Monday, November 30, 2009

UTAR: till death do us part

Ever felt like so much is going on..
But you're left behind..
You try to catch..
But you don't know where you're going..

well..that's how I feel..=( ...
it's the last week..in UTAR.. though I disliked the place..it left me memories.. Memories that I can't get elsewhere..

I remember the first I entered UTAR..on 12TH OF JANUARY 2009.. 2 days after I started blogging for the FIRST time..hehe.. Took the train.. I feared the eyes that starred at me.. as if I had 3 eyes with no mouth.. *really*..Cause..I'm not really the "socializing" type.. though MY UTAR buddies disagree with me.. seriously I'm not.. I'm the shy type of girl who thinks getting wet in the rain..or reading a novel whole day is SO MUCH BETTER than CLUBBING..=) ..lol didnt see that coming huh??..lol..i know..no life RITE??.. well unless I know you really really well.. that's a whole lotsa different story..!!

Any enough of boring stories...we go back to the last week in UTAR..

I wished it didn't end soo fast.. I wished I was there long enough to actually LEARN HOW TO SPEAK CHINESE.. though I did capture a bit..here and there.. I wished I had join them in GENTING trip..or the Singapore trip.. I wished that I still remained there..and didn't need to change UNI.. I know they partly hate me...for teasing them ALWAYS.. hehe..i can't help it.. that's how I bond.. to be precise.. that's my way of showing my LOVE.. clearly i NEVER meant anything I said..

So here's my LOVE note.. to all 7 of them..=)

For Mellissa Lina.. who helped me in my spirituality.. teaching me songs.. whenever I forgotten how to sing them..mostly HILLSONGS.. being a friend..just by being there.. someone to talk too..when the rest are SPEAKING Chinese!!..=p ..for the ASSIGNMENTS!!..never could have done it without her.. and for teaching me everything I didnt know..=)

For AH PEK!!..who looks like MS LOW!!..=p ..thanks for being my first ever friend..when I walked in UTAR.. for being the person..who visited my BLOG every now and then..and leaving comments.. for her car.. and for the lifts..she offered me.. and for teaching MATHS!!...a great help!!.. and also as an ASSIGNMENT buddy!!.. and not to forget.. for the times she borrowed her phone when I DESPERATELY needed to listen to songs..and for all the NASTY CANDID PICS she took!!.. thanks pek..will all ways love you..=D

FOR JOO JOO!!..=) my favorite girl..lol.. hehe..she and me..has this "CHEMISTRY" .. no joke!!..lol she's one HAWTT babe la.. all guys also after her!!..every SEM new HAIR STYLE!!.. she's a great planner.. she organizers all our trips.. and always remembered to include me and mel..in the trips.. unfortunately we failed to attend them..=( also a great assignment buddy.. and THANKS TO HER mom..for offering me lift once in a while too!!..=)

FOR NG CHENG YEE!!..hehehe..she's known as ASAKO..or ASOKA..well however you call it.. this girl...the first I met her.. she never even glance at me!!.. no joke wei.. perhaps i was A LITTLE BE TOO "DARk" in colur..lol..kidding kidding.. but she turned out to be the NAUGHTIEST GAL EVER!!.. she use to lock all of us OUTSIDE our tutorial class!!.. hehe.. yup.. UTAR's facilities is REALLY BAD!!..even broke a door.."kidding" ..A VERy HUGE THANKS TO HER!!..for RIDE she gave to MID VALLEY!! ..seriously thanks to her..that i manage to save 2 bucks every once in a while.. MUCHAS GRACIAS SENORITA!!..=)

for CHARLENE WONG WAN YI!! ..firstly..this girl is extremely GOOD in here drawing!!..no joke.. both she and CHENG YEE.. born to be GRAPHIC DESIGNERS..=) .. for her happy go lucky character that never failed to make anyone LAUGH!! ..for the UNO CARDS she brought during first and second sem.. always wanted to have her as an assignment member.. but guess it never worked out!!.. also for her car..and the ride she offered..WHICH also made me save 2 bucks!!..=)

for REBECCA TAN SIEW YENG!!.. this girl is one of a kind.. and I dislike her GUTS though.. hehe.. she's too brave and solid for her age..hehehe.. but seriously UTAR will be extremely bored WITHOUT HER!!.. and also thanks to her..taking in charge of the LAPTOP and PROJECTOR.. whenever I'm not there..=)

For GOH KAI PING.. hehe.. she's better known as FISHERMAN!!..lol.. seriously for once.. she's the kinda girl..who gets bullied by all!!..and not me!!..lol..NO JOKE!!..lol.. she gets teased..for her height..and the color of her skin.. it's a lil bit..umm..different..hehe..=p ..but she's a nice girl.. very helpful.. and she also dislikes me..whenever I tease her..=)

And to everyone else..like FAYE CHEAH, SEENU, LINUS..ESTHER..AZRIN..LANDY.. CASSIA.. all stream A students.. and stream C students.. my indian friends.. REINA, PUNES AND BHARATHI..!! ..sorry I cant list all of you!!..but you will always remain in my heart!!

Oh year..i realize I get a lof of lift from people huh??..lol..

anyway here are some UNFORGETFUL MEMORIES!!



The official 1st sem picture..where I was not IN!!..thanks to the bloody CHICKEN POX!! with MS low loi ming!!




The first arts exhibition which turned out to be a NO-NO.. not all of us was in here though!!..=(
The t-shirct nice ar??..hehe.."TB GANG" ..



The 2nd official arts exhibition!! ..everyone was in it!!..weeeee.. this was taken during our arts exhibition.. on 13TH OF APRIL 2009!! which was AWESOME!! with MS DANIEL..




The visit to ASTRO AWANI during 2nd sem!!..with Ms suvitha.=)




WITH the GIRLS!!..sigh..kai ping missing!!..=( ..sure she went fish in the sea..=p
ALL IN RED!!..during 2nd sem also..=)

hmm...so guess thats the end of FOUNDATION.. another chapter in my life.. which I'll forever treasure.. for each one of them..remains in my memory..~TILL DEATH DO US PART~..hehe..

but seriously..if at all..I've hurt any one of you guys.. in one way or another!!..I APOLOGIZE from the bottom of my heart.. I clearly didn't mean to.. =( ..i know i can be pretty annoying.. and blurr.. but THANKS to all you..for accepting me for who I am.. and not CHANGING me.. despite the COLOR i was born to be.. despite the different language that you all speak.. IT MEANS A LOOOTTT TO ME!!.. you all made a difference in my life..and I'm so grateful that I met you ppl!!.. wonder where I Would be without you!!..sorry ya.. minta maaf banyak -banyak.. jika ada salah-silap!!

ok that was a long one.. psychology calling.. better go n study!!..

but remember..TILL DEATH DO US PART!!

take care then..

bye bye fantasy

I skipped class today..sigh..
I felt something in my throat..or it could be in my heart.. like a lump..
Something that's blocking me from breathing..
And it was like its bleeding every time i COUGHED!!..
I mean..i could taste the blood scent..
And every time I coughed I sound like a wolf!!.. lol..
Too much of NEW MOON can do this to you..

Anyway..I finished reading TWILIGHT..hehe
yeah i know..everyone so excited about NEW MOON..
and I'm stuck in TWILIGHT..

Well, if I touch a book.. I'm obliged to finish it.. no matter how long it seemed..=)
And when I'm determined.. I indulge myself in it..
Like I position myself in that story itself..
Like you make everything you read become real..
Or better still.. you become one of the Characters in the book..
You feel what they feel...
You tear..and feel touched..
as if someone really said that..or did that FOR you..
You hurt deeply..when you see them hurt..

You just wished it never end..
The fairy tale your reading..
For you have something to LOOK FORWARD ..
But then when it's done..you close the book..
You stare at the ceiling..for
Another chapter in your life ends..
Another girl..got always..what YOU WANTED!!
But you still wonder..
Is there any possibility..that all "this" could happen to me..??
..that the "girl" in this book..is me..??
That there is a guy out there for me..
Who dares me..to go with him..
In every way that's possible??

