Thursday, April 29, 2010

when two different world collides

"What do I have..If I don't have you Jesus.. what in this life..could mean anymore.. You are my are my glory.. you are the lifter of my head.."

For like the 100th million time.. the name is pronounced as in JU-ANNE!! and I'm so through with correcting people on how to pronounce my whenever aunty Dolly calls me JUAN in Spanish in front of everyone AGAIN.. I'll just smile and say.."yes aunty".. and did I tell you before my semester ended my lecturer.. I was arguing with me on HOW to pronounce MY NAME!! ..hhehehe.. I don't blame him name is weird.. hmm..

Anyway I'm having that weird feeling again.. and please allow me to be a child just this once.. because I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE!!..sobs..sobs!!.. NOOO!! I DONT WANT!!..I DONT WANT!!..*sobs even lauder!!* ..really.. HELP ME!!..ANYONE??..

sigh..Now that I've back being 20.. why does the holidays have to come to an end sooo fast??..I barely remembered what happen in the last four days.. it was like a dream.. too fast.. and I think I just woke up.. sigh.. and reality can be the worst nightmare sometimes..=(

Its another boring 14 weeks.. assignments.. presentations.. exams.. quizzes.. mid terms.. and KTM.. gosh.. did I just say KTM??!! ..great!!.. now its a bit interesting.. because they have separate coaches for GUYS and GIRLS!!... but why??!!..I mean who knows I might be meeting "THE ONE" in KTM itself.. can't say and now they just blew my chance!!.. grrr.. hehehehehe...

It's a circle you know.. the same old thing everyday.. every semester.. I need some spice..currently the status is TASTELESS!! ...maybe some pepper.. wait wait.. I hate pepper!!... hmm..chili powder should work..spicy and hot!!..but not too much though..i'll end up tearing then..hehe I'm done with sugar..considering the fact that I might be diabetic..hehehe..

Wow..I can really crap!..hehehe

Lord I know this is crazy.. but I'm sick of the same old road.. and trail.. I want a roller coaster!! .. you gave us rain..and sun..but what about putting them together??!!.. and we can see the rainbow!!.. I think rainbows are on the greatest creation ever..when the rain pours and the sun shinning at the same time.. its like two different world colliding.. like two different people..falling in love.. like salt and pepper..though they're different both inside and outside..but they work together like 2 peas in a pod!! ..hehehe..but you get me right.. dear Lord?? ..I want something different.. something more meaningful.. something to look forward too.. something where I can be myself.. something I've never came across..

Argh..I'm asking too much rite??.. still Lord, just incase if you decide to sent a tsunami or a tornado..can you please, please don't leave me alone.. I mean I know you wont.. but dont let me forget that k??!! ...and I put this new semester into thy hands.. AMEN!!..

phew..I feel so much better!!..

Good nite!!

what every woman should know..

Sudha tagged this me in this FB.. i find it pretty interesting..=)

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams or husband wants to see her in an hour...

a youth she's content to leave behind....

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

a feeling of control over her destiny...

how to fall in love without losing herself...

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month... and a year...


Wednesday, April 28, 2010


When I'm there..all I could think of is here.. and when I'm here.. you leave me speechless.. nevertheless, you make it real for me...=)

hehehehe.. Yes my dearest bloggie.. you leave me speechless and when I'm not in your sight.. all I could think of is the things I want to blog about.. but indeed.. you never left me.. even in my stood by me.. for that you shall receive a genuine THANKSSSS!!..and a kiss..MUAXXXXXXXX!!..=D

Lol.. If I say I'm flying without wings.. you wouldn't believe me.. If I say I could lie down in the middle of the road and still smile.. you would probably be on the phone calling the psychiatrist... and If I say my blog is my greatest friend ever existed.. you will think I'm lame or weird.. but hey guess what??..I don't really care..=)

Had a great night last nite!!..=D
Firstly, I admit..I've been non-stop eating and eating and eating again..since like..I don know..maybe forever..hehehe.. and still the same.. nothing changed..=) ..and weirdly, in the past few days..4 of them told me "You lost weight huh??!!".. I was like.." fact I've been eating more than I should lately" ..well I was..I mean imagine me eating OLD TOWN'S NASI LEMAK SPECIAL.. almost everyday for lunch..heheh..i know i know!!!..but you get my point rite??..there's no way I could have lost weight..NO WAY!! worse still..they said my cheeks are no more chubbier!!..aaarrgghh.. well, the truth is..i like chubby cheeks.. my sis used to sing this nursery rhyme..obviously not to me..but something she learned in kindergarten..which she taught my dad..and he'll sing it to me...hehehe..=)

"chubby cheeks!!
rosy lips!!
dimple chin!!
teeth within!!
curly hair!!..
very fair!!
eyes black..
lovely too..
mummy's that you??"

and I'll go like.."yess yess yess!!" well I was 6!!..what you expect.. anyway since I can't possibly lose I came up with the conclusion that I can be a diabetic patient..sigh.. I told my mom..and she asked me to go and make orange juice!! dont ask..the weirdness runs in the family..

Anyway..I stayed over in my best friend Crystal's home last was pure fun!!.. we'll we played badminton first with joe, shashi stal, geetha and me.. I shall leave whatever happen in badminton to myself..=)

..then after dinner.. we bought some other junks..thinking we'll be hungry again.. well, my eyes fell on the blueberry cheese tart!!..weeeeeeeeeeeee!!..hehehe..its beeen ages since i last bought that!! ...and a kit kat can you not live without chocolates??.. and favorite chocolate filled tiger biscuits.. and do tell me..HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I AFFORD TO LOOSE WEIGHT?!!..ish..hehehe..

