on top of that course selection was today.. making me more excited. hehe. Yes I love making my timetable and choosing my free time. ;) Well, I had too many stuffs to do and so little time And for once, the timed passed by so fast, that I didn't even realized it was lunch time already..

So anyway, since I'm kinda free now, and yes I have access to all kinds of magazines. Celebrity gossips, beauty magazines, fashions.. ;))

I was looking through HerWorld and woooww the girls are gorgeous. I mean yes, they're models. and why go so far. Even here, where I work, goodness gracious, these people know what in the world is "fashion!!" .. With shoes and make ups and hair do's. Entertainment world rocks to the core k! :D Even if the fashion is weird, somehow it makes you stop and stare! Especially the hair!! I have a confession. ;( I get really jealous when I see girls with gorgeous hair. The ones where they did not spent hundreds of dollars doing it, but well, was born with it..

And yes. the eyes. My aunt asked me last week, "How come you don't use any make up?!" ..And I replied, "Because I believe in natural beauty, " And she gave me the dont-bullshit-me-kinda-look!!. lol. So I said, "because it doesn't make any difference. Well, they can't see my eyes behind these spectacles!" .. But I like eyes. I like starring in eyes, Because it tells you so many stories. It tells you the truth. And if you stare in it too much, you might loose yourself there, and you get butterflies running all over your stomach. #truestory. ;p

"He tells me about his day, And I count the colours in his eyes.." ;p ;p ..guess what song?

Anyway, I have this weird feeling in me.. I always wondered if anyone had ever looked at me and thought, "Gee, I wish I had her hair" or "I wish I was like her.. " ...Because when I see someone gorgeous, I say that.

Well, today..I learnt something. Something that I knew long time before. But today, it hit me again, while reading HerWorld.

At the back of it, was an article that made me go like "woooowww!!" .. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars and masks to look gorgeous..because beauty is really skin deep.

"When you are truly happy, there is a kind of light that shines from within. It covers you like a blanket and makes you look really beautiful..when you are at your natural best. So don't worry about covering those lines and looking perfect. Find your happiness, live it everyday  and you'll find that that's the best sort of image that you possibly hope to project." ~Azizah Jasmin Azizul (HerWorld)~ 

Wahhhh.. nice rite? ..So yes, the key to look gorgeous, is to find your happiness!! ..And let it shine from your eyes. ;)

Ok too much of crapping ady. Take care!!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Live from Astro AMP!!

Heeeeyyy!! I'm too excited that I forgot what I wanted to say.. ;p heheeh..

Anyway, I'm here., in Astro AMP. In the publicity department. And yes, JJ and Ean is 10 feet away. And so are other radio Dj's. ;)) When I first saw them, my heart stopped beating.. I would have screamed my lungs out. But I forced myself to come back to reality. And hen I heard Ean's voice, it was like music. A deep, sexy music. ;)

There's this another guy that mesmerized me.. Tall, handsome, charming. I wonder what made him stop by my table and talk to me. I don't think I have that effect where a guy would actually stop by notice. But he did. And hopefully I don't bump into him again. Because I found out later that he was Aanantha from THR Raaga. And I suppose I looked like an idiot standing there not knowing who the hell is he, when he was messing with me.  ;(

The radio is on the moment the clock hits 9am. Red FM's DJ keep on replaying the Jar of Hearts and Someone like you. What in the world is wrong? And its literally on replay on my head. ;( And yes, we listen to music while working. ;)

I forgot how to make friends. LOL.. because I'm so comfortable with my own, that when I go to the outside world, its like a new me all over again. I don't know what to say. And if I say it, would I sound weird? And if I appear to be weird, would they still be friends with me?! ..Yes I'm paranoid, just like that.

But this is it, I guess. This is the world. Where everyone thinks about making money. You know, I don't care if I'm not rich, or if I don't make that money. Because if I die tomorrow *'if I die young' was also on replay.* I swear the money will not be buried with me. ;) I think you agree too.

So here's what St Francis of Assisi says,

"It is in giving..that we receive..
It is in forgiving..that we are forgiven..
It is in dying.. that we are born to eternal life.."

You don't get it? neither do I. But basically it says.. in this world, its not really about you. There are others out there who needs you more that you need for yourself. ;)

And guessss what else!!! ...I was in the cafeteria with my colleague, and and and.. wootttt! Someone was being checked on!! ;p ;p They were trying to see my name on my tag, but of cause I closed it with my overcoat!! why?? Because its me. ;)) The kind where have no idea what she has on her mind.. and so she wants you around to unravel the mystery. My goodness. That's probably the lamest thing I;ve said.

But well, again, thats me ;)

And if Off duty! Cheers to the weekend!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Random conversations

Oiks!! ..;)).. hehe.

It's Sunday. And yes, I've been bumming at home for a week. Apparently, my internship only starts this Tuesday in Astro AMP Radio Network! ;) So if you happen to work there, we're probably gonna be stuck for the next 2 months.

So anyway, have you seen my nails lately? Its red. The kind of nails where you see on a teenager. Halfway chirping off. I fail to find my nail remover. But I got to do something before I go to work. I don't wanna be the weird intern with ugly nails around. ;(

Hmm.. I'm going to the movies in a while. So here's some random, lame conversations.