And then you blink your eyes..
Left out a small laughter..
and say.."COME BACK TO EARTH JUAN!!"
You say.."goodbye" to the fantasies..
And faintly smile..at the reality..
At what lies..directly in front of your eyes..
Hoping to make the best out of it!!

But I think I'm a freak ..lol
I mean I love reading novels!!..
Seriously you give the whole day..
And I can finish reading the 760 pages of JUDITH MCNAUGHT..
She's a brilliant writer.. I don't know how she does it!!
But I love all her WRITINGS!!

And Twilight..gives a whole new meaning to love..
when you actually read it..
Rather than watching it..
I can't wait for new moon..
But guess..I'll save it after my finals..

take care..god bless

Friday, November 27, 2009

NEW MOON OFFICIAL!!

Some people have got extremely weird taste in movies.. hmmm... ohh perhaps it just me.. who's going all so "awwwwhhhhh-ish" over NEW MOON... I don't know.. cause some say that TWILIGHT is BETTER THAN NEW MOON!!.. Twilight is awesome.. seriously.. but it didn't even reach 50% of what NEW MOON is... hmmm..

Why is NEW MOON awesome??
hmmm..personally..I kinda knew how Bella felt..when EDWARD left her.. so it is pretty easy for me to relate to her.. Like your really close to someone.. and then they leave you.. they also took a part of you with them.. and that part can't be REPLACED.. cause there will never be another "him" .. KRISTEN STEWART played the role perfectly..

And you know..whats the other beauty in this movies??..that though he left her.. and SHE COULD HAVE THE HAWTESTTT GUY ON EARTH..*Jacob Black* ..=p ...yeah yeah..i did say VAMPIRES are hotter that WARE WOLVES.. but I was drooling all over Jacob wei.. the moment he came out with hair cut.. I totally fell for it.. sigh. and I wonder..how weak can a girl get??.. does guys feel the same way..when they see their dream girl??..hmm..any gentlemen care to answer??..lol

Anyway like I said.. the love she poured was so pure and loyal.. that it can't never bought by anything else..even another guy..who WANTS TO POUR MORE love..than Edward did..

well..that's how is it when a girl falls in love.. a girl who is in SERIOUSLY!! which can be a total opposite to guys.. Not steroetyping or anything.. but just as soon as the girl leaves him.. His off to find someone NEW!! .. How 'cheap' can ones love get huh?? ..I mean the "ex" is not even cold in grave..at least 'morn' for a few more weeks la..lol.. Whatever happen to the love..the guy claims to have??.. burried together with girl??...Hmm..HEARTLESS!!..seee..a perfect example of why the say LOVE IS A GAME these days..for there are many "PLAYERS!!" ..

ohh..and I love the last part...bella said.."Dont make me choose..It'll be him.. It has always been him!" ..and also the part edward says to belle.."MARRY ME!!" ..sigh..and they have to stop it there..babi rite??!! lol..

Here are some pics..I'm really in love with this movie..so dont mind ya!!..=p



NEW MOON official wall paper..



The wolve pack.. nice body eh??..lol.. i think Paul is soo cute!!! =p



The vampire and the mortal herself..i like what they wrote on the pic..=)



The ware wolf and the mortal herself..and he asks her.."what..I'm not the right MONSTER??".. hehe..



The hawttiiee!!.. gosh..I can't help it.. It was love at first sight.. even with his long hair.. TAYLOR LAUTNER..i officially have a huge crush on you..though you belong to TAYLOR SWIFT.. sigh..=(

Anyway I think..the government should come up with a new rule!!..NO GUYS ARE ALLOWED TO GRADUATE TILL THEY HAVE THEIR 6 PACKS!! ..hehehe..=p Oh come on!!..you have to agree with me!!..lol..

ok ok..enough of new moon..and 6 packs.. need to start STUDYING!!..=)

take care..God Bless=)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Just a thought..on new moon

Gosh..I can't believe I arrived early for NOTHING!!..=( ..I totally forgot the tutorial for social psychology has been cancelled.. like a dungu I was waiting..actually more like sleeping in class.. hehe..and a minute I thought I entered the wrong class.. lol.. I mean its a bit impossible la cause takkan after the second last week..then only one realizes she's in the wrong class rite..hehe

Since I am early..for my cancelled class..=(..might as well blog about something.. hmmm..what to blog??..NEW MOON??..oh yeah baby..

Today is THE DAY!! ..weeeeeeeeeee... will be going to JUSCO later..with the HFC YOUTH COMMITTEE..hmm..fred, manda, glynn, chris, alvin, helena, tracy..and my sis!!.. for the 11pm movies....This is the part where I really wish..the time will fly by!!..CAN'T WAIT!! ..weeeee!!.. finally after a long awaited year full of torture and sadness..being separated from the HAWTEST VAMPIRE!!.. gonna be meeting him in tonight.. though its only through the screen..ohhh trust me..its worth it!!//..=D

anyway..I was chatting with someone last night..and he labelled "TWILIGHT" as "dongeng" ..and then it hit me directly..it is a fairy tale rite??..

I mean come on lar.. there's no such thing vampire.. and no such thing as vampire falling in love with a human!! Indirectly..for me I feel its SOOO COOL TO HAVE A VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND!!.. but lets come back to reality.. it doesnt happen!!

So what exactly makes the story intersting.??..you may ask.. hehehe.. yeah edward and jacob is hawt and all..besides BELLA and EDWARd..looks really good together!!..but there is something..

You may not agree..but I think the LOVE portrayed in this story.. is what cdrew many attention to the continuation of this story.. Personally I think.. the loyalty.. the passion.. the "eye to eye look.." how he wants to win her.. how she don't mind being the "victim" .. the pasionate KISS!!..can you see..what i see..now??..hehe

What defines love anyway??.. Has anyone ever loved us as they claim??..let alone love..since LOVE is viewed as a cheap "game" with many players nowadays.. what defines TRUE LOVE?? ..Is it the love..from our family..or a close friend..perhaps..the love of a guy to a girl..and vice versa??.. well.. I do not know about you.. but in my dictionary..true love means SACRIFICIAL LOVE.. whereby I've only known of 1 person..who has portrayed that love in the most OUTSTANDING WAY!!..

What is this love..and who is this person??.. hmm..this LOVE i speak about.. broke all chains.. it tore down all walls.. It's knows no lies.. it has no boundaries.. for He shed every single drop of blood..and is willing to go through it again..to WIN us all back.. It is truly unconditional .. and compassionate ..sealed with TRUTH.. and HOPE ..AMAZING LOVE.. is what I'll name it..=)

Who is this person??
Yes..The king or kings..the lord or lords.. May His name be lifted high forever..
My saviour He is..
The air I breathe..
My heart He CAPTURED..
My world He holds..
Give it up MR JC!!.=)..

hehe..k guess i got get going..next class gonna start.. and err.. for the first time in my life..im actually going to watch NEW MOON TWICE!!..firstlt..with HFC GANG..secondly on FRIDAY MORNING..with UTARIANS!!!.WEWEEE...

neway...you have to watch it too k??
take care..god bless

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

In giving that we receive

Blessed evening dear bloggers!!..and blog readers!!..=)

I did it!!..hehe..I conducted praise and worship..for the first time!!..I didnt really care how was it!!..all I know..was..I DID IT!!..

hehe..so let me testify..for the one who MADE me do it!!

Let me start from the back k..

When I was done..I went to my seat and told the Lord.."I screwed it up..didnt I, Lord??" and seriously..this was what i saw.."I saw Him..smiling widely..kissing my forehead..saying.."I'm proud of you!!" ..gosh.. I started shivering..almost to tears..saying.."Thank You Lord.." ..and I didnt care how it went..

And after that..uncle Edwin David..the prayer group team.."We have heard of the 'anointed one'..for the Lord has worked POWERFULLY..through this YOUNG lady over hear.." ..

To be honest..I knew I got lost the bridge part of our father.."like how in the world did this go??" ..and there was like a long pause..i so wanted to disappear..*ask glynn*..she also very blurr..oh yeah..THANK YOU GLYNN WONG KAR KAY...for handling the overhead projector for me..=) ..ohh aNd HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLYNN!!!!

