Sunday, February 28, 2010

hear me from above

"can you feel this magic in the air.. It must have been the way you kissed me" ..

Good evening everyone!!..=)..been away quite a while..hehe.. chill chill ..this is no more FODD POISONING!!..was just very very extremely BUSY!!..

On friday..(26/2/2010)
hehehe... I officially feel like I broke my hips and dislocated my arm!..hehe.. thanks to SPORTS AWAKENING!!..which was pure F.U.N... and worth it!! I know I burnt quite a lot of calories.... but after that I felt like I got

and here's what happened on Saturday (27/2/2010)..
hmm... I had class at 9..surprisingly, I was an hour early..while waiting for Saha.. I'm kinda lazy to hand in the please let me just say the important part I went online of course.. because when it comes to online-ing every moment is precious..though you dont really have anything to just want to linger anyway.. saha said he would come at 8am..Closed the coumputer and said my prayers..then I got bored waiting and started banging the

I started with C7 chord..then moved the G7.. went back to C7..and then finally D7!!..and the next thing I knew.. I was repeating the same thing.. the tune was stuck in my head.. and from there I merge to another tune..and tried combining it.. words then started pouring out.. to match the tune.. it's solemn..very solemn.. but I like it..and WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!'s to my first COMPOSED SONG EVEr!!..

Hear me from me!!

Empty on the street..
I am here alone..
On the edge of giving up..
Lord, I pray..

Hearts all open wide..
Hands I lift to you..
Tears down on my cheek..
I raise my voice to you..

Lord, hear me from above..
This child of yours now speak..
Hoping I would find a way..
Lord, the rain keeps pouring down..
The storm is far too strong..
I need You in my life..

So hear me from above..

So far I only came up with 1 verse and a chorus.. not completed yet.. but someday la.. I'll find a pianist and a singer..and I have my own song!!..hheheehe

anyway..I went for futsal today...hehe..AN ACTUAL COMPETITION!!.. it was for some charity thing.. and they needed 2 girls on the yeah..was in the same team with lukesh, joe, devan, justin and with my dislocated hips..I actually manage to kick some ball!!!!.. and gosh...I cuti mata giler-giler!!.. everywhere I turn sure there's a hawttt dude!! the ones that gives you weak knees..and makes you 'drool!!!" ...even my opponents.. goodness.. thank God I didnt do anything embarrassing on the court.. I would have migrated then.. but seriously I tell you.. If you need a girl on a futsal team..I'M ON BABY!!.. ehehehe..who knows la.. I might bump into someone.. well LOVE HAPPENS WHEH YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!!

guess that's it..=) take care..and God bless..

Friday, February 26, 2010

Vaarnam Aayiram

"Ival yaaro yaaro theriyathae.. Ival pinaal, nenjai povathae.. Ithu poiyoo meiyo theriyathae.. Ival pinaal, nenjai povathae.."


"I don't know who she is.. My heart, don't go after her.. Is this true or a lie, I don't know.. My heart, don't go after her.."

Yes..Juan Margrita Gabriel Thomas..with the weirdest a FULL BLOODED NORMAL INDIAN!!..not MALYALEE..or TELUGU..err..actually 1/4 malyalee la.. lol.. but yeah.. I'm indian.. and I can speak tamil.. not that good.. but just enough to get a message across..=)..

In all my life.. I've found tamil movies ridiculous, unreal, full of dramas..but still I love watching them..some are really touching..really funny..and really stupid..and the best movie so far..which is very real..very touching.. very unexpected.. is VAARNAM AAYIRAM!!.. Somehow I manage relate to it very easily whenI watched it on 22nd May last year.. hehe.. I remember the date very well.. wanna know why?? here.. =)

The songs are awesome!!.. all the song..especially this one song.."Nenjukkul Peidhidum"..extremely.. firstly, I liked the tune.. but you know I only speak 'bahasa pasar' tamil..hehe..hence, I dont understand what the song is about..but pretty obvious it's about love.. then today, suddenly the song was in my head..and so I begged KABI.. hehe.. he's a friend from UCSI.. to sing it for me.. and wow!!..I also liked the ANJELE song.. but this is way way more cooler..and meaninful..haiz..

Therefore I officially pronounce that VAARNAM AAYIRUM is the best tamil movie I've watched so far..and the the best tamil song ever!!..check out the lyrics in English..and you;ll know why..

And I just watched a particular clip from you-tube.. where Suria first meet girl..and wow!!.. I miss that feeling..

Yes..the butterflies in stomach.. the magnetic stare..that makes you lost in those eyes.. the part where your heart is about to come out..the moment he passes by.. awwwhh.. it's just like school days.."When your fifteen, somebody tells you they love you... you gotta believe them!!"..

But I'm not fifteen anymore!! =( and no.. it's not really that exciting these days..I cant act like a LOVE STRUCK DUMB TEEN..sigh..and seriously I find no guy interesting.. OK OK..except for that one guy la..he was unexceptionally tooo cute for me to resist!! least this sentence makes me normal again..hehe

hehe..alrite..I gtg!!..

and lastly..

"Yen jeevan jeevan neethaney..Yena thondrum neram idhuthane..Nee illai illai yendrale..Yen nenjam nenjam thaangadhey"


"You are my life..i feel it at this very moment..if you're not there..i cant bear it at all.."

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

some wise sayings

"Please forgive me..I know now what I'd do.. please forgive me..I can't stop loving you.."

Relived.. very relieved.. the 2 of the biggest HEART ATTACK..I've completed.. another 4 more left..MID TERM..for all 4 subjects.. sigh..

Anyway..I'm not in a mood to blog today..but I saw this somewhere and found it rather interesting..=)

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel..

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,..only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go..

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with..never say a word, and then walk away..feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it..but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing.. until it arrives..

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on hour to like someone, and a day to love someone..but.. it takes a lifetime to forget someone...

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive.. Don't go for wealth..even that fades away.. Go for someone who makes you smile.. because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright..

7. Dream what you want to dream.. go where you want to go, be what you want to be.. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do..

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too..

9. A careless word may kindle strife.. A cruel word may wreck a life.. A timely word may level stress.. But a loving word may heal and bless..

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything.. they just make the most of everything that comes along their way...

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear.

12. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying..

Lastly, from me..

You may have everything you want in this world..but if you do not have love in your heart.. that everything means nothing..

Good night!!..=)

Monday, February 22, 2010

the rain

A big round of meeeee!!!...because my so-called quiz was like..I dont very the EASY!! I admit..whatever I read barely entered..and yet she SCORED!!.. if only she studied..sigh..could have gotten full marks..hehe...

I realize something else as well.. that..PEN AND the best weapon anyone can EVER have!!..I email-ed my lecturer that day..saying she was unfair and all..and guess what??..weeeeee.. she was actually very linean with the marks today!!..wooohhooo!! MEE!!..

I'm cheering a lot huh?? by the end of this post.. I wont la..hehe..
Lets find out why..XD

Class ended at 5pm today..and so was Saha's class.. of course..FREE RIDE back home.. who could resist??.. So while walking to his's what happen..

Saha: Juan..I need to go to Chu Siens house today..can??
Juan:...can can..but where's his house??
Saha: SS2!!..
Juan:..I'm going all the way there..on the bike??weeeee!!..
Saha: errr...