So we snacked while watching THE BLIND SIDE and WHIP IT!! was a movie marathon la.. shashi stayed over as well..and gustine, crystal's elder brother was there too.. they were buzy playing PS2 ..which i dont get it again.. guys and cars.. guys and football.. guys and ps2.. guys and computer.. ishh.. guys can be totally lifeless huh??..;p ;p ..

movie ended about 4 something.. and we headed to our bed..and started talking.. and talking.. it never stopped!! much of must of catching up..hehhee.. i think we slept bout 6! joke!!..hehehe..

we got up at about 1..the next morning.. we had lots of plan.. suppose to go karaoke-ing ..or bowling.. but instead we sat home and watched WIPE OUT!! we were laughing through out la..hehehe..

They sent me back at the evening.. and the rest of the day was well..pretty erm..interesting..

but i shall leave it to myself..again..

you have a great nite!...

Monday, April 26, 2010

what do I want?

"Did you know.. when you're heart won't.. it can't slow down.. it beat so fast and makes it catch my breath!!

You're not gonna believe how many times have I erased whatever I wanted to write in here as my opening line.. It's either I got nothing to blog about.. or I have so much to write..and I don't know where to start...sigh

Someone asked me this question once.."what do you want?" ..well, considering the extremely hot weather, with my oily face that was a having a deadly match with a "roti canai"..I answered "a chilled ribena with ice!!" ...and he asked again.."what do you want, Juan??!!" ...and it hit me.. what do I want??.. no really..ever wondered "what do i want, in this life??" ..I'm not sure about you.. but I do not have the answer to this question!!..I do not know what I want.. erm.. its like this..

let say you have this date with this guy..whom you've had a crush on..all your life.. Yes of cause...your heart jumps up and down..and go all weeeeee!! ..But then when the actual day'll be like "crap!! what if he doesn't like me.. what it I embarrasse myself..what if he thinks I'm weird..what if he turns out to be a girl??" the last one came out randomly..hehe.. anyway it can be..that maybe you are just making get out of it!!.. its like you want it..but at the same don't want it what exactly do you want then??..

I'm not making any sense right?? sigh.. like I said.. I do not know what I want.. I do not what to order to figure out what I want!!.. I do not even know why am I writing this...

Again, you must be thinking.."is this girl drunk or what??!!" ..I assure you..I'm not.. or maybe I should get drunk..haha.. I remember in my cousins house once for Christmas.. I gulp in 2 glasses of wine..yes.."only wine" .. at once!!.. and we're talking about the real bitter bluekk kinda taste.. hehehe.. My mom gave me the "your dead" kinda look.. and i gave her my "i love you too, ma" ..kinda smile.. and we'll be dancing and singing and dancing again..charades.. it was like a "sin city" ..

Sigh.. I miss that moment.. I miss that home.. I miss all of them!!.. But you cannot turn back time..can you?? you got to live for the moment... now.. cause tomorrow may not come..

and after all this crappings...I still don't know what I want..=(

you have officially certified me as "delusional" huh?? no worries..
thanks for dropping by!!..=)


"When you find everything you looked for.. hope your life lead you back to my front door.. but if it don't.. stay beautiful!.."

Bad day!!...=(

Well anyway... I'm not gonna say how it went..instead I'm gonna share with you..about my thoughts on kaleidoscope..=) hehe..whats a kaleidocope??..well here's what they call a kaleidoscope of colours..

One look..yeah beautiful.. but after a while, dont you get bored starring at something repetitive and lifeles??..hehe..indeed, I used to hate it.. totally hate it!!... why??.. Well incase you didnt know..I'm a big fan of jigsaw puzzle..and use to play it on Facebook.. and when ever I get this picture.. I'll click the "SKIP" button...only some crazy nuts will agree to complete this kinda crazy stuff... I mean look at it!! consist of more or less..the same kinda pieces!!..It will take ages to complete it!..hence the reason to hate it..

But you know something??.. this rather boring, static picture..has a lot of hidden meaning beneath it..If you look at it properly.. its actually one part of a picture that is repeated in 4 other directions.. meaning.. life is a lot more beautiful and complete..when you learn to look at it from a different point of view.. when you learn to put yourselves in another person's shoe before you go on hurting them with your words.. when you are willing to accept other people's view instead of having it your way all the time..=)

What happens when you put flour, egg, butter and sugar all together??..AN EDIBLE CAKE!! ..what happens when you put different kinda shapes and colours in one picture??..A KALEIDOSCOPE.. and what happens when you learn to accept other people just as they are..despite their colour, language, race and religion??..ONE MALAYSIA!!..=D ..and when you don't mind being seen with someone, though they can't speak or deaf or crippled..well congratulations!! You are on the right track in making this world a better place!!..=) ..and it says.."you have a heart"!!..=)

and lastly, before you close this page and decide I'm totally irrelevant and competely lifeless to post this.. look carefully at the kaleidoscope.. it is never ending.. no matter how the shape or color changes.. it keeps on going.. and thats exactly what we're suppose to do.. to TRY AGAIN.. when the world says "GIVE UP!!" keep on running the matter how high the hurdles are.. no matter how much our shoes have worn off.. to keep on dancing in the rain..though there's a huge storm coming by..

Miley Cyrus said in her lyrics, the climb.."Ain't about how fast I get there..Ain't about what's waiting on the other side...It's the climb" is..

hehe.. basically, don't just look at something..or someone..and let your mind interpret what you they are like..sometimes you have to learn to see them.. with your heart..=) ...

Good nite everyone!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

After a while

ahem ahem...=)

I shouldn't ask if you missed me or not.. Cause I know its hard not to..:p :p..hehehehe...been awhile huh??..well, I was having exams..but that wasn't the main reason why I didn't blog.. and not that I didn't have anything to blog about..hehe..and hello!!..your talking to someone who used to blog up to 4 post a day!!.. so yeah..=).. well I just..hmm..I refuse to blog due to some unavoidable circumstances.. which I rather not mention it here..