Anyway back to my story.. I mentioned in my previous post that I was broken wasn't I??..and that surely I'll break down..somewhere during worship..well.. I did1!.. During the song.."I will sing" by Don moen.. words just came out like fountain.. non-stop.. and It felt so good..I didn;t wanna stop..then I felt my voice cracking..and I was like.."oh-oh.." ..not now.. I mean I didnt want to drown in my tears..there..in front of all..at least not now lar..

thank God I manage to control..

Then came to OUR FATHER song..I totally forgot how to sing the bridge part..sigh..so thats why I though I screwed it up..but like I said..I didnt care..

And after everything ended..Surprisingly..aunty Mary came and congratulated me..and wondered if I wanna do it again..and I said.."WHY NOT??!!" ..

And then Pam..came and said.."Juan, you almost brought me to tears..that was really good!!" ..

I told her.."I was in tears already..=)".. and I realized..that.. If I didn't hurt..as much as I hurt before.. I wouldn't be able..to say the things I said..or did.. Or touched someone.. indirectly.. through my healing..

And todays bible sharing was so appropriated.. IN GIVING WE RECEIVE!! i mean..i didnt have much to give..just my voice..and the broken heart..still I gave Him all..I shared His love..to many.. hoping at least one..will receive it with open arms.. =)..and guess what I got back in return??...a utmost and unconditional love sealed with calmness..and unending joy in my heart.. you think I'm crapping??..hehe.. why then..am I still awake..at 2.45am..trying to put in words..what HE has done to me??..

Lost Hope??..or wanna give up..well..take a look at this..

Prayer of St Francis of Asisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life..

good nite..and god bless..

Its time!!

Its time!!..

Lord, I have got absolutely no idea..why You're putting me through this.. But I guess I'm ready.. broken still..but ever ready to fly.. knowing you'll mend this torn wings of mine.. and carry me through the rain and storm.. *smiles*

I just hope I do not break down..for the flesh is still weak..though the soul appear strong..arrgghh.. wish I was a kid again.. for skinned knees heals faster than broken hearts.. Gosh..Lord, forgive me.. *no more being emo*

Anyway the song I've chosen for today's praise and worship.. are a bit emo..as in its meant to heal.. and not the fast songs..fast also..not that fast..well I tried but then I remembered half of those who attend charismatic..are well not that young....so I prayed.. and these songs..kept repeating in my mind.. Here are the songs..

  • Jesus, we enthrone You ..(loved this song during PMCCC)
  • I will sing..(Don Moen)
  • Our Father..(Don Moen)
  • He will come and save you..(Bob Fits)
  • Here I am to worship..(Hillsong)
  • We wanna see Jesus lifted high..
Closing..
  • Behold He comes..
In case not enough..
  • Hallellujah to the Lamb
  • Thank you Lord..
Lord.. I gonna lift up this day unto..this time of worship.. You sing through me.. You put Your words in me.. Help me reach out to the broken ones as well.. Let them feel the joy I feel..in You.. the joy of surrendering everything unto Your name..no matter how much it hurts.. for its all part of Your plan.. Help them rekindle the fire..and trust you completely..

I ask this in Your most precious name Jesus!!..

AMEN!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

2 is better than one??



Maybe it is true..what they say..that 2 is better than one..hmmm

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought hey
You know this could be something
‘Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I’m left with nothing

So maybe it’s true that I can’t live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There’s so much time to figure out the rest of my life
And you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
‘Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything’s okay
And finally now we’re leaving

And I’ve figured out with all that’s said and done
Two is better than one


Yup is it so true!!..

good nite all

Christmas!@!..=)

Sheeesshh!!...SP corners tomyam soup is freakishly SPICY!! ...was already tearing..Normally I CAN take spicy food..hehe..well guess people change..and so does the taste..=)

and last night..we started practicing for CHRISTMAS!! ...weeeeeeeeeee Christmas!!...gosh CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!..wooohoooo...am I the only excited about this year's CHRISTMAS??!! ...lol..*chill chill girl..your embarrassing yourself*..

but seriously..don't you feel the love???...well of cause..Christmas isnt Christmas till is happens in your heart..somewhere deep inside you is where Christmas really STARTS!!.. guess it's already starting FOR ME!!..=D

Actually I have no idea why am I so very very excited!!..I mean..lets see..whats in store for Chrismas.. My exams are scheduled to be between..14TH DECEMBER-28TH DECEMBER.. it may fall in any of these days..can be on the 24th..or on the 26th.. and I may not be able to go shopping..or caroling this year..well..as it's pretty obvious..LIL MISS WEIRDO needs to so-called be STUDYING!!! ..sighh..

And I've got no idea..if we as in "my whole family"..will be celebrating CHRISTMAS in Kluang or not..well cause thanks to my EXAMS!! ..and plus..the 3 lil CHARLIE'S ANGELS..will be arriving only after Christmas...meaning if WE'RE not there..and THEY'RE not there..then there's NO CHRISTMAS IN KLUANG!!..LOL..chill chill...take it easy..hehe..it just wont be that fun for my grandparents I guess...

But actually part of me..WANTS to celebrate CHRISTMAS IN KAJANG!!..it's been ages..and FRED will give us that look..cause we wont be able to join..MANDARIN ORIENTAL..(MO) ..or the CHRISTMAS EVE MASS!!..which I tell you..its the celebrated in the most A-MA-ZING way..in HFC!!..=)

But this year's Christmas..is going to be different!!..cause I want it to!!..i mean..who cares about exam??..ITS CHRISTMAS!! ..I just have to do my part of cause..which is studying..and then leave in GODS HANDS!!..and smile..like i've never smiled before!!..I guess..all I want for this years Christmas.. is love, peace..hope and joy!!..=)

Anyway enough about CHRISTMAS..I'm having this weird kinda feeling again.. you know..like something is wrong somewhere.. Like the feeling..of quiting EVERYTHING..not that cause it's TOO much.. it's just that..I'm having that.."incomplete" feeling again..sigh..

When Lord..are you..actually gonna stop testing me??..sigh..I mean I know..you work things in YOUR OWN time..but but..sigh..it's ok Lord..for we plan the future.. but you decide the result.. we sow the seed..You bring forth the HARVEST!! ..you decide..when should it rain..or hot sun.. guess I'll leave it in Your hands again..=)

And I received this message in facebook..

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself

So yes Lord!!...I'm gonna celebrate this day.. no matter how it turns out to be..and tomorow..and everyday of my life..

p/s PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME FIND THE RIGHT COLLEGE TO PURSUE MY DEGREE!!..=)

TAKE CARE..GOD BLESS

Friday, November 20, 2009

If that isnt love

You know..I always get inspiration to sing..when I'm bathing..hehe..basically I'll spend 20 minutes singing..and 10 minutes bathing..ok you didnt need to know that..lol.. so today..this song came to my mind..

He left the splendor of heaven
Knowing His destiny..
Was the lonely hill of Golgotha..
There to lay down His life..for me..

If that isn't love..
The ocean is dry..
There's no stars in the sky..
And the sparrow can't fly..
If that isn't love..
Then heaven's a myth..
There's no feeling like this..
If that isn't love..

Even in death He remembered..
The thief hanging by His side..
He spoke with love and compassion..
Then He took Him to paradise..

If that isn't love..
The ocean is dry..
There's no stars in the sky..
And the sparrow can't fly..
If that isn't love..
Then heaven's a myth..
There's no feeling like this..
If that isn't love..

We rarely sing it in church nowadays.. not many know this song.. but somehow i catch up fast in memorizing lyrics.. but a bit slow in other stuffs =(..hehe.. cause rite..when you mean what you sing.. it stays up there in your head!!..and thats why you see my facebook status and my blog..is filled with lyrics..both for God..and for love!!..=) besides..HE WHO SINGS..PRAYS TWICE!!..

and by the way..guess who am i stuck with in teaching catechism for the next whole year..?? lol..he signed up as a catechist.. Put your hands together for ALVIN NETTO!! ..go alvin go alvin..*cheers* .. hahahahaha..yeah i know..pity those students of mine!!..gone case..one alvin also very hard to handle..this one..another 50!!..haizzz well anyway..lets just hope la God will create a miracle through him!!

take care..god bless!!
nitez!!

the message

I know I just blogged.. but this has reached the limit wei..