I don't know wassup with me and bikes.. I always had this wild fantasy.. to ride on a HARLEY DAVIDSON!!.. with my knee high leather jacket.. red long hair blowing through the wind.. I prefer red instead of brown..its more erm..fiery and wild..hehe ..of course.. with that hawttt..hunky biker dude..*droolss*..LOL.. we ride on that bike.. down by the country side.. like in MCLEOD'S DAUGHTER!!...its one of my favorite series..while I was at home..lifeless..=p

wait know whats more fascinating than a HARLEY DAVIDSON??!!..A HORSE!!..yes.. I find this animal rather HANDSOME!!..not because I was born on the HORSE year.. but yes.. you can see something in their eyes.. like they can connect to you.. and mcleod's daughters are all about horses.. white..brown.. black.. White horses..for me are too good to be true..course they're soo daymm beautiful.. so pure.. still..its the brown one that catches my attention.. its so serene.. so very mysterious.. like it has a lot on its mind.. but not everyone can read it....=)

Sorry sorry..I just love horses..though I'm literally AFRAID of all animals.. but horses are amazing..and someday..I'll ride a real..cowgirl!!..=)

Anyway..lets get back to our bike story..and how worthwhile it was..LOL..
On our way back home..while I was enjoying the view.. suddenly the sky darkened..and lightning struck!!..I was like.."OH-OH" ..slowly I started praying.."Lord, please dont it rain..please dont let it rain.." ...and of cause.. at that exact moment..I felt a drop of water on my skin.. I looked up..knowing HE was having the best moment..and I said.."You just had to rite, Lord".. and DUSHHHHHHHHH!!..i got my answer...

So there was I.. on the day I forgot about my SWEATER..and wore my pumps instead of rain was heavier than the usual.. it hit me like NEEDLES.. pricking my very skin..and how I wished..humans were made of plastic or metal or glass..anything but FLESH!! was awful.. soooo hurting..hehe..on top of that..I WAS BELOW ZERO DEGREES!!.. hehe..not really la..but close..was shivering like nobody's business..and I suddenly remembered.. "SHIT!..MY ASSIGNMENT!!" ...inside my bag.. I scolded my self.."why didnt i get that WATER-RESISTANT bag instead??.." ..sigh..

Then I started praying again.."Lord please stop the rain..please stop the rain..or at least please protect my assignment.." ..and nope.. nothing happen..the rain came down..without doubt!!

And I begin to realize something...

That's how life works.. Someday, you'll be enjoying that nice ride..but what happens when the rain falls??.. cant stop.. its not in your hands.. whats in your hands.. is to learn to deal with the consequences.. you choose the bike.. you take the risk.. rain or not.. learn to love it..=)

and for once..I actually heard a voice in my head..when I asked.."Why now??..why me??".. and the voice said.."because you asked for it doink!!"....LOL.. yes we did.. remember.. THE WEATHER ITS TOO HOT!!.. I smiled then..course I remember them saying...."God never answered my prayers!!" .

He His own time..=)

A wise person once said.."While waiting for the storm to pass..learn to dance in the rain.."

I realize


So we meet oh come on..don't show me that look... I wish i had something interesting to say too..haiz..hehe

I have this friend..actually she's my godsis's cousin..we're not really biologically related..but you should check out her blog.. I'll always end up laughing like crazy!!...though I wasnt physically present in that situation..but I could feel everything she here !!..

Anyway..I'm just being me k.. YES ME!!..the one WHO knows she has a quiz tomorrow.. or assignment due..but still..the fingers are damm itchy!!.. just have to be FB, MSN.. and since I tried all 2...the last fav..BLOGGING!!..should have a taste of that too huh??..

I dont know..when am I gonna learn my lesson.. and I dont know how many times I said this.. and still here I am..saying it all over prepared for more la..I'm very very

Hmm what else.. ok

I realize..I cant keep long fingernails..*shame on you woman!!* tend to peel it of.. when I have nothing to do..

I realize..I cant keep my attention for more than 5 minutes on a paragraph!!

I realize.. I smile a little too much..when I'm extremely shy..

I realize..I smile when I dont know what to say..

I realize I smile even wider..when I say the wrong things...

I realize..that pregnant mothers are the most beautiful women EVER!!..

I realize..I only play the piano..when I;m sad..or in the mood..

I realize..I prefer the piano..compared to my guitar..

I realize..I dont really indulge in conversation with if you had mine.. your lucky!!..=p

I realize..that if you have something to say..SAY IT!!..dont be like me..=p

I realize..that though I sit here..crapping nonsense.. I can be of good use too.. like I just filled you boring time..with mine!!..=D

I realize..that when I hold a baby.. I am holding a life.. a gift.. a treasure..

I realize.. that I should stop this immediately!!..or else.. I got no more words for

Good nite!!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

sunday morning

Bright sunny morning...
But my world stayed as gloomy as ever..
Till I found these words by St Ignatius of Loyola..

Day by day..I ask of three things dear Lord..
To see thee more clearly..
To love thee more dearly..
To follow thee more nearly..

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.


have a nice day!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

food poisoning

I've been away quite a while huh??...hehe..

2 words FOOD POISONING!!..

though I cant remember what I ate that can bring me to this stage..and trust me..even if you were to give me a million bucks..NO WAY!!..I won't go through it again.. even the thought of it is terrifying.. esp the vomiting part..its like your pumping out your whole soul out of your body.. and when its over you'll be like.."wow I'm alive!!" ..and then the whole process starts all over again..after half an hour..the more you control the more severe it gets.. whenever you sit..or stand or walk..your stomach communicates with your brain.."should we let it out now??" ..hence the best solution is to sleep..and forget all this nonsense..I have got no idea how the anorexic patient enjoy doing it..because its so...erm

So thats what I've been doing for the past couple of days.. on the bed..either sleeping.. or trying not to vomit.. hated the sight, smell..even the word 'FOOD' made me loose my nerve.. even now..sigh.. Every food that I swallow..tasted like bits of paper.. eehhwww.. tasteless and worthless..

While I was in my chamber.. with my PC next to my bed..but unable to even get my hands on the keyboard.. *i was that weak* my friends out there..having the day of their life.. movie and outings.. i cant even get my hands on my piled up assignments.. this particular word kept on running on my mind all day..

F.A.T.E or in Malay known as T.A.K.D.I.R

Do you believe in it..?? that it happened because it was meant to be.. not a coincidence.. but it happened for a reason..

There is a reason..why you didn't turn up to work or college today..
There is a reason..why you missed the train..or the bus..or got stuck in the traffic jam..
There is a reason..why you made the wrong decision in choosing the right course for your future..
There is a reason..why you met an old friend today..
There is a reason..why the people from your past didnt make it to your future..
There is a reason..why some did too...even after so many obstacles..
There is a reason..why it wasnt then..or before..and why is it now??

At that particular wont make sense.. like.."why is this all happening to me??" ..well'll get your answer..

If its meant to'll always find a way..=)

Like now..I couldn't think of any reason..why in the world did my food poisoning occured now.. but it would have been worse..if it happen when I had classes rite??... and today my aunt came down and she asked.."how much weight did you loose??" ..
Trust me..those words were even sweeter than the sweetest honey its been ages since anyone told me that la.. not really a healthy way to loose

Anyway..guess thats it!!

take care..and god bless..

p/s God says YES..and He gives you what you want..
God says NO.. and He gives you something better..
He says WAIT!!..and He gives you the BEST!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


"I remember you driving to my house.. in the middle of the night.. I'm the one who makes you laugh, when you know you're bout to cry.. I know your favorite songs.. and you tell me bout your dreams.. think I know where you belong.. think I know its with me.."

But...she doesnt think..he wants to belong to her..=(


She hates this...
She hateeeeees this feeling!!..
She's afraid to even analyze and interpret what it means..
Because..if she allow herself to even think about it..
Its a big mistake!!...really big!!
But no..because you can close your eyes to what you do NOT want to see..
But you cant even touch your heart..what more close it.. to what you dont wanna feel..
You're in it...for life..
whether you like it not..

The weird thing is..
She did not wish for this stuff to happen
and the worst part
It feels so damm good..
and knowing the fact..
that you can't do anything about it..
but maybe the just forget the whole thing..
is like..
eating the mouth watering CHOCOLATE INDULGENCE cake..
then forcing yourself to throw it all OUT!!