So here's what happen..when I'm not here blogging..=)
  • Exams..hmm..lets just keep it aside and not make both our lives miserable k??..;p
  • UCSI's cafeteria food is not that bad..really.. hehe.. sadly we smartly tried it when the semester is coming to an end..hehehe
  • SAMANTHA DAVID is officially my duet partner!!..weeee!!.. hehe.. and both me and sam would like to humbly apologize to sudha, pinky and kabi for literally torchuring them with our "sweet"..voices!!
  • Saha's red sexy scooter is officially my one and only HARLEY DAVIDSON..=) wouldn't trade it for any other..hehehe
  • GURPREEt KAUR@PINKY is in a relationship!!!..weeeeee!!..hehehehe
  • KABI who suddenly had crushes on 'SUNFLOWER', 'LILIES' & 'CACTUS'.. said this.."Juan, I think you should be born as a guy!!" ...and I totally agree with him..;p
  • Hurt my neck totally time square..after our first ride..hehe.. well time square is nothing compared to SUNWAY LAGOON or GENTING's..but of cause the fun was there..hehe
  • And I want my own bumper car!!..=( ..Sometimes I wished we had bumper cars..instead or real I mean..its small, so less jam.. it has low gravity, surely its faster.. like all those F1 cars..and its totally fun!!!..hehehe...really..I think its one of the best game where I laughed till I couldn't laugh anymore!!..=D
  • Lastly.."Pehli Nazar Mein" ...go listen to it..with the translation..=)
Before I take leave..
"Don't be afraid to speak up for what is right..even if it causes your life.. because the Lord your God is also on your side.."

Have a nice day..=)

Monday, April 19, 2010


I never thought I'll say this..but GLEEEEEEEEEEEEE is making me all WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! ..hehehehee... wow!!..I had goosebumps..literally!! my UTAR friends used to call me "CHICKEN SKIN" ..because that's how my skin looks like with my yeah it was standing right up!!..LOL.. and I can watch them singing over and over again!

..can't wait for the rest of episodes to be downloaded..and damm la..this things all will happen only during my exam time..sigh.. it will happen..and I'll have the urge to blog..and here I am now!!

and this is stuck in my head!..

Can't fight this feeling anymore ~Glee Cast~

I cant fight this feeling any longer..
And yet Im still afraid to let it flow..
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger..
I only wish I had the strength to let it show..

And even as I wander..
Im keeping you in sight..
Youre a candle in the window..
On a cold, dark winters night..
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might..

And I cant fight this feeling anymore..
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for..
Its time to bring this ship into the shore..
And throw away the oars..
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore..

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you..
Ive been running round in circles in my mind..
And it always seems that Im following you, girl..
Cause you take me to the places that alone Id never find..

And even as I wander..
Im keeping you in sight..
Youre a candle in the window..
On a cold, dark winters night..
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might..

And I cant fight this feeling anymore..
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for..
Its time to bring this ship into the shore..
And throw away the oars..
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore..

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore..


"I feel wonderful.. because I see..the love light in your eyes..and the wonder of it all.. that you just don't realize.. how much I love you"


Hate this!!..
It always happen...

Why Lord..why??
What games are playing now??
I don't understand you at all.
I don't even understand my own self..=(
But you do..
You know exactly what you're doing!!
You know exactly that the word "Juan" and "something-i-cant-mention" ..cannot be in the same line...
You know exactly why am I blogging now..
When I've no idea what in the world my notes is trying to make me understand..

tapi takpe..
May Your will be done..
Not mine..

Lol.. no..normally its not like this..
Its worse..really..=)
Like a lot more!..hehehe

And this is exactly what happens when you give me peanut,chocolate and ERIC CLAPTON!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

its time to let go..

"Cause I've been waiting all my life..for someone just like you.. Your it.. you're the ultimate..YOU!!"

But you dont feel that way do you..??

Yes, I know you don't..
Cause when someone does..
They'll be head over heels..
wouldn't be thinking twice..
wouldn't think of any other..
wouldn't doubt..
Or at least that's what I think..
That's what I saw...

But its ok..
Maybe you deserve someone better..
Someone who actually knows what to do when..
Someone whos not weird..
or blur..
Someone whos not me..

Kick my ass..
If I ever fall for another..
before I reach..

Ok JUAN!!...
cut the've got 2 more freaking papers left!!...
Bless me!!

but yeah..its time to let go..again..=(

Thursday, April 15, 2010

He is with us all the way

If your eager to find something interesting to be posted today.. sorry to disappoint you for like the 100th time.. its just another lame old nonsense post of mine.. hehehe..

I'm not in a mood to write long lectures..or to tell about my rather interesting day.. but I found these interesting pictures..=)

Damm cute rite??..i mean yeah its soo mean.. but the way the artist put it such a way that it is soo touching!! and cuteeee..=)

I like this!!..=)

and this too...

This is too common..but I felt like posting it..

This is daymm but i like it as well!!..=)

See..I told you not to expect much!!..

ok ok..since you visited I show you these lyrics.. Someone whom I know composed it.. and NOOO..its not for me.. he just asked me to listen..and i like it!!.. nice words..

Hand in hand..

I'll love you for all my life..
It's only just the beginning..
I'll cherish you for all of time..
This love will have no ending..

ohh baby..take my hand..
baby.. take my hand..

Hand in hand..
we'll cross this hurdles..
Stepping puddles on the way..
But if we try..we'll never fail..
He is with us all the way..

This journey's just so startling..
Who knows what you will feel..
But together girl..
We'll unfold this mystery..

ohh baby..take my hand..
baby.. take my hand..

Hand in hand..
we'll cross this hurdles..
Stepping puddles on the way..
But if we try..we'll never fail..
He is with us all the way..

He is with us all the way..
Jesus is with us all the way..

