Tied together with a smile..='(

"Baby..baby..baby ohh.. thought you'd always be mine!!.."

Gosh..My blog is dying away..and I think pinky is taking over my place..hehe.. you can check out hers!!..she started blogging everyday too... awwwh.. must be the inspiration from me!!..hehehe check it out here..

There's a lot of things I wanna blog about...sigh...

Easter was good..
I wasted my 9 bucks on a hairstyle that didn't make any difference!!..grrrr..
I accidentally dropped wax on my favorite pink dress with diamonds..='(
I was scheduled to cantor for Easter vigil..the one after the eight reading..and the crowd was extra large..community mass..and its HFC!!..about 1000+ I can say..and I was representing the English Liturgy..crap crap!!.. which I still don't see why they want me in as I have embarrassed myself pretty much just by cantoring.. trust me I think I could write a whole book about the times where I almost wanted transferred to another parish..yup yup..it was THAT bad!!

But still..COURAGE is the word Constance Yuen whispered to me two years back when I had my major humiliation..and it stuck in my head till today..=) I started panicking as usual.. and suddenly remembered BRENDAN's composed song.. "LET GO AND LET ME IN" ..that's what I did.. let go of everything and begin to TRUST!!..not myself..but GOD!!..and I told Him, its YOUR WORDS Lord,.. YOU WANT YOUR PEOPLE TO HEAR YOU.. SO SPEAK THROUGH ME WITH THIS VOICE OF YOURS!!.. and I laid everything at the foot of the cross.. and I realize.. NO.. I'm not representing the ENGLISH LITURGY.. everyone of us is REPRESENTING GOD..!! and I cantored.. It wasn't me who sang but HIM!!.. I can tell you that..=)

It took more that 4 hours.. but pheeww.. I think I wished "happy Easter" to the whole church.. It felt soooo good going around hugging each other.. and the part I feared the most..has indeed occurred..=(

You have this friend.. and.. you treasure his friendship.. you never wanna loose a friend like him..but that's it just FRIENDS!!..nothing more..nothing less but what happens when he asks you out??.. sigh.. not to mention the part where he messages in my inbox none stop!! sigh.. how do you say 'no' without hurting??..clearly I know the feeling of rejection.. would I wanna put others.. in the shoes that I feared the most as well??..sigh..

Well and what do I do with the feelings I have now.. for the other "individual" hehe.. yeah.. I know.. I never learn my lessons dont I??.. She knows its NOT gonna work out.. and yet she GOES all out for it!!..why me?? why him?? and now its even worse than the first time.. sigh.. when am I gonna learn??..or will I ever??

Why was I born as a girl??.. Why is it very hard for me to do and say as I like..without any boundaries?? Why is it very important for me to stick to one??.. Why do I care about their feelings..but they don't give a damm bout mine??.. sigh.. but its ok..COURAGE!! this word shall be my friend forever!!..and I still have JESUS with me, what else I need??.. and with that.. I end my post..=)

The last paragraph doesnt make sense.. you wouldn't get it.. cause I didnt get it either..hehe.. maybe this song.. will give you a picture.. I dislike the first verse..hence I'll skip it..=)

Tied together with a smile..by Taylor Swift..

I guess it's true that love was all you wanted..
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change..
Hoping it will end up in his pocket..
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain..
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay..
Not his price to pay...

Hold on, baby, you're losing it..
The water's high, you're jumping into it..
And letting go... and no one knows..
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone..
That you might not be the golden one..
And you're tied together with a smile..
But you're coming undone..

Still don't get it??..hehehehe... then its just me I guess...=(

Happy Easter again!! have a nice week!!..I know I wont