Crap crap!!...
Please ignore this post..
I ate toooo much of junk food during the CNY classmates visits!!

which was pure FUN!!..seriously if you wanna know and experience the 1 MALAYSIA spirit.. you should join the 5 SETIA 2007 batch from SMKJB!!..the best class ever existed!! wow.. I'm already missing them!!..sigh..

and missed it big time!!

and noo...the part 1 of this post.. was written when i was in my 'delusional' mood.. and so I crap a lot..=(

dont take it seriously..and start bombarding me with

yours truly

Monday, February 15, 2010

the beach holiday


totally drained... barely able to open my eye lids now..

well you know me..if I dont blog for more than 48 hours..something is wrong!!.. anyway,iIf you didnt know..I'm totally the beach person!! totally!!.. I couldn't careless if I got SUNBURNED or what-so-ever.. you take me to the beach..and I'M YOURS!!..XD..

yes!!..totally love walking on the smooth sand..whether its HOT-SUN or FREZZY NIGHT!! .. Love digging my fingers through the muddy sand water..and build SAND CASTLES!!..and find the most unique shapes of sea shells.. love the blue, turquoise, green..mesmerizing sea.. love the salty smell of the sea water.. love the wind blowing through my hair..TOTALLY LOVE THE WAVES!!.. and the sky.. ever noticed how breath-taking the sky looks when it has the OCEAN as its neighbor??... take a look at it..the next time you visit the beach.. I couldn't get my eyes of it...hehe..

In this crazy world out there..that rushes every minute..and the technology that is developing in the blink of an eye.. take a moment to APPRECIATE GOD'S CREATION..before it is GONE!! ..and you will witness a MIRACLE!! ..yes.. wow.. the HANDS that created all this..IS TRULY SOMETHING!!..=D

And the best part.. is when you have the chance to experience is with THE ONES YOU LOVE!!..=D.. DOUBLE TRIPLE ENJOYMENT!!.. The cousins.. from both my parents side were there.. we played, we laughed, we threw sand on each other, we laughed again.. we couldnt stop laughing!!..

and we went back home.. promising each other..that we will do it again someday!!..

the results..of my one day holiday..=)
  • Got sun-burnt like GILER-GILER!! joke.. lol
  • Deaf a ear.. water CLOG!!..
  • the hair.. the most precious hair.. is now..erm I should say DEHYDRATED!! ..hehe.. it feels like a barbie's sigh..
  • I took 2 hours to bathe..and almost finished the brand new SHAMPOO!!
  • A feeling called JOY..where I know..I cant find elsewhere..=D
was it worth it??...TOTALLY!!.. burnt or not!! was!!...hehehe

Take care..god bless

Sunday, February 14, 2010

single awareness

"The way you make me the sun coming up in the morning.. like holding the world in your a way I can never imagine.."

Guess what happen an hour ago??... No!!..No one sent me anything!!..=(

My sister's boyfriend, saha came to our house.. while my sis was fast asleep.. He came in..with a bouquet of roses..a whole bar of chocolates..that says.."I MISS YOU!!" ..literally.. and a file.. a green file.. with 5 pages poem in it!!..

I swear I was almost tearing imagining me in her place..and accepting the fact that tomorrow is a SINGLE AWARENESS DAY..and I begin to sad my life is..='( ...but it stopped automatically.. the moment he handed me a box of chocolates as well!!..weeeeeee!!..and it was purple in color!!.. least I HAD SOMETHING K!!

Then my mom started asking..."Juan!! one sent you anything??" ..I sighed..and said.."NO!!..No one wants me..You find for me one can??..=(" .. She was like..."are you sure??..there has to be at least one!!" ... In my heart I was like..."yeah all those bloody NIGERIANS!!" .. lol.. But I quickly changed it to.. 'I'm too good for all of them!!..XD' .. Well, my mom must be coming from a generation where all guys were after her.. lol.. well guess what??..ALL GOOD THINGS HAS TO COME TO AN END!!..and starts with

So what if I'm still single..??
So what if I didnt get anything for valentines..oh wait!!..I DID I DID!!..chocolito!!..weeee!!..hehe
anyway..So what if no one is interested in me??..*Nigerians are EXCLUDED!!*..
So what..if the heart is broken several times..

For the fact..that I have air in my lungs..a family to lean on.. friends to hang on.. a blog to crap endlessly..what else can I ask for??..

Love.. yeah.. at times.. the loneliness crawls in.. and hence the EMO effect.. but still remember Jeremiah 29:11.. I ALONE KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU.. PLANS TO BRING YOU GOOD AND PROSPER.. PLANS TO BRING YOU THE FUTURE YOU HOPE FOR!!..
It has all been planed.. just learn how to trust..have faith..and move on.. It's all part of a GRANDER PLAN THAT IS COMING SOON.. The BEST arrives when you WAIT!!..

I believe..someday.. there will come a guy..
A guy that will sweep me off my feet..
On his white horse..
So handsome..
Like a rare diamond..
And save me from this dreadful castle..
Walk me down that aisle..
In that white gown..with roses on my hands..
Awaiting my first kiss..
And in his arms..I'll lay..
Happily ever after...

*Calling back to earth..Juan!!* ..

Sorry too much of TAYLOR SWIFT..*love story* and also..romance novels.. not forgetting the sappy movies for Valentines..and hence.. the above 'FAIRY TALE' is the results..

No.. He doesnt have to sweep me off my feel..
He doesnt have to own a horse..or a castle..
Or jewels..and money..
Or lands..and building..
Just a heart will do!!..
A heart so the rarest diamond..
Hard to find..even harder to buy
Of course I cant afford to buy it either..
But this rare diamond..seem to be attracted to me..
For no reason.
Yes me..
The weird, blurr girl..
who doesnt have the slightest idea..
On how the world works..
This very vain girl..
who loves telling her story..
Hoping it will touch someone..

Or.. if she didnt find a guy.. she just leave it in the hands of the Lord..

"Happily ever after.." is said to be only seen in CARTOONS, MOVIES, FAIRY TALES.. AND books.. but hmmm..I agree... But then again..there's always a make it HAPPEN!!..=D



Saturday, February 13, 2010

New banner!!

Somebody shoot me pleaseeee!!

TADAAAAAA!!..take a look above!!...hehehehe

Course I wasted about an hour doing some nutcase picture collage..!!
I was actually trying to figure how to do my VISUAL COM assignment.. and yeah.. I got carried away.. so dengan semangat yang terkobar-kobar.. there goes my one hour.. just like that!!.. sigh..

well anyway... I e-mailed my lecturer today.. first time.. hehehe.. Come on la.. I think she's really being unfair.. so yeah.. I stated down my points.. as politely as I could.. I really hope I'm doing the right e-mailing.. sigh

Anyway.. I need to go back being a girl.. which I dont get it.. Everytime I clean my table and my cupboard..the longest it has lasted for like only 2 weeks!!!.. or if in on a break..maybe a month la!!.. sigh..