Dayymm sweet rite??..I love the last part!!..hehehe..ok ok..thats it..


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

should it be his or her first move??

"Do you ever think..when you're all alone..all that we could be..where this thing go.. Am I crazy or falling in it really just another crush? Do you catch a breath when I look at you.. Are holding the way I do.. cause I've tried and tried to walkaway..but I know this crush aint going away.."

Before you continue reading this post, I have to warn that it might offend the opposite sex or even the same sex..but whatever it's only from my point of has nothing to do with any other homo sapiens either alive or dead!! =)

hehehe.. So this afternoon I was watching 'THE PROPOSAL' ...yeah I know..age old movie.. unfortunately I only had the chance to see it now.. so anyway.. this question came up to my mind.. "is it ok, for a girl to propose a guy??" hmm....Of cause it is.. I mean come on..its the 21st century.. if they can make babies in test tubes..y cant a girl make the first move??!! ..hehehehe..

But then in my case the "but" really have to butt in all time! me old fashioned..but why cant it just be the way it's suppose to be??.. traditional.. unique.. I mean its a norm!!..there's a reason why they call 'norm' ...hehe..or can it be because they're too shy??..hmmm.. what you still dont agree with me??..fine!! ask for here it goes..

Why guys shouldn't be shy to make make the first move:
  • The obvious one.. A king comes before a queen.. One has all the the nerve to rule a country..but none to ask a girl?? ..
  • Yes.."ladies first then comes the gentlemen.." You can say.."they always want it why cant they make the first move??"..well firstly, we're grateful for that, you guys are such a sweetheart for giving us that privilege...but in case you're wondering..its the men who says "ladies first"..we dont go to another lady and say.."ladies first??!!"..neither can we go to a men and say.."ladies first!!" ..right??..that'll be so weird..hehe you get my point rite??!!..there are some questions that are really custom made for guys..and so inappropriate for girls!!
  • Thirdly..have you ever realized..thats its so damm cool for a guy to have 10 GF's..but they start throwing dirty words at a she had 10 BF'S??!!..that is sooo bias..sexist!!.. and if a girl gets rejected, she would be torn emotionally and mentally.. and maybe imagine what the society will think of i was exaggerating that..but again my point.. its so much easier for a guy to handle a rejection!!
  • Fourthly, ok..I'm running out of ideas.. oh yeah..a girl cant go down on her knees..its very hard for her to get back up on her skirts and heels..hehehe..there's a reason why only LADIES are allowed to wear skirts and so what??..she can just stand and ask rite??..hehehe..maybe..but a girl is always a girl..her head is always down when she's shy.. how is she gonna ask then??..ok GUTS!!
Seriously, this post is very subjective..totally from my point of view.. I do agree under certain circumstances maybe the girl is suppose to make the first move.. I else is she going to bring down the castle she built on air for real??.. you want something you go for it.. or else..someone else might steal it from you..and there goes your heart..

But I still like the traditionally matter how the world changes..=)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Because I make a good wife!!

So this asked me to sweep the house.. so thats what I did..I swept every single corner of every wall in my house.. except for my sisters room..hehe.. I mean it doesn't make any difference whether her room is swept or not..*shhh..pretend you didn't read this!* hehehe..

And then later my mom started complaining.."did you really sweep??!!" ..I was like "you saw mee!!" ...she started complaining..20 years old already..dont know how to sweep.. how am I gonna take care of the home.. my husband would probably die cause of a dusty home!! Like hello!!...if you ask any normal people..they will say our floor is squeaky clean k!!.. My mom is a different case..her expectation is so daymm high.. people get 99..she ask why cant get 100!!..sigh.. how in the world my dad won her a MIRACLE!! so yeah..I do have the perfect qualities to make a good wife!!..don't underestimate what lies behind this orange spectacles k!!.. hehehe

We had ice-cream for supper..when my sister called me a SPOILT BRAT!! ..She's been calling me this for a long time!!.. even changed my name in her mobile!!..sheeesss.. excuse me!! aint my fault that I'm the youngest..!! ...but I admit la.. both my parents are a lil over-protective over me!!.. can be annoying and awesome at times.. hehe.. but i dont get everything i want k!!.. really..i dont!! =)

Then after all the drama, here's the conversation that took place..

Mom: Juan, you look very pretty today..
Juan: ..huh??..nonsense..
Mom: ..Hey!!..that came sincerely from the heart k!
Juan: MAAAA!!...I'm in my orange spectacles, with my hair in a my age old pyjamas!!.. what kinda eyes you have??

Hehehehe..then I went back to my room..on my bed with my notes.. *thats how i study*
when mom entered..heres what she said..

Mom:....Juan! look very pretty..
Juan: ..ok, why you being nice??..
Mom: no..really..and your feet is so clean and fair..
Juan: ...huh??
Mom: when I'm complain.. when I'm not you complain as well..
Juan: I see your point!..

So basically this whole conversation wasnt really necessary to be posted..but since I figured out that your life might be, probably, possibly as lifeless as mine.. hehe so I give you something to read..

Hehehe.. dont hate me.. I wish i wasnt this lame as

Good nite!!..

Monday, April 12, 2010

He wants You BACK!!

Hey..It's me again..
Hows your day??
Felt like giving up?? no one cares.. like its all hopeless.. You keep yourself you don't realize what's really going??...
Fell betrayed?? you trusted the wrong person again??!.. and you've no more strength to trust anyone anymore??..
Felt like no one understands you..and you put on a fake cover up your bleeding heart??
Felt like you're ready to snap any moment??..its just too much..and you can't take it anymore..
Felt like running??..but you don't know where.. everywhere you a dead end??
Felt like there's no more tears left.. for you've given too much of you..and its still not enough..

