you will see paradise..

it's exactly a week...since i last blog..
why i stopped??...i wish i could answer you...
I promised myself..not to think about it..
or talk about it..
'is it over??'..i ask myself..
i don't know..and i don't wanna know...
all i know it's not worth it...
it was never worth it...

it's not worth it for me to wet my cheeks
it's not worth it for me to have sleepless nights
it's not worth it for me to play the memories over again

you want to run away..but you can't
you want to shut yourself in..but something pulls you out..
you want to get it off your mind..
but the ink is permanent..and you have painted the wrong picture..
you promise yourself..you wont do it again..
but it happens!!!
it just happens!!
you don't know why..
you don't know how..

you tell yourself..'its okey..its alright'..
but its not!!..ITS SO NOT!!
something is wrong somewhere..
it has to be..
*sigh*

they say everything happens for a reason..
but y??...
why can't it just not happen...
life would be so much easier..right..??
the way we want it..
the way i want it..
no more lies...no more tears..no more cuts..

Why does HE allows suffering ..??
HE doesn't love us??
That's impossible..why would HE give up His life then??
for a stranger like me??

Because..HE wants us the back..
in HIS arms..
we keep straying away..
and pushing HIM aside..
with our other needs..and pleasures..
HE hurts..when we hurt..
HE cries even more to see us cry..
All He wants..is to be with us..every moment..
Dry our tears..heal the wounds..
Hold us tight..

How can HE do that..??
By making us run back to HIM..
every time it hits us in the eye
every time..we cry
every time we suffer..
whenever we think..there's no point living..
well..i know HE is the reason I'm living..

jacynta told me..
hun, don't let those eyes dry because of tears, when its suppose be drowning guys..

i laughed and..told myself..
it sure didnt drown him..

another voice replied..
'let me be your eyes...you will see paradise..'