Before I leave..thethings to be done during a week break..:
  • Write minutes for St John Vianney Play
  • Write minutes for English Youth Committee..*I should have just taken a secretary course..*
  • Complete Visual Com assignment..*vomit*
  • Start on Advertising assignment..
  • Complete Advertising homework..
  • Study for Advertising Mid term
  • Study for Malaysian Studies Midterm..
  • Start on Malaysian Studies assignemnt..
  • Start drafting for Expository essay assignment..
  • Start studying for Mass Com Quiz
  • Allocate some time for CNY visiting..
  • Some time for movies..with the girls..sigh
  • Allocate the night time for blogging, facebook and msn!!..*a must!!* .=p
  • Badly need to meet cyn and stal...together.. cause I dont have the pic of three of us together!!..sigh
Why Lord??..Why are you doing this to me??.. sigh..
I cant mix enjoyment and assignment together!!..can i??..
Nevermind..everything happens for a reason!!..
I can do this!!... yes..*I MEAN IT!!*..
come on... say it with me!!..
lol... WE CAN DO THIS!!..right bloggy??
You have to be with me!!...I just changed your "FACE!!".. gave you some inspiration..
please... be on my side!!..and dont be sooo tempting..=p

OK ok..I'll go already..=p

Friday, February 12, 2010

dreams on fire

I loveeeeeeeee this song!!.. its from slumdog millionaire.. not that I just found out about it.. but I havent listened to it for a long long time... wow.. now I can't get it of my mind..

Its called dreams on A R RAHMAN!! ..

You are my waking dreams..
You're all that's real to me..
You are my magic in the world I see..
You are the prayer I sing..
You brought me to my knees..
You are the faith..that made me believe..

Dreams on fire..
Higher and high..
Passions burning..
Right on the pyre..
Once for.. forever yours..
In me..all your heart..
Dreams on fire..
Higher and high..

You are my ocean waves..
You are my thought each day..
You are the laughter from childhood games..
You are the spark of down..
You are where I belong..
You are the ache I feel in every song..

Dreams on fire..
Higher and high..
Passions burning..
Right on the pyre..
Once for.. forever yours..
In me..all your heart..
Dreams on fire..
Higher and high..

happy valentines!!

Seriously.. this morning.. I didnt feel like going to college!!.. and note to self.. NEXT TIME FOLLOW MY INSTINCT!!..because .. I SHOULD HAVE SKIPPED CLASS!!.. sigh..

Anyway.. the stories way too long..and full of dramas!!.. some other time

so lets start with something sweet, simple..and
VALENTINES DAY!!! ..weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! .

I don't know why..every year for valentines.. I'd be head over if I'd planned it all.. or someone had it planned for and this year is the worst!!..I dont even have a date!!.. sigh.. at least last year.. I had a couple..ceeehh...heheeh..hmmm

Anyway.. I know its a silly question..
but hmm..have you ever fell in love??.. I mean how you know..that what you're feeling is LOVE..??..

I posted this last valentine..hehehe... and I'm gonna post it again.. lame.. but it makes sense!!

What is love??
If it's because of ones eyes, lips or body..
then it's not's LUST..
If it's because of ones intelligence or insights about life..
then it's not's ADMIRATION..
If it's because of crying every time that person leaves..
it's not's PITY..
If it's because He/she makes you forget to eat or sleep..
again it's not's INFATUATION

If you ask me..have I been in love??.. or am I in love??
lol.. to be honest.. I DONT KNOW!! ..
everything seems to fall apart..the moment I'm in it.. Guess accidents are determine to haunt me..not only PHYSICALLY, but MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY as well!!.. thank God I can still depend on my SPIRITUALTY!!..=)

But I learnt a few lessons..
that when you fall in dont expext her/him to fall in love as well..
that one shouldnt rush into has its own way..
that prayers can really help you make the right decision!!
that if its meant ot be.. it will always find a way together..
that its ok to get your heart broken once in a while.. at least it gets you prepared for the next..

Anyway..last year..I posted some of the love quotes..that touched me..and this year.. I came out with something on my own..hehhe..*semangat*

  • I didnt know where I was going.. Then you came.. and this time.. I didnt care where was I going.. cause I have to me..=)
  • Have you ever succeeded couting the droplets of rain..or the grains of sand?? Even if you can't compare to what I feel deep within..
  • I tried to sleep..but you kept my mind busy all night long..
  • I looked into your eyes..and I know my world is in it..
  • If the time you left me breathless, could be counted.. I'd be six feet underground by now..
  • I tried to make a conservation..but you're taking my breath away..
  • I thought I knew what love is.. but then you came along..and gave it a whole new meaning..
  • I can be yours forever..if you gave me the chance..
  • Let the world stop turning..let the sun stop shinning.. even if this happen.. I will never stop loving you..
  • Love is like a rose..beautiful they say, yet only the thorn knows the hurt it carries.. still the hands that created a whole new meaning to love..
heheheeh..saje je... wanted to make my mind think a bit..=)

anyway adios amigas!!..

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


"There are days..every now and again.. I pretend I'm okay.. but that's not what gets me.."

Have you ever felt an increase in your heart beat..blood pressure..and levels of adrenaline?? A rush of unwanted emotions..which grips your soul so strongly.. making you frown..with a lump in your throat.. messing your nerves like a bunch of tangled wires.. like a fully bloated balloon.. that is about to burst any moment??.. simple words..its called ANGER!!...

yes I am ANGRY!!... very very very EXTREMELY..NEVER FELT SO MUCH ANGER in my whole life!! ... and hurt.. yes hurt.. and feeling soo..extremely foolish!!

thank God SUDHA's blog manage to calm me down.. or else.. be ready to see the headlines tomorrow... "GIRL GONE MAD, BALD HER HEAD AND KNOCKED DOWN THE WHOLE HOUSE BY DRIVING THROUGH IT!!"...

well the two things I do..when I'm STRESSED UP!! as fast as I could, like my dad owned the road..and get a HAIR CUT!! ..

sigh..please dont ask me anything.. for there are things that are better kept secret.. words that are better left unspoken..

Beneath all the ramblings in her her life.. lies a girl.. a normal, ordinary girl.. with a pair of eyes..that lacks sleep.. a nose somewhere in the middle.. and yes lips..that draws a smile perfectly.. though her world shows otherwise.. and guess what??..she comes with a heart too.. =( but many fail to see it!!..a heart with feelings.. a heart that weakens every time it is taken for granted.. a heart that can't seem to understand.."how long can one be tested??".. a heart that comes in an irregular shape.. for it took time to put the pieces together.. and some of the pieces got lost along the way..


She's not angry with anyone.. just herself!!..

Help me Lord..

I am only a pencil in Your hands..
Sharpened or blunt.. its up to you..
To use me as you want..

I am only an instrument..
Gifted to play..
Longing to learn..
Your music..
Your dance..

I am like a seed..
Planted in the dirty ground..
Its up to you
to pour out the rain..
to bring in the sun..
and allow me to grow..
As you want me too..

I am like a clay..
and You the potter..
Mold me..
As you like..
Fill me and use me..
Guide me..
Walk beside me..
For I long to be..
Your child..

Lord may Your will be done..
Not mine..

Phew.. much much better..=)

oh yes.. I just wanna say a huge thanks to SUDHASHINI!! ..for everything she wrote about us in her blog!!.. HUGS AND KISSES!!! here to view it!!


hehehe..simply only.. wanted to feel the EMO

have a nice day!!

and I'm worries!!..=)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A woman's love

"When the stars are in her eyes.. and the sun in her smile.. the only moment in a life.. that happens the same time.. is when a woman loves a man.."

I really shouldn't be blogging now.. well, firstly, I officially started studying..hehehe.. yes.. you got that right!!.. somehow I know I got to start somewhere..and this line woke me up.. "What you can do today, don't wait till tomorrow" ..=) before the pile gets heavier and harder.. I better lighten it!!.. hehe.. and secondly, I should be starting on my assignment.. but the fingers started ITCHING!! ..the heart is acting very restless.. like a warning.. or perhaps a sign of inspiration.. lol.. to not abandon my poor blog for long.. =p it wasnt that long la.. almost 24 hours!! ..hehehee..