Well...if I say I know how you feel.. I'll be lying.. But I know someone who does.. Someone who has been waiting for you..even before you were born.. take a minute to read this.. there's a reason why I felt like posting it..=)

You run.. you hide..
As tears fall from your eyes..
They fall like snow..
From a wounded soul..
You hold.. inside..
The hurt of great divide..
The hole is starting to get old..

So come back to the light
To the love.. you will find..
Its been here all along..
So come back to the start..
And you'll find.. in your heart..
That you always belonged..
To me..

Just take the rope..
I won't let it go..
Give in..
We can start again..
I'm life.. I'm hope
And I'm ready to explode..
With how bad I want you back home..

So come back to the light
To the love.. you will find..
Its been here all along..
So come back to the start..
And you'll find.. in your heart..
That you always belonged..
To me..

You're my daughter, you're my son..
You're the one I long to love..
And you've heard I chose to die..
Do you know you're the reason why??

So come back to the light
To the love.. you will find..
Its been here all along..
So come back to the start..
And you'll find.. in your heart..
That you always belonged..
To me..

~You belong to me~..Grey Holiday

Read again the bridge.. and maybe..just maybe you'll figure out what this life is all about..

Jesus Loves You!!..


"Cause I'm your lady.. and you are my man.. Whenever you reach for me.. I'll do all that I can.."

I didn't know that song existed..till I opened my mail just now.. You know..the ones with the power point stuffs.. I have to admit.. these forwarded messages answers my age old questions.. and sometimes the remind me things I have totally forgotten of..=)

Anyway.. incase you were wondering.. I'm actually on my study break!!.. in English that means MORE STUDYING.. but yeah like that's gonna happen.. hehe.. normally in my language that means..'MORE BLOGGING!!' ..more of everything..but studying!!..hehehe..

Moving on..I think I should just stay at church when it comes to the weekends.. hehe.. really.. yesterday..half the day was in church.. today 3/4 of the day was in church.. No, I'm not complaining.. but I feel like a hypocrite.. I mean what's the point of serving the Lord.. when the life I live is not of what He wants ..!!

Sigh..I feel like writing something..

Yes You..
Who watches me from above..
Who sees my every wrong..
Who doesn't care if I hurt You..
Over and over again..

What could I've possibly done..
That You'd think it all be worth it??
The burden to Calvary..
The nails hammered on Your palm..
The whip that tore open Your flesh..
The crown of thorns..
Pierced through Your skull..

Why then??...
Why did You leave me here..
All alone..
After everything You've done?
Why did You choose me in the first place..
What exactly do You see in me??
That I don't??

If Love is the answer to these questions..
No, I wouldn't ask You to take it back..
But I know..
I'm unworthy of it..
Unworthy to stand before You..
For in the trash, where my place is..
Unworthy to be Your child..
For I've been the friend of the enemy
Unworthy to have Your tears..
For I take delight in sin..

You don't mind going through suffering..
Over and over again..
Even if I'm the only person on earth..
You don't mind being mocked by the devil..
Every time I hide from Your light..

For all You've longed for..
All You need..
Is me..

The very me..
who goes around searching..
but fail to see what lies in front!
The very me..
whom you picked up from the dirt..
Wiped me clean..
Clothe me with fine jewels..
Knowing I'll shine for you again..
The very me..
Who is broken..
who has no more tears left..

The very me..
who You love unconditionally..
For no one in this world..
Could ever take my place..
In Your heart!!


Saturday, April 10, 2010

end of 1st sem..

"The way you make me the sum coming out in the holding the world in your hands.. in a way I can never imagine.."

Ahem ahem...=) hehehehe.. sorry..I'm just feeling so SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!! hehehe...I have no idea what it means.. but thats exactly how I feel.. hehe..NO IDEA!!..=)

Anyway last year..I remember doing this every time the semester ends..hehe.. hence I shall remain that tradition.. So here's what I experienced through out the whole sem..
  • CULTURAL SHOCK from UCSI!!..=) ...I could have just dropped dead any moment..and I aint joking..neither am I exagerating..hehehe
  • The awesome-est people in the whole of UCSI!! ..PINKY, SAM, SUDHA, NISHA and KABABI!! ..*he just can't resist us..hence he doesnt mind being the thorn among the roses..*..hehehe..=p
  • The joy and torture of riding Saha's bike!!...
  • The never-ending stories about how useless KTM is!!...grrr..
  • Survived my first-nigerian attack..hehe..*dont askk..long story..*
  • Went for futsal competition..and yeah..would love to do it again!!..hehehe..*hawtt guys!!* =p..hehehe
  • I think this is the one sem where I really burnt fats the most.. futsal, badminton, captain ball.. wow!!.. and I shall keep this going..=)
  • HFC youth committee rocks!! not cause I'm in it.. but they really do rock!!..and we're gonna keep on rocking for JESUS!!..
  • Created my first ever game board with PINKYY!! ~DUCKY ON THE ROAD!!~
  • CUP CAKES MANIA with the girls!! ..woohooo.. the taste still lingers on my mind.. CHOCOLATE!!
  • Never ending foods..*MCD, Pizza, SECRET RECIPEEEE!!, OLD TOWN, Richies, Jai Hind..and BEEP!!..yikesssss...beeeepp!! me..My sister's cooking is way..waaaayy better than BEEP'S!!..hehehe
  • Fireproof..the best movie in this sem!!
  • Actually getting bored with camera's..but nevertheless..1500+ pics this sem alone..hehehehe...
  • Vinnaithandi Varuvayaa..woohooo!!..I finally got it pronounced correctly!! ..the movie was ok-ok only..but it's the first movie I went out with the girls..and kabi of cause..and HOSANNNAAAA!!..amen!!
  • I ruined the lappy with my virus..ok its not my virus..I only spread LOVE not's cause of me!!..*sobs..sobs*
  • The one sem where I hmmm..emo-ed a little bit lesser..=)
  • And maybe..just maybe.. heheheheehhe..JUST MAYBE... I wont say what I'm about to say.. because you already know what is it..=) then again..Lord may Your will be done..not mine..AMEN!!
And with that..I officially end this semester!!


hehehe..good nite everybody!!