Sister: I  lost my phoneeeeee!!
Mom: I lost my mother. I won't get her back.
Juan: Well, I might be losing my eyesight.
Sis and mom: ....

Mr William: I saw you in Pavilion, checking out dresses!
Juan: Err, no uncle, We were having our lecture there for photojournalism!
Mr William: But I saw you!! ..And that dress.
Juan: I didnt check out any dresses!! ..really!! ;((
Mr William: You did! ..
Juan: ....

Student: Teacher are you a girl or a woman?
Juan: Hahaha. what kind of question is that?
Student: But teacher, I really really wanna know.
Juan: I'm not really sure. I will let you know, once I found out k. ;p
Student: ....

Student: Teacher, can I have your number?
Juan: You want my number?
Student: Yes, I have two phones!
Juan: You have two phones. And how old are you again?
Student: Teacher! You don't how old I am?? 11!
Juan: ... and I wish I was still your age.

Lol.. lame I know. Ok gtg bye!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The right guy vs the right food

Hello there, its 1 a.m. and I'm starving! ....Gosh, I'm starving so badly. I need food. ;( Crap! ..I badly need fooooood!!! But I'm afraid of all the tiny creatures in the kitchen. So yes.. will probably have to starve through out the night. sigh.

So anyway, errr.. okay.. I forgot what I wanted to say. lol.. oh crap. This always happens. ;(

And speaking of food, I found this in twitter, sometime back..
Everybody thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy...But honestly every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat! ... and that is so true. Spoken like a true girl.

But seriously, who would choose salad over french fries?? ..or tofu over CHOCOLATE?! .. I mean, let's face it, no matter how much we deny it.. deep down, beneath that oh-so-dear heart, we want all those mamak maggi goreng, roti canai and nasi goreng kampung. Even the smell can drive me crazy. Lol.. sorry, true born Malaysian speaking. ;) But because we fear the society and might be labelled as fat and that all guys would runaway, hence the word four letter word called "D-I-E-T" is invented.

Anyway, I was texting a friend of mine recently and he said, he wanna look good for his girl!! .. I was like, "wow!!" ..;) ..and then I remembered another friend of mine saying, "You know girls have to look good, so that their boy friends, wont go around looking for another!!" ..I was like, "oookkaayy" ..

And yes, as expected, I beg to differ, because excuse me, but beauty fades. As you grow older, the white straight teeth will fall, the black straight hair will turn grey, the smooth flawless skin will sag and well, your reflection will certainly change. And how long can we hide behind surgery's cream's and make up?? ..At our death bed, no one really cares about how we look, you know..

Well, I just lost my grandma. Trust me. I know. All I could think of my life is going to be so empty without her. And that's how much of an impact she has on me. If you have that effect on someone.. at least one. Then congratulation, you have certainly lived your life to the fullest. And daym.. I miss grams! ..;(

So back to the topic.. beauty is skin deep. Oh trust me, it is. But I do agree, the first look, is the first impression you have on someone. Like if the guy is so daymm hawtt, you obviously wanna get to know him more! ..Nothing's wrong in that. ;)

But well, when you fall.. fall for who is he. Not what he wears, or what he has or how he look likes... Because at then end of it, what matters most, is that... when you look all old, deformed and ugly, is he still going to look at you in those eyes, fall in love all over again and say, "I've never stopped loving you. You're still the most beautiful woman alive." ...

Lol, I have no idea where those words came from but well.. find for the guy with the most beautiful heart, and trust me, you will never fall out of love. ;)

Wooowww.. I wasn't intending to write on that, but not bad. I made something out of food! ..;) ..and who says crapping is bad?! ..Its gooood! ;D

Aite then! ..I shall head the bed soon! ;)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Some updates.

Hello, my name is Juan Margrita Gabriel Thomas. I am 21 years, 4 months and 16 days old. That's old enough to be considered as an adult but I don't feel like it. Cause right now, I just want to go back home, crawl up in my bed, cover the sheets over my head, have my mom hug me, and cry out loud!!! .... ;(((

Seriously, I hate myself for this. when it comes to a chaotic situation, I just turned into a jelly... And I don't know which is worst, to slip off from a person's hand onto the floor or be in crumpled in their mouth into a million pieces. sigh..

And the worst part is, I feel so alone. My sis refuse to wait for me, so she left. My mom was sweet enough to call and recognize the change in my voice and asked, "Are you alright," ..Of coz its not my nature to tell, "No Ma, I feel like crying, can you lend your shoulders?" I said, "Yes, I'm fine." now I'm stuck here all alone.

Weird, the moment when you want someone the most, somehow everyone bails out. Or is it just me being paranoid.

And, change topic.

Anyway, currently my home is occupied by sickly people. Firstly you have me, whose voice sound like a toad, and running nose, then you have sister whose sinus just got a lot worse and she started throwing up that we all asked her, "Whose the daddy?" ..;p and then we have little bernadette whose down with chicken pox. And last night, I cuddled her and put her to sleep. Hopefully, my immune system is strong enough because i'm so not in the situation  to get infected by chicken pox. honestly no. ;(

What else happened? ..hmm.. Oh yes, I had peanut butter with banana and bread today! ..yessss all three combined!!! ..And yes its deliciousssss!! ;)) Go try it! ..I think its the best breakfast I've tried it so far. Thanks to him who introduced it. ;)

And last night, my aunt told me, "Juan, please stay single. Don't get married. All man are the same. Insensitive." ..and thence the good thing about being single is that, less stress. ;)

Oh and, another thing is that, my grandma passed away on the 16th of Oct. Hence, the silence in blog. All I could think off is, "In the arms of an angel.. may you find, some comfort there.."
R.I.P, Kluang Amachi, You will always be missed.