Anyway before I continue my crappings.. Due the recent events in my friends life.. A thought crossed my mind while I was taking my shower.. That it is a be born as a WOMAN!! woman.. a lady.. somehow these words fascinates me.. though both represents the same species but A WOMAN is totally different, both inside and outside..from A GIRL..=)

Some of you..might think I'm being bias or sexist.. But I'm sorry.. I was given the opportunity to hold only ONE gender at A time..and God thought I'd be a better woman..than a man..=) hehe.. of course HE HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING!!.. I tried to fit in the shoes of the opposite sex..unfortunately they don't come in MY size.. and I stopped growing 2 years back!!..=(..*sobs..sobs* .. Hence I don't understand the complexity and uniqueness of being a guy..but yes I'm sure its a gift to experience the joy of being a father..a protector of the family.. to walk his daughter down the aisle..

So what is it like to be a woman??..The shopping, the dressing, the manicure and pedicure, the hairstyles, the facial, the gossips...can be very very VERY EXCITING!!.. it makes a woman feel special in someway..and a way TO BOOST UP THE CONFIDENCE!! but its not even 10% of what a woman is..*this is just my own may have totally different view from mine..* =)

To start with.. Nope.. its not EASY being a WOMAN.. but I dont think its easy being a GUY as well.. and personally I think they're both EQUAL!! .. Most guys tend to hide what they really feel.. and cover it with their MACHO-NESS..cause the world comes with the perception that.."GUYS NEVER CRY!!" ..which if you ask totally dumb!!..everyone should be able to express their feeling without any barricade!! On the other is an advantage for women.. for we are labeled as SOFT, EMOTIONAL.. hence its NORMAL when you see a GIRL crying!!.. but no..she's very far from SOFT and EMOTIONAL.. inside God made her as strong as HE could..for He knows it aint gonna be EASY!!

And I have some issues with those who have problems with people being EMO!! what on earth..its a free country.. except for Malaysia la.. lol.. lets not start on that..I wont stop then!!.. hehe.. but yeah.. the girl had her heart broken..and she has a right to let it all out.. for if she bottled it up will eat her up slowly!!..unfortunately some people are determined to wear masks..and live their fake lives.. and they want others to follow them as well!!..sigh..

So back to being a woman..

why is it that woman are also categorized as COMPLICATED?? ..well I agree.. its hard to predict what a woman wants.. they say NO.. but inside..its a BIG YES!! ..and they expect the read their minds.. which of cause the guys are thoroughly dumb to read between the lines..*no offense*.=p. and conflict happens.. when some things are left unspoken.. its not that complicated actually.. if you really really understand her personality and characteristic..not forgetting her would know exactly what she wants..and what to do with her..=)

Lets move to CREAM OF THE CROP in being a WOMAN!! .. have you ever experience a woman's love??.. Like I said, I'm not a lesbian..but yes I'm a woman..*weeee* lol..who of course cannot deny the existence of the opposite sex..who had her heart broken several times..who perfectly understand how exactly a woman's love works...

When a woman falls in love.. she's gives her all.. you can call her dumb.. but thats how her heart works.. though she has learned her lesson many many times.. she continues denying the truth and starts believing the lie.. she'll fight for you..from the beginning till the end.. she'll put her life in every kiss.. and unconditionally, she'll catch you when you fall.. though you tear her apart.. and throw the shattered pieces of her heart.. even if you leave her.. she wishes you joy, happiness and love..

When she becomes a mother.. she'd be ready to save her child if she has too.. day and night..she'll take care that little blood of hers.. for its the greatest gift one could ever receive.. something made of her..and the one she loves.. at the same time..she tries her best to give herself completely to both her loved ones..

Then she balances in becoming a child to her parents as well..=) a everyone she knows..

most importantly.. she keeps on smiling.. though it hurts deep down..=)

and thats exactly how a woman's love work.. of cause.. not all.. but generally.. and NO.. I'm not being SEXIST.. just stating the truth.. neither am I saying that guys are total JERKS!!.. nope.. just the ones who are heartless and brainless.. how in the world can one find pleasure in BREAKING A GIRL'S HEART??..sigh.. but I'm sure they are still some with brains and heart out there.. and I'm going to find one!!.. or I hope so..=(

so to all broken hearted girl out there... remember.. you are worth soooo much more than the DEGRADING you received!!.. its hard to let go.. I know.. but sometimes you got to let go of that dirty, tiny, ugly let in something big..beautiful and worthy INSIDE!! must let go the chains that grips you..and learn how to fly.. for its a beautiful world out there!!..=D

anyway.. guess thats it for today..




not inspired

"Just the other night.. I thought I heard you cry.. asking me to go..and hold you in my arms.. I can hear your prayers.. Your burdens I will bear..but first I need your hand.. then forever can begin.."

I'll admit..I'm not inspired to blog anymore... =( ..

and when I have this aint good!!.. NOT GOOD AT ALL!!


I didnt blog..about how much I missed playing NETBALL!! well.. we didnt really play NETBALL.. it was CAPTAIN BALL.. and gosh.. I lost my STAMINA!!..damm sad wei!! sheesh!!.. this cant be happening.. I knew it.. ALL THOSE CALORIE FILLED FOODS!! ..sigh..

and I owe ALVIN NETTO..a bucket full of water!!.. we were playing water balloon.. and surprisingly..I wasnt wet..the next thing I knew..THERE I WAS!!..ALL WET FROM HEAD TO TOE!! ..since there were no more balloons.. he took the pail of water and poured the water on me... grrrr...

oh and by the way..the MOST IMPORTANT EXPERIENCE!!..I drove all the way to CHERAS!!..weeeee!!.. what??.. but for me!!..its the best thing ever!!..heheehehe.. dont mind my over-excitement.. I also dont know why..i get excited for the silliest thing ever!!

CNY and VALENTINES coming!!..weeeeee!! roses and red packet!!..its gonna be a blast..or at least I hope so.. but cant wait to meet up with the whole KAJANG CLAN!!.. finally.. you get to they've changed..physically.. who's single.. who's still together.. who found someone new.. hehehehe..

so yeah..thats about it.. =)

lame right?? ... I not inspired!!

have a good nite ppl!!

Saturday, February 6, 2010


"Kau adalah darahku.. kau adalah jantungku.. kau adalah hidupku.. lengkapi diriku.. oh sayangku kau begitu..SEMPURNA!!.."

Some random conversation between my sis and me.. My 6 year old cousin Bernadette was present as well.. a while ago..

Sis: Juan.. wanna dance later or not??..

I gave her my 'i-dont-know-what-your-talking-about-look' and continued my drawing..

Sis: Comela.. we dance 'all the single ladies'.. put the laptop in front and follow their moves!, me and bernadette..

I starred at her with my mouth open...and said..:
WHO IN THE WORLD ARE YOU??..and what did you do to my sister??!!

Sis: hehehe.. Stop being a drama queen! k!.. So what you say??

Juan: of cause... why not.. dancing..ALL THE SINGLE LADIES.. on a saturday nite.. with my sister..and 6 year old cousin.. something I've been waiting for all my

Sis gave the..'you-need-to-get-a-life' look... and I continued drawing..

So that's what happen a while ago.. Since mom went outstation.. dad busy watching FOOTBALL.. so it was our day la.. all three of us dimmed the light..opened a dance floor literally.. hehe.. I was kinda surprise my SISTER of all people..suggested that we should dance!!.. why?? cause normally if we attend any parties..she will be like the LAST girl on actually drag her feet to the dance floor.. well me.. lol.. I can't dance for NUTS!.. but when your with the right people.. I get carried away..hehehe.. and sometimes you got to SHAKE THAT THINGGGG!!

hehehe..sorry sorry.. I was stuck at home the whole day!!..needed to get a life..hehe anyway.. we were laughing our guts out while dancing .. I'm telling you those girls in the video together with BEYONCE..are like soooo flexible.. but it was a good exercise... sweated like crazy.. should do it again sometime.. even my 6 year old cousin was singing the song.. she learned it from ALVIN and THE CHIPMUNKS.. when the CHIPETTES *I still think these people should have chosen another* ..performed all the single ladies..