Lately.. I've been receiving weird kinda messages in facebook.. and this time..i cant believe it!!.. first there was some dude..asking me what TOOTHPASTE i USE??...then there was one..asking..what cleanser I use for my face??..another messaged..saying.."HI BABY" .. there was one saying..i have a really nice body.. another message from japan.. saying..your cute!!..and the list goes ON!!..just a moment ago..a dude..MESSAGE HIS WHOLE BIODATA TO ME!! ...

Not to brag or anything la..but EXCUSE me Sir!! ..if that's your PICK UP line.. then I'm sorry.. I dont think any girl will fall for it!!

But I did receive one interesting message..and thank God I replied..apparently..he turned out to be something different from others..so lets see..where is this leading..=)

babysitting..

Finally can come online!! ..

been babysitting little bernadette!!..hehe..came back home after college.. sis had to go to work already...so i was in charge!!.. so this is what happen...

  • watched tarzan with her..
  • helped her with the dress up game online..*kids these days!!*
  • ..took time to complete my previous blog then..hehe..
  • watched mickey mouse club house..*sacrificed my napping time..and THE NANNY!!" ..lol..
  • bathed her.. she made me wet all over!!..
  • took her out for dinner.. she messed up the whole TABLE!
  • ..came back home.. washed her up..
  • sweet talked her to sleep..saying her eyes will spoil and stuff.. but will she EVER listen??..LOL..didnt work..
  • told her 3 stories.. the bunny carrot, goldylocks and the 3 bears..and cinderella!!..still didnt work..
  • she asked for water..complained my room was too dark..open the door a bit..complained it was tooo noisy!!..
  • so sang her 2 favorite songs.."as the dear pants..and I surrender all"
  • ..still didnt sleep.. slowly pat her back..till my hand hurt..finally saw her all STILL nad QUIET!!
  • ..weeeeee~~...MISSION COMPLETED!!
  • Can come online..and blog!!

OUTCOME...was indeed very very tiring..and required a lot of patient.. but the laughter and smile she drew on my face..is IRREPLACEABLE!!..=D ..meee cant wait to have babies!!..=p

oh and another thing.. just when I was so excited about being single and stuff.. Lord..you just have to make it even more exciting huh??...cause..SOMEone ..just asked me out.. for movie..someone i met at the train station.. talked about 15 minutes!!..seeee...i told you i still had my charms..lol..=p

anyway..thats it for today..another big day tomorrow..

take care of yourself!!
Jesus loves you!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

THE SHORT FAT BLACK BOYFRIEND!!

Bernadette Gituen Batuncang is coming home!!!..weeeee... hehehe..my 5 year old cousin from sabah!!... she'll be here in bout 30 mins.. the most adorable baby ever born..after me of course..hehe..so lets see if i can continue my story k..hehe..

Anyway..my last post continuation.. so after charismatic..the whole gang went for supper.. marcus, royston, kenneth, chris, glynn, rozanne, my sis..and me.. charlotte had to go back home..cause her SPM BM paper..is the next day..!!..which reminds me..to wish ALL SPM AND STPM students..esp "bean" ..hehe..ALL THE BEST!!

Anyway..so while having supper..saha joined us after a while..and did I ever mention that somehow i end up with the craziest bunch of people ever existed??!!...no joke wei.. in church.. in college.. in school!!..hmmm.. cause they made me laugh like CRAZY!! ..i could feel my intestines all rupturing..lol..

So Royston started his nonsense..about my FAT, SHORT, Black boyfriend!!..hehe.. actually last time..he used to ask me.."so hows your boyfriend.." ..and i "innocently" replied.."which one??" ..he said.."the FAT SHORT BLACK ONE!!..lol..i know i know..so to act MACHO.. i said.."ohh he's fine..thanks for your concern!!" ...hehe...

So yesterday he asked again la.. and i gave him..the "whats-your-problem look??" ..and this time.. he said.."you seriously still single ar??" ..I still stared at him in DISBELIEF!! ..trying to digest the question he just asked me...

And Chris joined in.."yeah..Juan..how come u still single??" ..the first though came to my mind was.."what in the world is wrong in being single people??!!" ..that doesn't mean I DO NOT HAVE A life!!..and clearly does not mean that NOBODY wants me!!..I just flash my breath taking smile..and wink MY EYES..boy you should see the whole crowd running after me..boys and girls BOTH!!.. ceeehhh wahhh...*SELF PRAISING IS DISGRACE JUAN!!" ..sigh..lol..sorry sorry..got carried away..

I mean its like..why is it a girl needs to be happy..only when she's with a guy??.. i know it nice to see..your inbox full with that one person.. its nice to feel your HEART SKIP A BEAT..whenever they come online.. it's nice to hear them dedicate a song to you.. it's nice to flood their FACEBOOK wall..with all those LOVEY DOVEY messages!! ..its nice to have someone call you every night before you sleep..just to say...how much they miss you!!..been there before.. done it before!!..

hmmm.. but being single..is not that bad also know..not to mention the fact..that every time you see a couple..you can only imagine..what happens when he leaves her."".i mean seriously..mid valley mega mall is like a NEST for couples..not that I'm prejudice over two love birds..ok ok..maybe i am.. cause..whenever I see them..its like.."It's not GONNA LAST!!" ..sigh..what a DEPRESSED gal I am!!..lol

You know whats the best part of being single??!!..you CAN FLIRT all long..and no one can say anything..geee..I sound like a playgirl ar??..hehehe..nahhh.. once in a while need to brush up my flirting skills rite??..hehe..only with the dude..that doesnt take it seriously la..

I have this friend..i mean..he is still my friend..LIM JIN HAN.. since he complained..i NEVER BLOGGED about him!!..so yeah..lim..check this out..hehe.. Lim and I use..to flirt..like gila-gila wei.. and he will try to trap me with his CHARMING smile..i will try to do the same..lol..and we use to have a paper war in class..the guys at the back from NO WHERE will throw paper to the girls in front..and of cause the girls..takkan wanna give face rite...so we also BALAK BALIK ..and thats exactly when..PN SIM..our maths teacher..will come in..and give a lecture on keeping the class room clean..hehe..how we lOVED her!!..rite cyn??=p.. i know the boys did la..they ADORED HER AND HALIMAH!!..lol

.. and studying time at night..I'll purposely bug lim's life by messaging or online..and use to go tuition to his house..every THURSDAY!!..thanks to his mom la..for helping score an A in CHEMISTRY!!..HE STILL OWES ME A DATE in the MAMAK stall..and I still owe him his..18 YEAR OLD BIRTHDAY GIFT!!!!

Which reminds me..I MISS GOING TO SCHOOL!! those were the times..*sobs sobs..*..and thank God..my mom didn't enroll in me in a convent..hehehe..=p..or else..gosh..i would have missed my whole life!!.. BIG TIME!!..

and cant wait to see lim!!..he's coming back on the 31st of december!!..weeeeee!! ..
my long lost sayang coming back!!..=)

now you see..the joy of being single??..yeah..its pretty bored..but ITS FUN TOO!!..so dont be sad.. I know I'm not..and I intend to enjoy it!!..=)

k then..have to babysit..lil bernadette!!

take care ppl!!

the evil one

RISE AND SHINE people!!!..a new day is dawning!!..=D

hehehe.. I don't why am i so deliberately happy ...=)=)

I have a lot to blog..hmm..where should i start??..
Lets start with last night.. I was 90% close to not attend charismatic..firstly cause it was raining.. NON-STOP! ..like the end of the world only.. seriously..the sky was so dark..there was thunder and lightning.. the roof was about to fall.. i was feezing beneath my sheets.. wishing.."Ma..come back home now!!" ..hehe..i was home alone la..lol and to all those who thinks the world is gonna end soon.. and that you have a lot more to do ..

well I, Juan Margrita Gabriel Thomas..aged 19 proudly stand still, look directly into your eyes and says.."so what??!!" .. I havent completed my studies.. I havent felt my hair straight down my back...*which I was planing to not cut my hair and let it grow!!"..hehe// I havent had the slim figure I always wanted..*working on that*.. I havent made my parents proud.. I havent met cyn and stal for a very long time.. I havent wrote the song i wanted to.. and lastly..I havent found my PRINCE CHARMING!! ..=p ..and still..if the world is ending..let it be then!!