And you wanna know another crazy thing in my life? I'm starting my internship tomorow. Yes, she's entering the working life. God bless her. Amen.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

She's a dreamer

Heyy.. ;) I was going through my usual blog visits.. and I realized, "wow!! I've missed pretty much.." ;(

And and... I also realized, damm I miss blogging! ..My blog posts are very sad, and very little nowadays. It can't be because I'm sad.. I blog when I'm sad. Busy?? ..But I blogged when I'm busy too.. ;( Lost the mood?? ..Yeap, I always blogged, when I have nothing to blog.. So possibly could be wrong?? ..sigh. Possible effects of cancer? .. or mental retardation? yeap, we stick to that. I'm ran out of ideas. ;/

So anyway, I emailed my lecturer my article for my feature writing assignment. And here's what he told me, "You are a dreamer, Juan. But I like it very much. Maybe a bit too much comment but I will let that go cos I see that your heart is in the article and that is important..."

Firstly, Yes, I admit, I am a dreamer! ..but but, how did he say that,.. how did he know? ..I can't be that transparent. You know, I always like to appear as the mysterious girl with a lot of dark secrets. Lol. Guess that would never happen, some do read me that easily. And "too much comment??" ;(( I'm afraid to ask him, what exactly he means. He's gonna think, "how exactly did this girl think she could be a writer?! ..simple English also can't be understood!" ..aikss..

And dreamer. I dream a lot. Don't ask me why. I just do. I'm not sure if its a good thing or not. Given a choice to dream or to talk.. I'll choose to dream. I don't really talk that much, you know. Erm. ok fine. I do, only with the right crowd. And Pam told me once, "Juan is in her own world again. Someday, you take me to your world ok, Juan?!" ..I laughed..

There's nothing much in my world. It's rather peaceful and serene. and oh.. beautiful. A place where I go to.. when I'm sad, happy and clueless. It's a place where there's hope.. where's there's everything I'll ever need. And that is.. at the foot of the cross. 

At the foot of the cross,
Where grace and suffering meet..
You have shown me Your love..
Through the judgement You received..
And You've won my heart..

Friday, October 14, 2011

What if trials of this life.. are Your mercies in disguise

Weird how God works... He puts you through storm and rain.. but before that, he prepares you. ;) He prepares you well enough to face it. He gives you your life jacket, or in some cases, he teaches you how to swim.. He gives you a boat with adequate amount of food. He sent angels. He gives you the proper equipment to repair the boat, incase the storm gets harder. And most importantly He asures you, that you are not in it alone.

You know how comforting is that? Because if it wasnt, I wouldn't be sitting here and writing this if I am alone. I wouldn't be listening to the song "blessing" over and over again. I wouldn't be able to think, "what's next?"

Last night, was one of the hardest night I've been through. But last night, was also the night, where I said, "Lord, I'm tired. Would you help me now? My hands are too small to carry all this burden. And I do not know anyone elses hand, who wants to share and take away this burden from me, besides you.."

They say, when God is everything you want.. then you have everything you need. Weird, how only in these times of struggles, we want him, We pray to him. We ask Him to do something. We want to feel him near. We always take advantage of His kindness.

But you know something else? ..He doesnt really care.;) He doesnt care if you take advantage of Him. Yes He hurts sometimes. But all He wants, is to be there for you. He wants you, to be near to him too. His love is way too much to give us lesser things. Amazing aint He?

What if Your blessing comes through raindrops..
What if Your healing comes through tears..
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what if takes to know You're near.
What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?"

When darkness seems to win, we know.. the pain reminds this heart..
That this is not our home..

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

To my grandma,

It's me again..:)
Yes of cause, who else can it be.. hmm

I'm not myself right now. I don't know if I will ever be. sighh..

Ever received that news where you may loose that someone very dear to you.. in just a couple of hours time.

Well I did, I never thought I would. but I did. I just stared blankly. I needed a moment, and then it happened.

I walked in that hospital..and saw her. My grandma, who is my hero, lying there helpless with a wire attached to her, breathing heavily, eyes closed. My mother broke down first. She asked me to talk to my grandma. I went nearer and said, "Amachi" ..and tears came streaming down my face. I said again, with all the courage I had, "Amachi, its me, Juan, wake up!!" ..I saw her restless. eyes closed. And suddenly her hand, grabbed mine. She held my hand for a moment. I held hers too. Her fragile hand felt so cold in mine. I cried, I begged, I called her to wake up. But she never did. Then she let go. And after one ever saw her moved that much.

To my dearest Grandma..or I'll call her, "amachi" ..