Anyway, I have to blog about someone today..

Sorry to disappoint you but..its a SHE.. not that I'm a lesbian.. but I happen to be a guy.. trust me.. I wouldn't hesitate to fall for her.. hehe

and she, whom I did not meet by chance..but for a reason..seem to complete every way..
  • she's like the mother I never had.. who knows me..better than I know myself.. in and out..
  • who never hesitated to SOUND me..if I was making the wrong decision..
  • who wants to be there for me..even if I went AGAINST her..and still made the wrong decision!!..
  • who would tell me if I LOOKed bad in that dress..
  • who KNOWS how to make me laugh in the most STRESSED UP moment..
  • who likes me for who I am..despite my bad TASTE in guys.. which I have to agree with her.. lol..
  • who can be a real annoyance at times.. but thats what makes her..HER!! ..
  • who threatened NOT to visit my blog anymore..if I wrote anything bad about her.. but the truth is.. I can't find anything BAD about her.. NOTHING!! ..well, yes I tried.. I mean there must be a flaw in every human.. but NO.. she seem to amaze me..just by being herself..
Though she's far away..and we rarely meet nowadays.. but yes..SHE STILL REMAINS the true friend..she has always been..

Arent I have angels..around me..everywhere I go??..

You know.. there's a reason.. why God made each of such a way..
There's a reason..why He made me..what most people call.."blurr" ..
there's a reason..why God made HER..perfect in every way..
So that we could day.. and that she'll teach me the meaning of FRIENDSHIP!!..

My best friend forever..JACYNTA JASMINE MANUEL JEYARAJ!!
love her!!

hehehehe..good nite all!!

I'm only me..when I'm with you

ohhh nooo!!... I'm having that daymmn feeling again!!.. the song-addiction feeling.. with the same person.. I've mentioned in my blog a couple of times..

It all started this morning.. whereby I was trying to find this particular song in my laptop.. I know I had it somewhere..but as usual..I cant find it..sigh.. so instead of downloading that particular song.. I downloaded all of her songs.. and wow.. I don't really care what the world thinks of her.. whether her songs are lame or full of fantasies and fairy tale.. or doesn't make sense.. well I do not care..for TAYLOR SWIFT!! really have a gift.. to compose songs.. not just any songs.. but songs.. that speaks of the things where people know they exist but never want to talk about it.. songs that speaks of the truth, of what lies inside..rather than a mask worn by many in this world.. and mostly I LOVE her songs as she is able to create a story with it..and also how she relates love and nature..=) ...Not to addictive all her tunes can get..

Like this song... "I'm only when I'm with you.. "

Friday night beneath the stars..
in a field behind your yard..
you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky..
And sometimes we don't say a thing;
just listen to the crickets sing...
Everything I need is right here by my side..
And I know everything about you..
I don't wanna live without you..

I'm only up when you're not down..
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..
It's like no matter what I do..
Well you drive me crazy half the time..
the other half I'm only trying to let you know, that what I feel is true..
And I'm only me when I'm with you..

Just a small town.. boy and girl
livin' in a crazy world...
Tryin' to figure out what is.. and isn't true...
And I don't try to hide my tears...
The secrets or my deepest fears...
Through it all nobody gets me like you do...
And you know everything about me...
You say that you can't live without me...

I'm only up when you're not down..
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..
It's like no matter what I do.,
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know, that what I feel is true..
And I'm only me when I'm with you..

When I'm with anybody else.. it's so hard to be myself..
Only you can tell..

That I'm only up when you're not down..
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..
It's like no matter what I do..
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true..
And I'm only me..
Who I wanna be..
Well, I'm only me when I'm with you..
With you
Uh huh

you see??...soo sweet and true right??.. I mean..yeah she's only HER when's shes with whats the big deal about that??.. well, the song says don't ever fall for someone who doesn't like you for who you are..and is expecting you to change for some reason!! ...its better to be with someone..whom you are comfortable with.. who knows all your flaws and failures..who likes you for who you are.. who thinks you're still beautiful in your silliest moments.. or when your dressed in t-shirt and shorts..or covered with flour on your face..=) like I've always said.. what lies inside that matters..

And I think Taylor Swift rocks..though she WAS with TAYLOR LAUTNER.. still I salute her.. for her composed songs.. that simply tells about her life.. =)

check out her other songs.. and proof me wrong..!! =)

Friday, February 5, 2010


"I don't why.. but with you I the storm.. in my best dress...fearless.."

Wow.. I slept before 11P yesterday!!.. Well I wasnt surprise.. hmmm.. had a long, tiring hmm.. and erm.. was someday la.. lol..

I really really shouldnt be posting this post.. cause I'm pretty sure I'll saying things I'm gonna regret but then again.. life is about taking risks..and learning to deal with matter how the outcome turns to be..=)

Ok enough of philosophy lessons..hehe.. let me tell you about yesterday.. 4/2/2010..

Firstly I think I deserve some credit for this accomplishment..cause for the first time in my life I actually handed in my assignment a day BEFORE the due date!!.. meaning.. I didnt do it last minute!!..weeeeeeeee!! ..hehehe.. actually its not that i was bothered about the assignment and decided to spent some time on it..its just that since I didnt have classes on Friday I wanted to save a trip..and hence.. the early assignment hand in.. lol ..but still is so unlike me.. you know.. to be prepared or what-so-ever.. I prefer to do things randomly.. without planning.. cause through experience..I've realized..when you plan..and hope things to go accordingly, it just wouldn't!! besides i like the.."whatever happens..happens.." kinda feeling.. the whole worrying part is left to HIM up there..hehe

Which explains the part of skipping class got out for a movie..with a friend.. which I dont get it.. I mean.. why cant a boy and girl go out for a movie..without being teased?? come on people..just a movie..=) so yeah..

with who??..well the person's name will be kept secret to respect his privacy.. and to save me all the 1001 questions..from the rest..hehehe.. so yeah.. I kinda arrived early.. thought of going to MPH.. to check out some of Judith Mcnaught's collection.. but then I remembered.. "I promised him a gift.." hehe..which was a disaster.. cause I walked all around Mid valley.. only to find the gifts I would like to receive someday.. hehehe..and somehow every gift shop comes with the same gifts!!...sigh.. trust me.. its soooo much easier to get a gift for a girl.. so finally i found something.. that might not be the best gift I could find..but it kinda caught my eyes..hehe.. so yeah..hope he liked it..=)

and you know..Mid valley is like sooooo dead in the morning wei!!.. everyone one was walking around like zombies..lifeless.. lol.. yeah.. went in for the movie..silently praying that for once..mid valley would have some sense and decrease the temperature of the air-cond.. but of cause..they're were determined to make my life harder..than its already is.. by the time I came out of the cinema.. i could tell that my nose was going to fall out any moment..not to mention the brain freeze as well..hehe..

So anyway..the girls were at CHILI'S... so yeah..we ended up there as well..he was eager to meet them..and so were they.. somehow I got stuck in the middle..and had to bring them all together.. lol.. but it was kinda fun.. stuffing some pita bread filled cheese.. down my throat.. lol.. it wasnt that bad..knowing me and cheese never got along..hehe.. laughing endlessly..listening to all their

well..he had to rush home.. and so did I ..hehe..had some calories to burn by playing badminton.. forced him the accept gift I bought..hehe..and was rushing to get the train..

Now here comes the second part of the story..

By the time I reached kajang.. it was raining..not the ordinary rain.. the kinda rain where you wished you were at home..having a cup of hot TOMYAM maggi..on the couch.. watching 'the nanny' was very HEAVY!!.. unfortunately.. i was stuck at the bus stop..catching sights of any MINI bus.. as I was late for my carriage to get me to Kajang prima in shorts, t-shirt and sport shoes.. hehehe..