The way you make me feel..

If only you knew.. the way you make me feel.. is of no words.. is not a lie.. is something I told myself NOT to indulge in.. but of course the heart is a bit weird.. its opposes the mind.. they cannot work along.. and that's why I know I shouldn't.. but I do.. I did.. and I will..

Aaahh..Ronan Keating you touched my heart again..with this song!!

The way you make me feel..

Couldn't feel much better..
Than the way I feel tonight..
Feel like I could live forever...
Feel like I could fly..
When I thought I'd got it wrong, yeah..
You somehow make things right

That's the way you make me feel..
Better than I've ever known it..
Better than it's ever been..
I can't seem to control
The way you make me feel..
Like the sun coming up in the morning..
Like holding the world in your hands..
In a way I could never imagine..
The way you make me feel

I couldn't feel much better
Than when I'm here with you
You make everything seem so easy
I'm telling you the truth..
You never try to please me
But somehow you always do

That's the way you make me feel..
Better than I've ever known it..
Better than it's ever been..
I can't seem to control
The way you make me feel..
Like the sun coming up in the morning..
Like holding the world in your hands..
In a way I could never imagine..
The way you make me feel

The simple things you do to me
Simple things you say
I sometimes can't believe
That it's for real

That's the way you make me feel..
Better than I've ever known it..
Better than it's ever been..
I can't seem to control
The way you make me feel..
Like the sun coming up in the morning..
Like holding the world in your hands..
In a way I could never imagine..
The way you make me feel

Thats the way you make me feel..sigh..

Have a nice day!!..=)

Friday, April 9, 2010

last thing on my mind

Was suppose to blog last nite.. but I lost my mood..and my eyes weighed a tonne!! butterfly story is actually kinda lame..

2 days back I took the 6.12am train to college.. The moment I entered the train..I was so excited to get a seat!!..hehehe..I unfolded my sun paper..guess what came out??..LOL..a LIGHT GREEN WHITE BUTTERFLY!!!.. I was soo shocked..that I was finding it hard to close back my mouth.. the guy next to me stared.. like I just took out a gun or something.. and then the whole row stared at me as well... I was like.."its not my fault that the butterfly chose me!!" i pity the butterfly..course the morning train is always very COLD!! ..I could just freeze to death in there.. sighhh...poor lil butterfly..hope it finds away out..=(

But don't you think butterflies are amazing creatures??..yeah they might be a little small.. but from an ugly catterpillar who lives in a cacoon and to be transformed into something so very beautiful and to soar on wings up simply amazing!!!...=)

Anyway I think I fall in love quite really.. like yesterday we went to bowling..and there's this guy.. oh my... I was drooling..hehe no!! not cause he's cute or what.. but because he got skills.. every single throw.. is either a STRIKE or a SPARE!! eyes was glued to him. The way he moves his legs and like WOW!! ..then when he left..i started missing but he knows we were checking him out la.. guess he was showing off as ok I didnt literally fall in love.. was like totally admiring him!!..hehehe

But seriously.. its not that hard to make me fall in love.. Just come by with your guitar..and I can be yours any Like for now.. I have something for Ronan Keating.. I always have something for guys with guitar..=) and you know songs and lyrics these days..can be sooo..erm.. sooo lame.. doesnt hold any meaning.. sigh.. its promoting sex..not love!!..=( Thats why I hold on to the 90's artists!!..perfect voice, perfect words..perfect tune!! bryan adams and ronan keating!!

Like this song.. he apologizes..because she was standing right there all along!!..and still she was the last thing on his mind.. I find it daymm sweet!!.. lol...sorry la.. dont why I'm touched by this kinda songs..=)

Four o’clock in the morning
My mind’s filled with a thousand thoughts of you
How you left me without a warning
But looking back I’m sure you tried to talk it through

Now I say it so clearly
We have been together but living separate lives
So, I wanna tell you I’m sorry
Baby, I can’t find the words

But, if I could

Than you know I would, yeah

No, I won’t let go
No why we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
As I had it all, right there, before my eyes, yeah
Girl I’m sorry now..
you were the last thing on my mind

You carried me like a river
How far we have come still surprises me

Now, I look in the mirror (look in the mirror)
Staring back is a man I used to be with you

How I longed for you

No, I won’t let go
No why we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
As I had it all,right ther,e before my eyes, yeah
Girl I’m sorry now..
you were the last thing on my mind..

Girl I’m sorry I was wrong
Couldn’t be there, should have been so strong
So, I’m sorry

No, I won’t let go
No why we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
As I had it all, right there, before my eyes, yeah
Girl I’m sorry now,
you were the last thing on my mind...

So sweet right?? anyway I have to go now.. wanna watch P/S I LOVE YOU!!..

Thursday, April 8, 2010

from Ucsi ict

"I give you my word..I give you my heart.. This is a battle we've won.. and with this vow.. forever now has begun...."

Guess where am I blogging from??..hehehehe..from UCSI's ICT!!!.. for the first time..woohoo!! I remember last year in UTAR..whenever I had my free time, you're sure to find me in the computer lab..hehe..blogging mostly..and facebooking...till my dear friends got fedup with me..I still hear their voices ringing in my head.. "'re not fed up with blogging ar??!!" ..hehehe..nope.. I don't know why..

Anyway..I was suppose to post this yesterday.. but well was caught up studying for my MALAYSIAN STUDIES FINALS!!...which I just finished a while I did it??.. hmm.. it was rather interesting.. I was playing ini-mini-myni-mo with my MCQ's ..while my essay...hehehe.. I remembered what I studied!! bit too excited.. I mean its been ages la..since I got the hang of studying..and now, its not that i a nerd..but yeah maybe my brains is finally working like cyn said.."Juan, don't burn your studies cause of some nutcase!!"

