Renew me

I'm having that feeling again.. where you wanna just scream and cry your heart out.. bluueekk!! I hate it when this happens.. You wanna say something.. a lot of things.. You wanna question.. You wanna get it off your head!! But you simply can't find the courage to do so..it's all drained out.. you can just put on a fake smile..hoping its enough to cover the scar deep within.. like tinggal nyawa-nyawa ikan only.. the best part is gone..=((

And of all days, I'm leading praise and worship today!!.. aarrgghh.. I just hope I don't break down.. though I know I will.. hope it won't be that bad..=( ..I was listening to "Holy is the Lord" by Chris Tomlin.. it says .."For the joy of the Lord is my strength.."

But then Lord, I don't think Your joyful now.. I mean.. Look at me!! ..I was made so much stronger than this..but then.. sigh.. even the best falls sometimes.. that's why I chose this song for today's Youth Awakening..

Just when my problems came crowding in

And I thought I was all alone

Looking in your eyes I realized

I’ve ignored you, my Lord

Now I can feel your gentle touch

Of Your love in my heart

And so I cry to you:

Renew me O lord

Chorus:

Renew me, O Lord, please renew me

With Your power and Your spirit

Move in my life

Break all the chains

That keep me from you

Take me O Lord, and make me O Lord

The instrument of Your love

Just when I lost all hope in life

And my heart was hardened by sin

That’s when the breeze began to blow

Sweet spirit of God

Now Abba, You are my Father

And Lord, I am Your child

And so I sing to You

Renew me O lord

Lord, I still have no idea of Your plans.. neither have I any idea of what am I going to do.. I'll leave that to you.. but right now.. can you spare me some of the Joys of heaven?? I need all the strength I can get.. and no! leaving me here alone.. is a bad.. bad idea.. You know I'm nothing without You..

I'm so sorry, that sometimes I go overboard..sometimes I take control of that situation..instead of allowing You..sometimes I even forget that you are there.. but just this once, help me remember that Your are my Abba.. and that I can run to you.. knowing you'll catch me in Your arms.. and will never drop me.. that you love me..more than anyone ever could..

I thought I lost hope..but then I forgot..that You are my hope..=) I forgot that you are there to make it all better.. I forgot, if I have you.. what else I need in this life??..

Help me lead Your people today.. And that no matter how bad today's Pnw is.. please let us have fun!!.. I leave today's Youth awakening.. and myself, also all those who are going to be present.. at your feet..

Amen!!