For I have found the most precious gift of all..who needs long hair and slim figure..better yet!!..who needs A GUY!!?? ..hehehe.. you know.. when you've found the joy of leaving everything in GOD'S HANDS!!..you'll probably get what I'm feeling right now.. CARE FREE.. A satisfaction I can't possibly find elsewhere..but with HIM!!..and ONLY HIM!! ..

But anyway chilla la..last weeks reading says..NO ONE KNOWS WHEN THE WORLD IS ENDING BUT THE FATHER!!

Anyway i think i terpesong a lil bit d..back to my story!!
But then..I dont know what triggered me..for when I was on my way to fetch my dad and sis in the station..I called my mom..saying.."is it ok, if I attend charismatic today??" ..I didnt know why I did such thing.. but I realize.. When you leave it in God's hands..HE will make is possible..according to HIS mysterious way..

Surprisingly.. My sis wanted to come along as well.. so after charismatic.. I was so hoping that they will forget all about me..and leading praise and worship..and suddenly the aunty asked.."I thought one of you wanted to lead praise and worship??" ..I was like oh oh.. "that should be me.." ..and she was like.."so next can??" ..with the heaviest of the heaviest hard.. and that sweet smile on her face.. which was telling me.."IT'S TIME..You come out from your COMFORT ZOne..and start doing something FOR GOD!!" ..i smiled then..and said.."alrite!!" ..

and she gave me this huge bag..with all songs.. I'm suppose to choose what songs to be played.. A part of me says..weeee!!..i CAN'T WAIT!! ..another part.. is saying.."ARE YOU CRAZY??" ..amazing huh??..how the dEVIL works??..trying to do everything to make it NOT HAPPEN!!..

well..this note goes to the evil one..
No matter how strong the wind blows..THE MOUNTAIN and can never bow to it!! .. tHE more you stop me..the more I RUN!! ..For it is NOT ME ..your dealing WITH..but the one..WHO DWELLS WITHIN ME!!.. ..so you can keep your nonsense to yourself!!.. the EVIL can't WIN for their VICTORY is SIN!! ..I will keep ROCKING for JESUS!! ..=)

i suggest you do the same..

part 2..to be continued..
class gonna start!
god bless..=)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cry of my heart..

Lord..I know You are so used to hearing me..at odd hours..it's 2a.m. ..and I just came back from jamming session with the boys..it was alright i guess..hmmm

But I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling so rigid.. like there's something holding me back..from moving on with this life..like a flower.. that wants to bloom.. but is tied.. like an eagle that wants to soar..but is caged.. I do not know..what is it that's bothering me.. or perhaps I do..but I'm running away..sigh.. Lord.. i wrap this broken part of me..and carefully place it into your hands.. knowing you'll take care of it.. hear Lord..the cry of my heart..

Cry of my heart..~STARFIELD~

There's a cry in my heart..
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses..

There's a yearning again..
A thirst for discipline..
A hunger for things that are deeper..

Could you take me beyond..
Could you carry me through..
If I open my heart..
Could I go there with You..

What do I have..
If I don't have You ..Jesus..
What in this life..
Could mean anymore..
You are my rock..
You are my glory..
You are the lifter of my head..

Could you take me beyond..
Could you carry me through..
If I open my heart..
Could I go there with You..
For I've been here before..

But I know there's still more..
O Lord..I need to know You..

What do I have..
If I don't have You ..Jesus..
What in this life..
Could mean anymore..
You are my rock..
You are my glory..
You are the lifter of my head..


Yes Lord..I am nothing without you!!..=)

Good nitez..take care!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

YES LORD!!

So here's the story..about why I aint able to blog..for a long time!!

First things first..maths exam on WEDNESDAY!! ..FRIDAY..hand in psychology assignment.. SATURDAY..std 5 and std 6 combine ONE day camp in church!!..

The first 2 excuse you've heard me crap a lot of times..so i'll just skip that part.. we go to the challenging cum fun part..=)

In HFC..every catechism teacher need to bring their students for camp.. coincidentally STD 4, 5, 6 and Form 1,2 and 3 feel on the same date.. but I really really really desperately wanted to attend my sister's form 3 camp!!..why??..by me just HEARING it..it gave goosebumps!!.. no joke.. cause BRENDAN is one of their speakers!!.. i know i'm gonna miss something meaningful!!..sigh..

I can't go to their camp..cause I'm in charge of the praise and worship for std 5 and std 6 camp!!..sigh,, So i guessed God had bigger plans for me..might as well..just get along with HIM and see WHAT IN STORE!!..lol

The praise and worship..was ok la!!..mostly action songs.. thanks to MARK LIM and CHRIS CHARLES!!..the guitarist..and JON GOMEZ..for helping me with the song.."Jesus in my rock!!" .=) I had a lot of fun..in the sense..we started jumping..LITERALLY for the song.."YES lord!!" ...hehe.. like in the song.."I can sing of your love forever.." ..the bridge part..says..

Oh I feel like dancing!!..
It's foolishness I know..
But when the world has seen the light..
They will dance with joy..
Like we're dancing now!!..


And then..around 4..rozanne called saying.."girl, are you free so sing in the choir now??..for the wedding mass..no one here.." ..I was thinking twice..and then i realize.. what if it was my wedding??..and no one was there!!.. gosh.. so I agreed!!..I told her.."will be right there!!" ..but the wedding was a bit sad..in the sense.. that no one was participating..probably cause the girl side was Hindu..hmm..

And then..Rozanne..asked whether am I attending sunset mass...I said..nope!!..extremely tired d!!..well i was!!..i looked so haggard..like a drug addict!!..not enough sleep!!..sigh.." i couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror..lol..but then..manda also can't come..so no one to play the piano..!!.. and i was like..I'M crazy to do this!!..So i told.."nevermind la..rozanne i think i can come..=).."i mean.. i know my piano skills are really bad..but if HE is the reason that I agreed..then I;m sure He will take me through it as well!!

Because I know.."THE WILL OF GOD WILL NEVER TAKE YOU..WHERE THE GRACE OF GOD WILL NOT PROTECT YOU!!"

So i went for mass..with absolutely no idea..on what are the songs to be played..i hope my sight reading will go well!!.. all i had..was FAITH!! ..and that small word can work MIRACLES!! ..trust me in this!!

Amazing huh??..the things HE put you through..thinking.."GOD I CANT DO THIS!!!!" ..and He says..."I KNOW..but I CAN.. are you willing to risk it??!!" =) ..all He wants.. YOU!! ..the complete you..not partial..or quarter..but COMPLETE!! He wants you to LET EVERYTHING GO!! .. the joy of surrendering everything unto to LORD..is never explainable.. you have TO DO it!!..to FEEL IT!..and see your life changing..little by little..

So are you willing to trade in ..your sorrow..your shame.. your sickness..your pain..the hurt.. for HIS JOY?? ..well..its not that hard..all you have to do is say.."YES LORD YES LORD YES YES LORD!!..AMEN!!

take care then..God bless!!..