  • I wish I had that one last chance to see you open your eyes..and look at me.
  • I wish I had that one last moment, to hear you call my name. No matter how laud we say your voice is. Yes, we always make fun of it, that you can replace RTM's radio.. but for, now, I just wanna listen to it every single minute.
  • I wish I had that chance again, where I would sit down and massage your leg.. and tell you all the stories of my life.. and you would patiently listen to it.. promising me that you would keep it a secret and not even mention it to my mom. And until now, you never once breathe a word. I didnt even have the chance to thank you. :((
  • I wish I had that one chance where you splash all of us with water..using the hose.. and we would pretend we are in the biggest swimming pool ever..
  • I wish I had that one chance again.. where we would sit and play cards endlessly and laugh till our stomach ache.. and you wouldnt mind lending us all your coins.
  • I wish I had that chance again, where I would fight with my sis, on who to follow you to the market at 5.30pm. And in the market, I enjoy seeing you making friends with almost every stall owner you go to. 
  • I wish I had that chance again, where you would tell me on the phone.. what is going on in the tamil series that you were following.
  • I wish I had that help you cook in the kitchen.. and it will be your time to tell me stories when you were little.
  • I wish I had that chance again.. where you told be the secrets to cooking. Though I'll never be anywhere close to you.. ;(
  • I wish I had that chance again, where you patiently sewed all my dolls clothes. Who in the world had a grandma who took the time to sew her granddaughters doll's clothes??!! ..None, but me!
  • I wish I had that chance to taste all the delicious food where you would make us, no matter how pain your leg and hands are.. all we have to do, is just ask..and you would stay up night, making it. Be it, rojak, roti-canai.. ;( ..You wouldn't care if your sons and daughters scolded you. You just want to make your grandchildren happy!
  • I wished I had that chance again, where I would tell you my results, and you will be overjoyed, and give me the biggest hug ever.
  • I wished I had taken back everything I done to hurt you.
  • I just wish.. I spent more time with you. ;(

The past few days has been rough. Very rough. Kluang, is not like home without you. Without your voice. its quiet. I stare at your bed, picturing you there. I stare at your seat, at the kitchen, at all your stuff. I wake up every morning since Saturday, hoping its all a dream. You do know there's no Christmas without you.. ..Where else am I gonna find someone who does the exact fruit cake like you do? ...You know I hate fruit cake. But yours is irresistible. Who else is going to give an honest comment on how I look on Christmas?! Who else is going to give me that big hug and kiss on my check and tell me, "do well, in your studies, do disappoint your parents?"

Today, the doctor said, "She might be in a coma stage ..forever. The brain damage is irreversible." ... 

Dear Lord, I used to tell you, "may Your will be done." ..But now I tell you Lord, that I just want my grandma back.. I dont know what it takes.. or how it takes. You can't take her away from me.. Yes death is certain. But Lord, its my grandma!! ... sigh.. oh well, at least could you let her know, that she is not a burden to anyone.. and that we are all waiting for her to come back. And that we love her, so very much. No one can take her place! ever! You made the lame walk.. you raise the death. Nothing is impossible for you. Take very good care of her.. please. Help us stay strong in these times of trial. To pray and never cease praying. To hope and never stop hoping.

p/s I would like that everyone for their heartwarming calls and messages. May God bless you guys. 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Yes, I'd rather love just a little too much

I have a weakness for songs with great lyrics and tune. I will listen to it over and over again..till my ears bleed. And ok exaggeration a bit.. but really..I will be on replay..everyday, morning, night, when I'm free.. And this song is kinda recent.. I mean I just listened just yesterday..and it was like a "WOW" at your face.. ;p

Oh crap.. here come the emo part. I'm sorry.. you have to read this.. lol.. but just a while k. bare with me! Trima Kasih!

Weird, you really really don't understand how it works.. You don't know what are the rules.. Or are there any rules.. You don't know if you're doing it right.. Or whether are you suppose to do it or not..  One minute, you're damm sure.. and the're back at square one. You know shouldn't trust ..or hope..or expect anything.. Pass experience have taught you a lot..and you shouldn't feel this way.. But then, there is another thing. The part where you're only human.. and you can't help but be human. ;(

Why am I posting this?? I don't know. Maybe I made some mistakes back then. Maybe I'm making one now. Maybe I want to make one..cause I'm tired of following rules.. I'm tired of holding it back. Im just plain tired..of people telling me what I should.. and what will the ending be like. Maybe I like this feeling of pain Maybe I like to bleed once in a while. Maybe I like feeling alive.. Maybe I like putting the pieces back together once its broken.. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I;m risking it all.. And maybe I rather hurt a little too much.

Because.. sigh.. because I told you, I;m human too. ;(

So here's to "A little too much~Natasha Bedingfield~"

Sometimes it hits like a car crash 
And it's to late to reverse 
Sometimes you make me a better person
Sometimes you bring out the worst
Sometimes we get on like fire 
Sometimes we're stubborn like rain 
Just when I think it's over, over 
You wave a white flag again

We follow thing we fall back in
We're always back where we begin... 

Everybody hurts just a little too much 
Everybody hurts but it's never enough 
It's wonderful to fall 
It's worth of risking all 
I'd rather love just a little too much... 

Sometimes we're trapped in the circle 
'Til we're digging holes in the ground 
We're trying, but nothing is working 
But still I want you around 
'Cause if I'm lost in the desert 
I know somehow you'll find me 
And if I drown in the oceans, 
You'll be the first to rescue me... 

