Tired..

Today was the day.. for the youth workshop..

As I was ranting the other day..I was in charge of praise and worship.. How it went..I don't care.. but I felt something after that.. After the song "I will sing" by Don Moen..tears filled my eyes.. and I ran to the adoration room..

I didnt know what tears it was.. tears of joy.. tears of relieved.. tears of repentance..tears of "Lord I cant do this anymore" ...or it could be a mixture of everything..

Or maybe it could because of last night..

I finished my slides at about 3.30am.. and I know I had to sleep as I had a long day ahead.. but I couldn't ..because I was angry.. I was hurt.. I had the.."I couldn't take it anymore feeling" ..I told Him.."Lord, I don't think I can do this tomorrow"..

I wasn't angry with anyone.. but with myself.. because I choose to believe.. I had this imagination..that there is a light..at the end of the tunnel.. where in fact.. there was nothing there.. perhaps a deeper hole.. that somehow I have no way to runaway from it..because I have chosen to wish, chosen to hope, chosen to dream..again.. I have fell down many a times.. and I knew it was coming again..

I was hurt.. because it is happening again.. and I am drained out.. I have no more words to console myself.. I always use this on others.."everything happens for a reason.." .. but this time.. I'm just tired..Tired of holding on.. Tired of telling the same thing to myself.. Tired of how unfair life is.. Tired of smiling and pretending everything was alright.. Tired of actually believing that there is someone out there..who is specially made for me..

So guess by now.. you should know what I'm talking about.. Yes I am still young.. Take it easy.. I have a whole life ahead of me.. but the thing is.. I get emotionally attached pretty fast.. there's nothing wrong in that.. only thing..is that I'm at the losing end..=(.. the girls are always at the losing end.. sigh..

I don't know what made me think.. that there is a possibility that it could happen.. that this person might actually feel the same.. that finally God has realized..that I exist!..

You know whats the most hurting and hateful part??..that its happening all over again with the same person!!..

Sigh..

When am I gonna learn??

I know I sound like I'm emo-ing giler-giler.. but I cant help it la k.. I happen to be a human.. and have feelings as well.. and when the feelings I have..is hurt.. I need to let it out.. or else its gonna eat me up alive..=(

So yeah.. that's about it.. there's nothing else I can do now..

except for this..

"I will sing..

I will pray..

Even in my darkest hour..

Through the sorrow and the pain.."

I'll be alright..I know I will.. because I happen to possess the greatest gift of all!!..=D

Jesus