I accidentally deleted my signature..lol..so here's an artificial one..hehe

Juan Margrita!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

i miss you..2nd time

I was going through my blog just now..hehhe..no, not all 250 of them..just some of it.. the title that caught my attention and i found this.. something i wrote..months ago.. gosh..how so unimaginably..dumb and yeah..DUMB!!..was i.. for writing something..which turned out to be LAME!!..and fake!!..and untrue!!..now.. when i read back..i was like.."eehhww.." ..was that me writing??.. lol.. didnt know i was that..hmm..*..........* u can fill in any words here..hehe...lol.. so i'll post it again.. for the fun of it..=p


i miss you..
more than you'll ever know..

how i long to hear your voice again..
those gentle words..
that becomes a sweet song to my ears
that becomes my strength when I'm weak
that always gets me through my day..

how i long to look into your eyes again..
the calm eyes..
that melts my heart so tenderly..
that tells me..'I'll be with you forever' without a word..
that answered so many of my questions..

how i long to be in your arms again..
that strong arms..
that's willing to catch me when i fall
that keeps me warm when I'm cold..
that keeps me close to your heart..

i miss you..
i miss your voice..
i miss your eyes..
i miss being with you..

i miss you..
more than you'll ever know..=)

i know.. lol..lame..

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Road of life

Isnt just life full or surprises??.. hehehe.. *dont put your hopes to high girl*... and I'm having my maths exam tomorrow..and I'm not worried a bit.. all i could do is smile..shheeessshh.. what kinda feeling is this?? ok we should just stop here..=p ..Felt like writting something..

I lay on my bed..
With my eyes closed..
Wishing my future..
Was beneath those lids..

I open my ears..
Hoping to hear answers..
Or maybe a direction..
To what lies ahead..

The road seemed long..narrow..
Rough and winding..
Poth holes every where..
This was not what i was expecting!

Valleys and jungles..
on both sides..
Dark and cold..
I know danger awaits..somewhere..

Fear surrounded me..
The trembling voice..
Could not answer..
The lonely heart..

I looked up..
Searching for anwers again..
And questioned..
Why me??..Why here??

I could feel the wind blowing..
The gentle breeze..
Brushing my hair..
And i realized...

"Was that you Lord??" ..

I felt the wind blowing even stronger..

"Be not afraid..
I go before you always..
Come, follow me..
And I will give you rest.."

I opened my eyes..
"Why not me??" ..
I questioned..

So what..if the road is long..
if the valleys are dark..
or if danger awaits..

I am not alone..

He assured me..
"I will call your name..
Embracing all your pain..
STAND UP, NOW WALK..& LIVE..!!"

so thats what i did.. that's what i am doin..that's what i will do..=)..

and the smile never left her face..

AMEN!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

He has a plan

I saw this in cheryl's blog..

If at all...you feel insecure..of what you're doing now..or perhaps.. not sure of the plans of the future..take a look at this..=)

The plans of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from God
All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes;
But God weighs the motives.
Commit your deeds to God,
And your plans shall succeed.
God has made everything for its own end --
Yes, even the wicked for the day of evil.
The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from God
Proverbs 16:1-4, 33.

If HE wants it to happen, it will..or not it wont.. as simple as that..

Dont put a FULLSTOP(.)..where GOD has places a COMMA(,), ...He has a plan coming right up!!..=)

off with maths..c ya!!

p/s..did you check out my new ROSEY image??..hehe..tired of being so HEARTLESS!..so yeah.. the rose..sounded better.. actually i wanted to change my blogskin..but cant find the perfect one.. so i just changed the image..=)

fell too deep

Anyone ever composed a song for you??..hehehe..nahh??..or maybe yes.. well.. chill la..no one composed anything for me..lol..but someone did dedicate something for me..=)=)=).. ok lets just keep that a secret..

Anyway..my sister's bf saha..composed 2 songs for my sis..for the past 2 weeks!!!.. not to mention the poems he wrote for her in the past 5 years..could be made into a book..=)

The moment i heard the song he composed...i was like.."wow!!" ..like seriously.. it was sooo solemn...at the same time.. very very meaningful..if only someone dedicated that song to me.. *like thats gonna happen*.. haha..surely i would have sobbed!!..it's called "LITTLE BUTTERFLY.." ..i only remember one line.."Little butterfly..you came and you gave me..your little love.." ..you should listen to the rest..hehe.. the second song also very cekap..that one is a fast one..but very addictive.. unfortunately..i forgot how it goes..lol..

I wish i could compose mine too...but i just cant get the perfect tune!!.. sigh..

This is for AMANDA QUAH~~..who also composed a song..I haven't really heard how it sounds..but the words are pretty deep..perhaps she share the same emo-ness as me..=) but i think right..there's nothing wrong in being emo!!..i mean..if you feel sad or hurt..or lonely.. why hide??..the more you hide it..the more it eats up the real YOU!! .. so what if he left you for someone else..SCREW HIM la!!..hehe..he doesn't know what he just lost..=) like I've always said.."SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOT TO LET IT OUT and let go"..

..yeah..i admit..it takes a while to get over it..i know I'm still not over it..almost gonna be 6 months..but thanks to seenu..for letting me have high hopes..

btw, did i tell you..i have a so called heart-2-heart conversation with seenu??..hehe..a clown..i mean a guy from my college.. he just asked a random question..but somehow i felt comfortable talking to him..and he told me..he almost took a year..to forget his first love..and now he is blessed with the most gorgeous gal!!..and they've been going out for like a year!!..and he sayS.."Your time will come..trust me..!!=)" ...

So here's Amanda's song..*promoting*..hehe..
its called.."FEEL TOO DEEP"

I watch the rain fall from the sky
Fall down
I feel the tears fall down my face
Tears fall down my face cuz

#CHORUS
How I'm s'posed to tell you how I feel you don't know
All the pain I have in me, you'll never know
I can't explain how I feel cuz I fell too deep
Cuz I fell too deep for you

I sit and stare as I breathe in the air
You're not here
Now all I feel in me is emptiness
All I feel in me is emptiness

#CHORUS

#BRIDGE
It's not fair, how my life turned this way
I want you, but you're so far away
Why me, why now, why can't I be with you
I just can't accept it

#FINAL CHORUS
How'm I s'posed to tell you how I feel you don't know
All the pain I have in me you'll never know
I can't explain how I feel cuz I fell too deep
Cuz I fell to deep for you
Fell too deep, fell too deep,
ooohh oohh ooohh
Cuz I feel too deep for you


Yup..guess i fell a little deep for you..sigh.. but don't worry.. cause I've found a ladder..=)
JESUS...!!

God bless..

Monday, November 9, 2009

dad 2

Since many asked about my dad...

Here's the story..
Last year.. my dad had this age old wound..that suddenly started aching terribly.. so he went to KPJ hospital..*next to ECON SAVE* ..and they said it was a CHRONIC ULCER..which if left untreated may transform into a TUMOR....

so about AUGUST last year...i think it was AUGUST 14.. he underwent a surgery to remove it.. but guess what??..after the surgery..it only made it WORST!!.. my dad was experiencing sleepless nitez..cause the pain was unbearable..=(

He went for all kinds of dressing..but still nothing cured the wound!!..so we took him to Universiti
Hospital..in PJ..and there they said..that their hospital..doesn't have that kinda treatment..and such..*yeah..why do you call it a hospital then??..*..grrr..so they referred us to UKM Hospital.. *at least they have the courteousy to do that..*..=)

Went there..UKM said..his vein was leaking!!..that explains the "swell" ..cause the blood can't seem to circulate to the whole body and it got clogged near his ankle..*that's where the wound is*..so they gave us 2 choices..either undergo another surgery..or wear a SOCKS!!..which worth about RM200..it was extremely tight..

So my dad..wanted the socks..not the SURGERY!!..but the problem was..since the outer layer of the wound..still hasn't heal yet!! so he can't wear the socks.. *dont know which nutcase suggested!*..sigh..

So went back..to UKM..and this time they said.."his valve is TOTALLY DAMAGED!!..and he has to go for surgery!!.." which in whole malaysia..only 2 hospital has that kinda surgery..KLGH AND UKM!!..so obviously went to UKM..before surgery.. they have to wait for outer part of the wound to heal.. for that they suggested the 4 FOLD BANDAGE..for 2 months every week..

That means every week he has to go to UKM..to do dressing..and change the bandage..which cost around RM70 bucks per week..