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough 
It's wonderful to fall 
It's worth of risking all 
I'd rather love just a little too much 

Everybody hurts just a little too much 
Everybody hurts but it's never enough 
It's wonderful to fall 
It's worth of risking all 
Even if it hurts just a little too much 
I'd rather love just a little too much...

And yeah.. maybe I'd rather love just a little too much. ;)

Good night everyone!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

100 things you don't know about me

Because I'm in UCSI library, wasting my I found this on tumblr. Yes, I know at times my life is kinda lifeless..but hey, maybe there is a reason on why I stumbled on these page. So here's 100 questions ;)

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
~Belaian Jiwa, No Air, Everything(Michael Buble), Mungkin Nanti, At the beginning, Wonderful Tonight (Eric Clapton)

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
~Oprah Winfrey. ;) She's inspires me.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
~finished saying whatever she wanted to say, she'd face front. ~Haruki Murakami: Norwegian Wood~

4) What do you think about most?
~ "What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise." ..erm it kinda varies according to time, but for now its that. ;)

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
~ From Jessica saying she will see me and Yamunah in a while time. ;)

6) Do you sleep with or without on?
~With or without what? If its blanket, yes. If its bolster, yes. If its pillow, yes. If its clothes, yes again! ;p

7) What's your strangest talent?
~I'll say some stuff. And everyone laugh out laud. And I'll still be wondering what in the world I said that was so funny! :s

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
~Girls, are kinda complicated. Boys are rather complicated too. ;p

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
~Erm.. once, saha wrote a poem about me. ;) Other than that. nope. ;(

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
~Air guitar? Ok I've never heard that. But guitar, just last week. ;)

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
~ erm. I'm scared of animals. Yes all animals. ALL! and blood too. and oh well, I'm afraid to speak my mind out. ;(

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
~ eehhhwww. lol. nope. and i dont wanna try either.

13) What's your religion?
~Christianity is not a religion. Rather its a relationship with God. ;)

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
~Dreaming. Trying to connect everything I see..with life.

15) Do you perfer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
~ haha. The middle name is vainity yo! Obviously in front! ;p

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
~Westlife!! ;))

17) What was the last lie you told?
~I'm not that into you. ;p

18) Do you believe in karma?
~I believe in Jesus! ;)

19) What does your screen name mean?
~Err.. my name? ..;p but well, literally it means God's gracious pearl. ;D

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
~Weakness should be..time management. ;( Strength.. erm, lol.. I think its the genuineness !;)

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
~Alex Pettyfer!! ..Hotness alert!! ;p

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
~LOL ..nope. skinny dipping is a weird, weird name. ;p

23) How do you vent your anger?
~I write. Or I scream back. ;p

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
~Yess! ..Earrings. ;)

25) Do you perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
~Erm. both i guess. But if I could meet you in person. Its the best! ;))

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
~I think I am. But at times I don't. ;(

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
~I hate the sound of drilling. I love the sound of the rain. ;D

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
~What if I trip and fall on the stair and tear my skirt! ..heheh.. no joke.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
~Erm. I do believe that evil exist. No comment about aliens. ;)

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first?Do the same with your left arm.
~Erm the air. ;)

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
~My nose is kinda block. I smell nothing. ;(

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
~Erm..I can't remember anything. I think if you go with a great company. Everything seems wonderful!! :)

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
~West!! ;D

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
~That lead singer from BOYCE AVENUE!! ..;)) I'm sorry I forgot your name. ;(

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
~Well, for me life is a gift. The only way to unravel this mystery is by living it by faith.

36) Define: Art.
~Erm. I think Art is your ability to things beyond the normal eyes can. ;)

37) Do you believe in luck?
~I believe in blessings. ;)

38) What's the weather like right now?
~Its sunny! Just perfect since it has been raining almost everyday. ;)

39) What time is it?
~10.34am. Yes I know. Kinda lifeless to sit in UCSI library doing this. But I have nothing else to do. ;(

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
~hahaahahaahaha. Yes I do drive. And we dont get along that well. ;( And yeah, I crashed once. I went through the divider.! ;(((

41) What was the last book you read?
~Almost Heaven, Judith Mcnaught.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
~Ermm. At times. I like petrol. ;)

43) Do you have any nicknames?
~Have you seen my name? LOL. I do have lots of it. ;)

44) What was the last movie you saw?
~Johny English Reborn!! weeee! ;)

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
~ Erm. A broken heart. ;(

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
~Aww.. No I havent. I'm actually afraid of them. Yes, kill me. ;(

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
~ Erm. does Alex Pettyfer count? ;p

48) What's your ?
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
~Erm. I don't know. Probably, "She's hawttt!!" ;))

50) Do you believe in magic?
~I believe in miracle! ;)

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
~At times. but it fades away. because I'm made for something more than holding grudges. ;) And forgiveness is most treasured gift, one could receive.

52) What is your astrological sign?
~I dont know what the new sign says..but I'm a gemini! ;))

53) Do you save money or spend it?
~Hahaha.. I try to save it, but it always ends up getting spend. ;(

54) What's the last thing you purchased?
~3 tiny doughnuts for breakfast this morning! ;)

55) Love or lust?
~Love all the way baby!!

