Lost...

there's a lot on my mind..
a lot i want to speak out..
every time i try..
i can't find the right words..
i can't swallow them..neither can i vomit it out..

well...my grandma is going in a while time..taking the 11.55 p.m. flight to London..i've have got no idea when will she be back..or will she ever.. She just has too.. She has to attend my wedding.. She has to see my kids.. and tell them stories..like she told me..damm I'M GONNA MISS HER!!

Now I'm blank again..lost words..
don't know why I'm feeling so frustrated...
part of it..maybe cause she's going..
but there's something else..
I'm not sure what is it..
Maybe i am..I just don't wanna admit it..

Anyway..there is this gal in my class.. She's like a nerd.. She has practically started every assignment.. well don't ask me.. I'm just being a typical lazy teenager..haven't started anything yet..!! and I realize this weirdness and perfection is her which in this world would seem a bit odd.. so did my friends.. How come she has that enthusiasm and we don't?.. i wondered..

well today.. she was talking to my Ms Low, and we all knew that her dad is a cancer patient..4th stage.. Just waiting for his time..and all this while.. she had accepted it bravely..and was totally prepared. She knew he was going to go away.. But today..while telling her story, and i was of course..eavesdropping..(it was kinda laud) ..she begin to cry..

and then i realize.. maybe that's the reason why she's a perfectionist.. maybe she feels responsible..or maybe she want's to fulfill her father's dream.. and the worst thing is.. she doesn't have anyone to depend or hang on to.. well..if it was me..i know i have JESUS.. but does she knows she has HIM by her side as well??..and despite not knowing this.. she is willing to hold on and persevere ..that's the beauty i saw..in her..

i pray that God will heal her dad..and show him..how well has he raised up his daughter.. Give her your strength and wisdom Lord, to get through this trial and tribulations courageously.. Hope that she will not give up..in not giving up! ..i ask this through Christ Our Lord Amen!!

guess that's it for today...though there is a lot on my mind...i just cant seem to put them down here.. maybe it's best they just stay up there..and keep on making my life miserable..
alright then..got to go to KLIA!! ..
see my granny..and make sure she is here..for my wedding!! ..=p