what do I want?

"Did you know.. when you're around..my heart won't.. it can't slow down.. it beat so fast and makes it hard..to catch my breath!!

You're not gonna believe how many times have I erased whatever I wanted to write in here as my opening line.. It's either I got nothing to blog about.. or I have so much to write..and I don't know where to start...sigh

Someone asked me this question once.."what do you want?" ..well, considering the extremely hot weather, with my oily face that was a having a deadly match with a "roti canai"..I answered "a chilled ribena with ice!!" ...and he asked again.."what do you want, Juan??!!" ...and it hit me.. what do I want??.. no really..ever wondered "what do i want, in this life??" ..I'm not sure about you.. but I do not have the answer to this question!!..I do not know what I want.. erm.. its like this..

let say you have this date with this guy..whom you've had a crush on..all your life.. Yes of cause...your heart jumps up and down..and go all weeeeee!! ..But then when the actual day comes..you'll be like "crap!! what if he doesn't like me.. what it I embarrasse myself..what if he thinks I'm weird..what if he turns out to be a girl??" ..lol..ok the last one came out randomly..hehe.. anyway it can be..that maybe you are just making excuses..to get out of it!!.. its like you want it..but at the same time..you don't want it either..so what exactly do you want then??..

I'm not making any sense right??..lol.. sigh.. like I said.. I do not know what I want.. I do not what to do..in order to figure out what I want!!.. I do not even know why am I writing this...

Again, you must be thinking.."is this girl drunk or what??!!" ..I assure you..I'm not.. or maybe I should get drunk..haha.. I remember in my cousins house once for Christmas.. I gulp in 2 glasses of wine..yes.."only wine" .. at once!!.. and we're talking about the real bitter bluekk kinda taste.. hehehe.. My mom gave me the "your dead" kinda look.. and i gave her my "i love you too, ma" ..kinda smile.. and we'll be dancing and singing and dancing again..charades.. gambling..laughters..lol it was like a "sin city" ..

Sigh.. I miss that moment.. I miss that home.. I miss all of them!!.. But you cannot turn back time..can you?? you got to live for the moment... now.. cause tomorrow may not come..

and after all this crappings...I still don't know what I want..=(

you have officially certified me as "delusional" huh??..lol.. no worries..
thanks for dropping by!!..=)