56) In a relationship?
~ Erm. nope. Single and very much happy. ;)

57) Are you a virgin?
~ HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.. I'm going to the next question.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
~YESSSSS! heheeheh.. I can! ;)

59) Where were you yesterday?
~In MV with Yamunah and Pinky, watching Johny English! ;))

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
~ My pink mobile is in my pocket! ;))

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

62) What's your favorite animal?
~ I like eagles and horses! ;)

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
~haha. Honesty, sincerity, and just be myself. ;)

64) Where is your best friend?
~One is in Sungai Petani. ;( Another is in Kajang!! ;)

65) Spit or swallow?
~Swallow. Just swallow. ;)

66) What is your heritage?
~LOL. im not quite sure. Will get back to you on this.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
~Erm, watching big bang theory, and err.. lol texting! ;p

68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
~err. I don't know. Don't care also. ;)

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
~Whatever that means, I'm going to go with. no! lol

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
~Yes, If you dont like yourself, how do you expect others to like you? ;)

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
~Help the dog, of cause. Then explain to my boss. Humanity weighs a lot more than money. There is a lot of other jobs available. But you only have one life. ;)

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
~Nope, I dont.
b) What do you do with your remaining days?
~Spent as much with my family and friends ;)
c) Would you be afraid?
~I'd lie if I say no. So yes, I'd be afraid.

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.
~I think they come hand in hand. But I'd go with love. ;)

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
~Blessings! ;) They give me hope.

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
~9635 and 1012 ;)

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
~Communication!!!! And of course, tolerance, understanding and  trust!

77) How can I win your heart?
~Don't break my heart and be yourself. ;)

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
~Hell yeah!! heheheeh

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
~To join my ENGLISH YOUTH COMMITTEE 2010! ;)

80) What size shoes do you where?
~Size 6! ;)

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
~Err, my name? lol.. I've never thought of it..

82) What is your favorite word?
~ hehehe. its crap! ;)

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.
~erm. A child. ;)

 84) What is a saying you say a lot?
~ its not really saying its kinda of an expression.. its "HAHAHAHAHA" ;)

85) What's the last song you listened to?
~According to you ~Orianthi~

86) Basic question: what's your favorite color/colors?
~Purple! Pink! Black! ;)

87) What is your current desktop picture?
~Flowers! ;))

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
~hahahahaahah. for now, no one la. ;)

89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
~Whether have I fallen in love with you.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
~Go back to sleep. lol.. I'm dreaming. ;p

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
~Invisibility!! ..hehehe.. awesome yo!

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
~Erm. thats a tough question. But honestly, it would be the time with my highschool. ;)

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
~ lol. None. Every horrible experience is worth for it made me who i am today! ;)

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
~HAHAAHAHAHAH. errm. honestly.. when you say "sleep" I'll just past ok. ;p lol

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
~Erm. Paris I guess. They say its the city of love. ;)

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
~None I could think of. ;)

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
~I think I have. lol.

98) Ever been on a plane?
~Yeap. years back ;) with my my sis, grandma and uncle! ;)

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
~ Have you met my friend Jesus?! You should! You'll never regret. He's awesome!

100) What do you want?
A lot of things.

Waaahh. hmm. Again, if you completed reading this. then thank you! ;) But I really enjoyed doing this questions. They make you think. ; )

Ok I gtg. C ya'll later

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The thing about dreams.

Hey there. ;) Its been a while I suppose. ;))

And err. My fingers are itching! I mean like literally itching!! damm mosquitoes! sigh.. The thing about mosquito bites, the more you scratch, the more they itch. But you can't help it, your natural reaction is to scratch when you itch. Now what happens, when that natural reaction itself, might cause you hurt? ..hmm.. The more you try to so-call cure it, the hurt you get.

I guess its the same thing with love. You don't want it. But then you can't help it. You don't control these things. They happen. They just happen. And now that it has happen, you can try to get out of it, by not scratching it. Lol, its not possible, is it? Unintentionally, you may scratch it sooner or later. And there, your in a mess. Hmm.. but actually, there;s nothing wrong in falling. The danger happens, when you think the other party, feels the same too. ;)

Lol, wow, I still have it huh.. yeah trying to make sense of the random things in life. ;p And gosh, the house phone has been ringing non-stop! Siggh.. its because my grandma's not doing that well. My mom's getting stressed up day by day. And weird, of all the years, this is the one year where I decided to not go to back to Johore during my holidays! ;((( I remember everytime I go back to Johore, my grandma and me will have a long chat about relationships while I'll be massaging her leg. And you know, she knows more stories about me, than my mom. ;(

Oh well, He who gives, knows what is best. Its better to leave it in His hands. ;))

hmm what else. you know I realize I dream too much. A lot, that sometimes I'm afraid I might get lost in it. Like I don;t know which is real and which is a dream. In my dream, I turn into this quiet girl. So quiet that even a needle falling on the ground can be heard. I don't know whats going on around me. It scares me sometimes, cause sometimes I have this urge to run towards the moving bus or train. ;( And you have to give me a few seconds to get back to earth. You know whats worse, that I think I live more in my dream than in reality. ;(((

Waaahh.. inception mannn! .;)) So inception!! hehehe.. can pass or not?! ..;p

And by the way, I hate dreaming. Yes the dream while you're asleep. Because I get up feeling tired. So tired in my mind. I mean you're suppose to sleeping but then you let you mind to work through dreaming! Where is that fair?! ..sigghh.. And my dreams are so real..sometimes I have to check several times, where I really did it or not.. ;(

But then they say, dreams come true if you believe.. well I say, dare to dream but do what your heart tells you. If its wrong, you;ll learn from it. If its right, you'll learn from it too. ;)


Friday, September 23, 2011

25 questions.