The carriage I mention..was Lukesh's green Kancil.. hehe.. but it was very sweet of him la.. to still fetch me.. after annoying him every chance i

and as usual..badminton to was a disaster.. I dont know why..every normal situation for others will turn into a DISASTER for me.. its like I was born to be with accidents, clumsy-ness, careless-ness..and make a fool of myself.. lol.. the first went well.. I had doubles with joe.. against Crystal and devan.. but after that.. lol.. I dont really believe in LUCK.. but this time.. it was BAD luck.. hehe..I cant find anymore excuses.. first I blamed the racquet then I tried blaming the court.. finally I stood with BAD luck.. I almost threw my racquet while trying to hit the to mention the part where I accidentally hit joe..while rushing to hit the shuttle.. it wasn't entirely my fault la..we both hit it at the same time..and hence he got but it was hilarious.. we cant stop laughing.. after every hit..hehehe.. well GIRLS!! was so much quieter when the boys played..and we watched..but even then..we started singing dont ask!!..its just us!!..hehe

Played for 2 hours the time i reached was 9.. So tell can I not knock off before 12??hehehhe..

so yeah..thats was my day..hehe..

I think thats enough for now.. or else..i would go on and on.. wouldnt wanna waste anymore of your time..=)


Have a nice day people!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A year passed

"Let this be our prayer.. when we lose our way.. Lead us to a place.. guide us with your grace..
To a place where we'll be safe.. "

Wow.. I just realized.. how beautiful my life is.. hehehe..

well.. actually I was searching for my BREAST CANCER website which we created last year as our assignment topic. I remember posting it sometime back in my blog.. being the typical me.. I have got no idea under which title I posted it..hehehe..
but then again..until I find it.. I wouldn't stop.. =)

So while finding for it.. I was pratically reading back what happened in my life some time back.. hehe..and wow.. I know I crapped.. but I didnt know I crapped that much.. lol..and I've got no idea.. how in the world I came up with that stuffs.. and sometimes.. I wonder..was it really me..who wrote those things??..hehe.. I mean.. thought I crapped alot.. but I kinda made the same time too..

hmmm.. and you have got no idea.. the feeling I have now.. It's not sad.. neither is it happy..its something I cant put them down in words.. or maybe the word grateful can help.. Grateful..that I was given the courage, strength and will to carry on with this life..

and I thank God for actually putting the thought of BLOGGING in my head.. for I know.. its one of the best thing that has ever happen to me through out last year.. seriously.. without this blog..I would have gone insane and you'd probably find me lying on the streets in the thin air.. why?? ..cause like I said.. I'm the "suffer in silence" kinda type.. Not that I cant open up to humans.. just that.. I feel by stating my thoughts to someone.. I'm actually burdening them with it too... I mean..they must have tons and tons of issues on their head.. and it aint fair.. if I add on to those problems.. Hence, this blog..seems to be like the prefect solution.. only thing is that.. I get carried away in my own world.. and start crapping nonsense.. which explains the utter weirdness in me.. sigh..

hehe..anyway a lil prayer will be perfect to end the day..

Words cant express the feelings I hold..
But you alone know my heart..
and the words it carry..
You know my thoughts..
even before I put them down here..

The world seem to stray away from you..
Every other things..come before you..
Its hard..very hard..
To notice the midst of this madness..
Where everything is moving so strong..
and so fast..

But still..
You never fail to guide m in every step i take..
In every decision i make..
Even if i forget to ask for your help..
You watch over me..
Like a hen..protecting her chick..
And thats exactly..
what makes You MY God..

So on this very day..
I'm gonna claim my place as Your child..
To be able to spread my wings.. in this storm..
To pedal up that mountain..
through that rocky ride..
Knowing that no matter how much I ignore you..
How much I hurt you..
You still want me..
more than anything else in this world..

Onto your feet..
I lay down..everything thats on my mind..


Good nite!!..god bless!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My day with you

"My world just can't be right..without you in my life.."

My day with you

Another day has dawn..
Just like every other..
A new spirit I put on..
Together with a smile..
Hoping last night's dream..
Would not come in my way..

Oh, how wrong was I..
To hide the sun from the world..
To stop the rain from falling..
To cover the truth with a lie..
To keep you from my thoughts..

I walk down that lane..
In every step I take..
In every word I say..
You won't leave me alone..
Every time I close me eyes..
There you are..

I begin to wonder..
But no one dared to give me answers..
Or maybe I'll already know it..

The more I deny..
The more you exist..

The more you exist..
The more you drive me crazy..

Now I'm alone. again.
You seep in through my mind..
Making my heart skip a beat..
Making me smile..
Like a little girl..
who sees an ice-cream vendor pass by..

The music then..
tells its part of the story..
In every line..
In every word..
No one was able to take your place..

Quietly I try to swallow
The food placed in front of me..
Wishing and hoping
That you were there with me..
At that very moment..

The dark crawls in slowly..
Marking the end of the day..
On my bed I lie..
Tossing and turning..
For you do not intend to leave me alone..

I say a prayer..
Asking God to show me away..
To get rid of you...

I close my eyes..
No.. I don't see you..

I see HIM on His throne..
asking me..'did you like the gift I sent you??" ..
I starred at HIM in disbelief..
He laughed and said..
"the gift of falling in love.."

I smiled then..
Knowing that He is taking care of everything..

hehehe.. simply only.. its been ages..since I wrote something short phrases.. Just wanted to know..whether I still had it or

Good nite!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

the girls

"Even if the sun refuse to shine.. Even if romance run out of rhyme.. You will still have my heart until the end of time.. You're all I need my valentine.."

I'm officially sick!!.. Its been a while..since I fell sick.. but I like how my voice sounds.. hehe.. its far from sweet.. very rough like a man!!..something like Rani Mukherji..hehehe..=p ..I like her voice.. its very rare.. very unique..=) lol..ok sorry sorry.. I'll come back to earth any moment that we can have a more serious talk..=p

So the post that I've been procrastinating for sooo long..hehe..about 4 rare and very unique girls in their very own way..who made me agree that I did make a right decision by coming to UCSI.. whom I somehow have the feeling that they will be there for me..even though I did the most stupidest and embarrassing things.. through thick and thin.. through failure and success.. who doesnt mind hearing my nonsense.. who happens to be one of the most craziest bunch of people.. lol...IS FINALLY HERE!!..=)

I think I'm destined to make my journey from primary school, high school, church, foundation friends.. and now degree.. with the craziest bunch of people ever existed.. like seriously.. I wont be surprise if my soul mate happen to be a crazy one too..hehe but I think that aint a problem.. cause for me..CRAZY-NESS is a gift.. and I intend to use it wisely..=)

Ok so enough about me..hehe.. now lets get crazy..

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason??..well I do.. One fine Monday.. I was at the library.. reading my novel.. "PERFECT" by Judith Mcnaught.. when a girl.. with the LONGEST HAIR I've ever seen.. politely asked.. "is anyone sitting here??" ..I smiled and said.."NO" ..I was so engrossed in my book.. and you know how "good" MY SOCIAL SKILLS are right??.. I was so shy to even look up..can you imagine if 'she' was a 'he' ??'d probably be paralyzed..hehe..
So back to my story.. this girls timetable is the same as mine!!...and she's very wild..very unlike me... but hey.. ever heard of OPPOSITES ATTRACT?? well that's exactly what happen.. When two different world collide, a miracle happens.. FRIENDSHIP!! so presenting GURPREET KAUR..she prefer to be called as PINKY!! ..but I like GUJU thought..=p


So one fine day again.. GUJU ..said she met this Indian girl..who wants to have lunch with her.. I was anxious..WEEEE!! another friend.. and GOODNESS GRACIOUS!! she was hyper.. so very EXCITED even for the slightest things..this girl was soooo sooo... hmm.. whats that word...YEAH.. she was sooooo NISHA!! trust me..even in a million years time..YOU CAN NEVER find someone as CUTE.. as ABNORMAL.. as INSANE.. as SWEEET!! as NISHA CHANDRASEGERAN!!...


