Renew me..

Ok..I just finished reading Amanda Quah's blog..erm..I've linked her..so you can read..what is it about..=)..and it got me thinking..OMG!!..WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING??!! ...

I remember when I was 16..after my first "break-up" ..I promised..not to say "yes" ..unless I felt something for that someone too.. and then at 19..well I thought I felt something..but when it that didnt work out as well..I promise myself..not to fall for anyone..toooo soon!! ..and not to 'date' the same person TWICE!! ..

err..but now... I mean..its not like I'm breaking my promises..its just that...ARGH!! ...how I wished..I had my blog.."PRIVATIZE!!" ..cause now the whole world..will share my dumbness!!.. So this means..I have to SENSOR everything I'm about to write..sigh..

But something tells me.. err..noo..I know its not gonna work out.. BUT BUT!! ..sigh.. Who can ever understand that opposite species??..One minute they're all over you..and the next.. they pretend you DON'T exist..and they have the nerve to call us girls..COMPLICATED!! ..like what the hell right??..and yes..I've had enough of all this crap!!

Anyway I think its time...I come back to earth..and drop all this love game thing.. I left my heart somewhere..so I'm going to get it back!!..

Dear Lord..
It's been ages since I last wrote to you.. I feel like I've distance myself quite faraway..from where you are..
I didnt mean too...
Its just that..I've indulge myself too much in human nature..that I can't hear Your voice anymore.. I can't feel your presence anymore..
Its fading away.. and I'm losing it all..
Yes, it hurts..but I know it hurts YOU more..to see me live like this..
I know the word SORRY..may not carry a meaning anymore..
When you repeat the same mistake OVER and OVER again..*like cyn says..*..sigh
But then again..You keep on ACCEPTING my sorries..and carry me on Your shoulders again..
WHY??....What did I do to deserve YOU in my life?? I only hurt in..every second I get chance.. haizzz...
I wish there was something I could do..or say..to make it all right again..
It's not suppose to be like this..It can't..not NOW..not EVER..

I have a praise and worship session to conduct..next Friday..for YOUTH AWAKENING..
Would you please..help me find my self..help me find You in me..
Before I step my foot..in leading Your people..
I need You every moment in my life..though I never got the chance to say it..
But yes..I do..I really do..=(
I don't know what gave me the idea to agree to this..but somehow You saw it in me..
and You want me to give it back to you..what you gave me..
But No..
No, I cant do it by myself.!!.please..
I need Your help..badly!!..

Maybe this song..can express my feelings..

RENEW ME..by Avalon..

Why am I such a dusty window
For your light to shine through?
Why am I just a tiny star
In a sky already blue?
Why do I offer everything
With my heart closed like a fist?
I want to love you better than this

Why do I live like I'm in chains
When You have set me free?
And why do I have to break Your heart
Before I fall to my knees?
I know it's time to pray for change
Give all I have to give
I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces
Of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your living through me
Renew me

I need You as my refuge
My first and last resort
Be the river always running
Through my deepest thoughts
Keep me in Your arms
'Cause even when I drift
I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces
Of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your living through me
Renew me

My life bending to Your will
Seeking You until I'm more and more like You

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces
Of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me
Renew me..

AMEN!!

I've always loved this song.. when I was faraway from home..2 years back.. this song was my guide!!..listened to it every single day!!..you should listen to it too..=)

P/S Lord.. You know my story.. You know everything on my mind.. You know what I'm goin to say..and You've already have the answer to all.. I do not wanna know the answer..

Just please..let not shed a tear..for that species of YOURS again.. It wont be worth it!!..

Amen!!..

sorry..I accidentally deleted my signature..lol
anyway..this post is truly original..from the heart and soul of Juan Margrita..
and so is the rest..

Take care..for now..