Gooooodd evening! ;)). I'm in such a good mood. I honestly didn't think this blog would actually attract anymore readers. But oh well, I was so overwhelmed last night, when I got quoted! Weird huh, how God works?? ..The minute you thought that there is nothing more left of you..someone comes and proves you wrong. ;)

Anyway, because I got nothing to complain about, besides maybe I had to miss my eye appointment because of daymm KTM! ..and because today, might be the day, where the faith of my eyes is decided. sigh. oh well, Will have to wait. So here's survey I came across in tumblr.

1: Who was the last person you talked to? What were you talking about?
~My mom just got home. She was complaining about darn KTM!! ;( Because its so useless, she had to take back the taxi all the way from BTS to kajang!!

 2: What was the last thing you said?
~"Don't take her to the government hospital!!"..sighh.. You see, my grandma in Johore, aint doing that well. My aunt just took her to the emergency. ;((

3: Why do you like the person you like?
~I like it because they're not fake. ;)

4: Do you take the Twilight movies seriously or think they're ridiculous?
~LOL. Nope, its not ridiculous neither is it something to be taken seriously. But I like it, because it takes you away from reality for that 2 hours and you let your imaginations run wild. ;)

5: What is/are your favorite book/s?
~JODI PICOULT!! she's the best. Coming right after her is JUDITH MCNAUGHT! ;D

6: What are your top 5 most played songs on your iTunes at the moment?
~Blessings, For the first time, Angel, Broken Angel, Hallelujah, Skyscraper

7: Are you a textaholic?
~Well, I could be..with the right person.

8: Do you have any ideas for stories in your head?
~HAHAHAHAHAHA.. trust me, I wish I had..but they're just there..driving me crazy when I decide to accompany them ;(

9: Do you play any sports?
~Yes!! Before my eyes got injured, I played badminton, netball, captain ball, I used to run. Now I just walk and clean for exercise. :(

10: What are your favorite TV shows?
~BIG BANG THEORY!! ;)) then comes How I met Your Mother, Desperate Housewives, The Nanny, CSI! ;)

11: When was the last time you cried?
~Just the previous night.

12: Do you do well in school?
~Err..I didn't have no choice. Have you met my mother. She could substitute for Hitler!! ;(

13: When is your birthday?
~The middle day of the year. ;p 15th June 1990

14: What's your favorite food?
~Mom's spaghetti! Zee bestt!! ;D

15: Do you enjoy Disney movies?
~Oh yesss I do! I'm 21 and I'd die for Disney movies! ;p

16: What's your one, ultimate OTP?
~Ok I just googled that and I suggest you google it too and let me know if you came up with any answers! ;)

17: If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
1) I wish for love to triumph over hate.
2)I wish for peace, be it friends, family or country.
3) I wish for wisdom to live in this world.

18: What's your most prized possession?
~ erm.. Right now I can't think of any. But it should be my family

19: How would you describe your personality?
~Shy. ;(

20: Do you like energy drinks?
~Ok I guess. Not to bad.

21: What song is in your head?
~BLESSINGS ~Laura Story! Its the best song I've heard so far.

22: If you were on a TV show, what would your character's problem be?
~ Erm.. Probably, knocking down everything on my way and losing everything that's precious. Oh yeah, forgetful, bad time management, and a little too much of crappings. ;p

23: What's a song that describes your mood right now?
Blessing, Blessing!! ;)

24: What's your favorite smiley face?
 hahahahaah. erm I think it should be ;p

25: If you got to change your name, what would you change it to?
errr, like seriously, you're asking me this question? lol. erm Nope, I wouldnt wanna change it. I can't imagine myself being someone else.

Ok Doneeee! ;D

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sometimes you wish.

Because sometimes, there aint no words that describes how you feel. ;(

Sometimes, you don't know why do the things you do..
Sometimes you don't know why you feel the things you feel..
Sometimes, you just can't seem to let go..
Sometimes, you wonder, why is it always me..
Sometimes, you wish someone actually cared..
Sometimes, you wish you weren't so fragile..
Sometimes, you wish you would have listened.
Sometimes, you wish you actually talked about it..
Sometimes, you wish they never took advantage of you.
Sometimes. you wish you weren't so foolish.
Sometimes, you wish God actually listened.
Sometimes, you wish your faith never faded.
Sometimes, you wish you were stronger..
Sometimes, you wish to be someone else..
Sometimes, you wish it is easier..

Sometimes, you wish for so many things..

And sometimes, you got to have faith that God knows best! ;)

Monday, September 19, 2011

The mechanic ;)

Hey ;) Yes it's been a while. ;)

So how do you do? Fine? No fine? Life's hard, or I don't give a damm about it? ..;p lol oh well, I;m alright.. just incase you were wondering.;) But I have been thinking about death lately. Yes the same death, where you no more breathe, where you are taken somewhere, God knows where. And here's the thing. It aint me who is dying. ;((

And that's the thing that scares me the most. sigh. What would your world be like, if someone close to you is taken too fast and that you wouldn't have the chance to see them again. To hold them and hear their laughter. To even think of it, brought me to tears. sigh.