Then..we went to have lunch in that same week... Saha, Pinky and me.. were on way to RICHIE'S..*the one decent place to eat in UCSI"...Nisha was there.. with this lovely Indian girl.. wow.. This girl..and SHOPPING ..are like 2 peas in a pod.. bagai ISI dengan kuku... and importantly..she LOOKS GOOD in Anything.. even shorts and t-shirt.. though I haven't seen her in one yet.. but you can guess it!!.. and she knows practically half of my relatives.. hehe.. such a small word huh??.. and P/S ..she thinks being SINGLE is AWESOME!!..cause you get to check out GUYS..without feeling GUILTY!!..weeeeeee!!..totally AGREED!!..=D.. so ladies and gentlemen.. put your hands together.. for SAMANTHA DAVID!! ..and btw.. I always wanted to call someone 'SAMMMMMMM!!" ..finally my wished was fulfilled!! =)


Last..but definitely not the least.. Sam was always talking bout SUDHA.. and I'm she must be something.. and nooo.. I was soo WRONG!! ..she aint just 'something' ..if she wants to be SUPERMAN!!..she will.. if SHE wants to CONQUER the earth..SHE WILL!! ... I've never met anyone as easy going, as confident, as bold as her... SHE WANTS IT..she has it!... I wish I was like someway.. instead of being sooo..blurr all the and guess what??.. SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE CAMERA!!..WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! ...yeah.. the CA-ME-RA!! ..woohooo ..the my type kinda gal!!.. SUDHASHINI VISVAM is surely one of a kind..=)


soooo.... thats to the four babes.. who I just met couple of weeks ago.. and yet I feel so gifted.. loved.. cherished.. and I thank God..for sparing some of HIS time on me..and giving me these precious gift..that I know I can't find elsewhere...


lifeless survey

"He made the moon.. He made the stars.. To harmonize a perfect tune.. One can't do without the other.. They just have to be together.."

hmmm... sigh.. I'm actually kinda sad.. the weekend ended in blink of an eye.. I barely had time to watch a movie..or even TV!! .. and its already SUNDAY!!..haizz..

actually that wasn't the real reason..why I didn't want it to end so fast.. only that.. I missed all my

wanna see how life is??..hhehe..check this out!!

Would your mom care if she found condoms in your room?
hahaha..yup.. she wouldn't hesitate to burry him alive..=)

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?

Did you speak to your father today?

If you HAD to kiss someone right now, who would it be?
hehehe.. TAYLOR LAUTNER!!..=p

What do you think about the weather?
unpredictable.. when it looks like its rains..just like my life.. when everything seems ok.. something dreadful happens!!..argh..

Are you ticklish?
extremely!!..and noo..dont even think about

Who's car were you in last?
dad's Kia..

Have you ever slapped someone?

How many people do you trust with everything?
around 4..hehe

What was the last thing you drank?

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to be with?
hehehehe..yup yup..

Is there anyone you want to come see you?
uh huh..=(

Name one thing you love about winter?
I'd love to experience it sometime before I'm 6 feet underground..hehe

When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start it?
err..get in and start.. lol..y does it matter??..hehe

Does anything on your body itch right now?
the lips!! now dont get any wild

Have you ever had sex in a tent?
hehehe.. tak ada..=)

What about in a boat?
betul!..tak ada..=)

Have you ever dated a Goth?
noo..never want

Can you fix your own car?
I'd like to try!!..hehehe..

Do you find it hard to trust others??
err..I actually trust ppl quite easily..sigh..

What were you doing at 4am this morning?
tossing and turning..trying to think of something

Does anyone call you babe or baby?
hehehe..babe yes.. baby..not yet!!..=)

How's your most recent ex doing?

Have you kissed the last person you texted?

If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
I'd kick him out right away!!..=)

Would you kiss an ugly person for $1,000?
no way.. my kiss is wayyy..more expensive..=p

What's the very first thing you do when you wake up?
go back to sleep..XD

Do you always find it cute when a girl/guy calls you babe/baby?
erm..not cute.. but i dont mind.. i am one after all..hhehehehe

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11?

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
erm..that guy..from the forgot his

What are you wearing on your feet?

Do you check your texts right away when you receive them?
yup!! but I have a hard time replying it there and there!!..sorry cyn..=(

Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth?
hahahaha..kind of.. =p

You wake up, all your hair is gone, your first reaction?
must be my sister's work..hehe

What are you excited about?
everything!!..except assignment..and exams..

Are you listening to music right now?
the darn speaker isnot working!!..arghh

Last time you texted your number one?
i have a number one??..

Were you happy when you woke up this morning?
uh huh...but actually more anxious than happy..hehe

What did you have for breakfast?
coco crunch and milk...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
never..hehe.. the last person i kissed was bernadette!!..

Two days from now this time, where will you be?
same place..same time..hehe

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
never left that much impact..even though they succeeded..hehe..cause I cant remember..

Do you believe your ex cares about you?
maybe..or maybe not..

Are you short? i have to answer??

Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural color?
does red count??

Was the last person you kissed physically attractive?
yep yeap!! very very yummy!!..hehehe

Who is one friend you trust most?
erm..sorry..its cyn and stal.. they come in a package.. cant be separated..hehe

Do you think your wasting your time on the person you like?
i guess..but its not like i have anything better to

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
no wayy!! would make me a lesbian and a

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
hmmm...if i'd tell you..then I'll have to kill you..hehe

What are you listening to? lifeless can i get..??

What is on your bed right now?

What/who woke you up this morning?

Do you miss anyone?
uh huh..=(

Willl you be in a relationship next month?
lol..i'll let you know..XD

Do you think there are circumstances when it's okay to wait for someone?
yes..i guess

Is there anyone in the room with you?
the sister la doink!!..snoring like a pig..~~...thank God she doesnt read my blog..

When was the last time you saw your mom?
an hour ago..asking me to sleep.. i told her in a while

Do you think there is someone thinking about you right now?
i doubt!!

Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you?
i hope so..these ppl always take candid!!..yikes..

Are there any words on your shirt? in my pyjamas..hehe

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Who can make you smile no matter what?
lots of people..hehe

How many tattoos do you have?

Do you think you are a good person?
...i guess..or maybe not..sigh..

Are you a patient person?
most of the

What were you doing at 8 this morning?
in bed!!

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
doing this survey still.. lol..

How was this past weekend?

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
you dont wanna know..=p

Does it bother you when someone lies to you? bothers me very much...=(

Are you a social person?
hahah..not really..

Honestly, who's numbers do you have memorized?
family..some friends..hehe

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours?
like a lot of them..hehehe

Have you ever dated the same person twice?
no way.. once you leave me.. thats it!! turning back!!

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Where's the last two places you went besides your house?

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?

If you could go back a month and change something, would you?

If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
hahahahaha... i doubt it..

If you had the chance to meet anyone in the world, who would it be?

Have you ever tripped while walking up the stairs?
i trip all the time!!..crap!!

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
uh huh..hehe

Who was the first person you talked to today?
my mom...

You can only drink ONE liquid the rest of your life, what would it be?

Do you get cranky when you're hungry?
not a very easy going person..hehe

What eye color on the opposite sex do you like the most?
as long as he has eyes..its perfectly fine with me.. but something like deep chocolate brown..=) lol

pathetic questions..lame answers.. lol

no need to read it..if you dont want to!!..=) ..I was just killing time!

take care!!..god bless..