It was the second week..that Saturday..and suddenly my dad can't take the pain..so he opened it the bandage..and it was worst than anyone can ever imagine.. the wound WAS LETTING OUT AN AWFUL STENCH!!..like the smell that comes out of a dead animal!!.. i couldn't take it..and had to close my nose.. and the condition of the wound..O MY....like something ate the flesh from inside..there was a huge hole..and..his bones could almost be seen..*sobs..sobs*

I couldn't take it.. the smell..the sight.. the torture my old man went through..GOD!!..and my mom started.. "they made it even worst!!..it could turn into GANGERIN!!"..sigh.. i mean "these people were suppose to help!!" ..yikes..but..

that moment i felt so helpless.. didnt know who to turn too.. so thats why..i left a note in my blog.. and i requested for prayers.."where else do i go..when there's no where to go??" ..the word ..."GOD"..appeared very distinctly..

so i closed my room door..knelt down..and cried out.. all of a sudden..i was wrapped in "LONELINESS" ..it keep on coming to my mind.."I'm all alone..there's no one for me.. Lord, how can you do this to me.." ..and all past memories started pouring back..tears rolled down my cheek as usual..

At that moment..I tell you..when God is at work..the devil does the same!!.. he will do whatever it takes..to built walls against GOD!! but I'm like..what on earth...so i told the this tiny thought of mine.."nooo...i am NOT alone!!

I open my book called.."dear abba"..and found this letter..

Dear child,

Open the eyes of your heart and see me as I am..
I am the FATHER who longs to draw you near..
to comfort you with tenderness.
WHEN YOU ARE LONELY OR AFRAID..
to shield you with CARE when you CRY out to ME!!..
to shelter you and protect YOU..as an eagle protect its young..

Though this world is clouded with mixed messages and diluted commitments..
MY MESSAGE IS CLEAR!!..
MY COMMITMENT IS CERTAIN!!..
I LOVE YOU..YOU ARE MINE!!..

though human love is NOT ALWAYS CONSISTENT,
MY LOVe is as SURE as the SUNRISE!!..
I am here for you..and will be here..
THOUGH OTHERS MAY FORGET YOU, I NEVER WILL!!..
your name has been CARVED into the palms of my open hands..
and YOUR FACE is EVER before me..
You are my child..
Will you choose to believe that??..

Love,
Abba...

And..i was back to myself again!!...WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!...ready to face the world.. with a sword in my hand...lol..

had a great time yesterday.. with HFC youths!!..AWESOME people..though i know pretty much embarrassed myself most of the time..but who cares la.. it's better to be hated fOr who you are..than to be loved for who you're NOT!!..
love you ppl!!..

and btw..all that time..when i was kneeling..and praying on saturday nite..this image never left my mind..=)



take care..=)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

dad

Dear everyone...

Please keep my dad in your prayers!!..
thank you!!..

Friday, November 6, 2009

for a good guy..lol

I know..I've like posted this 2001 times..hehehe..but seriously..this time is like the ultimate cuteness..of the cuteness!!..so cute..till i ALMOST tripped!!..=)

So here's what happen...
Cheng Yee..always sent me to Mid valley station..since its on the way.. so i take the train straight from there..back home after college..

As I was walking to the ticket poles..*don't know what to call it*..normally the place is filled with promoters..promoting all kinds stuff..esp the annoying celcom people!!..hehe..a white gentlemen..*he deserved to be called one!!*..in his LIGHT BLUE shirt..and Black Tie..and Black pants..*the image is still VERY CLEAR!!"...was right in front!!..I apa lagi.. straight away looked at what i was wearing.. AN AGE OLD BLOUSE..with my FAVORITE SWEATER..and SANDALS!!..it rained a while ago..so you could have guessed..how windy was it!!..and what condition my hair was..sigh..i straight away put my head down..acting invisible..KNOWING he wouldn't GLANCE in my direction..

Walking as fast as I could..carrying my FORM 4 SCHOOL BAG..with my dearest diary..close to my heart.. suddenly..an Indian guy called out.."miss!!" .. i looked up..*not bad looking also..seriously..hehe..*..he pointed to the white guy..and asked.."DO YOU THINK HE'S GOOD LOOKING??" ..and that moment..i gazed into those GORGEOUS BLUE eyes..WOW..!!..for a moment I just glanced into HEAVEN ..and HE SMILED!!..so far the most magnificent smile..I;ve ever seen!!!.. it was like.."i just died..and saw an angel..and i came back to life!!.."

..and GUESS WHAT??..HE SMILED AT ME!!..i couldn't help it..the indian asked..SO RANDOMLY!!..that..i wanted to burst out laughing..but thank God..the senses was still there..i just gave a BREATH-TAKING smile..hoping that will catch his attention..*perasan-ing mood*..AND walked away!!..but they did call me back for their product..well..i couldn't do anything!!.. i mean..i dont wanna miss the train..sigh..ok ok..i admit!!..i was SHY!!..sigh..

moral of the story..
Always look presentable..and for goodness sake girl..GET rid of the SHYNESS!!..and learn to live...=)

and this..then..i shall continue..where I stopped the other day..on the post.."THE VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND.."..

I realize..how cheap and invaluable..love is viewed these days.. I see my friends..switching boyfriends..or girlfriends..from one to another.. i mean..whatever happen to.." SHAKE SPEAR..ROMEO & JULIET.. THE NOTEBOOK!!...A WALK TO REMEMBER..P.S. I LOVE YOU..& TITANIC!!.."

Yeah..you may say.."they're just movies!!"..but still.. haven't it created..that tiny urge in you.."will i ever experience such MAGIC??!!" ..deny it all you can..but you know what you want!!

so yeah..here's some so-called tips..from my own experience..lol..since i have noting to do..*not to mention..the lessons to be prepared this Sunday..and assignment due nest week..minutes of meeting to be written..!!*..hehe..but i learn that..if you feel like writing something..better write it there and there..then only GOT-THE-FEELING!!..hehe..

For a good guy..if you're attracted to a girl and wants it to last..=)
  • First and foremost..when you like someone..DON'T EXPECT THEM TO LIKE YOU BACK!!..=)
  • Secondly..are you like on the verge of dying or something??..No right..then TAKE YOUR TIME HUN!!..get to know her...what she likes..what she doesn't like.. what's her most embarrassing moment..sadness..joy..depressed~~BE HER BEST FRIEND!!..=).. how long does it take??.. as long as you can..you don't wanna make the wrong choices rite??..6 months..1 year..2 years...??..the longer the better..=)
  • Thirdly..don't start flirting with her..too soon!!.. i mean..what if she's not the one??.. she might have mistaken your friendship as something deeper!!..you'll not only break her heart..you'll also get yourself a free PASS to the hospital..after she punches you!!..hehe
  • Fourthly..if you're really into this girl..then mean every word you say!!.. if you promise to get her chocolates..though she resists..you still keep your promise..get her FERRARO ROCHE!!..*get me some too k??*..=p.. i mean it marks a good impression on you!!..she'll know your not playing..
  • Fifthly..you share your life with her too... tell her what you think..of the moon and the stars..or the sun..and beaches.. what's your best moment.. hows your mom like.. whats your passion and stuff..*girls like to listen too*... though its hard for a guy to actually open up.. cause..kononya wanna jaga macho rite!!..lol..
  • Sixthly..Get RID OF THE WORD EGO AND PRIDE!!..one thing that destroys almost every relationship!!..when you think its time..BREAK your GUTS AND GET REAL!!..It's better to LOOSE your PRIDE..to someone you LOVE.. than to loose THAT SOMEONE you love.. to your PRIDE!!..
  • hmm..what else.. oh yeah..never lie to her!!.. for example.. if you don't feel like talking to her at that moment..the tell it straight to her face..!!.. if she loves you..she'll understand.. don't give her all the crap..like.."my phone ran out of battery..or out of credit!!"..i can't stereotype women or men..but personally i think.. if one starts lying..it wouldn't last~!!
  • I shall make this the last..lol..DON'T BE DECEIVED BY LOOKS!! ..hehe..i mean come on la.. she's cool..shes hott!!..but is she really..the-bringing-home-to-meet-my-mom-kinda-type??..or the one night stand??..the one is not willing to go through thick and thin with YOU??..who doesnt wanna share this life with you forever ..have your kids..teach them..how to say the rosary??....but instead..the one who thinks.."having a boyfriend is cool!!..its the trend now!!" ..so if your SANE..i guess the answer is NO!!..hehe.. but if you ever get the whole package..ALL IN ONE!!..then..you better dont let her go... you know you can't possibly find another one!!..=)
  • one more..dont forget to P.U.S.H!!..PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS!!
Wow..i crapped pretty much huh?? will try writing for girls..also.. hehe..everything i said was based on my own previous experiences.. some maybe true..others are not.. what i wrote..maybe a BIG NO-NO..to some of you.. so no offense.. you can take it or leave it as it is..=)

good nite..!!..and god bless~~

p/s..if it didn't work out..its all part of a GRANDER plan that is coming true!!
God says.."YES!"..and He gives you what you want..
He says .."NO"..and He gives you something better!!
He says.."WAIT" ..and He gives you the BEST!!..