Oh well, its just me and my imagination. My brain works in a way, that no one gets it. Its like you open a car, and there are bits and pieces of everything. Now unless you're a mechanic, or someone who knows a car in and out, then you would be like, "oh ceehh, small thing only! It can be fixed!!" ..;) 

Weird, I haven't really found any suitable mechanic who knows exactly what is wrong with me and is willing to fix it. Its either, they know what's wrong and that's why they leave. Or it could be they don't know what's wrong but is still trying their best..but they're getting no where. Or a mechanic who knows what's wrong but they're busy with other cars. The one true mechanic, is the one that never gives up, no matter how much nonsense you give him.

Lol, wow. did I just compare myself with a car and mechanic? Why can't I just stick with homo sapiens. err.. hehe I know why. Course its too easy. ;)

The thing about life. If its too easy, you'd be bored. But because its hard, you get to go on a roller coaster ride. You don't know whats happening next, or who you're gonna meet! ..I mean, like why watch a movie if you know what's gonna happen or how its gonna end, rite?

And these sentences give me the courage to get through the rides. ;)

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless night are what it takes to know you're near?
What if trials on this life are your mercies in disguise?

 Lord, it just occurred to me.
Could it be possible that you're my mechanic? ;))
I mean. it fits You.. perfectly. hmm.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Your will be done.

Ok what is this feeling? Like seriously, its like something just sucked up everything and left you.. "blueekk!" ..sigh.. and I have this sudden need for cold chocolate. And yes chocolate indulgence. Probably its the one that can ease this uneasy-ness with in.

And and and.. ;((( I tengah emo again. lol.. but its not anything.. its just that. sigh..

Dear Lord,
I do not know what plans you have for me..
But I surrender these feeling unto Your hands..
If its meant to be..then so be it..
At least for once, I would know what its like..
To love and be loved..
If its not..then so be it too..
Just give me strength and the will to let go
You do know, I dislike it when you do this to me.
I assure you, I'm strong enough.
Much stronger than I can ever imagine too..
And You, should know that already. ;(
Its just..the thought of going through it..
Again and again..
Aint that nice.
But then again,
Your will be done, not mine.

Amen!! ..

Ok now I feel much better! ..
I shall go rape the refrigerator for some chocolates! ;)

Monday, September 12, 2011


Goodness gracious!!! ..its freeezziinngg in class C401 in UCSI! literally! ..;(((  it's like you're trapped in a fridge with no food! ..   ;(( And all you can do is await the angel of the death to welcome your presence soon! ..sighhh

Like seriously, why do they have to make it soooo freaking cold! ..sigh. Thank God I brought my scarf. Or else I might loose a finger or my nose will just drop off any moment. ;(

anyway, I have about 40 minutes left. What shall we talk about? Something intelligent or should I bore you with my not-so-interesting life? ..;p

Hmm.. So yesterday was sad day. The committee got re-elected. All new faces, some old. I didn't feel anything till I was writing the names of all our old committee on the board. I'm so used to it, since I'm the secretary and know each one their spelling by heart! But it hit me like a "bang!". I was like, what if I can't get long with the new ones, what if they think I'm weird.. I mean I am weird, but the old committee didn't treat me different. Or what if I decide to jump off the building? LOL. ..ok that just came out. But I guess, at the end of it, if your heart is at the right place, if you are doing it for God, then nothing can possibly go wrong.

It didnt stop there. After that, glynn removed the old committee from being admins in FB. I felt it there again. It was like this kinda weird feeling, like something is so wrong somewhere. And you're afraid. Just so afraid. Probably because all this time, I've been the one that need help. Now that I have to help the rest, and you know sorta be like the senior, I don't know if I'm capable of that. ;(

And last night, while sending Helena away, I swear it was one of the best nights ever. I've never felt such joy, such friendship, such love, such laughter..and I know it aint replaceable. It was the perfect ending giving to a rainy day. Then it hit me. You cannot always get what you want. Sometimes you have to give way, for something else. For something that will surely make you a better and stronger a person. Because if such things never happened, you will always remain where you are from the beginning. Stagnant. Not moving forward. We need changes. Whether we like it or not, we need changes. And that is what makes life so interesting! .;)

Oh well, like Fred said, all good things must come to an end. But then it aint over. Like Glynn said, its beginning of friends. Hopefully forever.

Ok done emo-ing ;) lets talk about something interesting.

Err, my lecturer just walked in. ;)

Have I told you about him? I think's he's great. Not because he elected me as the class rep. But really, his style might be a bit boring and unorganized, but I think anyone who can make me laugh, is great. hmm, but then again, I laugh for everything. err. but he's great la..;)

Ok better stop, he started coughing already..;p

Erm, I have something else to say. But guess will have to save it later. Or maybe I won't even say it. Because sometimes there aint  no words that can truly reflect on what your inner being wants to say.

But then again,

Its better to say to much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Yes, I know. I way waaayy complicated for anyone to comprehend. ;(