K k..pinky would chase me with a hammer if I dont meet her NOW!!.. and actually I wanted to say something about BUTTERFLIES!!..guess I do it later at night!


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Sometimes I can be weird..

"I'm like a shooting star..I've come so far..I can't go back.. to where I used to be.."

I feel so not because I'm a shooting star lol....I'm so far from being one..=( ..I'm not even a star..perhaps a stone.. yes a stone.. no wait..A SHELL!!..hehe.. a that I can protect something..well at least I'm able to make myself useful..but sometimes being useful can be difficult as well.. cause when you're're not needed're up for exhibition..left all alone on the shelf..=(

Ok that came up I said..I fell weird.. sigh.. Its just that.. I can't find the right words.. and even if I did..I dont think I wanna write it down here..

Sometimes I don't know why I do the things I do..
Sometimes I don't know why I say what I say..
Sometimes I know I'm being paranoid..
Sometimes I know that its important to say what I feel..
Sometimes I feel its all a nightmare and I'm in it for life..
Sometimes I realize I'm driving you crazy with all my nonsense..
Sometimes I like being weird..being normal is good..but its ordinary..nothing special..=)
Sometimes when I'm alone..I just think of you..and I don't feel so alone anymore..
Sometimes I miss you like crazy..but I don't think you I keep it to myself..
Sometimes I know you don't need me..but I'll keep on smilling..and stand by your side..
Sometimes I cry..when its too hard to hold on..
Sometimes I just were here with me..
Sometimes I wonder why I write these stuffs..

Lol..I have the answer for the last one.. I that someday I'll look at this and laugh.. or maybe I was hoping that you would read it..=)

Monday, April 5, 2010

Too much for a title..

"We could be a beautiful miracle..instead of just invisible"...

Guess who manage to create an A3 BOX all by herself??!!.. heheheheeh.. ME!! ME!! ME!! ooppss.. ok.. I'll rephrase that.. Today, I manage to combine two A4 boxes so that it'll become an A3 box!!... no big deal??!.. please.. have you ever accidently spilled the damm ELEPHANT GLUE on your fingers that you cant tear them apart and still manage to put the boxes together??.. hehe.. nope.. its not easy!!..when you're me..

Ok enough of my victory today..
Had a pretty bad today.. ok A REAL BAD DAY!! I made up my mind to write an official letter to the newspapers about KTM services!!.. seriously I was on the verge of murdering someone.. you'd never wanna imagine.. I'll give you an example.. while waiting for the delayed train.. I saw a couple of tourist..I was THAT tell them.."why in the world did you choose to come to MALAYSIA??!! ..Really, I'm truly sorry for myself.. and now I'm sorry for you guys too.." ...sigh.. but yeah.. I was feeling soo sorry for them..SUCH A SHAME!! ..of cause I didn't have the guts to tell it to them...

The series of bad events today..
Firstly, its a bad day for us to decide to wear PUNJABI COSTUME.. ok thats not KTM's fault.. but yeah.. I think I broke all my sweat gland this morning while waiting for the DELAYED TRAIN!!..
Secondly, through out my whole life in UCSI..which is about 3 months ago..hehe.. I'VE NEVER.. i repeat, NEVER EVEN BEEN LATE for MASS COM CLASS!! *thanks to saha!!..=D* all the days.. where my group is the FIRST to present after 2 cancellations..of all the days where Saha has to sprain his ankle.. of all the days where we decide to wear punjabi costume.. of all the days where the damm train got delayed.. Oh my.. what are the odds right??..that it all happened on the same day??..

But still.. after complaining to GOD for like the 100th time.. I took a cab and wasted 5 BUCKS..and reached about 10 mins late only.. weeee!!..PRAISE GOD!! ..He tests us..and puts us in a situation where everything is not RIGHT!! ..we think "aah..thats it.. I can't make it!!" but at the same time..He gives us hope.. He wants us to trust.. that no matter how bad the situation is.. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK!! You can make it..if you believe..

Hmmm... its the exam week.. I'm barely surviving.. half dead.. why does it has to happen at the same time??.. sigh..

This song is on my mind..

If your hearts not in it for real..
Please dont try to fake what you don't feel..
If loves already gone..
Its not fair to lead me on..
Cause I would give my world for you..
Anything you ask of me..I'll do
But I won't ask you to stay..
I'd rather walkaway..
If your hearts not in it..

I shall go back to my notes..and figuring a way to get my fingers to normal..=)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Tied together with a smile..='(

" ohh.. thought you'd always be mine!!.."

Gosh..My blog is dying away..and I think pinky is taking over my place..hehe.. you can check out hers!!..she started blogging everyday too... awwwh.. must be the inspiration from me!!..hehehe check it out here..

There's a lot of things I wanna blog about...sigh...

Easter was good..
I wasted my 9 bucks on a hairstyle that didn't make any difference!!..grrrr..
I accidentally dropped wax on my favorite pink dress with diamonds..='(
I was scheduled to cantor for Easter vigil..the one after the eight reading..and the crowd was extra mass..and its HFC!!..about 1000+ I can say..and I was representing the English Liturgy..crap crap!!.. which I still don't see why they want me in as I have embarrassed myself pretty much just by cantoring.. trust me I think I could write a whole book about the times where I almost wanted transferred to another parish..yup was THAT bad!!

