dramAS!! ..

omigosh...can't it get any worst??..lol..cause i dont know what i pressed..the next thing.. my post is empty.. and i wrote like about 3 paragraphs!!..sigh.. it always happens..now have to REWRITE!! ..

it's been a DRAMATIC day for me!!..i meant it literally..lol..

let's start in the morning..
was still in bed.. when i heard my phone call.. CHERYL PEREIRA?? ..did i forget to cantor or proclaim??..what's the day today?? ..cheryl is the HEAD of proclaimers and cantors.. and she forgot to add in 31ST OCTOBER in the roaster..meaning there's no one on duty to proclaim and cantor.. so she asked..if i could read... as usual I said.."no problem" ...and then she said.."i think you better cantor.." i was kinda hesitating..cause i already cantored last week..HFC parishioners must be bored with me already..but then she convinced me by saying.."its harder to find cantors at the last minute..cause they need to practice and such.." ..i was like alright..since she put it that way..

the psalm was.."I LOVE YOU LORD, MY STRENGTH!!" .. i know i was dying to sing it..cause firstly..i love the words..secondly, the tune was AWESOME!! ..and again..GOD YOU ARE SOO GREAT!! ..hehehe..you see..all you have to do is ask.. =) for the book of psalms say.."Delight in the law of the Lord..and He will grant you your desires.." ..

So i went to church..and photostatted the psalm..came back home.. and practiced.. and then played my guitar..which i haven't touch in ages..lol.. finally found back the passion..hmm..

After that..I had an argument with my mom..A HUGE ONE!! .. i knew i needed to go for confession.. sigh.. i hate it the part where she brings back the old stuff.. i mean i know i screwed up my SPM and grade 7 piano.. I've accepted it already..took me years..but i survived.. why can't she??..so yeah.. it was pretty bad la.. I questioned God then.. like.."why did you let me hurt my mom.." ..and worsely.."why do you still LOVE and CARE for me so dearly, despite all the things i said and did??"...I do not deserve YOU!! ..and i went on bla bla..

Didn't have mood to do anything d after that..hmmm..so i went for confession..and wow.. IT WAS AMAZING..never felt such feeling.. it was light.. and RELIEVED!! ..could smile again for real!!..AMEN!! ..and so..during novena..I told Him..."Lord today, I'm gonna sing for you.. and only you.. no matter how it turns out.. ITS ALL for YOU!!..you gave me this voice.. be GLAD to hear it.." hehe

Mass started..suddenly Theresa asked.."all saints day or 31st Sunday..??" I said..31st.. well, I prepared for 31st..it has to be 31st!! tomorrow is All saints Day..so quickly i checked with Rozanne..she said..31st too.. was a bit relieved..
Then cheryl read the first reading..it WAS ALL SAINTS DAY!!...no wonder Father george was wearing ALL WHITE!! ..omygosh..it's ALL SAINTS DAY!! ..i begin sweating then.. heart popping out any moment..

I turn to ALL SAINTS DAY reading...the psalm was.."Such are the man who seek your face O lord..." ..I knew the tune..heard it quite a few times.. but I cant sing.. NO PRACTICE at all!! Then Rozanne said.."you sing what they project..if they project..31st then sing it..if ALL SAINTS DAy..then just read it..

I was like ok..then I looked at the cross..a thought crossed my mind.."but i told Him I would sing for Him.." ..and its ALL SAINTS DAY.. HFC can't go without a cantor.. it never went without one..

and I did the craziest thing ever.. I stood up.. rozanne looked at me.. there was I.. with all eyes starring at me.. holding a psalm..I've never practiced before.. with a trembling voice..and shivering hands..i looked at the cross "Lord..it's not me who's gonna sing..BUT YOU!" ..and so I shook my head..and she played.. ...I sang..

How was it??..lol..DONT ASK!!..i was panicking!!..i know i screwed it up..i asked Theresa.."it was out of tune rite??" ..and she said.."a bit..but don't worry..if i was you..i dont think i'll be able to do that..very courageous.." ..i got to my senses..i was like..OMG!! ..did i just do that??..what in the world was i THINKING??..i could have totally EMBARRASSED myself..I DIDNT PRACTICE!! ..pitching..could have been out.. How could i have agreed??..

Oh my....but the fact was..I sang...not because..I read music notes.. not because I could sing.. but because..I SIMPLY LET HIM LEAD ME..I TRUSTED HIM TO TAKE THE WHEELS!! ..though it wasn't that nice..but for me..*if you know me well..you would have guessed how badly i was freaking out!!..* ..again..but for me..to actually to do such things.. i tell you..Its a miracle!!..amazing.. say AMEN..for me k??..=)

and after mass..while fulfilling my penance..i started grumbling to God.."Lord..please dont do this to me again.."..i could imagine Him laughing..and I said "ITS NOT FUNNY!!" ..and i went on again and again..kinda like..nagging at HIM..and suddenly..a line appeared on my mind.."BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD.." ..and again..i was mesmerized.. and stood still.. just still.. in front of the BLESSED SACRAMENT!! ..wow.. you should try that sometimes.. and you can feel..and utmost feeling of CALMNESS AND PEACE...

after that..i went out..was talking to glynn and shaun.. saw my mom.. she was smiling.. i thought she knew what happen.. but all she did was..HUGGED AND KISSED me.. i was still in panic t to realize what she just did!!...so i just told her..and she said.."ok what your singing..though it wasnt as good as before..but not bad.." ..but i knew it was BAD!! ..

But then...it hit..OMG..did my mom just hugged and kissed me in church..??.. i was almost in tears.. i couldn't think of anything else.. and i smiled..this line appeared to me.."YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH EVERYTHING..SO THAT I CAN SEE THE JOY YOU BRING..AT THE END OF IT ALL!!" ...i couldn't care less bout my singing then..hehe

And I realize.. HE LOVES ME..JUST AS I AM..

• not because..I pray everyday..
• not because I cantored for HIm
• not because I proclaimed His good news..
• not because..I teach catechism..
• not because I'm a choir member..
• not because..I'm in the youth ministry..
• not because I serve the church..
  
• not because I was born a CATHOLIC..
• not because I read the bible..
• and certainly NOT BECAUSE i BLOG about HIM almost everyday!!..

BUT SIMPLY BECAUSE..I AM HIS!! .. "full stop" ..no further explanation..

and you know..in His eyes..we are all the same.. the pope..the bishop.. the cardinals.. nuns..brothers.. you..me ..why even the SATANIC WORSHIPERS.. believe it or not..HE LOVES US ALL THE SAME!! ..

in the song.."He(God)" it says..."SAINT OR SINNER STILL..HE LOVES US ALL THE SAME!!" .. well..even the SAINT!! ..He does not love anyone more..or less..

amazing huh?? ..but i agree..its hard to accept HIS ACCEPTANCE.. i find it hard too.. hmmm

jesus loves you!!..god bless..=)