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Friends..

i like this..=)

Name a friend u cant sleep without talking to at night.
- Jesus..=)

Name a classy friend of yours, sharing opinions that proves the maturity within u both.
- Prajiv..alexzander johnson!!..=)

Name a friend whom complies with- close to heart, well respected, & perfect match for talking.
- Jacynta and crystal..

Name a friend who assures love, care, concern though seeming far away.
- JACYNTA!!

Name a friend that u don’t quite share much common interest, but still a good friend.
- seenu..=)

Name a friend that you make a good match
- Christina, glynn, fred, manda..all church friends!!..

Name a friend that you find all possible reasons to bully, but nevers gets worked up at all.
- ALVIN!!..hehehe..=p

Name a friend who tolerates your randomness.
- ohhh...surely its LIM JIN HAN!!..

Name a friend close to your heart but whose little too far away to share thoughts.
- Kevin Mirandah..=)

Name a friend that you fight with, gossip about but still make a better friend.
- erm..hehe..rina i guess..hehe

Finally.. now name a friend whom you can tell anything and also able to share common talks & gossips.
- stal, cyn, rina..helena..=)..and ALL UTARIANS!!..

love you people..who colored my life!!..=)
thank you..

actually got a lot more.. if i've missed any of u people i am extremely sorry.. you'll always in my heart..

god bless..

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

the vampire boyfriend!

Miss me??..hehehe... well i did..=p

it's 5.07p.m. and I'm suppose to be doing my exam!!...hehehe.. which started at 4.30..hmm.. the paper was SUPER DUPER EASY!! ..lol..*don't expect me to say that..please..* ..hehe.. like Mel always says.."ITS EITHER YOU KNOW OR YOU DONT!!" ...it was easy in the sense that there was only 5 TRUE or FALSE question..and 10 MCQ'S ..and one miserable easy.. the first guy finished it in like 3 minutes!!..lol.. well i did it in half an hour.. don't know also..just circle the answer..hehe..so I'm waiting for my sis to fetch me.. and they say..TIME IS GOLD!!..so yeah..whhy waste the gold??..=D

anyway..thanks to GLYNN WONG..i like posting conversation..nowadays..

so this what happened during dinner..hehe..

Sis: Juan, I tell you..if you ever decided to fall in love again..you better find someone out of Malaysia.. get a scholarship..get out of this country..settle somewhere..and find a dude there!!..

Mom..still eating quietly..

Sis continued..: The guys here..have screwed up MENTALITY!!..and a serious stagnantly decrease level in their MATURITY!! ..*immature* ..

Juan:.. ohh..really??..then where exactly did your BOYFRIEND COME from??..BANGLADESH??!..=)

Mom..giving that sarcastic smile..

Sis giving that.."whats-your-problem-look"

and i cant be happier!!=)
***

hehehe..I have this thing for vampires..even before EDWARD CULLEN K!..

and last week..I saw this article in the newspaper..about WHY GIRLS Wants a BLOOD thirsty CREATURE as their BOYFRIEND!! ..

Firstly.. Once your his GIRLFRIEND..then forever you belong to him.. why??..cause once your his girlfriend..he makes you HIS forever..by literally making you IMMORTAL..and also a vampire as well.. get it?? He sucks the blood of you..as a sign..that you belong to him.. he doesn't want another..neither does he wants you to have another.. i like that.. i mean.. not the blood sucking part..the part..YOU'LL BE HIS FOREVER!!..

Secondly..vampires..got an AWESOME sense of fashion.. cause they lived for centuries..they been through all the fashions in the world.. and the latest!!..then know what looks cool..and how to look HOT!!..

Thirdly.. they're STRONG!!..a girl..loves strong arms.. she's feels loved..and secured..PROTECTED!!..and it makes her feel special as in she's HIS PROPERTY!! he tells to other.."get YOUR OWN ONE DUDE!!" hehe.. and they're fast too!!..he would go through HEAVEN AND EARTH..to save you!!..cool huh??

but..something is missing though.. i mean a good relationship.. the cherry of top of the cake.. IS UNDERSTANDING, TRUST & COMMUNICATION!..agreed??.. i mean..what's the point..if you're HOT..but you can't LEARN to listen TO HER??..whats the point of being strong..f you can't seem to UNDERSTAND what's going through her heart..and HER mind??.. IF you DON'T trust HER??!.. IF you don't feel the need to cry with her..WHEN she tears..

A relationship..aint a relationship..if you're not in it together!!..IF YOU'RE NOT READY TO FACE THE WORLD WITH HER...then DONT!!..DONT give her FAKE PROMISES!!..don't say YOU'RE READY TO COMMIT!!..when..you have no idea..what's COMMITMENT is ALL ABOUT.. Don't flirt..and give her all the hopes...

lastly, a random advice..DON'T GO AROUND BREAKING YOUNG GIRL'S HEART!!..*Billie Jean* hehe..but seriously..it's pretty immature i think...those who want a relationship just for the sake of it..and when they're bored..they give lame excuses..to break up.. arghh..

gee..did i sound harsh??.. lol.. no offense..it just blurted out from no where.. no idea why.. anyway.. take it as an advice..in case you thought of breaking someones heart.. it's not a bed of roses..*trust me*..for HE says.."TREAT YOUR NEIGHBOR LIKE HOW YOU WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU!!" ..

second post coming up!!..

take care..God bless

Monday, November 2, 2009

random

just a random conversation..

Helena: Juan, why would you want an alien to marry you??

Juan:..hehehe..cause guys on EARTH are HOPELESS!!..=P

good nite!!..take care..

bye bye 2

Guess what??...the lightning..destroyed my internet connection!!...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!.. hehehe..

lol..you read me correctly.. cause this means.. I can break my addiction in "cafe world" in facebook... and.."facebook" ..plus "blogging" ...not to mention "chatting" ...hehehe..

actually I'm not really fully disconnected from the connection..the WIRELESS is still working..only in my PC its not working..sigh..my poor baby..always getting hurt..*sobs, sobs*.. it's kinda weird.. everything is normal..i mean..i can on it..and musics..still there.. but no CONNECTION!! ..hmm..but wireless on also no point..my sis to lend me the laptop..is like.."OVER HER DEAD BODY!!"

noW also..I curi-curi blogging..family went for all souls day mass.. what about me??..I attended morning mass...=) ..so before they come back.. i would like to official announce..that until my connection is back..you most probably wont be seeing me online often..*ceehhh wahhh..as if you WANT to see me also..lol..*

I'll try onlining..from ICT..but i really hope I wont have connection till Christmas.. seriously..i could use some of this studying time.. which i forgot to mention..Wednesday is MID-TERM for SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY!!..*i find this subject pretty interesting..*..would love to explain more.. unfortunately every second is extremely precious!!..for now..

p/s..to linda.. I'm sooo sorry..i cant attend tomorrow's charismatic..would love to hear you share though..hmm

and to ALVIN NETTO!!..*i know you will be reading my blog*..since you always "complain" in seeing me online..24/7..so here's your chance in "not" seeing me online..hehe..=p see all hfc youth on THURSDAY!!

to the rest..bye bye..=( ..

*like i'm going to go forever only..hehe*..

may god bless you..and remember..Jesus loves you!!..
take care..love ya!!