But still..COURAGE is the word Constance Yuen whispered to me two years back when I had my major humiliation..and it stuck in my head till today..=) I started panicking as usual.. and suddenly remembered BRENDAN's composed song.. "LET GO AND LET ME IN" ..that's what I did.. let go of everything and begin to TRUST!!..not myself..but GOD!!..and I told Him, its YOUR WORDS Lord,.. YOU WANT YOUR PEOPLE TO HEAR YOU.. SO SPEAK THROUGH ME WITH THIS VOICE OF YOURS!!.. and I laid everything at the foot of the cross.. and I realize.. NO.. I'm not representing the ENGLISH LITURGY.. everyone of us is REPRESENTING GOD..!! and I cantored.. It wasn't me who sang but HIM!!.. I can tell you that..=)

It took more that 4 hours.. but pheeww.. I think I wished "happy Easter" to the whole church.. It felt soooo good going around hugging each other.. and the part I feared the most..has indeed occurred..=(

You have this friend.. and.. you treasure his friendship.. you never wanna loose a friend like him..but that's it just FRIENDS!!..nothing more..nothing less but what happens when he asks you out??.. sigh.. not to mention the part where he messages in my inbox none stop!! sigh.. how do you say 'no' without hurting??..clearly I know the feeling of rejection.. would I wanna put others.. in the shoes that I feared the most as well??..sigh..

Well and what do I do with the feelings I have now.. for the other "individual" hehe.. yeah.. I know.. I never learn my lessons dont I??.. She knows its NOT gonna work out.. and yet she GOES all out for it!!..why me?? why him?? and now its even worse than the first time.. sigh.. when am I gonna learn??..or will I ever??

Why was I born as a girl??.. Why is it very hard for me to do and say as I like..without any boundaries?? Why is it very important for me to stick to one??.. Why do I care about their feelings..but they don't give a damm bout mine??.. sigh.. but its ok..COURAGE!! this word shall be my friend forever!!..and I still have JESUS with me, what else I need??.. and with that.. I end my post..=)

The last paragraph doesnt make sense.. you wouldn't get it.. cause I didnt get it either..hehe.. maybe this song.. will give you a picture.. I dislike the first verse..hence I'll skip it..=)

Tied together with a Taylor Swift..

I guess it's true that love was all you wanted..
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change..
Hoping it will end up in his pocket..
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain..
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay..
Not his price to pay...

Hold on, baby, you're losing it..
The water's high, you're jumping into it..
And letting go... and no one knows..
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone..
That you might not be the golden one..
And you're tied together with a smile..
But you're coming undone..

Still don't get it??..hehehehe... then its just me I guess...=(

Happy Easter again!! have a nice week!!..I know I wont

Thursday, April 1, 2010

because I dont deserve it..

"The silence isn't so bad.. till I look at my hand and feel so sad..cause the spaces between my hand are where yours fit perfectly.."

Vanilla twilight.. I like!! ..yes I like TWILIGHT.. love vanilla too.. and when you put them together its awesome!!..hehehee

Ok thats so let's see what's in store for today.. I skipped uni..hehe..thought of studying but THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE just finished downloading..hehe..i know, you're thinking what I'm thinking rite?? let's make it happen..=D

and I forgot it was APRIL FOOL's!!.. SHEESShh... missed all fooling people with lame jokes.. haiz..its ok its ok..hope I'm blessed enough to catch is again next year..=)

Yesterday was the king of all dramatic days..let me simplify it..=)

  • Wore formal..for my wonderful presentation that got postponed..AGAIN!! and we're talking about skirt and blouse!!..which you dont get to see me in it often!!..haizz
  • Heading back home..pinky's car smartly ran out of fuel..can't even start.. so walked all the way to the petrol station to get some...
  • To make it even was RAINING!!..heheh.. yeah walking in the rain with my skirt and an over sized flat shoes with my SILK blouse.. can be very interesting..hehehe
  • By the time I reached the KTM station..I accidentally left my umbrella with SUDHA..hoping that the rain would stop when I reach kajang..
  • Unfortunately whatever I wish..will never happen.. hmm..maybe I should wish for something I don't want..then the opposite will nonsense..
  • I reached kajang..and the rain only got heavier..sigh..and I met him..
  • Him is the one who had a huge crush on me last year..and might still be waiting..sigh.. and no..its not something good.. because I dont deserve it..=( *I dont deserve so many things in this world..* haizzz..
  • Ok quit emo-ing..hehe..I asked my mom to go back home..since she already waited for me half an hour..I don't mind taking the bus my formal the rain without my
  • So there I was..standing in bus stop..envying all those with umbrella.. all those who has a ride back home..
  • for 30 minutes..I sign of the damm bus..
  • Mom insisted on I was like alrite..'dont say i didnt warm you about the jam here..'
  • By the time she was 15 minutes to 7..
  • Got in the car..a minute later.."Ma, is something wrong with my eyes..or is there smoke coming out from the car??"
  • Ma panicked there and she saw a ghost or something ..I said chill chill..this one all small matter...*like some big time mechanic..* lol ..nolar..I mean in this kinda situation, panicking never helped..and its wise for one to be calm if your partner is going crazy.. yeah..speaking from experience..hehe
  • So off the engine and waited at KTM ..for another 30 mins for my dad..casually talking to my mom about life..
Juan: Ma!!...nice or not my hair..when its wet??..hehe
Mom: Yes yes..
Juan: Nonsense!!
Mom: ..what nonsense??!!
Juan: Your not even looking at it!!..grrrr

  • Ok that wasnt about life.. but it was part of it la..
  • So dad came..made some noise..i patiently sat in car..wouldnt be much of a help in my skirt and the rain..hehe
  • Something was wrong with the radiator..i guessed..
  • Went back home..contemplating what a GREAT DAY I HAD!!..
hehee..really it was.. better compared to the boring adventures I had..hehehe

I might be away from 'blogging' for a couple of days.. part of my sacrifice.. blogging, facebooking and msn..

So incase I'm not able to say it..I'll say it now.. HAPPY EASTER PEEPS!!..=)